Need to Vent About My 2 Sick Babies (My Husband and 7 Month Old)

When people ask me how many children I have I joke that I've got 5 (my husband being the youngest). Men in general are notorious for being big babies. My husband got a vasectomy over a week ago and is still licking his wounds-get over it already. I've given birth three times (the last time to twins-and they were all c-section). I love him dearly though. When he's not out doing his 9-5, he's at home playing on the floor with the kids. As long as he helps out when he is feeling better just look at him and grin-and remember that a cold doesn't last for more than a couple of days. Hope everone feels better soon.

Yeah. What April said!

Seriously, vent away. We all need to do it sometimes. I know I enjoy a night out with the girls and some venting myself.

I hope everyone feels better soon.

T.

Thanks for the laugh! I know you aren't laughing right now, but my husband was identical to yours when he got sick. Here is what I've found over the years. My husband works a full time job 6 days a week, he is going back to school to get his Masters, he gets up in the middle of the night to tend to our 3 year old when she needs something, and he is a full time Dad when he is at home not working. And he does all of this without one complaint. So when he gets sick I truly believe that he is thinking he deserves a little attention. Husbands need to feel that they are not put on the back burner to the kids. They are more sensitive when they become sick, and you have to remember that most guys were mama's boys when they were little. I too was very annoyed when I was first married and my husband was sooooo dramatic when he was sick. And it became even harder when we added both kids into the picture. I kept telling him to grow up & quit acting like a baby. It never helped. So I decided to one day give him as much attention as he needed. It was amazing to me because he stopped complaining about it as much. So that made me think he just wanted to have a little attention to show him that I cared about him just as much as I cared about the kids. So when my husband is sick and so are the kids, I really try to keep him happy. I let the housework go & focus on getting my family back to good health again. They won't be sick forever.

I guess my question for you is this: Is your husband dramatic in everyday life as well? If not, I would suggest really trying to make him feel better when he is sick. I'm sure that is all he wants from you. Show him that you care about him just as much as you do for your kids. I know it's tough and tiring, but you'll have a happy husband and happy kids in the end.
Good luck!
A.

Wow - I have a seven-month old too, and have been married for just over a year, and was recently in the same situation, except we only have one dog. Like everyone else who's replied, I feel for you, but please know you have plenty of company (and sympathy)! Men generally are big babies when they're sick. If your son is in daycare, I would strongly recommend giving him an immune-system booster - Merz Apothecary in Lincoln Square is also a great place for homeopathic remedies, especially if you're not familiar with them, as Merz has a pharmacist who can make recommendations for you. If you don't live near Lincoln Square and don't want to make the trip, you can call them or visit their website; it's smallflower.com.
Hang in there, and good luck!

Hi K.,

I'm also not laughing at you but laughing b/c it's the same in our house. Another post asked you if he's in general a good husband/father. If he is, I'd just take a deep breath and realize he doesn't handle being sick well. Maybe when he's feeling better you can leave him with the kids while you go to dinner with a friend, get a mani/pedi or just go hide somewhere and rest. Women in general will keep going and men in general (it seems from my cirlce of friends) need to be babies when they're sick. If you have something in mind you can look forward to when your husband is feeling better it will make your stress lessen until it's your turn to get some down time! I learned what my husband could really do last fall when I was ill and had to have a big surgery. I physically couldn't function at a normal mommy mode level for several weeks. I wasn't able to pick up more than 10 pounds for six weeks (that meant neither of the kids, one of who was only 6 months old at the time). By the end of my recouperation he was able to take both kids to the grocery store, the zoo, the park, meals/baths - you name it. It was amazing what he could do when he knew I really couldn't! Sometimes I think we create their dependency on us so it's also up to us to help them learn to not always count on us. We shouldn't be in the situation I was in to be ok with them towing the line while we get down time. In fact, my husband actually enjoys doing a lot more now that he's figured out HIS way of doing stuff around the house - kinda like teaching one of the kids to do stuff on their own - ha ha!
I hope you are all feeling better soon and you get some well deserved rest of your own!

N.

K. ~ you are still on your honeymoon!! - TALK to him. TELL him what you think and feel.

Few pieces of advice I give my patients:
1. increase antioxidants (either a supplement or with fruits and veggies)
2. get adjusted. Chiropractic care increases the function of your immune system so you (and your family) will effectively fight off these cold and flu-like symptoms
3. Rest more than usual

www.flowchiropractic.com

Best of luck!

Sounds like you need a new daycare!!!

Hi K.:
I'm sorry you're having a tough time! My son's in preschool, and I feel like we're all sick, all the time. However, I've become addicted to Zicam (a zinc nasal spray), and I feel it cuts the symptoms to almost nothing. I'm not one to believe in supplements, and normally, all I take is a multi-vite and the occasional tylenol. But zinc is supposed to cut the duration of colds, and I take it every time I feel something coming on. You're supposed to be careful not to take it too much (like, continuously), or you can damage your sense of smell.

Hope this helps. Maybe if you get your husband to try it, he won't feel like he has to be "off-duty" every time he gets sick. Men are big babies--thank god they don't have to go through labor! :-)

L.

Call you mom to come over for help (just kidding -- the threat of that would make my husband INSTANTLY and MIRACULOUSLY well.)

Take care of the baby (7 month old, not the hubby) first, he needs the care. And make sure to take care of yourself. Leave what can wait around the house and make sure you get a break too. If you can help your hubby, great. But I agree with another poster -- if he can get up and walk around and complain, he can certainly do a few things to help himself.

If cups are still an issue, maybe try disposable ones to give yourself a break from washing and to keep things sanitized. Not very green, but may help with your sanity.

There were a few suggestions to get a better day care -- we have my son at what I feel to be one of the best day cares available but he still seemed to get sick frequently when he was younger. Unfortunately, tis the season. What we found to work better this year for us is that he's older so his immune system is stronger and we now turn the thermostat in the house down to 59 during the day when no one is home and about 68 at night. If you need an extra blanket, use one but keeping the house cooler helps keep it healthier because you eliminate a lot of germs that cannot survive in a place less than 70 degrees.

Good luck, I think most women when men (and kids) in their lives feel your pain!

You don't mention your age, but it sounds like you're a new young bride with baby in tow.

Hubby needs to grow up. He's not showing consideration for you by amassing so many dirty dishes. When there's a new baby in the house it doesn't matter how bad anyone feels, save for catastrophic illness, life DOES go on. Both parents need to carry the load, especially when the baby is sick and the three of you are all under the weather.

When will it end?? When choose to lay it on the line to him. He doesn't know how frustrated you are unless you tell him. He's not a psychic.

Yes, having a new baby and a new marriage is not easy. Open lines of free flowing communication are the only way to establish harmony in life. He will either have the character to want to help you, or he won't. It will speak volumes about his attitude towards the marriage - but you will learn much.

K.
married 31 yrs. with
two boys, 24 & 25 yrs. respectively.

Hello K.

I am M..

I can understand what you are going through. I have been there too. Tell your husband to toughen up and get over it. Tell him you need his help you are not an octopus you don't have 8 arms you can't do everything. Because If you don't say something them he will take advantage of you and then you the "glue" the person who holds everything together will end up getting sick. I took my son out of day care because of that reason and he hasn't been sick since. Maybe you should try to find someone who has in an in home daycare.

Good Luck!

Poor thing. YOU, I mean. I'm sorry for the sick kids and dad, too, but I know how difficult it must be for you!!!

For colds like these, where the 2 are whiny, weepy, chilly, baby wants to be held all the time, the best medicine I've used is homeopathic Pulsatilla. You can find it at Fruitful Yield or Whole Foods Market in the medicines area. Boiron is a brand that I use the most. Or, try Coldcalm (also by Boiron). It can work wonders on the first dose, usually right w/in 24 hrs. There's some great books on using homeopathy to treat your families' illnesses: M. Castro's "Complete Homeopathy Handbook".
Best part is you can give the same med to your baby and your DH. There's no side effects to these remedies, like cough syrups and other OTC meds.
If you want to talk more, email me off list! Best of luck to you. It's going to take a while since a baby's immune system is not fully mature like an adult until age 3, at the earliest (some say it's not until age 5).

Ask him if you were sick who would be taking care of baby? Probably you and you wouldn't be walking around like a zombie. Am I right?

Good cold remedies are Cold-Ez, tylenol cold, and Mucinex for chest congestion. There is anti-naucia medicine at the store that works great and it's not that expensive... under $10. Tell him to take the meds and suck it up. He's an adult and most illnesses shouldn't be enough to knock you out when others are dealing with serious illnesses sapping energy and are life-threatening. Medicate him and send him on his way!

Most men are babies when they are sick. That's just life. Just don't let it affect your stress level or your daily duties. He needs to keep up his level of help whether he's sick or not. The world doesn't stop revolving because he's sick. Baby still needs taken care of. He's still responsible for picking up after himself and cleaning. He's only sick. He's not disabled!

I am so sorry and I understand where you are....my "babies" are the same way. If your husband doesn't toughen up, it won't get better until one of them moves out. Sometimes if I act really sick, my husband will help

K., I have three little ones and at times my husband can also be well lets just say a 4th child. I feel your pain! With that being said, I recommend that you just do what you can right now and leave the lesser things undone until you can do them. I know it's easier said than done, but it will help you to prioritize so you don't feel so overburdened and when your little one is sleeping, try to take a nap so you can feel rejuvenated. Don't try to clean up until you feel at your best and ready to take it on. Just do a little at a time right now until everyone is well. PM me if you want to talk.

I completely understand what you're going through. Been there, done that.

Unfortunately, my son is almost 5 years old, and he definitely models my husband's behaviors, so I STILL have two big babies when we're all sick. I don't have the luxury of being cared for when I'm sick; I don't get "sick" days; nobody lets me rest or offers to make me soup. No matter what, I have to muster up my energy and take care of everyone. So I totally understand, but can't offer much hope that things will change. Just know you're not alone!

To make it worse, you may get sick yourself. ((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))

Keep housework to the barest minimum and make sure you get rest yourself. Now is not the time to be superwoman. If you get sick (and it will happen), it's bad. I've been there.

If you can, go to Sam's Club and get yourself a nice, roasted chicken. And cook things that are simple to prepare; this is not the time to be Martha Stewart.

You can do this-but it'll be rough. And make sure YOU rest, dear! ;^D

Hang in there-

First, only worry about your little one. I have been married for almost 12 years and when my husband gets sick he acts like a big baby. I just tell him to get over it. He might get a little upset but he will get over it. Just tell him to be thankful he isn't a woman because when we get sick we just keep going anyway. Tell him he is a grown man and can take care of himself and you just concentrate on your little one. We have 3 boys ages 10,7, and 4. Good luck!

This made me laugh so hard and I even read it to my husband.....the reason? He's sick and so is my 20 month old...and it sounded all too familiar. I would say to you....THIS IS WHY WOMEN HAVE CHILDREN....he he... Just muster up your best fake sympathetic face and know that you're the strong one who must make everyone comfortable and happy. I also have a newborn right now....You can imagine my dilema..... :)

Dear K.,
Get or make your husband a cup with his name on it.(Or get him a package of disposable cups.)
Make it clear that he is to use only that when he is sick (to avoid spreading germs).
Do not clean up after him.
Wash your hands a lot.
Save your energy for taking care of the baby and feeding the dogs.
Hire a teenager to walk the dogs.
Ignore the whimpering and the blanket etc.
Is your husband missing work?
Get him some AIRBORNE and some vitamins and garlic tablets and tell him to grow up!
You are neither a nurse nor his mother.
At the first sign of a cold or sore throat, I make myself something with fresh garlic in it, usually some ramen noodles, a few vegetables and thinly sliced or crushed garlic, 2 or 3 cloves.
I eat the same thing every day, or 2 times a day until I am better.
Even though I had six children in various schools I was almost never sick.
Dealing with a sick husband is always a revelation in a new marriage!
Good luck!

My mantra at times like this is something my mother told me got her through rough times - "This too shall pass". My husband is at home in bed on his 3rd day of the flu as I write this- so I have been muttering my mantra for over 72 hours now. But, in the end, it is true. The tough times do pass and will soon be a distant memory. Believe it or not- you will someday look back on those late night hours of rocking your sick baby with longing and nostalgia. And your husband will have missed out on such precious moments because of his flair for drama...

All I can say is hang in there, it will get better. I had the exact same experience last winter and by spring I was ready to lose it! But this fall/winter my son has an incredible immune system. This is his second winter and we've had a couple of colds but nothing compared to last winter. He has been going to a school since he was 3 months old and he's doing great. I know there's lost of mixed views about daycare but the social interaction and learning opportunities are awesome. My son will be 2 in April and he know most of the alphabet, all of the colors and his numbers. Just hang in there. Try to make sure everyone's getting lots of vitamins and keep disinfecting your house and you'll get through it.

I hear ya. Men can be nothing more than another child even if they're not sick sometimes. lol. The last time everyone was sick at our house, I was too. My husband had the gaul to ask me "what did you do today?" I was ready to wring his neck. It's okay for them to be sick and pathetic, but we better keep truckin' on. lol. I guess it just comes with the territory. I hope for your sake your husband feels better soon.

First of all, you and your husband need to see yourselves as a TEAM, not a "mother/son" couple. Of course there are times you need to take care of one another, but when a child is involved, housework, bills, dogs, etc etc, you two need to be a team.

Secondly, I'm so sorry everyone is sick! Let me tell you that you will have more of these times, unfortunately! Hang in there...and as soon as your son is well again and if you don't want him being rocked to sleep every night, make sure you break him of that habit right away.

And here... here's a story that might make you feel less alone...

My now 20 month old (she was 18 mos old in this story) started throwing up the night before Thanksgiving. She had a fever, she was flushed and and was vomiting about twice an hour all night. She repeated this the next night, too. By Sunday she was fine, but then I started up Sunday night. I, too, had a fever, was flushed and vomited about twice and hour. Monday night my 3 yr old daughter got it, so we blocked ourselves off from the rest of the house in my bedroom and although I walked her through her own night of vomiting. She had it the worst...about three or four days. My husband narrowly escaped the flu, thank goodness, but wasn't "well"...he felt kinda "off". Then as soon as we all regained some strength after a week of feeling weak and tired, we all got the most amazing head/chest colds! You name it, we had it...coughs, fevers, headaches, congestion, runny/stuffy noses, etc. My 3 yr old ended up w/ a double ear infection. Later that week my 18 mos old was diagnosed w/ the Croup and a pretty bad case of it. The antibiotic that my 3 yr old was on ended the day we arrived in Michigan for a family holiday function and when we got her ready for bed at the hotel we discovered her antibiotic gave her a yeast infection. Thankfully one of my Aunts is a doctor and she had some cream for her that would hold us over until we returned home and got a prescription to heal that up. I lost my voice and couldn't stop coughing and the docs put me on three prescriptions afraid I had walking pnemonia. Three weeks later my cough finally subsided. Oh, and to top it off, in the middle of all of this my 18 mos old cut three new teeth so that added to her misery! Now in February we're finally all healthy again!!

SO! All that to tell you that moms out there DO know how you feel and can absolutely sympathize!! Hang in there, get your husband to grow up a bit and realize that he's not the baby in the house - his son is. "This Too Shall Pass"!

GOOD LUCK!!!!!

Poor YOU! That stinks, and hubby needs to grow up. But in the midst of yucky sickness, that's not going to happen. Gently reminding him that EVERYONE's having a hard time and your could really use the help (picking up germy glasses, etc). When the house is healthier, maybe you can sit him down and talk it out - he probably feels overwhelmed by baby, life change, etc, just like you. New marriage, new baby - hang in there!! These are just growing pains!!
I second everyone's suggestions to up your immune system with zinc and supplements (take care of YOU first, just like on the airplane "put on your own oxygen mask before helping others"!) Good luck - feel better!

Women are definitely the stronger sex. Men are babies when they get sick. There has got to be a book out there about "what women should know before they get married!",lol! I've learned that men are missing the hormones that cause them to clean up after themselves, put other people first, listen to their wives and complete jobs around the house...You have to first laugh,vent and accept that you are superior,lol;)You have to deliberately make time for yourself and NOT feel guilty about it. It's hard for us women to put ourselves first,we think of everyone else while hubby has no problem napping when he's tired and doing his own thing when he wants to. We have to do the same. Once he's better, he's just as capable of taking care of the little one as you, even if you have to let him do it his way, which is a whole other story!

Hi K.,
I thought that I would let you know that I don't know any husband who isn't like that. However, you already have a seven month old, and you have only been married for a year. Maybe your husband is trying to also fight for your attention. I understand not having compassion for him. It is hard to when you aren't feeling well, and you still have to do everything. That is what we wives, and moms, are expected to do. Why would he fall apart? You need to let him know how you are feeling now, otherwise, you will continue to keep things in. Then, when you, and him, are least expecting it, your going to come out with all these feelings, and he is going to wonder where it came from. Because he thinks right now, that everything is all right. Do you understand? And more importantly, the communication needs to stay open. That is a big part of your marriage. Ask God to help you with your patience. He will. But, don't not tell your husband how you feel. Otherwise he won't know. Husbands are like that. You HAVE to tell them. Otherwise they think everything is fine. They are not like us women. We can sense when something is wrong. They have to be told. Good luck.
T.

I thought you could use a smile.....my sister in law sent me this link when my husband was "SO SICK" tee hee....I hope your hubbie doesn't have this mancold.

http://glumbert.com/wii/view.php?name=mancold

Have faith....this too will pass.

I power through every sickness. Don't have time to be sick!!!! It is possible for men to do the same. My husband is self employed and can't just take days off. He hasn't taken a sick day in 5 years. He has been sick (vomiting even),but he never takes a day off. Let your husband know real men don't whine. Ha, Ha!! My husband isn't very helpful when the children are sick, but he always stays out of my way so I can do my job. He will sit and cuddle with them occasionally while I cook and clean. That is something I guess. He has only given meds. about three or four times in almost eight years. That is why children want there mommys when they are sick. My mom uses Zicam I think to cut a cold in half. You might try this with your husband. I also take Echinacea at the first symptoms of a cold. It helps me a lot.

Hi K., I just had to write and say I understand! I don't know what can be done except for us to complain, laugh, and stick together. We have almost exactly the same situation. It's a constant revolving door of sickness at our place, at least for my daughter and husband -- I just keep trudging along, because someone has to! Good luck and hang in there.

I feel for you, we had the full blown flu here a couple of weeks ago, so I was sick first, then daughter and son got sick and hubby came home sick from work too, it was ugly, we all had to sleep sitting up the rest of the week just so the coughing wasn't so bad, hubby was the biggest baby of us all, he can't stand sitting around and doesn't like for me to be sick anyway, I think it's because he feel helpless when he can't do anything...just hang in there, gently remind your hubby that the baby needs you first if you can and disinfect everything once you are all better. I've never known any man who didn't act worse than all the kids when he was sick, they seem to regress to children themselves.

What do you mean yo think your husband will "fall apart"? There is no good reason you need to be tested like this. If your husband isn't too sick to walk and talk, then he IS able to do something to keep thing going around the house.

Also, I highly recommend that every mom in the universe either take a great multivitamin daily (make sure is has vitamin C and zinc) OR start taking Airborne the second anyone in your house is sick (you can get it at any drugstore).

Hi K.,

I have four kids and a husband. Whom at times is the bigger kid out of all. When he gets sick I tell him to stay in bed and stay out of my way. I still assist him when it comes to feeding him and such. But I have no problem yelling at him if he comes down to the kitchen and starts creating his own mess. It seems you husband's mom probably babied him immensly when he was sick, and he expects you to fill in for that job. He does have to toughen up and realize the only baby is the 7 month old. He should also be understanding that that baby needs your full undevided attention in order to build it's immunity back up. Trust me, It won't make you a bad wife to tell him to take a back seat for a while. Don't over extend yourself, because next thing you know you'll be next on that sick list. I just hope he will return the favor when you get sick.

I, yi, yi! Another man wanting to be "mothered". They're always wanting to be taken care of no matter what they say. If he's sick, tell him to get in bed and rest! Your baby needs you now and has to come first. Bring your husband meds or liquids, soups etc but make him stay in bed or tell him to complain to somebody else, you're doing all you can. Remember mommy, men always want to be the most important but sometimes it just isn't possible. Hubby can be #1 when baby is not sick. Jeanne Elk Grove Village, Il

Your husband should be able to take care of himself and realize that your baby will not always be sick. Maybe you both need to consider a different daycare, a healthier one. Your husband isn"t a baby, but an adult with emotional needs also. Part of marriage is letting yourself be loved.