Weaning a Toddler

Have you tried distraction? I've heard that sometimes changing the topic works. Or explaining that the milk is going to be for the new baby. Those are my only ideas. Hope it goes well.

I would try substituting something for her in the familiar nursing position, like holding her and giving her a bottle or a binky - make sure she's still getting the touch-time with you, and satisfying her need to suck. Cold turkey doesn't usually work so good with toddlers.

Hi N.,
Around 18 months, I also began weaning my son. I knew that he was nursing for comfort and not for milk, so I when he wanted to nurse, I would offer him something to drink instead. That usually worked fine, but the times that he would begin to throw a fit, I would try and make a joke out of it. Turning his crying into laughter or into a joke still works to this day. Now that he is 2+, it is one of our many jokes in the family.
"Mama- milk?" he'll say with a smile.
"All gone!" is my reply. "Doggie- milk?" I'll ask him smiling (referring to his stuffed friend)
"Doggie no milk" he'll say....

Good Luck!
N.

That is hard...my first was also 18 months old and I was 7 months pregnant before my milk changed and he stopped. I tired all the not associated with sleeping things--nothing worked.

The advice I was given was this: tell her mom's milk has gotten sour--and then before you nurse put lemon juice on your breast--the taste should be enough that after a few times she will loose interest.

How about putting something that tastes nasty on your nipples?
Good to wean now unless you want to nurse both after baby is born, b/c she will regress & want to nurse again when she sees the baby nursing. That's what my toddler did, but luckily she was happy with just pretending (she had already been weaned for almost a year).

when weening my son as a toddler, I gave him a cup of milk and cuddled him. it wasn't always fit free but he usually took it as a last resort. eventually my milk dried up and we talked about how it was all gone and that he had drunk it all up. unfortunately if at 18 months they are not weening on there own it may be very difficult to ween with out any tantrums. as they are still to young for reason but already have a strong sense of thier own wants and needs. If tantrums do happen don't give in and nurse anyway this will only reinforce the head banging etc. make sure she is in a safe place (carpet?) and if all else fails hold her until she is calm. Also remember although it may not feel this way now she wont nurse forever! If the tantrums bother you more than nursing, you may want to consider waiting to fully ween until she is a bit older and has more reasoning abilities.

i didn't read all the posts, so i hope this isn't a repeat... http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/index.html this page should have some great information for you.

as far as my personal experience: I weaned dd also when I got pregnant. she was around 2 years of age, so a bit older. we decided to just go cold turkey and it actually worked out great. i was not expecting it to go so well. the hardest time for her was bed-time... we started weaning on a friday afternoon and DH put her down for naps and bed-time through the weekend. during the day, i just made sure i wore a bra and let her snuggle all she wanted... she STILL LOVES MY BELLY... she just has to touch it all the time for her skin 2 skin contact. She sucks her thumb so that quickly replaced the nipple when we cuddle.

that extra snuggle time is super important, especially during the weaning process! i've heard it suggested to have lots of snacks on hand to offer in place of nursing. we didn't seem to need it, but maybe at 18 months this would be important.

i hope you got lots of helpful tips! i'm not sure if cold turkey would work for an 18 m.o.

HTH

When my 14 month old started to seem uninterested in certain feedings (he was 11 months at the time) I just changed our routine. Normally, around 10 a.m. I'd sit with him on the couch with the boppy and nurse. Instead, I just kept him playing and tried giving him milk in a sippy cup or bottle. I mix it with the Stonyfield Yo Baby drinkable yogurt. He loved the taste. The other thing you could try is having someone else watch her during the time you'd normally nurse. Good luck. It's so hard!

My toddler did the same thing when I was pregnant. He would nurse sporadically, only for a few minutes at a time. Then one day, he started to nurse, stopped and said "yucky". He tried the other side with the same result. That was it for us. It happened around the middle of the second trimester. This from a kid I was sure would nurse into adulthood (if allowed LOL)he was so in need of his "mommy time". Sorry no real advice, but sometimes it's good to hear that it can turn out in your favor without much strife. Good luck to you and your little ones.

I had the very same problem with my first son, I was pregnant with my second. Thank God, I had a great friend give me this advice, it worked. When he wanted to nurse,I gave him a sippy cup with milk or juice and a snack. I held him on my lap and cuddled with him and read him a short book. My friend explained to me that since I had very little milk his need was more physical closeness than nutrition. This may not be your daughter's need, but it worked wonders for me and my son.

I just went through this, weaned my 16month old. 3-5 days of agony and about a week of touch and go by the end of the week he was fine. I think it was really harder for me, feeling badly taking away something he seemed to want and enjoy. I just stopped nursing and tried to distract him, cried myself once or twice and really with in 4 days the habbit was broken and within a week or so compleletly forgotten. Just don't cave, or it will take longer and the fits will last longer and don't let her see you get dressed for that week. It'll be over before you know it. Best of luck.

hi N.!

informationally, i would urge you to read the book "How Weaning Happens" which is really the definitive book about discontinuing nursing, and which you can get by googling La Leche LEague International and buying it on thier website, or you can buy it used very cheap on Amazon.

secondly, i would say please go to a La Leche League meeting in your area for up to date, well informed perspectives and discussion on this topic; again, google that organization and you will easily find a meeting in your area, and phone numbers for your local chapter leaders.

now, personally, i would offer this;

i just asked my son, who will be 3 in June, and who i nursed right through my pregnancy w my daughter, who is now 13 months, what he thinks about your question. i said;

"This mommy wants to know how to stop her big kid from having booby, because she's getting another baby. What do you think? Should the big kid have no more booby?"

and my son said, "Dat mommy should give booby to the big kid! The big kid wants more booby!"

my point is this; before you fight your way through the weaning process, which is obviously going to be very painful for you and your daughter, ask yourself WHY.

no matter WHAT your doctor says, the truth is there is NO reason to stop nursing during a healthy pregnancy. if it was a situation where you were very sick and fatigued and, and nursing was more than you could do, or if you had a condition of severe vomiting and couldn't stay hydrated, that would be a valid reason to stop. but healthwise, it sounds like you are really strong, feeling good, and obviously, your body and your toddler are in perfect symbiosis; you have enough milk tho it may not be obvious (or why would she be there?), and she really wants it! seems to me that nature is telling you, "It aint broke, don't fix it."

N., there are a lot of mainstream practices around nursing and weaning that are acceptable for NO good reason, and once we stop to ask ourselves why, and we get educated answers, we find that the practices are not only baseless, they could even be harmful. i had a breeze of a pregnancy w my second child while nursing my toddler, and i continue to nurse him not only at bed time but usually once or twice through the day, just like your daughter. there's plenty of milk, and everyone's happy.

i ask myself, what are the lessons in this extended nursing, and what are the risks, emtionally or socially, since i already know that extended nursing definitely improves a baby and toddler's intelligence and health?

well, one lesson is sharing; my children have to share me. and it's challenging because children who nurse a long time SOMETIMES become very possessive of the mom; of course, SOMETIMES they also become very easy going; not so in my case. but i would guess that my son would have been posessive of me no matter what. he's very bright, very verbal, very demanding, very loving, and very jealous. i don't think nursing made him that way, but nursing is definitely an important part of his personality that he's not at all ready to give up.

another lesson, i believe, is that mom is a place of comfort and trust. i don't think this is making him excessively dependent on me, since any damn time he pleases he runs off like a shot, at the playground, at the zoo, he does very well at school and has good relationships with other adults, etc. it's just that i think nursing helps him find a secure place of permission to be a baby who has needs, with his mom. and why not? he still is a baby!

so i'm just saying this; i would not bet that weaning is going to be comfortable, as you put it, for either of you. if your child is BANGING HER HEAD over it, she is not ready, and i would say, rethink it; put it off; and certainly don't worry about it, since it's not harming either of you.

good luck to you and congratulations on your new baby!

J.

I recently went thru the same thing, my daughter was 14 months, and I was pregnant and getting very tired. I wasn't able to keep up my supply.
I attempted to wean her by supplementing milk, but she refused it and would throw tantrums. With banging her head against the wall and/or floor.
I am really glad someone else has experienced this I thought she was possessed. I had reached my breaking point, when someone suggested that
I try strawberry milk. Let me say first that I try to feed my daughter an organic diet, and strawberry quick wasn't part of the plan, but I was desperate.
I put less than 1/2 of a teaspoon in 5 oz of milk, and she loved it. Finally she was drinking milk. I won't lie getting her off nursing did require several more
tantrums, but having something she liked to drink as an alternative helped. I gradually started putting less and less quick in her milk intill she drank it alone.
I would suggest trying to do it asap, because when the new baby comes your child may want to start nursing again anyway, but if you are in a good non-nursing pattern it will help.
Good luck and congrats on your second!

Dear N.,

I understand the confusion about whether or not to wean while pregnant with your next one. I had the similar situation except that I had already gotten close to the 2 yr. point with my daughter's nursing. My children are 2 yrs. and 10 days apart.

What I suggest is that unless you are uncomfortable still making yourself available for these nursing moments (as they don't seem to be actual sessions if they are only for 2-3 minutes) then continue.

Children have an intuitive way of understanding that something about Mama is changing. Your little girl seems like she is just attempting to make sure you are still "accessible" for the closeness and comfort that she is so accustomed to.

Truthfully, looking back, I wish this time had continued (of course, that's easy to say now as compared to when I was pregnant with my son, still nursing my almost 2 yr. old, hypothyroid and pretty much exhausted . . . but ah well, memory is short for mothers or we wouldn't do it repeatedly).

I hope this helps.

Sincerely,
Shira A

If your milk is gone then she is just looking for love and comfort. I disagree with those that say find a replacement like a binky or finger for her to suck on, the sucking reflex is gone by now, no need to replace it with another habit you'll be looking to break in another year just to make it easier now. It may take time and creativity, but find another way at those times to provide the love and support she needs without the breast and the sooner the better. You don't want to be dealing with a jealousy issue when the baby is born and you are breast feeding. Try telling her in advance that she cannot do that anymore, but you have something new and more special for her now that she is a big girl. Play it up, make it a special loving time and reward her. Don't give in to the trantrum, just put her somewhere safe so she does not harm herself when she is banging her head and as as soon as she stops, reward her with your special loving time. If you are consistent (this is key) the problem will get better within 2-3 weeks.

Just try and distract her,

I kept some reeses pieces ( peanutbutter M and M's )
and would ask if he wanted candy, and that would almost always work.LOL

some times he would remember,
and i would just get up and make sure not to sit in the place where he normally nursed.

If he insisted I would say OK, let him have a peek at the boob, but most times asking if he wanted a lollipop, would be a solution to that, after 2 weeks of candy he started to ask for the candy, and eventually asked for that instead.

I also have a friend who tried putting tabasco on her boob area ( not the nipple)

but I would never do that myself.

M

I second what Tinamarie said... when he asks to nurse, give him something else (apple slices, an orange, grapes, cheese...) and milk or juice, and cuddle a bit with a story.

Nursing has always been a life saver for me, because I would probably run myself ragged if I didn't "need" to sit down and slow down... when I was pregnant and had toddler peep weaning, I found it was nice to still have that closeness and relaxing time, but nursing was just too uncomfortable for me. I also explained to him that all the milk went bye bye. He understood that concept and would be sad at first, but not angry.

While the sucking reflex is gone, that comfort associated with the sucking reflex is not. At 18 months she associates breast feeding/sucking with comfort. My advise is also to transition. My recommendation is to purchase a pacifier, unlike a thumb it can be tossed in the trash once she has made the transition and your ready to make the adjustment to say a snuggle and read before nap time. Children thrive with routine and consistency, and that means making this transition slowly and in the least possible traumatic manner possible for both of you.

It isn't about nursing at this point. It's the comfort and coddle that she wants. Try a pacifier in the shape of the nipple and let her "nurse" until she is ready to move on. There is no harm in letting her break the need for the close coddle in her own time.

I remember I did the same thing with my first daughter, and I had the same trouble. It's a tough issue, but you must be persistant. Try this: every time she wants to nurse, give her a small bowl of milk with some animal crackers and "play" together with the cookies swimming in the milk and being fished out with the spoon. Or, say, "Big girl time," and you and she do something fun that is completely different from other times you spend together. Play "music" with pots and pans and march around the house. Make "dolls" from rolled up towels or face clothes, folded in half. Make the "head" by typing a ribbon around a "neck." Or glue ceral to colored construction paper, making familiar shapes and figures: circles, "boxes", the cat, house, etc. Anything you can do to make it a special "big girl time" might help. It's quite similar to weaning a child from the bottle or the pacifier, only there's more intimacy when a child nurses. I hope this helps.

~EL

Hi N.!

I am in the same exact predicament. My son is 15 months on March 25th, and I am also 6 weeks pregnant. He is enjoying the milk as much as he did before - if there is a change in taste, he's not reacting to it.

Through the grapevine, I heard that the hormones that go to the fetus are depleted because my son is taking them by breastfeeding - so I asked my pediatrician yesterday and she said this is simply not true. Nonetheless, I decided to put my foot down and begin to completely wean. Be prepared for a little ride, since it's not easy.

Today is the 3rd day, March 21st, and my left breast is like a rock and it's killing me! But, with regards to my son, he did throw little tantrums and he does throw himself back (arches his back and throws his head back)(makes tight fists) - the whole shabang. I just keep his sippy cup in front of him (he has been drinking from this all since I'm at work --my mom watches him--and is usually breastfed once when I come home then again before bedtime)- so I keep saying NO MORE MILKY, NO MORE MILKY, NO MORE MILKY, and show him the cup and say THIS IS YOUR MILKY everytime he throws a fit - it is very hard because it takes patience to really stick to it. It's also hard for me since I really enjoyed breastfeeding, as I'm sure you do. I also sit him on my lap while I do this, and offer him Puffs, and a book, or let him watch the Good Night Show on Noggin - it seems to be doing the trick.

The pediatrician said difficulty in weaning is normal, and he will throw tantrums and fits because he isn't getting what he wants. But, it seems to be going okay so far. YOU just have to be dedicated to the weaning . . . and I don't know how your bedtime routine is with your child, but with me, he is used to breastfeeding to sleep and it's comforting . . . I wait until he is dead tired, rubbing his eyes and everything - then I go up with him, put him in the crib, and he will cry for about 3-5 minutes tops, and then lay down to sleep. That's another hard thing to do, but keep in the routine and it works - so I was told - and it actually works out fine.

Let me know how you are doing with the weaning, I'd love to hear about your progress. Hopefully you see you are not alone in your quest! Best of luck, hope this advice helps you!

I have a 15 month old and am pregnant too. I am not trying to wean, but because I feel sore, I try to discourage *excessive* nursing. I do this by offering a healthy snack. He asks to nurse, but I dont tell him "no", I just bring him some grapes. Your milk won't change over until well into your second trimester, close to your 3rd, so don't count on waiting for that if you are early on. I still nurse for the most part when he asks unless I am really feeing sore, then I try to distract him or see if he wants to be held instead, read a book, play with a toy etc... If he was really upset about it, I would nurse, but thats coming from a Mom who isnt willing to wean. It sounds like it isnt that much nursing to begin with...a few minutes a few times a day? Is there a reason you are so set on weaning, or would continuing this work better? I ask because you have to decide what would work best. Even when I'm sore I can stomach it for a few minutes to ease his mind, so its worth it. Something to think about. Hope its a smooth transition for you both.