I have a 4yo boy that has been crying a lot, whiny and just not very nice. He's not listening in pre-k and I just don't know what else to do. He has been sick a few times the last couple of months and his dad was just out of town for a week. He did fine with me when his dad was gone, but he did keep saying that he wanted him to come home. When dad came home, the behavior just started getting worse! He's not running a fever, he says he feels ok, he's sleeping (although snoring at times), we've had regular bed times and I've taken him for evaluations for ad/hd and everything seems ok. I just don't know what else to do...has anyone else experienced anything like this? He seemed so much happier just a couple of weeks ago. The only thing that's changed since then is he finished taking a round of antibiotics and we stopped his allergy meds & flonase because we're going for allergy testing on the 5th.
Well, we went for allergy testing on Friday and everything seems to be ok. We will be getting blood work results in the mail.
What? There are 4yo boys that listen and are NOT whiney? : )
I'd talk to his teacher to find out if she has any thoughts on this. The advice I got from my son's pre-K teacher was golden.
Could be a lot of things... but most likely a combination of lots of chemical changes due to meds adjustments and dad's trip. Is it possible that he's looking to get dad's attention and is exploring ways to do so? Remember that "negative attention" is often equally reinforcing as "positive attention" for a child. Meaning, if your son is whining a lot and it's getting dad (or you) to check in more frequently, give more attention, more cuddles or more "caving in"- he'll keep doing it.
Also keep in mind that if he was sick in the last month and is undergoing allergy tests he probably feels "fine", but not "great"- especially if you have taken him off of the allergy meds. I have terrible seasonal allergies and can tell you that at this time of year I'm especially cranky and fatigued b/c I don't sleep as well and feel "congested" all the time.
Just out of curiosity... why are you having such a young child assessed for ADHD? He's far to young for an accurate diagnosis and WAY too young to attempt meds. If you are really concerned about his behavior in general, seek out a play therapist who may lend you more detail surrounding his motivations!
I would focus less on why he's acting this way and more on providing extra nurturing while still holding firm to boundaries. He senses your concern which is probably adding to his feelings. "If Mom thinks somethings wrong then somethings wrong and I'm even more anxious" sort of thinking. He's not thinking that literally but he feels it.
His behavior became worse when Dad came home, perhaps, because he was expressing his anger that Dad was gone. Encourage him to talk about how he's feeling on a feeling level. Try not to make it an intellectual conversation. Just let him talk without ascribing reasons or making sense of how he feels.
Crying can indicate he's feeling sad. Ask him about his sad feelings, again, not trying to make sense of them.
Don't accept the whiny. Calmly in a caring tone of voice ask him to use his big boy voice.
All of us have our ups and downs feelings wise. I used to analyze everything. I've found that if I just accept the way I feel, I feel better sooner than when I spend time trying to figure out why.
How is his overall adjustment.... to Pre-K?
Sometimes, going to school and the adjustment... causes stress or anxiety in a child.
When did he start preschool? Did his behavior coincide with when he started Preschool?
Also, at 4 years old... lots of kids this age, are not spot-on with "listening."
And they do not have, fully developed "impulse-control" yet either, at this age. It also has to do with the 'maturity' of the child, and how they adjust to 'school' emotionally and mentally.
AND, the school "style".... if it is rigid or more play oriented.... and how the Teacher interacts with the children and her approach to common child behavior.
Also at 4 years old, there are a ton of changes going on... per their age juncture. They are 'expected' to be a "big Boy"... but yet, developmentally, they are still just not there yet... and fluctuate between being "baby" and an older child. It is also the 'expectations' on a child and how they can handle that....
His whiny and crying behavior... to me, means he is not communicating what is bothering him, or he does not know how to communicate his feelings. Maybe teach him how to SAY his feelings... and that he can. Does he actually KNOW how to say things like "I am frustrated...." , or "I am grumpy...." or, "I am tired..." etc.? If not, and if he thinks he cannot say that or tell you that... a child will whine or cry... because they are either pent-up or frustrated.
My son is 4... and he can and will say those things. I taught him how to express his feelings and that it is okay. He does not 'whine.'
Also, for his not 'listening' in Pre-K... sometimes, kids in large groups get like that because there are SO many other kids there and it is a distraction... and can be quite over-stimulating. And so many other personalities in class... and the kids feed off of each other. They dynamics of it all.
So some things to consider.
To me, a 4 year old not listening well or exactly... is normal. No kid, is absolutely, 100% good, with listening. But it is how the Teacher handles and then directs the child... as well.
all the best,
Susan
He could be simply needing more notice and cuddles from you, or perhaps even more so from his dad, and is behaving in a way that gets him what he needs. (Or even if the whining isn't getting him cuddled more, at least it gets your attention.)
Since he's not getting the meds that were keeping his allergies controlled, he's probably not feeling or sleeping as well. Rather than wait for his vague discomfort and tiredness to come out as whining, you might try a strategy of your own for the next week or two – both you and daddy could go overboard with hugs, high-fives, and positive reinforcement for any and every little thing you can catch him doing that's admirable.
Sometimes we have to look hard for those positive moments, but they are always there. And kids so appreciate being noticed, acknowledged, and appreciated – they'll work hard to keep that magic coming.
It may be the meds. Check out www.askapatient.com and see what other reactions are to his meds. My daughter went through a little depression with her meds and would cry and cry for no or little reason.
Has the pedi given you reasons why he is snoring? Just wondering as we had an issue like that with our son.
Also it sounds like if he is acting out when Dad gets home, he is trying to get his attention or maybe he is angry that the routine you and he had is being disrupted?
I agree with Peg M.
Don't think I'm insane-were the antibiotics for strep? Sometimes strep can settle in the brain and cause unbelievable behavior. I forget the name of the book, but it was about a child who went for years undiagnosed-finally an astute doctor figured it out-and the child later graduated from Carnegie-Melon-so don't worry-not permanent. It could be allergies-ask your Dr. what to do .
Your poor son sounds miserable, and at 4 he probably doesn't even know why he's acting this way. It does sound like he has a lot going on in his little world right now. Add on poor quality sleep and he's too exhausted to cope. Sounds like you're doing all you can to help your little boy. Be sure to have his adenoids checked too (snoring). Just because he "sleeps" doesn't mean he's getting all the rest he needs. Hope you're able to help your son find his sweet side again soon. Good luck.
If he is snoring, have his adenoids checked by an ent. My ped kept telling me they were just slightly enlarged until I insisted taking him to an ent. They told me the same thing but then xrayed them. the ent said that they were the largest he has seen in quite a while. He also checked his hearing and found that he couldn't hear anything. After his adenoids were removed and tubes were in, his behavior was so much improved. He could actually listen to his teachers and wasn't so rough. The other thing is that their behavior is worse around times of sickness and when people leave and come back.
I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I take flonase daily and when I run out, I feel awful so maybe it is that. The last week with the weird humid weather made my asthma worse too - maybe from allergies.
You might also take a look at www.feingold.org. Sometimes you can turn things around by getting rid of artificial flavors, colors, and preservatives. I didn't find out about Feingold until my oldest was 5 and by removing apple juice, grapes, and tomato products until he was older and heavier, much of the problematic behavior improved. Even though those are natural foods, they contain salicylates - similar to aspirin - and although not a true allergy for my son, are something he cannot tolerate. He also had behavioral problems with dyes and preservatives - including those found in children's medicine.
I hope things turn around for you. I know a lot of people who have been good detectives and figured out what allergies were bothering their kids. And it makes a big difference.
K.
Hmmm, my first question is whether something is happening in pre-k that either rewards this behavior or is causing him to be uncomfortable enough to exhibit this behavior? Also, you are right -- he may actually not be feeling well because of allergies or because his stomach is upset from antibiotics.
flonase is not recommended for children, why did your doctor give it to him ? besides the big bonus check from the company rep ? lots of kids have allergies, mine is one of them. but, have i let some doctor give her something that could make things worse, NO.start keeping a log of when the childs allergies seem worse, and when they seem better. you also have to take behavior into account. do they seem sick during the day and then when you mention going out for pizza, they suddenly feel better, that sort of thing.he could have an upset stomach from the antiboitics.
K. h.
