Need Some advice.....thanks!

I feel for you. I have friends going through the same thing and it is so hard. You are brave to ask for advice. Good luck with everything. Take care, J.

Hi S.,

While my husband has not cheated, we have had other problems in our marriage and have considered a divorce a few times. Since it's only been 2 months since you found out, I think you should consider some counseling first to see if maybe you can make your marriage work, especially since you have a young child and I think that marriages go through the roughest times after having a baby. We recently went to see a marriage counselor and she has done wonders for our relationship and I've never been happier in my relationship. I don't agree with what someone else said-- that staying together is always best-- since if you're not happy, your children will not be happy either, but at least you can say that you tried everything if you go to counseling. Our therapist's name is Dr. Marie Haddox at Spectrum Counseling in Gilbert (www.spectrumcounseling.net). Her phone number is ###-###-####. I can't say enough good things about her. Good luck to you and I'm sorry you have to go through this.

Wow-sorry to hear. I would look at counseling first. If you have a church, meet with the pastor. Lay down the line with your husband,state specifically what you want and what the consequences will be if not followed thru (be sure you have it all in place to so steps can begin immediately). With children, reconcilliation is always best. Worse case, look up divorce care (Scottsdale Baptist Church has one each week). They help you through and let you know you are not alone. My heart aches for you. Keep in mind marriage is work. My husband and I have been married 17 years and believe it, Satan is alway crouching like a lion trying to destroy the family unit. Hope this helps. Stay strong for the child and avoid slashing with your tongue--the child is a sponge and will pick up on it.

I have been thru this and I can say that I absolutely agree that marriage is work, but both of you have to be working. It sounds like you have been fair - giving him a chance to assess his priorities and save this marriage, but if your hubby isn't prepared to do his share, it's time to walk. You don't need to raise your son in a miserable atmosphere like that. Just take the high road in all things - don't make excuses for your hubby, but don't bad mouth dad to your boy either (or anytime he can hear you). He'll figure out for himself that dad's an idiot when he puts all the pieces together. The thing to remember is that you didn't make this choice. Your husband walked out on you emotionally when HE CHOSE to take up with someone else. And then he chose again when he didn't come thru to make things right with you. My ex yo-yo'd me around forever and the hardest thing I had to do was to tell him that I wasn't going to put up with it anymore. I gave him an ultimatum for saving our marriage and he didn't take me up on it, so I was done. And when he tried to talk me back into that mess, I stuck to my guns. Best decision I ever made, and my boy was the age of yours at the time. I am now happily remarried to a man who my son (now age 21) says is a better dad than his real dad ever was. And my second marriage hasn't always been easy either, but like I said earlier, BOTH parties have to work to make it, and I now have a partner who will put his money (and his heart) where his mouth is and work with me to keep us together. I know from experience that starting over is hard, but you will learn to love your new life - the life YOU create for yourself and your son. Also, if you'd like some help selling your home in this down market, send me a private email - we can show you something that may get your home sold in just a couple of weeks. As far as divorce attorneys go, I can't help you much there, as I got my divorce in Canada 18 years ago. But I would definitely go for alimony and child support and ask for more than you expect to get. If your hubby is anything like my ex, it won't matter what amount you ask for, he will ask the court to reduce it. If you ask for more, you are more likely to get what you really want. My heart goes out to you - I know that this is not easy and you will have many more challenges to meet with this situation. Make certain that your little boy knows 80 times a day that you love him and that your world revolves around him. Stay close to God and the people who love you and you will have all the strength you need to make it thru.

I don't speak from experience and I hope I never have to go through what you are going through...I just wanted to ask something--I thought in cases of divorce, if you were a SAHM and the husband cheated on you and left you high and dry, I thought that he still had to provide for you so you could still stay home with your son--at least until he is school age or you remarry.

But like I said, I have no experience here...but it wouldn't hurt to ask for it....

Hi S., first of all let me say I am so sorry what you are going through-I know it must be tough doing it all by yourself knowing now he had someone else on the side. Loyalty doesnt seem to be at the top of peoples lists anymore, sadly. I can myself only offer a shoulder, but I do know of a good divorce attorney. Her name is Jan Steiner with Steiner and Steiner in Phx. She is very good, and I have talked to many women who she has done a good job for. Her number is ###-###-####. Email me with any questions, I am at ____@____.com care, and your little guy will be just fine, my daughter loves her daycare! She has gone since she was little. Best of luck to you.

S.

I don't speak from experience myself, but my sister-in-law just went through this. The man/woman in Az have to go to a parenting class, he does have to support you and your son, until either you get a job and you sell your home, provide insurance for your son and help with daycare. In the case of my SIL my BIL made it easy after finally selling their house for her to be able to buy a house of her own and now he rents. In this market they took a huge lose on their house though, but maybe your husband would let you live in the house and still make the payments unless this is something you all can't afford to do. I know also in the state of Az in order for you to leave the state with a child my SIL gave up alimony to move back to where here family is. I guess it's very hard to move out of this state. At least this is what she said her lawyer told her. Good luck and I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do, but don't stay in a marriage if your hubby is not willing to work on things and continues his behavior it will only make things worse and your son will sense something is wrong and that is not good for him either. God Bless D.

Wow - I would have to disagree with Michelle for sure. I think you have put more effort into this than I would be willing to and I just wanted to say 'good for you'! I don't think that women should have to put up with a cheating husband EVER and shouldn't have to feel like they need to make it work, go to counseling, or have done something wrong.

Thankfully, I don't speak from experience - but I wanted you to know you are making a very hard decision and I support your courage and strength.

I don't think you should worry too much about putting your son in daycare. Lots of us do it and I think it makes us appreciate dinner time and weekends even more.

Good luck.