Need Some Good Advice.

My guess is here that is is bringing back up for her some of the feelings she had when she was on her own with you...also she may feel like she has somehow failed in her parenting of you. I would give her some time. When you get the ultrasound pic...send it to her. Don't freak out at her initial response...likely has less to do with you then her own feelings coming back up. Maybe till then write here a letter or two and tell her now is when you really need her, then be patient...I bet she will come around.

I am so so sorry you are having to deal with this. She probably is very worried about you struggling but that is a hell of a way to show it. Give her some time to digest it all. I cannot imagine any mother divorcing herself from her pregnant daughter. Then again sometimes I feel like Pollyanna.
Give her time and see what happens. Trying to have an intelligent conversation with her now would be futile. Hang I and congratulations! I do not thi k she is angry with you per she, just the situation right now. If I had to guess, I think she will come around. Hugs to you.

You are 24, not 16. So, unless you are on drugs, or living off welfare or have the world's worst boyfriend (abusive, ex-con, etc.), your mom needs to accept it and move forward.

Give her a little space and then confront her. Find out why she is acting the way she is (although you probably have some idea). Let her vent and then TELL her you need and require her support. She will come around.

She's probably in shock, give her time. She is probably also afraid that you will become a single Mom struggling to support a child on your own as she did. She knows how difficult that is and she hoped you would have a better life than she did.

Your circumstances are different. You graduated college and I assume a decent job,with benefits. She did not have any of that when you were born so she struggled.

Give it time.

Congrats on the baby.

Give her time. Don't get too wrapped up about it. She clearly has some issues in her past to think through and deal with.

Enjoy your boyfriend's family's support.

She'll come around. Grandchildren tend to do that. But don't go chasing after her. Let her come to you. She owes you an apology.

So...when's the wedding? :-)

I felt kicked in the stomach as well for you as I read what your step-father has stated. I am a child of a young mother as well, she struggled too. When I was 22 married and pregnant she was nervous for me too. She was not "thrilled" like I had hoped. Kind of made me feel like it was a burden to be pregnant. So married or not married young mothers who become grandparents "freak out" for some odd reason. I happen to live acrossed the nation from her when I was pregnant and had my baby. It was just me and my husband. I didn't have my mom to ask questions to, didn't have anyone to "show" me the ropes. When I moved back home (divorce) she embraced my son (her 1st g-baby) took him everywhere, did everything for him and still does 14 yrs later. Congrats on your pregnancy, don't let this still your "JOY"! Motherhood is so rewarding, it's hard work don't get me wrong, but so worth it! ((hugs)) to you and your bf. Read all you can, join mom groups, and if your bf parents are supportive embrace their support.

So...do you think you want a boy or girl? We all want a healthy baby for you!!

This sucks! You are a grown woman and a college graduate. You don't need her approval or permission. I know that may not make you feel better, but this is on HER, not you!

Can you write her a letter? That way you can get your feelings out without being interrupted, etc. Also, can you keep an open line with your Stepdad?

Take the high road and don't say/do anything you'll regret. Maybe she just needs time to digest it all!

If she was really good to you prior she probably is reliving the horror of being a single young mom with no help. Now she sees you living her mistakes and its breaking her heart. Give her time. Keep her updated with emails and reminder her you love her . But it was absolutely horrible for you to deal with that from her. I would suggest you start a separate bank account and never take anything out just put money in every week. That way if things do not work out with your hubby you have something. Do not use it for anything until your kid is 18 and then give it to him as a college present or earlier if you need leave your husband

Time, just give her time. I have kids your age and I would be shocked, I wouldn't react like your mom but I would be dumbstruck. Then I would think about it, put it all in perspective and suck it up and call you and apologize.

You are her baby, she will come around.

She probably just needs some space and time.
I know if this happened to one of my kids I would be pretty disappointed. I'm a firm believer in marriage and home BEFORE babies, not for religious or moral reasons, but because I think it's important to be legally and financially joined before creating another life.
So provide your child a stable home and I'm sure your mom will come around in time.
If not, that's very sad, but it would be HER loss, to lose a daughter and miss out on being a grandma :(

Give her space. She just might need time. Let her know you'll be there when she's ready to talk to you. Make sure your SF is around, on the other line, in the same room with you when you do make contact.

Congratulations!

Oh you poor thing. First off congrats, motherhood is just the best. Although it wasn't planned, you seem to have your $hit together more so than most, i.e. young but not too young like 16 and pregnant, in a loving relationship, college graduate.
The thing that I don't really get is why your mom is having this reaction. Is she super religious and doesn't want you to have a baby out of wedlock, does she not like your boyfriend. A little back fill would help out with any advice.
My advice would be to give it time. I know that you are hurt and by the sounds of it your mother is also hurt too. I would give her some time to come around. What was your stepfather's reaction, besides horror to be the bearer of bad news? I wouldn't be able to believe that she will cut you out of her life for this. Especially once the baby comes. Best of luck and I know that you are hurt but try to remain calm, enjoy your pregnancy, get all your support from your boyfriend's parents and just let your mom come around.

Wow! Being that she knows your relationship as well as you and knows how the support has been given over the years makes this even worse because she is well aware of what she is doing and how greatly it will affect you. It is sad because I think that she is simply "out of control". What I mean is that she has probably loved that in a way your close relationship and how you counted on her kept her in a "control" type position and one that she could count on you needing her. You have made a decision far beyond her that takes you on a very independent and grown up journey. You are creating a new family that she will now not be primary but the initial, the young part. A lot may be going on with her and don't take away the fact that when a parent is a little put off because the baby came before the wedding, she may not be allowing herself to be excited. She had different dreams for you and it most likely did not include this. She will come around I am sure. Maybe not for a bit...I have always noticed when someone rants or has someone "deliver a message" they are still in the anger stage. I get frightened when the calm demeanor happens and it is addressed personally. For this reason I think there is hope and that until you get that from her, just keep it on the shelf and try your hardest to enjoy your relationship and to soak up the comfort and support from the soon to be in laws. It will not take the place at all but may provide some comfort. Maybe see a therapist to assist you with this situation. Finally, write her a letter but don't mail it...take a look at it, revise it and work through the different emotions and feelings that you add and take away from the letter. If at a particular time you feel that you are ready to send it off, do so. Otherwise, just be patient and hopefully she will understand that we are not all perfect and we are not all meant to be our mother's child forever...we will make decisions and choices that may not make them happy or thrilled but we are their children.

My sister get pg young. She did not marry the boy. His momma still doesn't want to even acknowledge my nephew. he is 14 and tried to find out about his heritage. She would not even talk to him, answer any questions, anything. She is missing out. He is a great kid. If your mother doesn't come around, I feel sorry for her. You will have a great kid and she will miss out. I hope she comes around. I would send a letter. I would tell her how the converstation with her and stepdad made me feel. I woud tell her how much I love her and it hurt that she was not happy for me. I would let her know that if/when she is ready to reenter yours and your family's lives, you will be there. Then I would send pics and updates every so often. If any come back, give her some time and send more in a few months. I hope she starts to act like a mother again and not be so selfish.

The only thing I would add because I think most of the other mom's have made great points...no matter how hurt, angry, sad you are try to set it aside and enjoy your pregnancy and new baby. However, keep the door open to your mom and make sure she knows it's open. Once she calms down and most likely feels guilty she may not have the courage to reach out and the both of you may end up losing even more time together simply because you are thinking you know what the other is thinking!

So-give her some space, but then keep her in the loop at a distance that is safe for you, (you don't need to inflict more drama into your life at a very hormonally charged phase of your life!). If she doesn't respond, just keep at it....an occasional ultrasound picture enclosed in a card that says you love her, xmas cards with pictures, even a heartfelt letter from you to her, etc.....if she does respond and it's negative then reassess and do what is best for you and your family and keeps you from continuing to be hurt.

Good luck.

Give her time. You can't imagine how I felt when my daughter told me she was pregnant FIVE TIMES. She has five children by four different fathers. I too let go with some rage filled anger. But as time went on, I calmed down and once those babies were born, it was a different ball game.

She just doesn't want to see you struggle the way she did and she thought she taught you well enough that you wouldn't find yourself in this position. The best thing you can do is to show her (not tell her, but show her) that you can do this and that this baby will not ruin your life, but will enhance it.

That being said, hopefully you and your bf both have jobs and have insurance. If not, tell your BF he needs to start working RIGHT NOW and start being a responsible father. Once your mother sees you both being responsible, she will soften.

Congrats on the pregnancy!

Congratulations!

Would it make you feel better to hear my dad suggested having an abortion? And I was married!

I am very sorry you are going through this. You are an adult and this is completely her issue. What she has done is very cruel but I agree with the others, give her time and be as empathetic as you can. Our bodies are beautifully designed to give us 9 months to prepare. One way or another, your family will be ready - hang in there.

{{{HUGS}}}

ETA: I just read Stacey B's comment and I couldn't agree more.

I am so sorry to hear this!! As you know and everyone here has said, this reaction was completely horrible. Having said that, I have seen something similar once before. An 18yr old girl in our church became pregnant by her now husband of who knows how many years, and her mama flipped. Her mom was a difficult human being, but she really went off the deep end when this happened. The one D. at D. care (I lived in a small town, the church people also worked at the only D. care in town) I saw her sittin' in a corner looking all ticked off knitting a baby blanket! She still didn't talk to her daughter for a while but they finally worked it out. She had put a lot of expectation on her daughter and what her daughter wanted was to marry young and have a family and well mama just had to get on board or get left behind. Congrats to you and your boyfriend, I think your mom will come around. I say forgive her for this horrible thing she did and just be open to her when she inevitably comes to you with an olive branch. Hang in there!

How dare she hurt you-just take care of yourself and your baby. I cannot imagine a mother turning her back on her child or her Grandchild. I just want to say -she may come around. All the best!

I wonder what on earth is wrong with your mom. The only thing that I can think of is that she still thinks that she "owns" you. Perhaps you have not acted enough like an adult up until now, letting her tell you what you should and shouldn't do, letting her think that she is still "parenting" you? Perhaps the umbilical cord between you two has been very short up until now?

If this is kind of how things have been between you two, then I think she feels betrayed that you are all of a sudden so totally NOT under her thumb. What she is doing to you now is just terrible. I'm very sorry. If you two don't have this kind of relationship I am describing, then I can't figure out what on earth has come over her. It isn't like you are 17 years old. It's not like you had a one night stand. I hope that you and the boyfriend are close enough to each other and love each other enough that marriage might be on the horizon.

At any rate, I would cling to the other set of parents right now. I wouldn't try very hard to deal with your mother at this point. She needs time to come to the realization that she is really going to be a grandmother. After the baby comes, I do think you should go over and introduce her to the baby. If you decide to marry, you could invite her to the wedding, or if you two elope, just tell her when you show up that you and your BF decided to tie the knot with the justice of the peace. Don't make a big deal out of it.

If she is SO cold as to walk away from that little baby after seeing it, then you know that this is NOT you and that it really IS her. Don't beg and plead and crawl all over the place trying to get her back in your life.

I wish you the best. I hope she realizes what a mistake she has made. She would be lucky if you could get over what she has done to you, quite frankly.

Dawn

That is horrible - what an awful experience you are going through. I know first hand how you feel because my mom did this same thing to me once two years ago. I felt like I had been punched and was physically ill for weeks, that is how upset it made me. We had always gotten along very well my whole life so it was a bit of a shock. She did this when I told her something she did not want to hear (she took it as extreme criticism) regarding how she was treating her grandson. She has issues. She would not respond to any email or phone call so after a couple months I wrote her a letter. I know she is an anxious person...and is a bit self centered. Thinking about it I believe it is due to poor self esteem. So, in the letter I reminded her of all the good things she has done as a mom raising my brother and I. She also was a single mom. About 2 weeks later she called me and patched things up. I have to say I don't feel like I trust her anymore. Will she fly off the handle again and one D. cut me out of her life? I don't feel like I can share all my thoughts with her anymore. I am kind but a bit distant with her now. She does not like to self analyze or talk about problems and had no interest in really talking to me about what happened. She was going through depression and had a LOT of stress in her life at the time. I think this caused her to freak out when she got my email. Anyway - I don't know if this helps you or not, but I think you should just wait and she will change her mind. After some time has passed send her nice little letters now and then. Come on, what grandma cannot resist her grandchild when he/she is born? I am SURE she will stop this at some point and want you back in her life. You are not a teenager. You are young, but many people your age have kids and it is not the end of the world. I have plenty of friends who went and got Masters and PhDs with kids in tow. You can still accomplish your goals in life. Show her you are a responsible person with her own life and you are not re-living her life and her mistakes. Again, I'm so sorry you are going through this. It is heartbreaking. This is a time when you need your mom but you just have to be strong now. Take care of yourself, relax, try to be calm and try to find happiness. Know in your heart that your mom loves you...she is just freaking out due to her own anxieties about her own life.

I am sorry you are dealing with this loss right now. This is pure speculation but I am guessing/hoping she will come around. I'm guessing this news brought back painful memories for her (finding out she was pregnant at such a young age and then your dad leaving) and how difficult it was for her to be a young single parent. She probably worries you may have a similar outcome and can't bare to witness that. It sounds like your bf's parents are supportive and can be there for you in the meantime. Maybe once your baby is born and she can see how well the 3 of you are doing she will come around. In the meantime I'd suggest you talk with your OB and see if she/he has any advice for a support group for you where you can talk about this. Or if you are working, maybe you can take advantage of some free counseling sessions through their workers assistance program. Take good care of yourself!!!

My boyfriend(now husband) and I was both 19 1/2 when I became pregnant. We dated for 4 years off and on. (Mostly on than off.) Anyway my mom told me she wasn't going to take care of this baby. It was ours(boyfriend and I) job to take care of it. She was supported. My dad didn't know what to say. I think he was just accepting the fact that my 17 year old(at the time) sister just had a baby a few days before. My boyfriends parents were a different story. I went to church with them almost every sunday. No,we were't perfect but hey nobodys is. They wanted us to go to the justice of the peace and get married so that nobody would know we had sex before marriage.They didn't want "people" to talk. They talked about US moving in with them and and save money up and help with some of their bills. Of course we didn't and found a place to rent and his mother didn't talk to us for a while. She threw all his stuff outside of their home. I think she couldn't get over the fact that her "baby" got me knocked up,move out a few months later and wanted us to run off and get married. She wanted things done "her way!" Of course a few months later we got married when i was 4 months along and had a small church cermony. Finally she chilled out and accepted the fact she was going to be a grandma and had me as a dauhter in law. ;) . Once the baby was born she acted like the woman i once knew. Some people act to news differently than others. She(my MIL) had a harder time accepting the change than my mom who was laid back and was thrilled. I would give her some time. If she acts differently to you or the baby AFTER the baby is born than I feel sorry for you. I would accept the love and joy from the ones who are thrilled and happy for you. Keep your head up. Congrats on the news!!! :) :)

Mommy of 3!!! (2 girls and a boy!!)

First of all, congratulations! : o) It is obvious to me that you really love your baby and want her to be able to know the wonderful grandmother you know your mom could be. The others have already posted a lot of great advice; the only thing I thought I might add is to cultivate a relationship with your stepfather if that is possible--he could be an ally and a way to indirectly bring info into the house. He could also be a support if your relationship is strong enough, and a grandparent for your child until your mom comes around and realizes what she is missing out on. I'm glad your boyfriend and his parents are supportive--lean on them to fill some of the gap your mom has left, as thur could be a good opportunity to become closer to them as well. Counseling may be a good option for getting out some of the anger without poisoning your boyfriend or his family against your mother (as I'm sure you wouldn't want that in the long run either). Your employer's employer assistance program or a local group such as birthright or a church group may be able to help with finding a counselor or support group for women in your situation, where family has failed them in regards to their pregnancy. Keep smiling and praying (if that's meaningful to you) and trust that it will work putt anew you will be fine either way. You are a great mom and your baby needs you to take care of yourself and him without getting too worked up or raising your blood pressure. I believe your mom still loves you but until she's ready to show it again, the best you can do is to use what resources you have and enjoy the ride (and the sleep)--time flies and things will change a lot very quickly. [hugs]

I suggest that she has many unresolved emotions from when she was 18 and pregnant. I suggest that she may change her mind after she's had time to absorb and process the information.

I've known parents who were angry when their child became pregnant but after the baby was born they came around because they fell in love with the baby.

My mother would have nothing to do with me when she found birth control pills in my medicine cabinet when I was around age 30. She got over her anger in a few months and we gradually rebuilt our relationship.
I was in counseling for several issues during that time. I suggest that counseling would help you handle this situation.