Need Self Soothing/weaning Ideas for 14 Month Old

Honey, my personal opinion is that you're asking too much of your little one. Too many changes for her are happening right now, she's on the move without her normal surroundings, she's trying to cutting teeth which is painful and frustrating, and you want to take away her normal source of comfort and nourishment. I think it would be better for her if you just wait on the weening for now, until you've been home for a few weeks.

From her perspective her world is upside down and things are being removed from her. This, of course, will cause her to cling tighter to you.

Self soothing and giving up are two utterly and completely different things. She learns self soothing from example and experience with you. She's still a baby, regardless of what others would have you believe, she doesn't have the cognitive abilities to understand and reason the purpose of you refusing her so I, too, am not a fan of the cry-it-out method and not really a fan of the Ferber method of teasing and tempting your baby by coming in and out--though that's not the side they're coming from but my personality would take that harder than just being left alone.

In this time especially where she's not in her own home with the normal sights, sounds, smells, and routine, I'd stick with HER comforts and leave the changes to when you've established her home again...and she's physiologically at peace. (ie. not teething, not sick, not having a growth spurt)

Absolutely AVOID cold turkey breastfeeding...not only will it be traumatic to your wee one but YOU will pay a high price, too...engorgement, clogged ducts, even mastitis--think flu...no, no, never go cold turkey it's disruptive of the body functions in both of you.

I'd also watch how much time I'm actually spending paying attention to my baby because traveling and visiting usually means other people wanting to hold and play with wee one, running off somewhere with the other people we're visiting, different foods and/or preparation of food, different schedules/routines, and all kinds of other stimuli for wee one with a reduction of soothing buffers from mommy. Try looking at that and see if there's something there that you can tweak, too.

The key here at this moment is SURRENDER to Compassionate Service for your baby and you'll both feel better.

Hugs Mommy, it'll be OK. I promise, there will come a day when you'll wish these times could come back, just for a moment...the leave before you know it and don't want you to spend so much time with them...so, this is the best time you have to love her up. Try to enjoy it. (sad, telling you this now makes me think of all the times people told me the same thing and in my mind I told them to shove it up their noses--they were right, so I'm passing it on.)

I highly recommend the book "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Richard Ferber. It has been a lifesaver for me and many people I know. I understand that you're not a fan of crying it out, but there are other options to just leaving them and letting them cry by themselves until they stop. There is a huge misconception out there that that is what Ferber advocates and it simply isn't true. There is a middle ground to leaving a child to cry (which can actually make the problem worse when the child feels abandoned) and being at their beck & call (which doesn't teach them to self-soothe & sleep well). Ferber takes you through a method where you leave for just a minute or 2 at a time & always return in increasing intervals. It helps your child feel secure - they know you're there for them, but it also teaches them to self-soothe and fall asleep on their own. If you can hang in there for just a couple of days of work, I have seen immediate results with Ferber's methods and have 3 kids who go to sleep and stay asleep very well for nighttime & naps. It took me about 2-3 days to see improvement with my kids and even with my most stubborn child, she was going to sleep on her own without a peep and sleeping through the night within a week. I will add that she was a breastfed baby - never had a bottle. She's now 5 and I can count on one hand how many times I have gotten up with her in the middle of the night - and all of those were for sickness. It really is worth giving it a try. He also gives advice for weaning children off of the nighttime feedings. Good luck!

I can really relate to your experiences! It is a long and sometimes difficult process to wean a toddler. I tried the "don't offer but don't refuse approach" with some success, but at some point you have to say no, and it is not easy on you or your child. I nursed my second daughter for 3 years, now that she really is weaned I find myself kind of missing the closness of nursing. We replaced nursing with other close activities like back rubs and reading books together. At least you have the satisfaction of knowing that you have given your child the best nutrition and immune support for as long as you have, that is really priceless. And you should know that if you decide to take a break from trying to wean and keep nursing for a few more months it will not be the end of the world. You may find that just a couple of months time may help to get you and your child to a point where your lifes are less stressful (no traveling or new teeth in the way) and the weaning process may be a little easier. Good luck!

I'm going to be honest-I think sleep training is in order. You need to read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy baby". You'll look at sleep in a completely different way. It doesn't neccessarily teach the "Cry It Out" method, but it DOES teach the baby to self soothe, and unfortunately, it involves crying. The longer you wait, the harder it'll be. I followed this book for both my kids-the first had colic and reflux and she was sleeping through the night by 4 months. My second was easier and has slept through the night since he was 10 weeks old, with no binkie, blanket, bottle, and no nursing. They both continue to be incredible nappers/sleepers, and I owe it all to that book. At some point that baby's going to have to cry a bit. I know it's hard, but like Dumbledore said, at some point you have to choose what's right and what's easy! (I'm a Harry Potter fan...) I agree with other moms though, wait till that trip's over. Good luck!

AFTER your trip, start eating things that will make the milk taste funny, like garlic or parsley (which, by the way, will dry up your milk), and she will want to stop eating that yucky stuff! Find her a fun stuffed toy that she gets only at nap- or bedtime. Unless you want to be waking up at all hours of the night you may need to get earplugs and let her cry. You won't be worth your salt if you keep getting awakened every hour or so. She probably has the ability to fall asleep on her own, but you are doing such a good job of taking over for her she doesn't need to learn or take over on her own! She cries, you lay down with her, rub her back, and now nurse her again! I'd love that, too, if I were her age. Truth be told, I'd love it right now!! After the trip, you are probably going to have to try some tough love. It's so hard to hear them cry, but it normally only lasts a few days, and then you have your sleep back, and so will she! You don't even have to let her cry the whole time. You can make sure you check on her and let her know she is safe and loved. make it longer between times, and she'll get the idea!
Keep up the good work. We love our babies, sometimes too much for their and our own good. Letting go AT ALL feels like uncaring abandonment for us. Sounds like you have one smart cookie there! Try some lavender on the bottom of her feet, good quality lavender, not the dollar store variety. It works wonders for light-sleepers! Look at www.mydoterra.com/sharontheoils. That's the highest quality oil you can buy! GL!

I think right now you just need to be patient and flexible. The disruption of traveling, especially a 6-week-long trip, is probably what is causing your daughter to need you (and your boobies) more. It helps her feel safe and secure when things are changing around her. Also, if you haven't checked out La Leche League, I strongly suggest that. They have lots of other moms who share your parenting values (extended breastfeeding, teaching your child to sleep without CIO). Good luck, and good for you for wanting the best for your child!

Hi Jenny! I totally feel your pain, but I agree, traveling with a wee one is usually just rough. It gets them out of schedule in all sorts of ways and really tends to disrupt their sleep. Even if you aren't traveling through different time zones, it can cause their sleep schedules to go all haywire. So unfortunately, you'll just have to grin and bear it through the rest of your trip. I know, it doesn't make travel that much fun when you're exhausted all of the time. My little guy is exactly the same way. It makes me and DH not want to go out of town very much because we need a vacation after we get back!

My son was born with reflux and as such, spent the first few months crying and had no idea what self-soothing was. We went through a period where I was nursing him every hour on the hour and that is not an exaggeration! I didn't want him to cry-it-out because he'd already spent so much of his life crying already! The approach we finally used did involve some crying, but we were always there for him so that he slowly learned it was ok to be in his crib alone.

At first, every time he'd cry, we'd take turns going in to his room, make sure he wasn't wet, stuck, etc and then try not to pick him up but lay him back down, rub his back and make a sh-sh sound (he eventually learned that the sh-sh sound meant sleep!). This made him VERY angry the first couple nights. You can experiment trying to pick her up and lay her back down every time she tries to reach for you - picking her up only long enough to calm her down, then laying her back in her crib as soon as she is calm. This works for some kids and for some, makes them angry. It actually worked with our son (would take about 5 times of picking up putting down before he gave up and just lay down). Try to keep talking to an absolute minimum and keep lights dark.

After a few nights, you start trying to stand further and further from the crib, making the sh-sh sound and letting her know it's time for sleep, but no touching at all. It's so tough because all you want to do is pick them up, but you need her to learn that it's ok to fall asleep on her own in her crib. It's too bad she doesn't seem to want a lovey. You might try putting one in her crib you think she might like at least while you sleep train her - she might become attached to it out of necessity. Our son did.

Then, like someone else said, you finally get the point where you pick an amount of time to let her cry without going in (it can even be 30 seconds!) and increase or decrease at various levels, going in, saying sh-sh, and walking out. It's SO hard, but she really will know you're there for her. She'll be crying more than anything because she's mad you're changing her routine on her! It will only take a couple nights and she'll learn, she really will. But you absolutely HAVE to be consistent. Once you decide to help her sleep, you can't start backing down again or it's not fair to her - it sends a mixed message.

I feel for you though - it's the toughest thing ever. Plus, what no one talks about is even once they sleep through the night, there are always going to be those nights during developmental milestones or teething or for some other reason you can't figure out where they wake up all of the time.

Good luck and congratulations on making it to 14 months nursing!

WOW! I have a 14 month old that sounds like your daughters twin! She is my third and I have tried all the tricks to get her to sleep at night and now have resorted to little or no naps during the day in an effort to get her to sleep at night and the boobie is her pacifier of choice. Now that being said, I just weaned her last month and have a technique the others will probably not like. She would never take the bottle - ever. When I started to cut her away from nursing, I introduced her to sippy cups and she loved it. After a couple of days I tried replacing her beloved breast with a bottle filled with just plain milk. After about a week I could typically replace nursing with the bottle. For about a month she would want to nurse here and there anyways but it got less and less. Finally she just dropped it all together. Now it has been a month and she hasn't had to nurse at all, so I am starting to take her off the bottle a bit here and there and replacing it with a sippy cup. I just do not rush any of it (except to get them off my boob). I am like you, pretty much done when I am done and want to move on quickly.

As far as waking up, I have no problems giving her a bottle if she needs something to pacify her. She goes through fazes, sometimes she is up playing from 1am to 4am and other times she just sleeps right through the night, if the bottle will get her back to sleep, then so be it. I just will not let her cry it out for hours.

Good luck.

We give my 13-month old a melatonin supplement 20 minutes before bedtime. It doesn't really help her fall asleep, but it does help her sleep through the night. It's like taking a vitamin. Your body makes melatonin. People often take it to help with jet lag.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001AI03KI/ref=ox_ya_oh_...

This is the one we ordered. 3mg is the dose my daughter's doctor recommended for her. You could talk to your pediatrician about it. I know they often prescribe melatonin to kids with autism because they wake up too often at night. My daughter's doctor put her on it because she was waking up every 2 hours or so at night....he said to give it to her for about a month...and after that she'd be in a great sleeping schedule.

I've taken it myself a few times. It does NOT make me drowsy...but once I lay down to sleep, I suddenly notice that I'm really tired. Then I don't wake up until morning.

For my daughter, we put the tablet in a 5ml syringe (like you'd get at the pharmacy to administer medicines) and suck 2-3 ml of warm water into the syringe. The pill readily dissolves and then we squirt it into her mouth or add it to a drink. It really doesn't matter if part of the pill is left in the syringe.

If you want to dissolve it like this, you have to get the tablets and NOT the capsules.

No prescription needed, but you should call your pediatrician and ask him or his nurse about giving it to your baby.