Need Tips from Other Mothers of Teen Daughters

Hi K.-

My oldest (of 5 girls) is 12. When she started (at age 11), I thought pantyliners would be enough. But it was Thanksgiving at my parents house and it was not. Her first period lasted 10 days with heavy bleeding for most of them. She prefers the Kotex ultra thin overnights which are long, or the not so thick you need a saddle for day use. Her cramping was mild, her demeanor was....interesting. I make her take some pads with her if she travels and keep one in her school bag just in case. Her second cycle was about 45 days later, so we don't know what to expect as far as regularity goes. Good luck to you, and think of me in a few years when the other 4 start theirs :-) ...... I'll cry later....

D.

Hi K.,
I have two teenagers, 12 and 15, who both started their periods in the past 6 months. Neither one is the least bit interested in tampons at this time. (As I recall, they are somewhat uncomfortable when you first start using them.) Both of my girls prefer the ALWAYS brand because everything is ultra-thin. They both use the yellow day pads, with wings, and panty liners. My 15 year old (who is very petite - she only weighs 87 lbs.) likes the long overnight pads (orange) for sleeping. Neither of my daughters has complained of cramps, and their periods were pretty irregular at first, but seem to regulating themselves more now. Good luck!

K.

Hi K.,

Aaah, the right of passage into womanhood. I have two girls and like you, have always been very open and honest with them about their menstrual cycles, sex, etc.

Since no two women are alike and needs vary I allowed my girls to pick three different types of feminine protection (liners, thin maxis & teen slender tampons) so they could choose what was best suited for them. After several months they each settled on products they felt comfortable with. And yes, wipes are a wonderful idea; we use them even when not menstruating; the purse packs are great!

Again, each woman is different and so she may or may not experience PMS. One of mine had severe cramps to the point where she would vomit. We had to put her on the pill to alleviate her symptoms as she would miss two to three days of school as a result. Not only did the pill help with the cramping, it regulated her cycle which was all over the calendar and cleared up the acne. My other daughter, to this day, experiences no symptoms.

You and I both know your cycle will often come when it's least expected, your daughter should be carrying protection with her to school in her back pack (Kotex makes a very discreet thin maxi my girls and I like very much). You may also want to provide the school nurse with a note and bottle of Mydol/Pamprin or Tylenol so if need be she can have it available to her should be at school when it starts. Very important note: If she is caught with these in her possession or taking them outside the presence of an administrator she could be expelled or suspended from school; ridiculous I know but it has happened.

Like you my girls father and I are divorced and so I made certain they always had an ample supply of protection at his house. This way she'll be sure to get what she wants and he doesn't have to bee involved which can be embarrassing at this age. I would suggest that you have an off-line conversation with him about it in the event she's with him and gets a little moody. His behavior and body and verbal language during this time of adjustment is very important for her.

I hope this helps!!! Good Luck!
CM

I applaud you for teaching your daughter so early. I was raised not knowing anything about my cycle so when I first got it I thought there was something wrong. Also, I learned how to use a tampon from the p.e. teacher. I found a great book that explain how the cycle works "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler. It is not just for becoming pregnant but it does explain how the hormones work and how to interpret the daily signs. No more suprise from Aunt Flo, you get the sign usually the morning before it happens. There is also a teen version that is written called "Cycle Savvy: The Smart Teen's Guide to the Mysteries of Her Body."

There's a book that just came out this week and was reviewed in the New York Times called My Little Red Book by Rachel Kauder. It's a collection of 92 short reflections by women on the subject of their first period. It might be helpful!

Dear K.,
Oh the joys of trying to be prepared for periods.
I didn't start until I was 15 and by 16, they told me I would never have children. (After countless surgeries and years of torture, I did have 2 children). My point is, I was so worried for my daughter because I didn't know if she was going to be "normal" or not. My daughter started at 12 without much fanfare, although I'd had a hysterectomy and had absolutely nothing in the house for her. It just required a trip to the store. She never did get a lot of cramping, but her periods weren't regular and as time went on, I could tell when she was ready to start because she became a raving lunatic. It was bad. The doctor finally put her on low dose birth control pills which regulated her periods and stabilized her mood swings. My daughter is 22 and still very petite so she uses the ultra thin pads. She absolutely refuses to even try a tampon. She wants nothing to do with it. But that's just her. Everyone is different. I think it's best to start young girls out with pads because until they learn their bodies and cycles, etc, it's easier for them to know when to change, how much they bleed, etc.
Find your daughter a cute litle zip up coin purse type of thing that a folded pad will fit into and have her keep it in her backback for when she's at school just in case she starts there. At Grammie's, she can keep a pack of pads in the bathroom cabinet. My daughter was really shy about Dad knowing anything about it, but surely there is a drawer or somewhere your daughter can keep things at her father's house.

Best of wishes and let us know when your new baby arrives!

Every girl is different on this, although genetics may play a role. Think about how your first few periods went, and maybe ask some of your daughter's female blood relations, & plan accordingly.

I was regular from the first time, but didn't start to get cramps for a couple of years. My mom used tampons, but she had me use pads for the first year, just to make sure everything was okay & to get me used to my own rhythms before I switched to tampons. Nowadays, I use the Instead cups. When I do use tampons, I buy o.b. or NatraCare (non-chlorine bleached brand which are the same shape). Chamomile tea does a nice job on cramps!

Pantyliners should be ok for protection. My daughter just started last year at 14 yrs old and has a period about evety two months now. She is using tampons now but stsrted out with pantyliners.

K.,

Always Ultrathin Maxi with wings is a great product. Also Kotex pantiliners. Both are discreet and easy to use.

Molly

Yay for you for being on top of this, especially with so much else going on!
Let's see -- it's been a couple of years...
Tampons aren't going to happen for a while; you can let that wait until she wants to try.
Pads, thinner the better, though you won't know about flow until she's had a couple of cycles.
Might want to get two lots: thicker overnight and thinner day, both with wings.
If she has any amount of flow at all just plain pantyliners won't be enough, except many at the very end of things.
Do you have cramping, pms issues yourself?
Often these things run in families.
At least to being with, over-the-counter stuff should be enough.
Ibuprofin, if you take it right when things start, actually prevents cramping - if you miss that magic window you are down to pain control - also good.
And, as people have mentioned, heating pads help.
Stash some of everything at home and at her dad's, and have
a set of daytime supplies in her schoolbag, and you are set.
Exciting times.

As a mother of 21 year old, I still remember these questions well. My daughter started her cycle with regular periods right from the beginning (1st week of 7th grade). I kept her home from school the first couple of days to get used to all that was happening, and mostly she laid on the couch moaning. Cramps were an issue, and for her still tend to be. She loves Midol still, as it deals with more than one sympton this time of the month. The pads we still prefer are Always, Ultra thin, overnights. These are long so it provides extra coverage in the front and back. I did not allow her to use tampons until going into high school. I guess my reason was that I wanted to to understand about the blood flow, and they are so forgetful at that age, I wasn't sure that the tampon would be changed often enough so that other complications would not happen. I will tell you that for her, she was a different person in the moody department once this happened. She became even in her moods and was nice to be around again. :)

Hi K.:

I started my period at 10 as did both of my daughters. For my now 11 year old I have always kept a supply of pads in a make up bag in her back pack, as well as a change of underwear so she is protected at school. I am not sure of the name of the brand we get because I am at work now, but there are these great pads for teens that come with a wet cloth for wiping packaged in with each pad. They are great. She also goes to her dads house a couple days a week and I made sure he had a good supply of pads, and face wash so she can take care of her face both at my house and at his. If I can remember I will get the name of the brand of pads I get for her and send to you tomorrow. Good luck!

You've received a lot of great suggestions. I have two things to add. I am approaching menopause and I had heard that as you age your cycle will get irregular as it was when you were first getting your period. Now,I will sometimes bleed so heavily for 45 minutes that I soak through 3 tampons - and this is normal. So I look back on being a teen with a period and I don't feel so bad about bleeding through my clothes sometimes and having to wear a sweater tied around my hips for the day. I realize that my flow was probably irregular (when I first started out) and it was hard to gauge the need to change. My point being that your daughter will need regular pads as the flow can be heavy.

Second comment is that I had a really hard time figuring out tampons at first and I, personally, could never master ob tampons. I'd say pads for the first year.

Good luck.

Hi K.,

I have two daughter-neices currently 16 and 17. They came to live with me when they were 11 and 12. So one of my first mom experiences was the period.

Both girls had very heavy first periods. My oldest still has very heavy periods and they last for 5 to 7 days. Her sister has perfect periods that come on the same day every month and last 2 and half days.

My oldest had her first period and then didn't have a second for four months. Then for a year after that she had it every other month. Then the second year it became more normal though it was never really regular, sometimes it would come in three weeks and sometimes in five. She was much like an emotional roller coaster. We ended up putting her on the birth control patch to level out her moods and even out her periods.

My next child had the same start to her periods. Last year when she was 15 she started getting violent the week before her period and was diagnosed with pre-menstrual disorder. They prescribed half an hour of sunshine each day, daily exercise and a healthy diet. It has worked wonders.

Both girls get cramps so we keep a supply of Midol and Pamprin in the house. Each swears by their choice to be the only things that helps. I also keep a heating pad on hand for back cramps.

When both my girls started it was recommended to us that they do not use tampons for the first year. So we stocked them with panty liners, and always ultra thin pads. When they hit their year mark we bought the teen tampons and we also bought some OB. One of my daughters now really likes the tampons with applicator and the other prefers the OBs.

After reading some of the replies, I have a few opinions.:o) First, talk with your daughter about what she thinks she would like to use: tampons or pads. My daughter (age16) is/was totally grossed out with the idea of tampons. Other girls think the pads are gross. My advice is to start with pads (heavy duty and regular) at first and then move to tampons if she prefers them. I use Always brand pads since they are quite thin but the regulars aren't always enough. They have a night time size that is wonderful for night or really heavy flow. Also, for cramps, ibuprofin is the best thing I ever found. That is what my daughter uses, too. Hope that helps.

I would tend to agree with most of the other's who have commented here. I have three older girls in my house 20, 15, and 13 and they are all on their periods now. They prefer the same thing as I do ... the Ultra Thin pads. I also use tampons and get the slim kind of those too but there is only one who will wear them in my house. All in all, whatever you feel comfortable with yourself should be ok for your daughter. I always hated the bulky pads because I always figured everyone would know that I was on my period.

Cramps are a problem at my house too. We use Pamprin (because it doesn't have caffiene in it) mostly and then warm heating pads. There are those heating pads that you can stick to your panties that have 8 hours worth of heat and then you throw them away. I found them at WiseBuys for $1.98 for a pack of 3 or 4. But they sell them most other places too for higher.

Good Luck!

If I remember correctly, I started around 10 or 11 myself. My daughter is seven so I'm not worrying about it yet. As a personal preference though, I don't like the thick bulky pads that I started with either. I get Always with Wings Ultra thins. I prefer the large. They also have overnights and regular. They are hardly felt and fit in a purse or pocket very easily. They also have some that have wet wipes attached so you can always clean up very well.

God bless you both.

Hi.....my daughter is almost 11yrs old in about the same stage as your daughter (I started early). I looked up info on Kotex.com and one other major brand. They give great info on who to talk to your daughter and what type of supplies they have. They do make slim or small sizes just for them. I bought them (two different types) and sat down with my daughter. Even did demo on panties for my daughter...which grossed her out. Ha! I had even bought her a small cute (had puppies on it) cosmetic case that has one of each in. She now has that in her backpack when she goes to school. I know from personal experience that it's very scary if you start at school and you're not prepared. I then told her where the supplies were in the bathroom and told her it was "OK" and nothing is wrong or to be embarrassed about. I told her she can talk to any woman...her teacher, the secratary at school, her grandma, etc. because we've all been through it. She had a friend that started very early so the mom hadn't talked to her yet...she hide it for 4 days before her mom found the evidence. I didn't want my daughter to ever do that. Good luck!

Hi K.,

I did not read all the posts so you may have already had all the advice you need...in respect to that, buy the teen pads they are smaller and not bulky and what ever you do don't buy any medications or suggest she may need something!!! The placibo effect sp? is big time to play for many (NOT ALL) ladies needing to medicate at period time!! Just all natural with very little stress on it. I always suggest NOT making it a BIG deal or you will have a female who always thinks its a HUGE deal.
Best of luck with the new lil' lady!
C. :o)

Most teenagers like tampons best. Just tampons alone work for most kids. Others may want to wear a pantyliner in addition to the tampon on the heavier days. When I started to menstruate, I had horrible cramps for the first couple years, and nothing worked on them except lying face down on my bed with my head and top half hanging off the bed, and my abdomen and lower body on the bed. But warn your daughter that everyone's different.