Need Some Guidance and Support

We have used:
Happiest Toddler on the Block....find the DVD on Amazon.com or Half.com---the book is confusing so seeing him do the techniques helps a lot and they WORK.

Love and Logic is wonderful, but honestly, I am just starting their stuff with my 18 month old....My 2 year old it works GREAT with, but I think it is more appropriate for the older toddler (just my experience). I also did use the crib for a "time out" but to the child it did not seem that way. I told the child "fussy babies go night night" and that is how I handled that. Once she calmed down I would see if she was not "tired" anymore. That was only if the fits continued and she did seem to need to be under stimulated for a short while.

The main thing that works for us is Happiest Toddler on the Block. Now we are doing 'room time' (love and logic) with the 18 month old. I feel she gets it now.

Welcome to the wonderful world of toddlerhood!

A couple things come to mind. One is those pesky molars. I think we went through a week of hell for 1-yr molars with my son. He was miserable, woke up at night, etc.
Also, for sleep disturbances in a kid who normally sleeps all night, you would want to rule out an ear infection.
If you're sure those aren't the case, it would appear that you simply have a regular toddler on your hands. It doesn't mean she'll grow up to be a bad kid or disrespectful. This is just where she's at developmentally.

Using the crib for "time out" isn't a bad idea. It will not cause the crib to be associated with something negative, etc. Time out isn't a punishment in and of itself, it's exactly what it is -- time to chill out and recollect herself. The reason you use the crib is because it's a safe place for you to put her so that you can walk away.

You can use love and logic with her, it's just that you will be repeating the same consequences over and over and over because it will be her job to test and test and test boundaries. As long as the boundaries stay firm (I have a screaming fit, I go to the playpen where I can't see mommy; I throw my cup, I don't get any more juice; etc.), she'll give it up after a couple weeks (yes, a couple weeks...or more) and pick a new area to test.
The love and logic concept that I used a lot when mine were younger was "If you can't change the behavior, change the location." If the fits and whining are non stop, I would say, "I sounds like you need a little break. It's time to go to your room." Then I'd deposit the child in his/her crib and either set a timer or do some sort of chore for about 10 minutes. I made sure that I was out of eyesight and earshot. Ten minutes always worked well (still does with my 2 yr old). It gave them time to calm down and start entertaining themselves with crib toys.

Just know that having some consequences and tools to respond to the whining and tantrums doesn't mean there won't be any tantrums. It just means that you know how to handle what comes at you! You're in for tantrums for the next 4 years!

As far as sleeping, if there's nothing that she needs and she's not sick, if she gets up in the middle of the night, it's fine to go check on her, but pat her on the back, hug her and say goodnight. You may have to listen to some screaming for a night or two, but she'll figure it out.

Good luck!

I'm sure you will get lots of feedback! Take of it what you'd like. My advice is to lead by example! If you lead a very happy and polite life even in the worst of times, that is what she will LEARN to do. It isn't the perfect answer but if you look at the flip side, it will add to her frustration. If you are tired and stressed and worn out, and become rude and short tempered, it will simply fuel her fire. I have a 2.5 year old now and it amazes me how she could know every time I had a head ache or was not at my best for the day. Those were the days she was the worst.

No matter what it takes, take care of yourself! :o) Make time to take breaks and nap when she naps! Use family from time to time to take her off your back for a little bit. So many times with all my mommy friends that's been the case.

"How can I be rested and in good spirits when I haven't had any rest myself, and I can't keep up with her fits?" You've got to make the time. You are caring for two now, yourself and her. Don't forget about yourself!

Best of luck! ~T.~

You may want to get her ears checked for an ear infection. If she is having a hard time sleeping, it could be because it hurts when she is laying. She may just be getting sick. I know my kids have a different personality when they are getting sick.

As far as dicipline, pick another spot in the house (not her crib) and put her in time-out for 1 min. It may not seem like a long time to you, but it is to her. Also, don't talk to her when she is in time-out. She will probably try to get your attention.

We are love and logic parents also. They now have some books for early childhood (6 months and on). My daughter is very similar - lots of drama. I have to try and help her learn to rein it in without crushing her sensitive spirit. I feel the same about associating the crib with discipline, though I have another friend who does that and it wasn't a problem. What about a pack n play that's not in the bedroom? We used a gate across the bedroom door with the door open so she wouldn't feel completely isolated. When she would get really whiney and out of control, we would set her in the room behind the gate with her blanket so she could be comforting herself and then tell her she could come out when she was happy. Then as soon as she calmed down, we would get her out. It was all dependant on her and was not structured as a punishment, but more as a "calm yourself down" time. If she started back up with the fit, she'd go back in and we would repeat it. I would stay within voice contact and would remind her gently that she could come out when she was happy. I would also only use this tactic when I was sure there wasn't something really wrong. I started this when she was about 16-18 months old and we had just a few "showdowns" (a few lasted up to an hour) and then she would straighten up really quickly when I told her she would have to "go be by herself". Now we use "sitting on the stairs" as her cool down place and it works really well. It usually gets her calmed down within 5 minutes. She's always been obedient, so I haven't had to force her to stay anywhere, so I guess that's in my favor for this tactic, but you could always use a gate or something. My mom is a Love and Logic teacher/facilitator, and this is what she helped me come up with as a strategy. I hope this helps. You can check out resources on the Love and Logic website which is www.loveandlogic.com

I attribute all of my 15 month old son's crankiness to his sleep routine being off. If he doesn't sleep long enough for a nap or misses a nap you can believe he will be a terror. I find it best to just take him to a quiet place and read a couple of books and cuddle with him to try to give him some resting time. I also have started teaching him sign language. I don't really want him to learn a lot of it because the feedback I get is they won't talk but prefer to sign. The ones I found important were to do with food. He knows eat, drink and more. This has helped so much because he really does communicate with me these needs. It takes the guessing game out of what is wrong with him. It was very easy to teach. He caught on to each sign in a day. Just keep repeating the sign every bite or drink during a meal and she will catch on quickly. I'm sure you could look up these basic signs on line. If not private message me and I will explain them. Good luck.

PS Where do you live and do you work? I am always looking for new moms to hang out with during the day.

Hi M.!

I had this same problem when my son was that age (he is a few months over 2 now). It was all lack of being able to communicate his needs/wants/frustrations. In hindsight, I wish that I had been more patient and understanding that he was just completely irritated at the fact that he could not tell me what he wanted. I did not have luck with time out at this It is so trying, but remind yourself that she is still a baby and that this phase will pass quickly and then she will be 2 and that brings its own set of challenges as well :) Just know that you are not alone!

I see you have had some excellent advice. There is nothing like hearing from other moms. Love and Logic is great and works. Also Dr Harvey Karp's The Happiest Toddler on the Block helps to understand what your child hears, responds to and how to speak toddlerese.

Good luck on the road of parenthood. Just remember it gets much better for quite a while before they become teenagers.

K. @ The Nestingplace

Don't use the crib for time out. We used the crib with our son because it was easy, safe, etc. We only used it 3 or 4 times and the damage was done. He went from going to bed easily to wanting me to stay with him until he went to sleep. He would cry hysterically when I tried to leave the room. It took forever to get back to normal. I wouldn't risk it.

Hang in there. It sounds like you are a great mom. I have twin girls who will be 2 in Nov. and we still have our moments like you are describing. After trying for 7 years to have our son, I try to enjoy every stage, cherishing the happy times and surviving the bad. The old saying, "this too shall pass" is both good and bad. They grow up so fast!!!!

Hi M.,

I feel for you on this. I suspect that your daughter IS acting this way because she's overly tired. We went through a similar situation with my daughter. She was waking a lot at night and totally resisting naps and therefore not getting enough quality sleep. She was irritable and not much fun to be with. I then read "Health Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth, at the recommendation of some other mommies on this list. It really clarified for me the science of sleep and how poor quality sleep can affect a child (or adult). He describes the changing phases a child goes through as she grows up and how her needs for sleep change. I wish I had gotten this book as a baby show gift, it would have saved me hours and hours of unhappy times when my little girl was a newborn!! Check out the book, see if her sleep habits need improving and then give her a chance to "catch up" on her ZZZ's. I suspect that soon you'll find you have a very sweet, fun little girl to living in your house. Good luck!! N.