Need Help with My Husband Taking Care of Our 14 Week Old.

It does sound like she needs a nap schedule. My daughter loved to bounce. I spent lots of time bouncing on my stability ball to get her to sleep. Just an idea.

I think she might be having the same issue My kids had, my husbans arms are longer than mine so he cannot rap his arms around the babies as well as I can, only because of how tall he is and how long his arms are. Try buying a cradle swing that goes from side to side or the swaddlers so she can feel comfertable. I can only suggest tring different positions that do not require his arms cradleing her.

Good luck honey.

Well I for one takes care of my little 3 year old daughter. I am retired Military and my wife is still Military , deployed at this time, I am having fun raising my 3 year old, along with my 11 and 17 year old. I am at home all day with her, and she is a challenge,at lease that is what she give me, but the joy of seeing her growing up is a blessing. At one points she would not respond to me, so I had to change things up a little to make her happy and relax. Taking her for walks in the stroller, sometimes rub her back, like a message, it help kids relax, play games. I find that the wii games like bowling, tennis and baseball got her attention and we both had fun. Kids are smarter than we give then credits for, and they can teach us plenty of stuff. He can also let her lay on his chest to listen to his heart beats, which also will bring her close to him,and sing to her while lightly patting her back. It is amazing what little things we do makes then happy. But it is not easy, time will be well spend and the lasting results will make you smile.

Hi G.,
I would suggest that he does need to find his own way, but also the thing that I think many parents don't realize is that often by the time the baby appears sleepy, they are overtired and will become hysterical. Make sure your husband knows about early feeding and tiredness cues. She might be a better napper if put down before she appears tired, and he can try alternatives to napping in the crib, such as the swing or putting her in a sling and going for a walk.
Good luck

Buy an Ergo carrier! Carrying a fussy baby works wonders, and the Ergo is so comfortable and easy on the back and arms. Your little one will LOVE it when daddy straps the carrier on, and he will be so relieved. (Both physically and emotionally!)

They're not cheap, but I still use mine- and my son is 16 months old and 27 pounds! No back pain or anything!

Also, I think you're spot on with the nap issues. Tired babies are MAD babies! :( Lots of wonderful daddies don't push the naps, because they don't want to hear their babies fussing. But we mamas know the truth- babies HAVE to sleep! Show him what you tried. It sounds like it worked! My son took 3 naps a day at 14 weeks- he was only awake for 2 hours at a time until he was almost a year old. Around 11 months, he switched to 2 naps. And now, at 16 months, we're starting to make the switch the one occasionally. Maybe daddy needs to put the baby down before 2 hours are up, every single time? That worked for us!

I hope this helps a little!

Your husband needs to figure out how to sooth his daughter his own way. Obviously she realizes that he's not you and doesn't respond the same way. If he's really frustrated have him take her for a stroller walk; the fresh air will do them both good.

I would let him learn to sooth her his own way. He isn't going to be able to do it your way and that's o.k. Also, both my kids did this so it's worth a shot. At about this age my kids switched from many small naps to 2 naps each day. When she gets fussy is she stiffing up? Does she make her body hard like a board? If so, she's ready for a nap. I'd start out following your bed time routine. If you read, play music, give a bottle...do this at naptime too. I always play music for my kids when they sleep. This way it helps them to know it's time to sleep and if they wake during the night, all I have to do is turn on their music and their right back to sleep. My kids loved their routines and they are the best sleepers I've ever seen. My 20 mo old will tell me when she wants a nap. And both my kids (my oldest is 4 1/2 yrs) go to bed every night without tears or a fight. My kids use to nap at about 9 or 9:30 in the morning (they got up around 6 or 6:30) and then again about 1 or 2. Each nap lasting about 2-3 hrs. But it may be time to switch to 2 naps. See if that helps.

i have to second the ergo carrier response. my husband was never very comfortable with the sling, but the carrier is super comphy and our daughter falls asleep in it every time and just relaxes in general. when she was little i use to have her strapped in with the infant insert and could work on the computer while she was sleeping or get housework done... it's also been the thing that's saved our friends when they've baby sat for her... if she's tired she falls asleep within minutes, then you can just unstrap it and lay her down to sleep. she's now 8 months old and we still use it all the time. for us it's been the #1 must have baby item. good luck!

Hi G. - You are so lucky that you and your husband can share child care like that! I really think it is so good for the babes to have daddy time.

My one little peice of advice is to encourage your husband to find his own way of consoling your daughter. I know that when I try to get my husband to do what I do, he feels very uncomfortable and the baby can sense that. Perhaps he would be more comfortable holding her on his shoulder or on her tummy facing out (my 12 week old LOVES this and it helps get the gas out!) - whatever works for him to make him relaxed will most likely make your daughter feel better. My husband usually cradles and talk to my son while also bouncing/vibrating him. I never cradle as that basically means it is time to eat for my little one, but I walk around facing him out and he ofter relaxes and falls asleep that way.

This is a difficult age - give your husband and daughter time to find their groove! It will work out. The babies know the difference between different caregivers and will ultimately act accordingly.

Hey G. -
Boy, I totally feel your pain. 2 weeks ago it was me that was considering posting this question. My little one is in the same boat. She's 16 weeks old, sleeps 7.5 - 8 hours at night, not a good napper and frantic with my husband. After talking with my mom yesterday, she mentioned that I too was a good night sleeper but hated to take naps. My husband takes care of my little one about 2 days a week and a few hours here and there. He too has a tough time getting my little one to calm down. Last weekend he and I had a sit down. We read the book by Dr. Sears about Sleep (sorry I don't remember the name of it). It's not about methods but about how to recognize sleep cues and be proactive. It also has a chapter in the book for fathers to read on how to soothe your child since it's done differently for men then women. He's tried most of the suggestions and some have worked and others haven't.

Here's what has worked for us so far:
1. We take a morning walk with her. She usually falls alseep in the stroller so we leave her in there and let that be her morning nap.
2. When I start to see the first yawn later in the day, I start a nap time routine that she's aware of with a book, rocking in a rocking chair and some music. She usually starts to fall asleep in my arms and then I put her down in a bassinet or in her crib.
3. When she's really fussy, I use a sling. The motion really helps her out.

My husband has a rocking motion that he uses from the book. He also counts backwards from 100 and seems to be his thing that he's able to calm her down with. I would recommend going to a book store and if you don't want to buy the book read the dad's chapter. It eased my hubby's mind though he does often make the comment that our daughter must hate him when he's in the heat of the scream fest!

My doctors said that it's better to get a baby to sleep whatever way you can. They should be sleeping between 13 and 16 hours a day depending on who you listen to. Without sleep they aren't getting growth hormone so they aren't able to grow as well and as others have mentioned, without sleep they can get even crankier. Naps have just really helped a bunch. My suggestion is not to force a nap time but study your child's sleep cues and chart them for a week or so, so that you can figure out when is their natural sleep time and then create nap times around that. For us, it's not after every feed. We followed the info in the book on how to set up a nap schedule based on cues and it was very helpful.

I wish you the best of luck. I'm not sure we're over the hump and I know we have many other battles ahead of us for other stuff but hopefully for the moment we're getting somewhere. Good luck.

G.,
My daughter did the same thing at her age and I hate to say this it lasted until she was 2 1/2 year old, but that was my own fault. I was a SAHM at the time and took on all the responsibilities of her care, the only time my DH had her was when I was cooking and couldn't hold her. Finally when I had our son and was in the hospital (c-section) he had to take care of her and that was the ice breaker for both of them. Was it hard, you bet your bootie but they survived and now at 26 years old they are so close it is't funny. If I were you I would leave your daughter with your husband overnight, giving them 2 days together and trust me she will adjust. My daughter was just like yours, she was not a good napper during the day but slept 9 hours at night. We put her on cereal at 6 weeks of age because she was drinking 8 oz. of formula every 3 - 4 hours all day and night long. Like you, I tried the naps during the day and found that if she did nap for any length of time she was up at night. I swear that first child is a definite learning experience, but one well worth it. Anyway try the overnight away and when you and your husband are home make him hold her more and hopefully that will work. From what I was told this is very common.
Hugs,
T.

I just want to echo the others... your husbadn has to figure out who he is and parent in his way. To this day.... I am not my husband and he is not me. His way of soothing my daughter (now 22 months) is to be silly and make her laugh. My way is to hug her and kiss her and sing her songs. If I try to make her laugh with the same tricks he has... it doesn't work. If he tries to cuddle her... it doesn't work.

Your hnbby needs to be himself. If he feels uncomfortable because he is trying "tricks" that don't work, she can sense that and it makes her more agitated and thus, the vicious cycle....

So, I don't know who he is as a dad... and that will be the hardest part to figure out.... but it can't emulate you....

G.-check out "The Happiest Baby on the Block" dvd...it worked wonders for me and my husband. It will show soothing techniques to help calm your little one. We had our extended family watch too, and they were able to incorporate the techniques to soothe our little one when they were watching him. Good luck!

Like most others said, your husband needs to find his own way of soothing and holding her. His body does not feel the same as yours, so holding her the same way is still not going to feel the same to your baby. Have your husband try what I call the "leopard" hold (because the baby looks like a leopard lying on a branch with this hold) - bend your arm so your arm is going in front of your body, palm up. Hold the baby's butt with your hand and let her just hang on your arm like a leopard. Her head will be at the crook of your elbow. That worked great for my husband. I think I have a picture of it if you need one. Baby carriers are great too. He does need to try to relax, though - babies sense tension and will respond likewise. Good luck.

every child has a favorite parent, which could change with time. he's not mommy right now. it's probably as simple as that.

I had a similar situation when our second child was about 9 months old. My daughter was home all day with me, and with ny husband at night 5 nights a week. It will take some time for her to be accustomed to the way dad does things. Even though he may be comfortable with her, she may still feel more comfortable with mom. As far as the napping goes, I told my husband that it was perfectly fine to let her cry a bit. If the crying was prolonged, I told him to check to see that she was not wet/soiled, hungry, or in pain. The first night she cried for 1 1/2 hours. It was bed time, nothing was wrong, she just wanted mom. The next night, 45 minutes, the following 20, and it never went below 5 minutes. It seemed hopeless during the longer spells at the beginning, but she turned out just great and loves her daddy. If there are days when you and your husband are caring for her together, maybe try having him do the feeding/putting down, so she will be accustomed to his routine. Even a nice bath before bed, bedtime song, stories, and things like that have helped us. Each of our children were different.

you are the mom & that is what she wants - obviously. i think it is going to take time & patience - he seems like a fantastic daddy :) but they are going to have to find their "thing" and you are going to have to keep out of it. she won't let him hold her your way b/c it's not you. he is going to have to find his way & she will have to get used to it. i know it is heartbreaking for you to hear you baby so upset but it will work out & they will figure it out together :) my husband had a hard time as well. every time i left, my son would scream!!!! so if i couldn't be with him, i had to let go, even if i was in the house - they figured it out togther. my husband never held the baby the way i did, he wasn't comfortable. he chose to hold him facing out & he walked around the house over & over until the baby calmed down. not saying that that is what your husband should do, just that they will find their way togther :) good luck!