A.L.
J.,
All I can say is - ughhhhhh..... I was in your shoes, until I decided that it wasn't worth it. There isn't enough money to put up with it, having your children exposed to (will eventually do damage to them), etc... OBVIOUSLY- she is spoiled rotten at home. And form 1 to 8. Those are the serious PARENTING hours! The harder ones. Makes me wonder if the mom (or whoever) handles the easy time, then gives her to you for the real parenting time. I cannot imagine the pay being worth it. But on the other side- what a great price to pay to have someone else deal with the real life meltdowns. You do have a problem on your hands!! This is something I would write out, think about how to say- very carefully to the parent(s). Of course how you tell them- depends on whether you are willing to deal with it, or if you are completely finished with the kid (sounds like you are not.) Whatever way you go- do them the favor of not leaving out any details. Maybe put it in a letter and have a sit down with them, and discuss it afterwards. Or initiate a talk, and tell them whats up. If you are like me, I forget the details, so a letter would go along with sitting and talking about it. Not a brief 5 minute talk either. It is a very serious matter. If you want the continued business, and are willing to work on it- make CERTAIN the parent(s) totally understand what you are saying and what you advise. They may feel like you are crossing the line when you tell them just how disruptive it REALLY is. Someone has got to tell them. At this point, I would bet that the parents think their child is like all the others at this age. I would also bet that one or both of them are not willing to battle this child when it comes to discipline and teaching them right from wrong, and rules etc.... thus- creating the monster who rules/is ruining your life. Consider video taping the fits- and make sure you get the other kids reaction and your own reaction- so they can see how they need to be addressing these issues. You could show them the clip in case they ACT totally surprised!
Also- a really great tool- as many of us mothers know- is to watch "SUPER NANNY!" SUGGEST to them that their whole family watch it. It is especially important to have the kid(s) watch too. Jo, the nanny, really deals wonderfully with these cases and has so many ideas this family can "take home" with them- so to speak. I, for one, was not willing to do ALL of the parenting for the child whose parents wetre not willing to go through the tough parts of parenting and discipline, so I ended the childcare for the kid. (Now my monster is in kindergarden and in trouble everyday- parents meeting with the teacher & principal regularly, kid eating alone because she is always in trouble, sitting with the principal during the day because she is too disruptive to the entire class.) A real nightmare! I am friends with her father, so i am kept posted, and I do watch her for an hour here or there- as a favor to him. He does a lot for me (fixing problems around my home- garbage disposal, dishwaser etc....) So I do feel a little obligated, but no serious time. My child doesn't like the other kid due to obvious reasons, but I force her to try to get along with her for an hour here and there. It is a good thing that he has other friends who don't have the courage to tell him the truth about his monster. The good thing is they have started to take responsibility for the problem, realize that the one who is suffering the most is the kid, and they have her in counseling now. The child was adopted as a drug baby, now has an abusive mother without maternal instincts, been trough a very nasty divorce with this horrible mother and abused. So it is easy to see where this monster gets her fuel. But is is incredibally sad to see her having a rough time trying to figure out life. if only the parents would have taken it seriously when I brought it to them years ago. I cannot see how she will be allowed to go to the 1st grade. They7 are teachers and NOT baby-sitters in school. I am trying to counsel the hilc to get her to understand that her actions belong to her, and she is the only one who can change them. I let her know that no one wants to be around her or likes her when her behavior is such, but that she is a very loving girl, who has a lot to work on. She knows she is loved. When you are a sitter (or a friend who watches her for small time frames- in my case), it is difficult to be tender with them- but I manage because I know how horrible her mother is and that she has FINALLY started counseling- and I only have one hour!!
It will only be a matter of time until YOU decide that if they are not serious about a solution, and sticking to their guns, then it will negatively affect your own memories of raising your OWN CHILDREN. The time will have been compromised with the monster, and that you will seriously regret. Hopefully the parents will get on board, and will crack when you bring it up. It might be emotional- the parent admitting that they are at their witts end and don't know what to do. Tell them to watch SUPER NANNY- either on TV, or if they are like me, I miss the shows because I am busy, so I watch it online at www.abc.com. (free episodes)they could use to watch all of the episodes available. My daughter still really watching the show. I used to threaten that we would call Nanny to come to our house to get our family RIGHT- and that did the trick. LOL...
Good luck with your situation. For the sake of the monster child- hopefully her parents will take contol of this far gone situation, and give the child a chance at happiness-and happiness for themselves too.
God Bless,
A.