Need Help with Potty Training - Desperatly!

1) Stop trying! It's a power struggle and until it's not she won't go. The only way for it not to be a power struggle and for her to do it on her own free will is to just stop talking about it. Leave her potty chair out or her potty seat in sight but leave it at that. Put her in diapers, change the diaper in silence, no extra attention at diaper time. Make it boring and let her come up with idea on her own to go potty.
2) Take her around kids that are potty trained. Kids her own age if possible, or someone older that she adores that is not living with her. Ask them to allow her to follow them into the bathroom and watch them. If she wants to be like her "friend" she will start to go too. Kids her own age that are potty trained will show her that she can do it.
My son said he was worried about getting less attention with not having the diaper change time. He also wanted to play and potty took too long. So I did the above and he started going within the week, more like 3 days. :)

Dear M. sorry to say you are wearing you and Sophie out and probably making Sophie angry. Plain and simple you see it isn't working so why continue. I have found that each child is different in most every way. Sophie will potty train when her body not her mind is ready to. I don't mean to sound critical that is not my intention I know this potty training can be so exhausting. Hang in there it will happen :-)

First - you started too soon.

There were two things we did that helped most:
1st - for anything she wants to do - go potty first. If she's been coloring and wants to watch tv next - potty first. When they get up to do something different, it's usually because they have to go potty and want to put themselves in a different position that may buy them more time before having to go in and go potty, but by then, it's too late and there's an accident. SO - the rule became "Potty first". You want a drink? Go potty first. You want to paint now instead of coloring with crayons? Potty first. You want to go outside and play? Potty first.

Keep in mind too that we also would watch the clock sort of. We'd make a mental note of when she went potty, and if 30 minutes went by before she wanted to change activities, hten we'd say, "Before you do anything else, you need to go potty."

The other thing we did (when she was closer to 4) was to stop buying the bigger sizes of pull-ups. We stayed with the smaller size. Once she grew "out" of them, we didn't get the next size up, we just stuck with those. She started to complain that they weren't comfortable. We told her she could wear her big girl pants, but that meant she was going to have to be a big girl and use the potty. She would say, "I use YOUR potty." I told her she could use any potty she wanted to, as long as she used a potty. (One of those "pick your battles" sort of things.)

For what it's worth, and good luck!

When my daughter was 3 1/2 years old & still not potty trained, I tried a new form of bribery. We also had already tried the new potty, panties, candy bribes etc. They would only work for a day. So I made a big poster with sqaures on it - everytime she went on the potty, she got to put a sticker in a square. When she got 5 stickers in a row, she got to pick out a toy from the toy basket. (a bunch of cheap toys from the dollar store). She went 5 times the first night, and kept it up from there. I think that having the toys right there helped motivate her - she wanted those toys, but couldn't have one until she went on the potty. And the stickers helped her see her own progress. She was very excited to put them on the poster.
Bottom line of course is that you can never make them go until they are ready. The trick is making them believe it was their idea to be ready - not yours!
Good luck!

Hi M.,

Have you tried rewarding your daughter with time spent with you? For example, after she uses the potty successfully, you will sit and read her a book. Children love to spend time with their mommys as you are well aware I am sure! Maybe this would be the reward that Sophie needs to motivate her into the behavior you desire?

S.

I puchased a book online that you can download called Three day Potty Trainging. I didn't think it would work but my son was 3 1/2 and I wanted to get him potty trained before the next baby came (I'm pregnant) The training is like a boot camp and takes all your attention for three days but it completely works. The ony time my son has had an accident after this (which was 5 months ago) is maybe three times at night when I gave him too much to drink too late and he was completely exhausted from playing with friends all day.

Trust me it works.

Some children just take longer to be comfortable with the whole potty issue. Sometimes it helps to just relax and take some of the pressure off of you and her. Believe it or not, when she is 30 this will see seem like no big deal. I have, over the years, discovered that the less pressure that I put on me and my children the easier the situation seemed to be resolved. I too had a son that I was sure I would have to send to school with a diaper bag and a dictionary because his speech was difficult to understand.He now has children of his own and would be so mad at me if I told the tale.

My nephew was stubborn about wanting to sit on the potty too. Had trouble with both my sister's boys, come to think of it. The oldest is 10 so that seems forever ago now. LOL With the first one we kept him and his cousin who is just a little older than him for a day. The boys played all day and every time Jarod went potty, Jacob wanted to go too because "that's what big boys do!" and he was potty trained that day. With her younger son, I got him to sit on the potty by distracting him. I would sit him on the potty and then sit on the floor by the potty and keep him occuppied! I would sing to him, we'd play itsy bitsy spider, patty cake, whatever it took. In a week I had him telling me when he had to go potty (I was staying out there for a week while my sis and her hubby were out of town). Hope this helps.

I was in your boat a few months ago. I bought the the book "The Potty Boot Camp" by Suzanne Riffle. It takes several different approaches and fuses them together. I do recommend reading the book first (it is a really short book) and preparing for the "boot camp"...I also recommend starting when you have two days that you don't need to leave the house. I had already done much of the prep stuff with my daughter since we had been working on it for so long. I took an extra day to get supplies and then one morning when she woke I said, "No more diapers". It has been trying at times, but she only wears pull ups at naptime and night...my choice as I am tired of doing laundry. Good luck!

Have you tried the 1-Day or 3-Day training techniques? I got "Potty Training in One Day" DVD from the library and it would have been helpful if I had gotten it at the beginning.

M.,
I swear by this... it worked for my then 2.5 year old girls. Someone on this site told us to buy a kitchen timer and start it while the girls wore just underwear around the house. When the timer rang (we placed it in the living room) i said "its potty time" and with excitement took the girls in and sat on the potties. At the beginning all they did was sit. I'd let them sit for 5 or so minutes and we'd go out and turn on the potty clock again for another 30 minutes. Every 30 minutes of every day for about 2 weeks and they were potty trained. Another trick was to buy the huggies clean team soap with a Hippo head that lights up - they were only allowed to use if they peed on the potty. We also bought the kids flushable wipes (called "poopy wipes" in our house) and the girls can only use if they go poop on the toilet. Its been almost a year and they still get excited to use the poopy wipes - and they are only about $1 in the baby aisle at wal-mart. Good luck.

M., I suggest doing a search on the "Potty Whisperer". She's fantastic. Now this is a hard knox approach to the issue, I will tell you up front. Lots of messes ! She does the 4 day no diapers training. Straight in panties and the child cleans up ANY & ALL messes themself. Period ! Her philosophy is that child won't pee or poop in their pants very long b/c they aren't going to like cleaning up their own pee and/or feces. I know it sounds harsh, but, it does work ! Good luck and let us know how it goes.
A.

At this point you've got a power struggle on your hands. You can not make her pee in the potty and she knows it. Let her win, back to diapers, but she gets no big girl things either. Put her on the nap schedule the baby is on. Only let her play with baby toys. Take them to the playground and let big sister play, but make her sit in the stroller with you and the baby. When she complains tell her that when she is a big girl and uses the potty like a big girl she will be treated like a big girl. She has to want to do it. She's a pretty smart kid to go a whole year and still have you at your wits end! You've got to outsmart her, good luck.

not everything works for everyone - each child is different... try reading "how to potty train your child in one day". You don't have to do it the way they suggest, but there are some good ideas there that might help... keep trying... it will happen, but when she is ready!

Well, it is time to pull out all of the stops. If you put her on the potty every 45 minutes all of the time you are with her, get up immediately in the morning and put her there, put her there right before bed, turn the water on to trickle run (it helps if she has the slightest urge to go) stay in the bathroom with her and play a game or read her a short story and she goes she gets a reward! It can be as small as a skittle or as big as a favorite cookie. If she doesn't go and then wets her pants in the next five minutes she looses something like a favorite toy for the rest of the day. It is called reward and consequences. Take her out of pull ups and back into diapers after a week or so. She isn't a big girl and babies don't get to do a lot of things big girls get to do. Say good bye to big girl toys etc. You can try the bank idea. Every time she potties in the toilet she gets a penny for her bank, pooping gets her a nickel. When she wets her pants the money goes back to you and your husband. Good luck.

Potty training is very frustrating. You need to relax. I'm not saying that in a condescending way, your daughter may be picking up on your tension. I was in this position just a few months ago. Both of my children pushed back when we started potty training and when we backed off, they both came around relatively quickly. It just clicked with them. I had a good friend tell me to put the potty chair in the kitchen or wherever your child spends the most time. It is always in her line of sight. Don't stop trying to get her to sit, just do it once or twice and accept her answer. She will eventually make the choice on her own. She won't go to kindergarten in a diaper!! Keep your chin up.

M.,

Relax! Back off! Not all children are potty trained at the same time. Just put her back in diapers, and forget the stress. Pull ups are expensive, and not very absorbent. Do not try to stress, guilt, bribe, or force your daughter into learning to use the toilet. Just take a break from all the hassle and change dirty diapers for a little longer. Sometimes, when you go with their rhythm you may find learning happens faster.

Best wishes,
K.

Put her in underwear--no more pull-ups. It will mean lots-and I mean LOTS--of accidents. But, she needs to practice. Part of it will be letting old habits die hard. Some kids have a bigger learning curve, but they all seem to get it eventually. My 3rd daughter started in underwear around 2 and I thought she'd get it in days, then it turned into weeks, then months. But--many, many, MANY accidents later (they all clean up and wash up) she is a pro--and she won't be 3 for a few more months. Don't be afraid of accidents (I was until #2 came along, but I didn't "get it" until #3)! Of course, with your busy schedule I know creating more work is the last thing you want to do, but it pays off. Good Luck!

J.

I was having trouble with my two year old. I left her naked for three days and then watched her closely. Every time she started to go I put her on the potty. This seemed to do the trick. Yes there were messes on the floor to clean up, but it was only for a couple of days.