Hi Moms, My almost 2 and a half year old has never liked vegetables, which I hear is common ;) Over the months he has either done without them because he refuses to eat them or I have mixed them into his food without him knowing. I guess I have never been super firm about it, I've always thought that in about a year or so he'll understand the phrase, 'eat your veggies if you want more of this'. Right now he doesn't yet understand that. But he's attending a new preschool where they have therapists in the room all day, and he needs the extra therapy in certain areas (such as speech), but their expectations are a little higher, and if he does not like something on his plate they expect him to try a few bites before refusing it. By teaching him this, they are actually putting bites of that food in his mouth, while he of course protests and spits it back out. They do that repeatedly 4 or 5 times with each food he refuses, and of course it really upsets him because he just wants to eat the food he wants, which he absolutely loves to eat the foods (mostly main dishes) he likes. So, I'm hearing that most of the time there he just screams his way through lunch while they're trying to get him to try these foods and eventually he's throwing such a fit they have to remove him from the table. I don't know what to think of this, I know he needs to start eating his veggies and learn to try everything on his plate, although I don't know if this is the way to go about it, but I don't know any other way to teach him that. I feel bad stuffing green beans in his mouth while is screams and throws a 'typical' 2 yr old tantrum. but at the same time I feel like I should be mirroring what they do so that he's not confused and the expectations are the same wherever he's at. He's usually a very sweet and happy boy, and normally loves mealtime, and i hate knowing that it's a very negative struggle for him there.
Please anyone with suggestions? I'm very happy with everything else at this preschool but this worries me.
What they are doing sounds totally wrong and horrible! It will not make him eat his veggies but cause eating problems instead.. I would make it stop -one way or the other- immediately! I cannot believe these are trained therapists.
Regarding having a toddler eat veggies, you may find the book "Food Fights: Winning the Nutritional Challenges of Parenthood Armed with Insight, Humor, and a Bottle of Ketchup" useful.
As a childcare provider, I've dealt with many types of eaters. I do not agree with force feeding a child, especially one his age, EVER. The school is actually making the situation worse by forcing food into his mouth and not teaching him healthy eating habits. I would remove my child from anywhere this was happening, no matter if I was happy with other areas of care they were providing. I'm very firm about my kids learning healthy eating habits and expect them to eat everything on their plates, including veggies. I serve everyone small portions of the main course, veggie and fruit and they have to eat everything if they want seconds. Seconds are another small portion of everything, not just their favorite part of the meal. If a child doesn't finish their lunch within a reasonable period of time, I simply excuse them and save the left-overs for afternoon snack. If they finish their lunch leftovers at snack, they can also have whatever we're having for snack. If they don't finish their lunch at snack, they are excused again and don't get snack. I just don't believe in giving a child Goldfish when they didn't finish their lunch. They same principal can be carried over at dinner. Eat a little of everything, get more of everything or don't have after-dinner snack. If you want a snack after dinner, you have to finish your dinner first. They key is VERY small portions, like one pea or one small piece of broccoli. When the child finally does finish, you make a HUGE deal about how proud you are and give them the choice of having more of everything or asking to be excused. If you stick with this, you will be teaching lifelong healthy eating, instead of creating a bigger problem trying to force a child to eat. Good luck!
I disagree with the school on this one. I wish I knew why the school was doing this? I don't believe young children should be forced to eat anything. My parents tried to force me to eat some things like oranges and oatmeal when I was little. Now, I REFUSE to touch either of them! I would be very wary with the school for forcing food. Have you discussed your concerns with the school? Why are the doing this?
I also have a very picky 2 yr old who doesn't like a lot of foods and tries to refuse everything before she's tried it. I honestly have found that shoving one bite in her mouth actually does work sometimes, she realizes she likes the taste and starts eating it. If she makes a face and spits it out then thats it.
However I don't think its the school's job to get him to eat vegetables, it is your job. Do you pack a lunch for him? Do they have to eat the school lunch?? Shoving food in 4 or 5 times seems excessive to me, if he didn't like the first bite he probably won't like the fifth one especially if he is flipping out. I would tell the school to back off. It sounds like they are creating a negative atmosphere at mealtime, which may be harmful. He might hate it so much that he stops eating anything. Everyone has their own tastes, and being forced to eat something over and over doesn't necessarily make you like it, you might just hate it even more.
I think schools are trying to take over more and more responsibilities of parents, which is wrong. They should respect his likes and dislikes, and also your parenting style. I think you should talk to them about how this practice makes you uncomfortable and maybe they should ease up a little.
Um, wow, that is REALLY not right. For the trained therapists to do that... is pretty much called "forced feeding" and can be seen as cruel.
I think it is totally wrong and not appropriate.
It is actually horrifying... what they are doing... it is purely wrong and cruel. And you... should not get sucked up into it or let them decide for you...
I would just stop them.
A child this age, does not HAVE TO EAT VEGETABLES... it is not a "law." Ease up. When he gets older, he will naturally get more adventurous. I know, some ADULTS who don't like vegetables... do we as a society FORCE an adult to eat vegetables? No. So, why do we do that with a mere child? Their taste buds are still developing as well.
Next: when I was in grade school, there was a Teacher there who FORCED the kids to eat EVERYTHING (and the vegetables) on their plate no matter what. She would look over all the kids shoulders and yell at them and tell them they could not leave until their plate was completely ALL gone. Many kids, cried over it, or stuffed their napkins with food to pretend they ate it. Is THIS what you want your son to experience????
Next on with my story: anyway, so the Teacher did that to me a few times. I cried. I went home and told my Dad. He nodded. He was upset. He called this Teacher and invited her over for dinner at our home. She came over. My Mom made a great dinner. It was pleasant. Then, looking at the Teacher's plate, my Dad said to her "Hmmm, you didn't eat everything or the vegetables on your plate. You CANNOT leave our house or the table until you eat EVERYTHING." Then he stared her down. She was aghast and upset. My Dad then told her "Well, isn't that your rule? In school that is what you do to the children... force feeding them to eat... so I expect YOU to do the same and follow your own rules..." My Dad told her off. I was PROUD of him.
Next, it turned out that MANY parents complained about this cruel Teacher... but, my Dad was the most direct one... this teacher was reprimanded... and I think was fired. She was actually abusive. Cruelty is that way.... even if disguised as "discipline".
Your son's school... is harming him... and THEY will give him more food hang-ups and will teach him the wrong message about food. Food should be about knowing when you are "full" or "hungry" and listening to your body's cues.... NOT "having to eat" because of "rules" or for pleasing people... THIS is how food dysfunctions are developed. ie: bulimia etc.
Your son is NORMAL... many many many many many many kids do this... it is food phases. It will come and go. Do not make it a battle or give him hang-ups about it.... as I said, MANY adults do not even eat vegetables nor what their wife or Husband wants them to eat either. So why the double-standard about it with kids? Eating is a very personal thing... it should NOT be forced or a kid punished for it.
Give your son vitamins... he will be fine.
All the best,
Susan
I own a preschool and I have never heard of anything like this. That is force feeding a child to me not introducing foods. Under NJ state rules we are not allowed to force feed a child. I have had parents ask me to make sure their children eat their bananas, or string beans etc. My answer is always the same we will offer and encourage foods but we can not force a child to eat. I think what they are doing is going to make it worse, and can create a food aversion if you are not careful. I am all about trying to get children to at least try new things but the physically put it into their mouth I have a problem with. Have you tried giving him different things to dip his veggies in. Children love to dip. Different flavored dressings. Carrots with ranch dressing, cut up celery filled with peanut butter, the kids at my daycare love sweet potato fries (I bake them verses frying) dipped in ketchup. If he still refuses then I would continue to hide them in different recipes and keep trying. Good luck!
Meal time is ideally a pleasant experience for all humans. This school's practice runs contrary to everything I have observed and studied about child development. Are they motivated by some philosophical or religious ideology? I ask because ideology is often blind to reality. Whatever their intention, it is creating a miserable mealtime experience for your son.
Ask them to cease and desist. If they won't, find another school. Your son will eventually learn to eat vegetables, and will probably enjoy them far more if his early associations aren't so ugly.
Missouri Child Care Laws say that child care providers CAN NOT do this and to do so can result in them losing their job. This definitely needs a hotline call because by Missouri Law this is physical punishment which will result in all the things that have been written to you so far. We have discussed similar issues with Children's Mercy Hospital nutritionists who have all advised as others have advised you here that this is simply a phase and just keep offering the child food but NEVER force it. Definitely make a complaint not only via hotline but to the licensing people here as well which could and should result in this center being shutdown or at least learn new ways to appropriately handle children in a positive rather than negative manner, which according to behavior research advises that you will come farther that way in a shorter amount of time. PLEASE make the calls and search for alternatives for care for your son. The negative mealtime experience will eventually impact the other areas you advise are positive which result in these becoming negatives. I know good child care is hard to find in this area, perhaps asking other parents in this area for suggestions on what they have done to deal with the childcare issues here.
Good luck.
A normally happy kid that loves to eat is being so harassed at school that he has to leave the table because he loses his cool? Time to find a new school! Pronto!
They sound like evil, evil people to treat children so poorly.
This reminds me of my son when he was that age - he absolutely hated veggies. He was never in daycare, though. However we never pushed the veggies issue and now he will eat most veggies without complaining - he's 4 now. He's also usually willing to try most new veggies. I would talk to the school about what is going on and make it very clear that you do not want your child being force fed. Meal times are supposed to be enjoyable not stressful.
They should be working with YOU on this - not against you. I do not see why they are pushing this approach either. There must be a more constructive way and I am surprised that no other parent has objected to this.
I would suggest a meeting to discuss the rationale behind their methods because it is clear that you are confused as to their goals (and I am too!) Isn't there a choking risk by putting food in kids mouths??? I know they are therapists and are probably well qualified to cope with such things, but still...
I don't think that they fully understand either how this is stressing you out and the effect this must be having at home.
Maybe he could get some kind of reward for trying the food instead of having something taken away. Maybe something related to an activity or toy or game that he really enjoys. Something positive.
No-one needs this kind of added stress -especially your little one!
