G.T.
Hi,
We have 2 children as well. The Firm voice turning into yelling more than we want and not agreeing on ways of discipline was also an issue for us. Kids are like psychotherapist too. Always making you aware of your own emotions. Its a wild ride. My husband and I recently found a couselor in anger management to help us. Something I have learned about anger from past counseling is that is moves. Notice when one person in the famiy gets angry it moves to another and another. All People have different ways of expressing it: sarcasm, yelling, hitting, escaping through various ways, passive aggression. What I encourage our family is exercise and being social. It helps when anger hits. Also, we were having an issue with my one child hitting and we got the idea of throwing toys away and they never get it back. It worked. I have only done it once and my son has really improved. I am learning to be firmer. Its not fun being a disciplinary when you just want to feel the happy feelings of how wonderful your children are. But we have to to make good people out of our children. Anger management helps couples. Also, Love and Logic classes are offered all over and you can go as a couple. Check it out on-line. If you don't have one in your area, you can get a book or cd.
Good luck,
G.