One Year Old Sleep Issues

Leah,
I can point you toward 2 resources that have extensive help - if you're into book resources. "No Cry Sleep Solutions for Toddlers" by Elizabeth Pantley and "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth, MD.

Not certain what will help you most, but know that lots of us have variations on the theme. Mine are not exactly good sleepers, and never have been, but we're seeing improvements.

First of all, I do not think your doctor has got much of a grip on reality if she/he is recommending you to use the Cry It Out Method with your one-year old. There is a lot of literature which I think could be educational to your child's doctor, and it is available for you to print out for your her/him at http://www.askdrsears.com/
Even well-intentioned doctors can be wrong at times!

She may need something as minmal as a short course of antibiotics or an adjustment from the chiropractor. Neither of these costs much at all and neither is a risky course to take. I think making her "cry it out" is risky because you would not be giving her something that she clearly is asking for in the only way she knows how.

It sounds like she's got an ear infection and/or she is teething. Either way, it sounds from your description that she is doing everything a one year-old is able to do in order to communicate that she needs extra amounts of closeness from you right now no matter what is going on with her. What can it hurt? She's not going to need it forever. I think you ought to cosleep with her for a while and don't listen to everybody who says it is a bad habit because it truly is a wonderful way to turn your daughter into a wonderful, consistent and secure sleeper!!!!

Have you had her ears checked? My kids always got ear infections after they were sick and/or got teeth! (They all 3 have had ear tubes.) But that would be the first place we would notice is they would be inconsolable at night and would hate to lay flat. Worth a try, especially if she slept well before, good luck!

Leah, I know this isn't going to sound very helpful to you, but I'll let you know how things have gone in our home. I co-slept with my daughter until she was 10 months old. At that point, I started putting her to bed in her crib. She'd sleep through the night most of the time once she adjusted and then she hit a year old, and was waking up all the time. I was in the same place as you...I couldn't let her cry it out, but I was desperate for sleep. I firmly believe it was a stage she was going through at the time. Around 14 months, we switched her crib to a toddler bed. A couple nights later, she was sleeping through the night again. She's now almost 20 months old, sleeps in a full-size bed, and sleeps 12 hours a night on average. We have a very set bedtime routine (massage with lotion, pjs, toothbrush, read a few books, turn on a lullaby cd, cuddle in bed for a few minutes, and walk out while she's still awake). She's been able to put herself to sleep consistently for the last few months. Not because of any sleep training, but because she just seemed ready for it one night and we tried it and have done it consistently since then. I've never done CIO and I never will. Not for us.

Anyway, like I said, it probably doesn't sound very helpful, but my point is....children are developmentally ready for things at different times. Your baby still needs you now for sleeping, but eventually will be ready to sleep on her own. Don't feel the need to force the issue. Catch a nap whenever you can, nap with her if you have to! It may just be a case of enduring until she's ready.

Leah,
I am glad you asked the question and am anxiously waiting to hear what others have to offer you for advice. I have triplets that were born at 26 weeks. Their real age is 15 months, but their corrected age is one year as of yesterday. They have only slept through the night on occassion over the last 15 months and never all three at the same time. Our house is not big enough to put them in separate rooms and small enough that there is no where in the house we can move one baby to so she doesn't wake the others up. Kati is our oldest of the three and having the hardest time sleeping right now. She has started waking up in the middle of the night and is wide away for a couple of hours. I have to go get her and remove her from her bedroom to keep her from waking the others up. I don't turn on the TV or lights and just sit with her in the rocking chair in the living room. Each time I try to put her back in bed, she gets up crying because she doesn't want to be there. It is always between 2am and 3am that she does this. None of my three are good nappers either. They used to sleep all the time and have gradually worked themselves down to about three 20-minute cat-naps throughout the day. Once in a while they will sleep for closer to an hour for a nap, but that is not a regular thing. They all three used to go to bed and put themselves to sleep on their own easily too. Now the girls are having a hard time getting themselves to sleep.

Thanks for asking your question.

we did the cry it out method or our son, but he was about 18 months at the time... Have you looked into the No-Cry Sleep Solution? You may even find it at your local library. Good luck!

My daughter turned one in December and we were dealing with this same issue. The difference is that she never slept well since the day she was born. We also had to have her sleep in our room since we are a little cramped in our house right now. It was horrible! I too do not believe in crying it out. I read several books and tried many different things. In the end...I became so desparate that my husband and I slept in the living room for four nights and left her by herself in our room. The first night...she cried for half an hour. I didn't go in and check on her because when she was 9 months old I tried to let her cry it out but would go in every 5 to 10 minutes to comfort her which would just make her more angry. And let me tell you...she can scream! Sounds like you are familiar with that though. So we left her alone and ... she now sleeps through the night. My friends 2 year old just started waking up again and she would go in and comfort him or hold him. He started getting worse so she became hardball too and left him to sooth himself. It took about three nights but he is back to sleeping. I know it stinks...especially when you don't buy into crying it out. But if you have tried everything else then maybe it is worth trying a few nights just to see. I am a provisionally licensed mental health practitioner and I have seen comments before from people saying that letting a child cry it out will cause attachment issues. This is not true - especially for her age. She will not be scarred for life so don't worry about that. Good luck in whatever you decide is best for your and your daughter!

children go through so many things in these early months/yrs, some of which we can see or guess and some of which we can't. Several of my babies (I've had 10) had a period of night-time waking. I'm convinced that something they were going through or some developmental milestone was causing the disturbance. I responded quickly and consistently just as I do with any need that they have. It did mean that I was tired for a time, but trying to find "magical cures" made me both tired and stressed. Just giving in to what life was bringing us at the time and loving on my baby at least felt right inside. The period passed and I believe that the child is more secure for it.

Hi Leah,

I know this sounds strange, but babies who take good naps sleep better at nite, also.

Babies sleep better at nite if they go to bed awake. For some reason when you put them to bed asleep they wake-up and are scared to death. Sounds like that is what your little one is experiencing.

Sleeping is a habit, so the more they sleep the better they sleep. So many things don't seem plausible, but they are actually reality.

I know you said you didn't like the crying-it-out method, but if you want this to work I'm afraid there might not be another solution. I know it is hard, but you will all be happier in the end, and you will wonder why you didn't do this sooner.

Your little girl probably does still need two naps a day. Usually children are at least 16 to 18 mos. old before they don't need both naps....sometimes even older. They seem to send out signals that make you believe they don't need that nap, but sometimes it means just the opposite. This is why parenting is the toughest job you will ever have. Just when you think you have it all figured out, you realize that isn't right either. Don't give-up, it goes by way too fast, and when you have a positive outcome you will feel so elated, and so will your little one.

Always remember, sometimes the things we do, like letting her cry-it-out, are the toughest, but have the most rewarding results.

It will take a few days to make this work, but two of the most important things are...be consistent, and follow thru. If you follow these two rules it will make your parenting sooooo much easier, not only now, but for the rest of your parenting days.

Good Luck!

C.

We use the book Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West. She is known as the sleep lady. It is a great book and has a gentle no cry solution. Actually if you get the book you can get her napping better too. It is probably a combination of being sleep deprived from no, or little naps, and not being able to put herself back to sleep without help. The book is broken up into age sections so it is a quick read. I promise it will help. It has worked wonders on our two kids.

Leah-

It's just a guess on my part, but I think she is having night terrors. From what I have read NT's usually occur a few hours after going to bed, but I don't think that is a definite. Our son who just turned one has been having them sporadically since he was about 10 months. The worst one lasted 2 hours...where he would cry and scream and arch his back and have a blank stare on his face...but then would calm for a bit, but every time we put him back down in the crib it started over.

He is not a great napper either-usually 45 minutes in the morning (if at all) and then an hour in the afternoon from 2-3. He goes to bed early though---which is one thing I would try with your little girl-move her bedtime up. Try 30 minutes earlier at first and go from there. I have noticed that if my son's naps are shorter or different or if his sleep pattern is altered somewhat he will eventually have a NT. If not that night then a few nights later.

I agree-I hate crying it out and have avoided it at all costs. Except for the NT's our son is a very good sleeper...we have somewhat develeoped a pattern of bringing him out of them which includes raising the dimmed lights, turning on the tv, getting the dog to give him a lick. Also, we have found that if we get to him before the NT really starts we can settle him back down by rubbing his back and sssshhhing him. Sometimes we can avoid it altogether that way.

Unfortunately, if it is NT's, they don't go away exactly, but once you learn to deal with them the duration is generally shorter. And again, if her sleep pattern is what is affecting it, (some people blame a milk allergy), then you'll also begin to sense when she'll have one.

Good luck!

The initial waking up sounds like night terrors. We just went through this with my son, who is also 1.

The thing with NTs is that you need to wake them up. It can look like they are awake: eyes open, and so on, but they are in fact asleep. Turn the lights on, be loud, etc. The only thing that really woke my son up was a cold washcloth on his face. (People who responded to my request about NTs a few weeks ago also suggested going outside with him, into the cold air, but we never had to do that.)

NTs decrease if you leave some sort of constant noise running in their room: a continuous CD, a noise machine, whatever. We leave a small fan running on high in his room, and he has only had 2 NTs since we started doing that. For awhile, he was having them almost nightly.

Your daughter staying awake and then subsequent wakings (unrelated to NTs) are likely due to her sleep schedule being "off", and she's now programmed to be awake for part of the night. We also went through that phase w/my son, where he was up for like 3-4 hours in the middle of the night, wide awake and wanting to play. My husband indulged him, but I finally put my foot down. We were all exhausted and it had to stop. When he would wake up (unrelated to NTs) we would keep the lights off, give him something to drink, change his diaper, and then put him back to bed. He did cry the first 2 nights, then after that, he started going right back to sleep.

You should never, as a parent, do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, but I wanted to share that crying it out did work for us, and rather quickly. Crying it out does not involve just shutting the door and walking away. (I read stories of babies being left to cry until they vomit, and I shudder!) You have to be attune to your child's cries, and go back in if they need you. I know my son's different cries, and I can tell when going back in will only rouse him, and when it will soothe him.

If you are OK with her crying for 5 minutes at a time, perhaps you could try letting her cry for 5 minutes, going in and soothing her, and keep repeating that until she does finally go to sleep. You would not be letting her cry endlessly, but she would be getting the message that it was bedtime.