Ok I need some serious help with my non-sleeping 2 yr old.
To preface, he has never slept well. When he was born it was a very "traumatic" birth for both of us. Basically huge baby tiny birth canal. He was so squished he had breathing problems and a swollen face that kept him from being able to open his eyes and breath normally. He spent the first few weeks sleeping with me in an elevated position. He would frequently stop breathing and this was the only way I felt I was sure I would wake up if there was a problem. He never "slept through the day" like most babies. He would fuss and maybe sleep 45 min at a time.
By the time he was a year old he was sleeping better but not great. He would take 2 naps during the day for maybe an hour to an hour and a half each and then at night he would wake 2-3 times. He never got out of bed or wanted food or anything he just didn't seem to know what to do to go back to sleep. We would give him his binky or stand by him for a minute and he would go back to sleep.
Fast forward to now: He is in his "big boy" bed in his own room. He barely naps anymore. I am lucky if I can get him to sleep for more than an hour at one nap. I put him in his room and sit by his bed until he falls asleep. At night, he wakes frequently (I think he is having bad dreams as he will cry and talk in his sleep). He will occasionally come into our room looking for comfort and we just have to lay him back down in his bed and he will go to sleep. He is also extremely fidgety. He doesn't relax at bed time very easily. I am to the point of wearing him out so extensively so that he will hold still and fall asleep. He has never been one of those children who will fall asleep in mom and dads arms or in his stroller. He just doesn't like to be asleep.
Basically I am at my wits end here. I have a newborn to care now and I need my son to be more independent in this area. It breaks my heart to see him so tired all the time and not know how to help him. His pediatrician isn't helpful. I'm sure I have done somethings that are not helping his sleeping patterns but I also think something may be wrong and that is why I need help.
Please let me know if you have any suggestions. I just took away all his favorite movies that had any type of scary bad guy (like kung fu panda) in case those were giving him the nightmares and will see if that helps.
Thanks in advance mama's!!
I used and love the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers" by Elizabeth Pantley. Good luck!
E.,
I totally understand what you are going thru.. my oldest has always been that way and now he is 6. he still figets at bed time talking and singing and sitting up.. you name it. he has been diagnost with astbergers. it is very dificult at times but we make it thru. my thing with him is to give him what we call wind down time he lays in his bed with books now that he can read but before it was somthing reasonable to lay with, somtimes he falls asleep somtimes he doesnt but he know he stays there quite till i say he can get up because i too had a baby when he was 3 and was feeling the same way you do. i hope these suggestions help. i feel you honey
Like some of the other mothers have suggested. Try to make sure you have a set routine, and try the laying in bed with a toy or book. Also try rubbing his back and legs. I would also find a new doctor that will actually treat you like a person. If your doctor cared, he would have at least suggested someone to talk too, or ran a simple test, or even try different things with you. I hope that you get it figured out soon.
i have 5 children, and i used gary ezzo's books for 4 of them. they worked every single time, but you have to follow what it says. there are several books. the first one is "on becoming baby wise." it shows how to get your baby to sleep through the night by 8 weeks. and, yes all 4 of mine did sleep throught the night (7-8 hours straight) by 8, sometimes 9 or 10 weeks. we've never had a problem with sleeping since.
he has several other books for older children that are totally amazing. at the very least, check them out. i'm sure you can get them at the library if you don't want to buy them. good luck. ;)
E., I am sorry to hear about the difficult time that you are all having. I know how lack of sleep can make even the smallest problem seem huge.
You mentioned that your pediatrician is not help, have you considered going to a new pediatrician for a second opinion? Also, you mentioned sleep and breathing problems when he was born and continued sleep problems...have you considered a sleep apnea test for him? I would have him checked out by a different pediatrician in a different office to start and go from there. I love Dr.'s Carl Irwin and Pamela Bingham of Northwest Clinic for Children ###-###-####). It sounds like there might be something more going on then just not being a good sleeper. Follow your gut instincts on this and don't give up until you are satisfied with what they are telling you. If you have a support system of family and friends, enlist them now to help you with the boys. You would help them if they were in your shoes, right? Best of luck to you.
I found the info below at DrGreene.com
My son is almost three and he's always been a poor sleeper. He goes to sleep (for naps and at night) just fine, but he often wakes in the middle of the night and can't fall back asleep. It often takes him 1-3 hours before he can actually get some rest! It is not like he wants to get up and play-he will try to fall back asleep, tossing and turning, but it seems to be very difficult for him. I limit his naps to no more than 2 hours and his bed/nap/awake times are very consistent. He has no caffeine in his diet besides the occasional piece of chocolate. The only advice his pediatrician could give me is to give him Benadryl when he woke up so he could fall back asleep more quickly. I'm not comfortable with this idea! We have tried co-sleeping, moving to a big bed, nursing (when he was younger) rocking, ignoring him etc all with no success. I can't help thinking that he has some kind of sleep disorder, but I don't know where to turn. Any ideas?
How exhausting! Missed sleep is tough for all of us, but yours has been long and consistent and without a failsafe solution if you just get too tired. Most young kids will return to sleep well if rocked, or cuddled, or fallen asleep with (of course, whether or not you want to do this is another issue).
Sometimes adjustments in bedtime or napping can make a difference. In some children, periods of waking can occur when a child is toilet training. In these children, taking them to the bathroom in the middle of the night can solve the problem. If a child wakes up in need of comfort, a special blanket or stuffed animal may help.
But when kids don't sleep well in the most conducive setting, I like to have them seen at a sleep center. Thankfully, sleep is beginning to get the attention it deserves, and sleep centers are springing up in many places.
Occasionally, sleep specialists recommend medicines after other options have been explored. I am in favor of this (although I am not a fan of the Benadryl class, at least as either a medium- or long-term solution). I prefer medicines in the hypnotic class that are eliminated from the body relatively quickly. Sleep is so valuable for health (his and yours) that, in some situations, the benefits clearly outweigh the costs. Your doctor can refer him to a sleep center if necessary.
Alan Greene MD FAAP
As far as the naps, my kids both grew out of them by age two. I know all kids are different, but maybe just have him have some quiet time( look at books, etc)in his room instead of telling him he needs to take a nap. As far as bedtime, all kids seem to go through sleeping phases where they don't sleep well and wake up. Try to be consistent with him. Have you tried having him listen to classical music or nature type sounds to help him relax ?
Hi E.,
There are a few similarities between your son and mine (he's now 3.5). He always had a hard time sleeping - As a baby he would cry frequently through the night; He never fell asleep in the car during longer trips until he was about 2 (he would just cry and scream - no matter how tired!); He woke frequently through the night until he was at least 1; and he was never calmed by being held. Even now he just has a hard time settling down and I often feel like he doesn't get quite enough sleep. But he is so much better now, and I believe it has at least something to do with the Magnesium we give him at night - It's called "Natural Calm" - I just mix maybe a 1/2 tsp in a small amount of juice before bedtime. The reason we started this in the first place is because he's battled constipation issues since he was about 1.5, and a Mg deficiency can cause constipation, and giving Mg can help regulate. Mg deficiency can also cause mood/behavior problems, which we've experienced as well. I would not want to assume or make you believe that this is the case with your son. There are tests that you can have done to confirm whether he has any type of mineral deficiency (and you can also think about whether he has any other symptoms/issues that could relate -- for our son, it was the disturbed sleep, mood/behavior, constipation, eczema, and toenails that basically don't grow and just look really unhealthy). If you suspect any type of mineral deficiency or even allergies (food allergies can often cause symptoms that might not be obvious) that might be something you can research. I actually had a hair analysis done for my son (sounds strange to some who haven't heard of it, I'm sure, but the minerals that are found in our hair can be a better representation of the "bio-available" minerals in our bodies, vs. blood tests, etc). The hair analysis can also show if there are any toxic heavy metals present. If you have any interest in this I can point you toward some websites and give you more details on my experiences. Please feel free to contact me. (I don't have any vested interests in hair-analysis or anything like that -- I'm just a mom who's done lots of research on my own to help my son, as all of the appointments with our Pediatrician, Allergy-specialist, GI-specialist, and dermatologist didn't ever seem to get to the root of what causes his symptoms.)
Best wishes!
--S.
I'm sorry you're going through this! It's hard to function well with a poor sleep pattern, and having a newborn just compounds it!
I would definitely keep looking for a pediatrician, just to make sure it isn't something organic. Sleeping is a function of rhythm, habit, comfort, and allowing yourself to let go. Maybe he has never really done this last one...so my suggestion is something called sleep therapy.
Basically, you go talk to your child in a soothing voice right after they fall asleep...go in about 15 minutes after he's asleep and just start talking to him. Tell him positive, present-tense statements about being safe, sleeping all night long, being comfortable...also include positive statements for his self-esteem, stuff about how much you and Daddy love him, how special he is, how glad you are that he's yours. Really tell him a lot about how he's safe and it's okay to sleep deeply. Getting this message into his "subconscious" mind, where the arousal has been programmed in, is a very powerful tool for correcting a pattern.
Good luck with that!
Been there, done that. You have described my life with my step son and it got worse over the next couple of years. My stepson was ADHD and they didn't figure it out until he was 5. Unfortunately, (since children grow when they sleep) he was smaller than most kids. The day we got his medication he slept for about 10 hours and what an incredibly great child to be around when he could sleep. However, my mother-in-law didn't believe in medication, so she flushed it down the toilet and let him "deal with it". A divorce and 20 years later, the young man is 5 feet tall and didn't sleep well until after he was 18 and could get the medication on his own. Good luck and god bless. It can be just fine
Sometimes rubbing a child's legs, feet, back, etc can help them to relax. My nefew has asberghers and had a difficult time sleeping. My sister rubbed his legs at night and it allowed him to relax enough to sleep. Good luck.
We had trouble with our 2 year old, and a friend recommended "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems", by Dr. Ferber. It was a life saver for us. We didn't have the medical issues you had/have to deal with, so I feel for you there! But, since Dr. Ferber is a doctor, not just a behaviorist, I think it'd be very helpful for you. There were some "medical" parts that I skimmed because they weren't as relevant to us, but they might be very informative for you. Good luck! Hang in there!
I had a child with similar issues from birth. PLEASE take him to an Osteopath. Theresa Cisler is my recommendation here is Tucson. She will gently adjust his head. The compression of the head during child birth impacts a great many things, his fidgetiness, lack of sleep and so much more! It will really help and he will sleep so much better after that.
Good luck the Mommie Mentor.
My 3.5 yr old son also has similar sleep issues. His doctor recommended melatonin (a natural sleep hormone) and it has helped quite a bit. Instead of waking up 4 or 5 times a night, he wakes up once or not at all. He also falls asleep within 3 minutes of going to bed. He is still an early riser and takes no nap (since the summer before he was two), but still functions well on less sleep than most kids get. Some kids are just like that.
Hi E.,
Congratulations on your new baby too. I had a problem with my youngest daughter unwinding at the end of the day. She didn't fuss that much but made it known she hated to go to bed. And it would take her hours to fall asleep. So we started having tea time in the evenings. I would make chamomile tea with the flowers we grew that summer leaving some of the flowers whole for fun in the cup, while we had a dainty tea party, nibbling on the flower for a fresh tasting mouth to boot. It was fun and she goes right to sleep. So do I. Boy's that young should not have a problem having a tea time with you. It also makes a good quiet one on one time for you and your son. good luck, M.
Sounds to me like you should switch Pediatricians asap. My Pediatrician would have had him in to a specialist for a sleep study long ago. It sounds like theres more to it than just bad sleeping habits and nightmares. Best of luck to you, him and little one.
I would try craniosacral. It can help kids who've had a traumatic birth, and ideally after he was born this would have really helped, but even now I would say just try it. It really helped my son a lot.
Oh you poor woman!!! My heart goes out to you guys!! I know how hard it is when these little one's don't get the sleep they need!!
Well, from what I read in your post, i didn't see any mention of a routine for sleepie time. Maybe start implimenting one. I have an almost 2 year old daughter, and she is a good sleeper...granted I've kept the same sleep routine with her since she was four months...but i really believe it has worked with keeping her a good sleeper.
I use the same routine for bedtime as I do for naptime. I use "white noise" also to help her sleep. I have a soothing CD playing quietly in the background, and a humidifier going. (in the summer I put in a small fan and that helps too) She still takes a bottle (i know bad mommy!! ;-) but only for nap and bed. and then I read her a book and rock her for a little bit. I also try to make her bathtime at night before bed because it helps to relax her.
I really hope some of my suggestions help you!! Keep us posted and don't give up!!
Could allergies be an issue? When my daughter was 3 she would tell me she didn't like to sleep. She was also showing signs she was overtired throughout the day. She had a runny nose and congestion as well. Her Dr. started her on some allergy medicine. Initially it sedated her too much. We switched brands and she did great. Her sleep at night was restful and she was no longer overtired in the day. Perhaps a second opinion with another doc is the way to go. Good luck and congrats on your new baby.
I wish I had advice for you. My 2-year old is very similar. I'm going to ask our naturopathic doctor about melatonin (chewable)
Hi,
My now 5 year old had some of the same issues and still tells us he does not like to sleep. Had never been a good sleeper and only started consistently sleeping through the night when he started Kindergarten! When he was a little younger than 2, he started with night terrors. We did a couple of things that seemed to help...no pj's with feet, no confining pj's or blankets at all and music at bedtime. We used mostly nature sounds and some baby lullabies. He listened to something at bedtime until he was about 4. He has pretty much grown out of the night terrors too. As for nap time, he grew out of that early too. We just did quiet time in his bedroom. Had to sit quietly and look at books for at least an hour. This gave us both a break. Sometimes he slept, sometimes he didn't but I stopped driving myself crazy trying to get him to take a nap.
Good luck with the new baby! My second boy is 8 months and also not sleeping completely through the night but we did use the Ferber method on him which helped a bunch.
