Need Help Teaching 18 Month Old to Listen

I'm also a mother of 3 (2 boys ages 9 and 5 and a 1 year old baby girl). The listening thing just takes consistency and a calm demeaner from you...the more anxious you get, the more out of control she will get because she will feel your frustration. If I feel like I'm going to lose my temper (often :o)) I leave the room, count to 10 and think of how fun they are when they're not getting on my nerves. As far as the sibling rivalry thing...what worked (and works) for us is constantly reminding the older one that the younger one is learning from them and needs them to teach them good things. Also, pointing out and praising good things really does wonders for the little egos. When the older one acts out on the younger one, they are simply looking for your attention. Patience and lots of love and positive attention when they are being good is key in our family. Good luck and love!

I too have an 18 month old and we are working on the same problem. My boss gave me a CD set called Love and Logic. I haven't gotten through the whole thing but just a couple of the things I've picked up from have really worked. Like when she does something bad do the "uh oh" song. "Uh oh, that's so sad...time for some crib (or bedroom) time". Once you put them in their crib or room and leave them there...don't play with them or give them attention, they'll learn that every time they do something in particular they get isolated. This really works!!! It's takes a bit longer for 18 months old to catch, cuz apparently we were supposed to start doing this 6 months ago, but it does catch on if you are consistant. Good luck to all moms with this problem...it's pretty usual but doesn't have to be:)

Sara W

I have a 3 year old and a 22 month old. I have found that when my 3 year old started to show his independance at around the 18 month old age he did alot of what your litttle girl is doing. I started giving him choices. He could choose to put on his jacket if he wanted to go outside or stay inside he chose not to wear his jacket. He could choose to watch this cartoon if he put this toy up. It gave him a sencse of control and it has worked wonderful..Don't get me wrong he still acts up but not as much or to that extreme. I have also started the same thing with my youngest and he is also responding to it. Hope that helps... Good luck\
T.

I use this website

http://family.org/

also a good by by Dr. James Dobson called parents answer book.

They are both good resources to look up questions you may have about parenting. He is a licensed psychologist and marriage/family/child counselor.

I only have a 5 month old, so I'm not at the 18 mo. point yet, but these have great answers as far as I can tell.

Consistancy is key. Whatever you choose to do be completely consistant or they will keep testing you about it. As we speak my husband and I are trying to get our boys to nap and they are in bed but in trouble because they don't want to listen. I wouldn't expect it to go away any time soon its normal and someday they will learn.

I am curious to see what advice people have...my daughter is the exact same way. Even when she was itty bitty, she had a mind of her own and it is hard to get her to listen to anything now. She is 21 months old.

Time outs can work. Rule of thumb is one minute for each year. Or try taking away a favorite whatever. You could also try removing either the older girl or the baby and yourself from the room. Just make sure the screamer is left alone, with no audience.
Good luck!

J.

Are you sure she is understanding you? This is the time when they assert their independence yes but often hearing and comprehension can be delayed at this age too. If all she hears is you telling her no then her automatic reaction will be to do the same to you at everything you say.

So get down to her level so you can look her in the face, say what you need to say in a calm manner and if she still balks then offer her a choice between that or punishment often she'll comply. They don't make the automatic link between bad behavior and punishment.

This site can help with some of it: http://lifematters.com/step.asp

but you're going to have to stop hitting too just to make her believe that hitting is wrong. Yep that means no more swatting flies with you hands.

It's good to get in the habit of getting down to her level now cause you have another one that will pick up these bad habits even earlier.

We do the same as Amanda described. I don't want to associate her crib with negative "time-out" disciplinary actions, so we use a chair in an empty hallway. If she is not sitting well, I put the pack-n-play in the hall for time outs. It's to the point now where it is rarely used. It seems like with my two children 18 months was a more well-behaved time once they figured out how to behave well. My oldest is 3.5 and is testing authority every chance she gets. Grab the upper hand now, be consistent and be firm. Kids need boundaries. Lead by example (i.e if your kids can't eat in the living room, neither can you).

Good luck!!

S.,

Verbalization and role modeling are so important at this stage. I would start by doing 3 simple things. Validating her feelings by saying things such as..." I know this is hard for you, it is not one of your favorite things to do...But we really have to clean up now." Second..give her a time table... something to be expected...."Darlin in five minutes we will need to start cleaning up"... And third...model the behavior you expect. Help her!! ! Show her how you want it done. Please know that as with any behavior modification, it will take time. As far as the hitting on the younger sibling...It's been my experience that that stems from jealousy. Make sure that you include "alone" time for you and your daughter. Also, include her in taking care of her sister. Ask her to do "big girl" tasks such as reading to her sister, or singing to her...or wiping her down with a wet wipe.....what ever it takes to make her feel included and important. With time, patience and love, I am sure all will be right in your world soon!!!!