Need Help with Toddler Waking up at 4Am!

i sorta know how you feel..my son, who is now three, took forever to start sleeping thru the night...he was almost 2 1/2 when he finally started staying in his bed all night...it was a battle for hours to get him to stay in his bed...i finally decided i had to do something cuz like you i didnt want him to sleep in my bed...so i got out his pack and play and moved his big boy bed to the other side of the room and put his pack n play where his bed was and i told him that he could not have his bed back until he started acting like a big boy and staying in his own bed all night...he was really upset about it cuz he didnt want to sleep in the pack n play cuz thats what babies sleep in but i stuck to it for three weeks and finally when i felt he was ready i asked him if he wanted the big boy bed back and he said he did and got all excited so i tried it out again and now he sleeps in his bed all night!...i dont know if that would work for you but with my son he saw his bed as something big boy's sleep in and when i took it away he wanted it back cuz he didnt want to be a baby

My son would not convert to a toddler bed either and I actually tried to change it over at the same age. His doctor told me to remove the toddler bed, get him a twin size bed or full, try to find the same kind of sheets I used in the crib for him, try and make any similarities you can that relate the child with the comfort level he had with the crib. He then told me to lay on the floor next to the bed with him until he got used to sleeping in his new bed. He actually used his little convertable elmo chair/couch for quite some time before he decided that the twin bed was okay with him. It took about a week or so, but it worked. Anything is worth a shot! Good luck

my son had night terrors around that age. I would just try to keep the room as dark as I could and not wake him and just pick him up and comfort him and tell him to go back to sleep. It seemed to me that he responded better if I didn't try to wake him up or turn on the lights or anything that would startle him. I just stroked him softly and said it was going to be ok.
Also I agree about the larger open space of the toddler bed. It is like loosing the security of the bars of the crib. He will get used to it. I never took my son to bed with me because I am a firm beleiver that children should sleep in their own beds and I had to work full time. If you give in...you're just setting yourself up for trouble. Like i said, I got through it by just going into his room and holding him or even stroking him but if that wasn't enough i would have to pick him up.
I kinda think of it like the difference in the space bed from being married to being single...you kinda have all that space and it's scary at first but you get used to it LOL

Unfortunately, I don't have any advice for you but I was floored when I saw you were having the EXACT same problem we are having with our 2 year old daughter. While I was driving into work this morning, I was thinking about posting something on Mamasource to get some feedback from other moms - it was crazy to read your comment since it was almost exactly what I was getting ready to post. The only difference between your child and mine is that our daughter opens the door herself and comes into our room. We put a gate on the stairs to be sure she would not go downstairs on her own. She has always been an excellent sleeper - has slept through the night since she was like 6 weeks old and now I am having the same problems you are. It has only been about 2 weeks since we converted the crib to the toddler bed but I am a strong believer in the children sleeping in their own rooms and not with Mommy and Daddy. I also had the same thought about putting her into a full size bed to see if that would improve the situation. If you get good advice from other moms, would you please share it with me? I am desparate to get my daughter back into her own bed!!

Hi C.
It sounds like your son is possibly having Night terrors which usually start around the age of 2. My oldest now 13 years old, had them and it was horrible she would sometimes stay in bed and scream not really even being awake, but her eyes would be as big as saucers, or stand in the middle of the room screaming and also not wanting to return to bed, and for a few years i slept in the same room because I was a single parent still living with my own parents, So that was double hard on both of us... There isnt really anything you can do but comfort him and support him thru this hard time. Sometimes it may last a few weeks sometimes months. But rest assured its not going to last forever...
Good luck.
M. C

I, too, was thinking night terrors when I read your posting, although it's hard to say. Some children are a little overwhelmed by the openness of a bed versus a crib.

I had 2 children go through night terrors, and it is really something you have to have patience to work through calming your child until he or she settles down enough to go back to bed (afterwhich they will fall immediately back to sleep, since they were never fully awake). If your child is alert and cognizant of you and his surroundings when you go to him when he is crying, it is probably NOT night terrors, just nightmares. When kids have NT, they may seem awake and respond, but they will not be totally aware of where they really are and may still be living their nightmare. They are only semiconscious of you, their surroundings, and circumstances.

If it is just nightmares or anxiousness about his new open access bed, you must be his strength and help him overcome his "fear". I'm sure you've been warm and loving, but ultimately, he needs to work this out on his own, and that means in his own bed. You can help by making sure he goes to bed under the best of circumstances: share a book, talk about night, and give him something to look forward to tomorrow. Sometimes, you need to get creative. Our oldest was 3 when he started, and big into Ghostbusters. My husband made a "trap" to catch all the bad dreams, and that was the end to his crisis.

Our second oldest had NT and we tried a lot of things (before we knew what we were dealing with). The patient, calm recommended technique did not help, though. Bright lights, firm voices, and a cold drink were the fix to break him of his state (which took 5 minutes as apposed to 20 or 30 waiting to calm him). Then, he would go to bed and sleep the rest of the night away just fine with no memory of his outburst.

Our third, our little girl, would only get NTs when she let herself get too hot at night. We dressed her in appropriate pj's, but she loved to snuggle under her comforter. Most nights, she slept too soundly to push it off of her sweating body, and it was those nights she would have a NT. I put 2 and 2 together and since I make it a routine to check on her 30 minutes after she goes to sleep to pull off the comforter, she has not had another NT episode.

Our last little guy (now 5), thankfully, has not had either!

I think your son may be more likely having anxiety about his new set up, since he is aware of your presence in a very real and coherent way (otherwise he wouldn't know you were there and not care if you left). You need to let him know it's okay to call for Mommy or Daddy if he wakes up and is scared. It's okay for you to go to him to calm him (and keep him out of your room), but then you need to tell him he's a big boy, tell him why he doesn't need to be afraid, and that he needs to sleep in his bed just like mommy sleeps in her bed (although this is easier said than done). He will probably cry a bit when he realizes he still has to be alone, but it is normal for toddlers to go through this experience. Night lights, a comforting stuffed animal or blanket are helpful items (plus ear plugs for you!). A bigger bed will not matter, but character bedding might help or some favorite wall art.

Having said all that, it really boils down to your priorities and tolerances, is it more important he sleeps in his own bed or that you all get some sleep? Can you stand to let him work through his fear or does it tug at your heartstrings? Your son will survive, and he will not be emotionally scarred by having to stay in his own bed when he doesn't want to (and without mommy). It just takes some willpower and determination to stick with a good decision. Sometimes our caterings enable more demands than they eliminate.

Still, I admit, I have capitulated at times when sleep took higher priority over keeping them in their own beds, and it is an endearing moment to snuggle with your child... but I paid the price, too.

Good luck!

My 2 year old was doing the same thing!! He got into a twin bed and would not stay in there. He was having a really hard time but I give him a night light and he goes to sleep with a cup and his blanket. I lay with him until he's in a deep sleep and inch away a little at a time until he stays alseep. Its been hard and long to do it but now I go in lay him down and once he's asleep then I get up and leave and he's down for the night. If he wakes up I just have to go in give him his bink and cover him back up kiss him and let him be. It was hard at first but he's fine now. Actually he just turned 2 in May and has been in his bed since March. He was too big for his crib so we skipped the toddler bed.