Neighborhood Kids Not Supervised

Updated on May 21, 2010
C.M. asks from Snellville, GA
12 answers

I live in a small s/d with only ten houses on a cul-de-sac. We have many kids ages 4-12 whose parents do not supervise them, for many reasons. Some have parents that both work, some have parents that just don't think it's their job, some have only one parent, we have a lot of different cultures here, etc. but the point is that I and one other neighbor who are at-home moms end up being the "neighborhood nazis". We have to be the ones to explain common courtesy toward one another to them, police one another's yards and property, and pick up all the trash they throw on the street and in our yards. Talking to the parents does little or no good. As a Christian, I am constantly ruining my testimony because I try being nice the first few times but after that does not produce results, I get indignant and angry. I have been praying about this with my other Christian neighbor. This used to be a great neighborhood and it could be again. I feel like the Lord is trying to lead me into interacting with them in some way, but how? I have a busy life also. As Christians, we are to "come alongside" and "not against". Does anyone have any suggestions? It's so bad now that I am just about to give up and start calling the police when I see them misbehaving. Help! What can we do?

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P.W.

answers from San Francisco on

If you are a Christian, you should be happy to help out. They have to work, you don't. You can be the mommy hen to these kids that need it. Love them and supervise them and don't be a biotch about it. Why are you being "nazis?" How about being loving to these kids?

"Christian," jeez. I'm not Christian, and I wouldn't be angry about this. Sometimes I wonder about you "Christians."

6 moms found this helpful
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D.F.

answers from Boston on

"neighborhood nazis" wow that is a strong thing to say. I am sorry but take care of your own kids. Seems like you need to sit back and relax a little. Why do Christians believe its there job to preach to everyone. I am with page w. here I just do not get you guys. If you do not like the neighborhood kids then put up a fence and keep to yourself. Good Luck!

6 moms found this helpful

H.H.

answers from Killeen on

What are you praying for? Remember you really can't change anyone's heart but your own. I would pray for patience and discernment. Why are you so upset with the neighborhood? If they are just misbehaving, then go inside, close the blinds and ignore it- and don't get mad. There is really nothing you can do- except ask God to help you accept other people where they are.
Why not try a different approach. Instead of getting angry, organize a game of kickball, bring out chalk and bubbles and get to know the kids. Offer the kids a snack (like those ice pops in the plastic) show them where the trash can is, and tell them the are always welcome to put their trash in it when they are outside. Tell them what they can do, rather than what the can't. (You can play in my driveway, but please stay off my grass, you can play with our soccer ball when we are out here, but please don't take it without asking)
Be the neighborhood "organizer" rather than the "Nazi".

4 moms found this helpful
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D.W.

answers from Indianapolis on

There were a few things in your message I wanted to address.

1. Regarding the kids in the neighborhood, I agree with the advice that you can control what your kids do and what other kids to (to a certain extent at your house/in your yard).
I am a working Mom with 2 kids under the age of 4. I have little time to spend with my kids at the end of a busy work day. But, they're too young to be outside by themselves. We live on a cul-de-sac and have 20 kids between the ages of 2-16 on the street of 10 houses, too. There are other parents who aren't as attentive - there is no pattern of SAHM vs. working. It's just levels of attention paid to their kids not being the same as ours.
Last night is a perfect example. My husband was mowing the back yard when I came home from work with the kids. I needed to make dinner, they wanted to play with their friends. They played outside in the back yard that is fenced in and got to go out front after we ate dinner when I could supervise them.
Our next-door-neighbor's house was destroyed in a fire last week, so we've been mowing their yard while they're trying to rebuild and get their lives back in order (they have 5 kids who were affected). So, my husband was preoccupied with that more than normal in an effort to help our neighbors. Otherwise, he would have been out there with them.

2. You seem to be struggling with your religion, and it's a very personal thing.
I personally consider myself Christian, but I am very personal with my beliefs because it's been my own voyage to get there. I didn't grow up in a devout family, but I was confirmed Catholic. I married a Baptist man who had religion crammed down his throat every day of his life and wasn't given the choice of what to believe. When I was diagnosed with Cancer after the birth of our second child almost 2 years ago, the experience brought me closer to God, and it pushed him further away. He couldn't understand why the God he believes in would do this to a young mom and 2 small children.
Again, personal paths lead us in our own relationships for our own reasons.

I try to make my decisions in life based upon being a good person. I personally choose not to let religion be a deciding factor in doing what's right. It gives me considerable personal satisfaction to help other people. It only takes a few days on Mamapedia to learn that there are 1000 different approaches to being a parent - many of which I don't agree with, but there are very likely things I do that people don't agree with either.

It sounds like you have a few options, though.
You can try talking to the parents to let them know your concerns.
You can try talking to the kids to tell them what you're concerned about.
You can keep to yourselves and have your kids remain in your yard under your watch.
You can put your house on the market and move into a neighborhood that's more desirable for your preferences.

3 moms found this helpful
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K.C.

answers from Cleveland on

Well first I am also I christian but I think it not much to do with religion and just being considerate.
The sad fact is many people just are not considerate. We also reside on a cul-de-sac and deal with the practically the same problem as yourself. Its very frustrating. Its always me and one other mom that are outside. Both our husbands enjoy being outside with the kids..obviously they work during the day.
I don't know if this is the correct solution BUT I plan on doing this myself the next time a problem rises. ITs always the same kids who causes problems but his mom is ALWAYS inside ..ugh. I plan on saying nicely if they can't get along they need to go home. Or when the mom calls to complain I will nicely mention she should be outside wathcing her kids. good luck.

2 moms found this helpful
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T.G.

answers from St. Louis on

Well, you are on the right path. I would change your prayers to include the anger you are feeling. Ask him to guard your mouth as your words can speak life or death into others lives.

A 12 year old should be old enough to be alone, but I would worry about younger kids.

The misbehaving you are talking about - if is is silly kids stuff like fighting over toys or riding on the lawn with their bike I would ignore if it is not involving your child or your property. If it is serious like destruction of someone elses property or physical injury to another child, then I would immediately go to the childs house involved and if the parents aren't home, I would call the police to report the incident.

If the Lord is instructing you to step up and be role modle or "fill" in adult while parents are away, then ask Him to show you how. Becareful because sometimes we feel a burden that the Lord did not place upon us. If this is the case, He will not grace you to do this.

If things are out of control and you constantly have 15 kids in your yard, it is within your rights to tell the children that they may not play in your yard. Keep in mind, you are legally responsible for any injuries that occur on your property, even if the children do not have permission to be there.

You can be stern and still Christian.

Good luck and I will pray for God to clarify what path you should take.

2 moms found this helpful

J.D.

answers from Columbus on

I would explain to these kids what your house rules are, and add that house rules extend to your entire yard. If they want to follow the rules they are welcome to join you and your kids in playing, if not, they may go somewhere else. I have a three strikes policy with the neighborhood kids (and my own, except mine have to go inside), break three rules and you may not play at our house for the rest of the day AND until you apologize for your behavior.

2 moms found this helpful
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D.B.

answers from Charlotte on

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2 moms found this helpful
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A.M.

answers from Atlanta on

Wow, C., I hear an honest plea for help. You sound, to me, like you are trying to honestly work through this issue and are using one tool, your faith, to help you. I'm sorry for all the judgment heaped upon YOU for that. We've had this same issue in our neighborhood, but not to the same degree. Just a group of 3 unsupervised kids versus all the rest whose parents are "present" for them. I struggled too with how to be a kind loving person, but not feel overwhelmed. Ultimately, I just figured out my boundaries. The kids could play on the front steps and sidewalk with us (we're in an urban setting). If I was handing out watermelon or popcycles, I'd hand them out to everyone. But I wouldn't let the kids play in my house -- the worry was just overwhelming. And I had consistent rules and expectations of behavior for all the kids, mine and others. So figure out what your boundaire are, what you have the capacity to handle. Do you want to be the mother hen to all these kids (bascially a volunteer childcare provider) or do you want to take care of just your own kids. Either answer is fine, and it sounds like it's the latter for you. Then pick your battles, when it's a safety issue or if they're truly disorderly or actually breaking the law. Then maybe a call to authorities is in order. You are not acting in an "unChristian" way, you're calling out their parents to take responsibility for their own children. Chilren need boundaries to feel safe and to grow up to be responsible adults....

1 mom found this helpful
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M.Z.

answers from Indianapolis on

Without being a doormat, please remember that "it takes a village". My husband and our sahm neighbor face the same problem. Although we work its at night so we get the pleasure of dealing with the neighborhood hounds during the day. We just try to be firm and set boundaries the same way we would with our kids. No child will listen after the first time. If you really feel its such a problem talk to their parents. See if you can come up with community rules or a cul de sac common courtesy. One of my nieghbors actually sets up group activities to squash all the toy stealing etc. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
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J.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

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1 mom found this helpful
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P.

answers from Spartanburg on

If you live in a sub, do you have a HOA? There are codes for most neighborhoods for keeping the property nice. Make them do the dirty work.
And for the kids being out without adults, when are they out? We have a few that wander the streets, but aren't destructive. Unless they're doing something harmful, then one of us will talk to them. One in out cul-se-sac is a wild one and known to pull hair, etc, and her parents aren't always outside. When she gets bad, we send her in her house. Of course her parents send her right back out :(
You really need to let it go. Kids will be kids and you can't govern everyone. Raise your kids right and teach them well, and they won't want to hang out with the troublemakers of the world.
Unless the kids are on your property, you really don't have much to say. If misbehaving is breaking the law, then call the police, otherwise, stay out of it.

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