Need Ideas for Preemie

Hi H.,
What a great friend you are. My first son was born premature and people didn't know what to do or say. Don't send sympathy cards (we got that and it irritated me to no end). This is still a happy time, even though the baby is in the NICU!

First of all, call her. Let her know that you are thinking about her. If she does not answer, leave a message and tell her that you do not expect a return call, but to know that if she needs anything you are there. Do this often. And if she doesn't call back, don't take it personally. Keep letting her know that you are there and want to help or just be there to listen. Since you pregnant, she may not want to talk...don't take that personally either. I was angry when I saw pregnant people right after my son was born.

I spent 12+ hours each day at the hospital and did not have the energy to talk on the phone once I was home. Offer to send out email updates to your friends.

If you go to visit, magazines and snacks that she can keep in her purse, quarters for the vending machines. If you see her at the hospital and are able to see the baby, tell her how beautiful the baby is (even if all the tubes and wires look scary). She needs to hear "normal" things and people to ooh and ahh, not gasp and shriek at how small she is. Preemies are fighters, they are amazing little babies.

Offer to make dinner, either now or to freeze once the baby comes home.

You can get her baby a preemie outfit(s). She probably can't wear any clothes right now, but it certainly is a huge milestone once she can. Don't buy any outfits with zippers. The ones with snaps are much more convenient because of all the wires that the baby will have can fit through the openings between the snaps.

You can buy books for your friend to read to the baby. She will be doing lots of sitting at the baby's bedside, so anything to encourage mother/daughter bonding.

You can also offer to help decorate the nursery (this might be personal, as they may want to OR they may really want it done, but may not have the time.).

Little things mean so much. You are a great friend for wanting to reach out. This is a very scary and lonely time for your friend. She needs to know that people are there for her.

B.

H.,

We had friends in the same boat! It was their second child, so although they had the crib, etc. I wanted to help them with the NEW baby or the family. I bought a book online called Preemies: The Essential Guide for Parents of Premature Babies.

Anyway, it really helped the new mom since she had NO IDEA of what to expect having a baby left in the NICU. It helped her to "look up" some of the terms, conditions and procedures that faced her child. Although she said the drs and nurses were great, she said it was all so overwhelming that she needed to read/reference info on her own time, at her own pace. She has since given the book to several friends who later had preemies themselves.

Also, maybe send some flowers or bring over dinner the day Mom comes home from the hospital. I know my friend said that was a very hard/sad day to come home, without your baby.

Best of luck. She's lucky to have a friend like you.

You are a sweet friend! Offer congratulations via phone or email. I agree that parents of babies in the NICU don't hear enough compliments and happy wishes, since people don't quite know what to say!

If the NICU permits, you could buy and bring your friend some cute thin cotton baby blankets, the kind used to swaddle infants. Take the out of package and wash them in a gentle detergent. Then, mom can snuggle up with the blankets (to get her scent on them) and the nurses can use those swaddling blankets to help position the baby in the isolette. Mom could do this with the blankets they offer in the NICU, but it is nice if she can recognize her own blankets from "home" and that personalizes the space for her and the baby.

Could you load some great tunes on an Ipod for mom to borrow for her long days in the hospital?

Snapfish or Shutterfly are two photo websites that you could use to perhaps make some personalized stationary for mom with the baby's photo. Has she sent out a photo yet, digital format is easiest? You could make a pack of 12 cards for relatively cheap. I agree that babies of ALL ages, even the tiniest with tubes everywhere, are gorgeous! And I love to get photo cards of babies!!

Good luck!

I bet the family is spending a lot of time at the hospital and her 'house' might not be getting the attention it needs. Perhaps offer to do the following:

-Clean her house
-Do her laundry
-Shovel the snow
-Pick up the mail and newspapers
-Water the plants
-Feed/Walk the dog (if they have one)
-Feed the cats/change the litter (oops, just read that you are pregnant - make hubby do this one!)
-Do a trip of grocery shopping
-Put a few casseroles or homemade dinners in the freezer for when they get home
-Sterilize/wash any bottles or similar items so they're ready to be used when they return home
-Wash baby clothes and linens

Things you can do for her:

-Put together a tote bag with pens, pencils, cute stationery, word puzzles, magazines, and books for her to use while at the hospital
-If it is permitted, bring her favorite fast food/carryout meal to the hospital or make a special dessert for her

That is so nice of you to think of the family at this time!

I had my first shower when my kids were a month and a half so never too late. Right now, anything you can do to help out. Talk to her and see if there is anything you can do to ease her mind at home. Cooking meals, laundry, grocery shopping, etc helps tremendously. My kids were born 6 weeks early and I tried to go to the hospital as much as possible. My husband's cousin cooked for him (though we paid her weekly)and I had to handle everything else. Give her whatever support you can because she is probably feeling helpless as well just because the baby can't come home yet.

I would ask them if you could maybe wash their laundry, or babies laundry for them. Maybe cook some meals and freeze them so they don't have to cook when they get home. Maybe bring them some food up at the hospital so they don't have to eat the yucky hospital food. Magazines and lotto tickets to pass the time. Or if you are really crafty you could pre make some scrapbook pages so all she has to do is put the pics in their place. That is about all I can think of right now, hope that helps and tell your friend congratulations!