Need Help with Major Behaviour Issues!

Hi S.,
This seems like more than normal tantrums. I would seriously consider takeing him to the doctor to see if there might be a medical cause for this behavior. The banging his head really concerns me. Hope this helps and hope things get better soon.
M. T

It's very common for a child to talk late, especially first children. To be sure though, you need to take him and have his hearing tested right away. These tantrums are coming from someplace. Like the other poster said, he could be frustrated and there might be a physical cause.

You haven't said anything about what kind of childcare situation you have. Your about me section says you are single and going to school and working. You need to have this child in the care of someone that is extremely experienced. For one thing, a person that has many years of experience will be able to tell you if there are other delays. This person should also be able to at least taper down these tantrums and help you with specifics. It's hard for us to get specific about the things he gets frustrated with because we don't know him.

Because this sounds really serious, I would get him involved with parents as teachers or seek some kind of extra help. He may be going through a phase and is extra hard headed. If so, you can get through it all with active parenting and again, a very experienced provider can help you. But if he has autism or some other spectrum disorder, then you need to know that too. A lot of in-home providers might not be able to give you any idea what he has. Most of us are not that educated. But we have a lot of good instincts about what's normal and what needs to be checked out further.

Please call Parents as Teachers or Rainbow and get him a full evaluation. Normally these are free. Otherwise get a recommendation from your pediatrician to talk with a child psycologist. Yes he needs his hearing tested but his also need to have his overall behavoir checked. There are lots of resources out there so use them.

S.:

First you want to rule out a few things...do these type of behaviors occur when your son is overly tired, hungry, sick?? If the answer is no....the next thing to consider is his lack of verbal skills. Has his hearing been checkedn? At two, he should be more verbal than what you are describing. Kids can become very frustrated, when they can not get their point across. Start working with him on his language skills...naming everything (such as, "Look at that yellow truck"). Do not speak in baby language. Do not respond to "grunts", have him attempt to use his words. On the other end of the spectrum, he may have some social skill/social anxiety issues going on. This would need to be tested by a professional. I hope this helps.

S., I am not a professional, just a Mom with a mildly Autistic child and what you are discribing sounds very famliar. My son would stand in the middle of the kitchen and scream and point unitl I pulled every box out of the cupboard and finally found what he wanted!! If you live in Johnson County there are LOTS of services available, even to just have him assesed. Contact your school district, they should have a Parents As Teachers program and that would be a great place to start. If the Parents As Teachers professionals think he needs further assesment they'll contact Johnson County Infant Toddler Services.
If it turns out that he's just your average ordianary two year old they can offer you loads of advice on how to deal with his tantrums.

Good Luck, M.

I think maybe I'm thinking simpler than the other moms, but when you have your outings do you plan them around nap time? Or do you just go when it's convenient and hope he'll get some sleep in the car? I have a 21 month old right now, and there are times when I have no choice - I have to take him out during nap time or right before nap time or a meal - and he is a horror! And I know it's going to happen and I brace myself for it and I just deal with it. I work full time, my hubby works nights and lots of weekends lately, so the only time I have to get things done is on the weekend, by myself. I always have to tow the poor little guy along. Normally I will forgo my errands or do them at times that work best with his schedule, but this time of year I have all kinds of Christmas running around to do and it's very stressful - so I'm just doing it and trying to get it done!! So really - make sure he is well rested and fed before you take him out, it makes a huge difference! If you know it will interfere with his sleeping and eating schedule, try to put it off or work it around his naps and meals. And when you are out and he throws a huge tantrum, if you can't get him under control, sometimes it's best to just leave. I know it's hard when you're trying to get things done, but sometimes he just needs quiet time, away from the public. Good luck!!

Hi S.,

I agree with the other moms, that it would be a good idea to get his hearing tested. At this age, throwing temper tantrums is completely normal though. Screaming, biting, hitting, head banging are all ways for little ones to express their feelings and most of all... get what they want!

I would not allow your son to hit you though, S.. Even if he has a learning disability, he must be taught not to hit when he is angry. This is so important for him to learn this.

You must decide what the discipline for hitting will be in your home and then follow through with it each time he disobeys. If he begins to hit when you are out in public, about the only thing that I have found that helps is to immediately leave, which isn't always easy! I have found that by being consistant at home, the kids behave much better out in public.

God bless,
A.

My daughter didn't talk for quiet awhile and she would get very frustrated and have fits. Although not as bad as your case. Anyway my daughter was a preemie and had a speech therapist who suggested sign language for babies. There are books and dvd's on it. It worked great for us. I started her late but she was able to pick up on about 30 words and was able to sign them. She was able to tell me when she was hungry or thirsty or wanted more of something or wanted to read a book or was tired.
If I ever have another child I will start it with them from day 1. There was a big improvement in my daughters behavior. You speak the words that they sign so they hear them and it doesn't delay them talking at all.
Not sure if it would help but it's an idea if he is frustrated because he can't verbalize his thoughts yet.

Good Morning S., I feel for you, in deed I do. Our youngest gr son was 2 in Oct. Zane would through temper tantrums also, worse then any of our other Gr kids. At home I would step over him and walk off. At the store, I kept him strapped into the cart. When I take his brother to Pre-K he wants to run around with the kids and get in the water fountain, which I won't let him do. I make him stand by me if he does get down, he is a load to carry all the time.
When I go to pick him up again he would stiffen up and head butt you. SO when I pick him up i turn him away from my face.

We had him tested by Rainbows united a month or so ago as he wasn't talking either. I had No idea how they were going to test this little guy considering his fits.
He breezed right through everything.Walking on a board, putting pegs in a board, giving one to mom and putting the next in the correct place etc.. He understood everything they ask of him and did it.

Since then his verbal communication had taken a Huge Jump forward. I still hold him away from my face when he decides it's fit time. If I say Zane you hurt Nana he will kiss me on both sides of my face and put his head on my shoulder patting me.

There were a few time S. at school waiting for Corbin to go in, I looked at the other parents as Zane laid on the floor screaming, with me standing over him. Thinking OK which one of you will call CPS If I pick up this child and swat him one time. I think some of them would of helped me....lol He does not like time out so now I put him against the wall and make him sit there if a fit is in progress. Truly it doesn't happen as much now that he is talking more. He has gotten so much better Mama is potty training him. He peeped 5 times in the potty on Sat, and 4 times on Sun. Slept dry at nap time even.

I went with our youngest son to a Dr.'s about last Friday, Zane was so awesomely good, no fits, crying. Just played and played. We were there over 45 minutes, he walked over to me and said I stinky butt. Yup he was.... lol

I would suggest also having your little Prince tested S.. Parents as Teachers, United way, Rainbows United are just a few places to start. Usually this service is either free or on a curve per your salary. I did sign language with Corbin he still uses it, Zane would only sign Baby for me.

God Bless you S. and your Precious little Prince
K. Nana of 5
Merry Christmas

My daughter would have a fit like that, but she could talk very good. I would pick her up no matter we were and leave. I would grab her hands pick her up and go to the car. At home I took all the toys out of her room. If she was good she could pick one toy to have in her room. If she would have a fit I would take the toy and she would stay in her room. If she stayed I would give back the toy. If she did not have a fit when I sent her to her room she could pick anther toy. She is 26 did great in school and is going to college. Has 3 kids and husband is in the Army

Have you had him check by a dr. or have his ears checked? My son would not talk very good, I had his ears check. He had ears problems tubes in ear twice. He is 21 today and doing great.

S., My first thought was the same as some of the other Mom's, that your son may have an issue with his hearing. I would take him in for a thorough physical and see if they find an issue that they can help you with.
Temper tantrums are not unusual at this age. They are learning that they are seperate beings from their Mom and that they have power...and they just don't know what to do with this new knowledge.
I would consider starting to teach your son ( and yourself!!) 'baby sign language'...our grandson who just turned 2 years old has been learning sign language from the day he was born, I would estimate that he knows probably 125 - 150 signs, everything from "Mama's milk" to "thank you" to "giraffe". His verbal language skills are starting to really explode but when we have trouble understanding what he says we can fall back on "is there a sign for it?".
Spend a lot of time talking to your son, let him get the rhythm and feel of conversation. Don't jump to "guess" what he is saying..try and help him SAY what he wants..before you start "guessing".
Good luck!!! and God Bless!
R. Ann

You say he is not talking. I would start with suggesting to speak with your pedatrician. If it is
a problem with his speach maybe he is just frustrated due to not being able to tell you his
wants & needs. Then maybe find out also if maybe being out in public is just over stimulating to him for some reason. Just some thoughts that ran thru for me. I would for sure report it to DR first. Good luck.

I know another little boy that has a lot of these same symptoms and he was recently tested and found out he has Autism. If he isn't talking and grunting that was one of the main reasons this boy was tested because a 2 year old should be saying a few words and he is now in speech therapy and still doesn't say a few words but is making progress at signing and figuring out what he wants better instead of guessing the grunt.

Before figuring out a way to discipline him, you want to rule out that he has other issues first then go from there.

Dear S.:
If your child is two years old and is not speaking, there might be a communication issue going on here; especially because he points and grunts to get what he needs; if he cannot hear you, or cannot process what he hears or cannot speak or get his brain to process speech, then he probably will be very frustrated and tantrum; the being out in public with so many other distractions and unfamiliar surroundings just add to the frustration.
My suggestion would be that you get him into the pediatrician for a complete physical work-up and then if hearing, speech etc. check out, then ask for a referral to a developmental medicine pediatrician (they can be found at Children's Mercy, KU Children's Clinic, and there are a few in private practice in the Greater KC area).
I know that you are frustrated; so is your little guy! this is wearing on both of you, I know. Please know that there are resources that can assist you throughout the area. I work for the Missouri Developmental Disabilities Resource Center at the Institute for Human Development-UCEDD, UMKC. If I can be of assistance, please feel free to give me a call ###-###-####. I can help you find resources that may begin to help you unravel the mystery of what is happening. One question; have you been to Parents as Teachers? they are a good "first resource" for parents. Do give me a call of I can be of any assistance. Sincerely, J.

Have you had him evaluated at all? If you contact your parents as teachers they will evaluate him, my son is 2 and 1/2 now and we got in touch with PAT when he turned 2 for Very similar issues, he has been recieving therapy since then through First Steps.
Don't stress out until you have had an evaluation, there could be lots of reasons...hang in there, I know it is tough, there could just be some delay and without words it can be very frustrating. It could be something more serious, but again...until you get an evaluation there is no need to worry.
One tip that was very difficult but works is do not give temper tantrums attention, remove things he could get hurt on but don't acknowledge the tantrum, don't even make eye contact...like i said difficult, but it will work.
Lots of luck, my son made a ton of progress in 6 months, he has had a lot of therapy, 12 hours a week of ABA therapy and speech therapy but it has all been worth it.
I know this time is tough and it may be challenging for quite a while, another thing that has helped was teaching our son some signs to help him communicate when he lacked the verbal skills and also using pictures to give him choices and also to let him know what was coming up ( a picture schedule) they have a more advanced version for older children called PECS /picture exchange system, but for a 2 year old real pictures work the best.
If you want to talk more feel free to send me a private message. My sons diagnosis is basically Pdd-nos, Pervasive developement disorder not otherwise specified, there are lots of kids who fall somewhere on the spectrum for Autism.
Hang in there, and most importantly for all the people who tell you that you are doing something wrong ( You are not causing this! Discovering that it wasn't my fault...was a huge relief for me, people will be judgemental in public, but that is there ignorance and until they live it they cannot know what it is like ( I have an Autistic niece as well)
B.

I would like to suggest that you consider allergies. The problems is most docs won't suggest allergies, especially for behavior problems, but I can tell you, and thousands more can attest to it as well...allergies (in my daughter's case, dairy & corn most of all) can affect behavior, mood, personality, sleep. So much of your post sounded like my daughter before we had her food allergies under control (although corn is so difficult to avoid, we still struggle with it). We have recently figured out that one of the reasons for the tantrums seems to be that the food allergy triggers a low blood sugar response, hence the tantrums. She can have the same kind of "don't touch me don't look at me don't talk to me" screaming fits in the middle of the night as she has during the day if she's eaten the wrong food that day. If she's eaten something bad and makes it through the night, she wakes up very cranky and very early and I give her juice even before she gets out of bed to get the blood sugar back up. The other thing to know is that even if you test your son and the tests for allergies are negative, that doesn't necessarily mean he isn't having problems with foods. I had two allergists tell me to let her eat whatever she wants, but eliminating dairy and corn from her diet have made her a different kid. Also, lots of kids react to artificial colors and preservatives, so you might look at what he's eating. The other moms had great ideas for other things that might be going on with your son, sensory problems, hearing problems, etc. I'd also talk to the daycare or whoever watches him during the day and see if they are having the same issues. I'm glad you're still loving being a mommy, but sometimes you need to ask for help. Your son's tantrums don't sound "normal" to me...and I"m sure like me, when you mention that your child has terrible tantrums, people automatically tell you "that's normal for his age" and tell you you're overreacting. But they aren't spending time with him and dealing with it. If your ped is no help, find someone else who will. I can tell you doctors aren't perfect, and they will go with the most obvious answer, in this case, "every kid has tantrums" . Good luck.

Call Johnson County Infant Services. They are wonderful.

Honestly, I agree with Evelyn. What kind of schedule is your kiddo on? When you are in public, is he tired or hungry? I've seen so many kids melting down in stores between 1 and 2pm and I wonder why they aren't at home taking a nap? Yes, I know it's difficult with the holidays approaching, but if you can plan your errands around nap time and eating time, it may make your life a lot easier!

Also, keep a stash in your purse (or make a "to go" tote bag) of small toys, snacks and water in case you absolutely can't get out of going to a store. If you keep the toys in your purse only, it will seem new to him and may keep him occupied long enough for you to get the job done. Show him the bag before you leave and let him know there are fun things for him to do if he is good. I'm a big fan of the Dollar Store for this!

Of course, if all else fails, yes, get him evaluated for hearing and behavioral issues. Good luck, S.. Just remember that this too, shall pass! He won't stay two forever!!

How many times can we tell you the same thing? I guess great moms think alike, you are so wonderful to be concerned about something that you need help with. I would call my pediatrician, and give them an idea of what's going on with the fits. There may be some testing that they can do that may give you a cause for the tatrums. As a mom, don't worry about what the others are thinking in the store when he causes a scene, just know that you are making sure he isn't hurting himself or anyone else till he gets it out. I recommend finding a book, or support group if the pediatrician can't recommend something. Good luck, keep up the great work with the little guy and know that you are in my prayers.

Sounds like he needs an overall evaluation, as the other moms suggested.

I hope I don't offend you but do you encourage talking, or do you do the talking for him? He doesn't have to say it correct you can always work on that but when he wants a drink, and he's grunting for it, so you say the word and while looking at him. Get down to his level and say the word and encourage him to try. It could he's never really had to talk, so the grunts and screaming have been affective.

As far as public, put your blinders on and ignore the stares. I really have wonder about some kind of sensory issue/disorder, maybe the lights at the store are causing an issue, the noises etc. Try going at quiet time and maybe even have him wear a pair of sunglasses while in the store. Check to see if this helps at all.

I really think your little guy needs to get an evaluation done. Try contacting the other places that were mentioned.

I do not agree with "spanking" as discpline, especially since it sounds like your guy is having a very hard time getting his communication out and having a hard time expressing his anger properly.

If it makes you feel any better, 2 year olds and fits just kinda go together. From a couple of things you have described, I would probably make sure first that he doesn't have any kind of "overstimulated sensitivity problem". If that mkes sense. Some kids can not handle all the hussle and bussle of people and the lights in a store are so distracting that they can not help but be out of control. Their senses just can't handle all of that. But if he is just doing this for your sake -- my advice would be stop and watch him throw his fit, tell him when he is done that you are sorry that he is having such a bad time, but mommy has to pick up some things from the store. And then if he's good - reward him. Tell him how good he was and how nice that was and then go get ice cream or whatever you both like, do not dwell on the fit he had. He'll grow out of it and you will be watching other moms soon in the store and feeling bad for it to be their turn. Hope you have a Merry Christmas and I'm sure you and your son will get through this.

Find a place to sit down and gently wrap your arms around his. Give him time on your lap to cool off. As you sit down, tell him, "Uh, Oh, I guess we need a little time to cool off." Be careful that you do not get butted by his head. Turn your head to the side. He will cool off. It may take a while. If you keep this up, eventually, he will stop. It just takes patience. I would recommend you look into Love and Logic. It really has some good ideas.

K.