New Little Man

Men are BIG babies. My husband knows that my children come before him and anyone else. Doesn't mean that I don't love him it's just that the little take up a big part of my time but he understands. We try to get out alone when we can and cuddle when the kids go to bed.

Please don't overgravitate toward your children, and leave the other person responsible for bringing them in to the world on the ledge. Not unless you want to have him finding his love elsewhere. Men need added encouragement and attention when children are introduced into the mix. If he feels like an outsider, he may well go outside the relationship. Remember your vows daily, have a "date night" once a week. I don't mean to sound preachy. I just don't want my own life repeated by someone else. :-(

C.

I think that my husband felt a little jealous also. They are so used to us babying them, that how could they not be alittle jealous. I tried to do special little things for him to remind him that he also had a special place in my heart. It is kind of corny, but I did things like take him lunch at work, or make a lunch for him and put a sexy little love letter in it. I think it helped. We have two little boys now and I am sure that he got over it.
Love,
Mother of two little angels!

Hi D.,

Its completely normal for your hubby to feel like you are paying more attention to your little man than him...because you are. :-)

My husband felt this way, especially since I nursed my son for the first 13 months of his life. My son was a Mommas boy!

My husband quit his job and during that time I was returning into the workforce and it kinda forced him to be at home with our son. During that time it gave my husband and my son an opportunity to bond.

Now my son is 27 months and is officially a Daddy's Boy!

I love it because it gives me a break. :-)

I know your son is only 6 months old but its never to young for your hubby to bond with him. It will be really fun once Luke gets older...since most men feel more comfy with an older child (for wrestling and tickling purposes).

Just be patient D. I was once in the same boat! Good Luck!

D., sorry to say it's just the nature of the beast, especially if you breast feed. He's gonna just have to suck it up, grow up, and get over it.
A.

My husband had the same problem with our daughter. I started to do something especially for him everyday. Like put a love note in his breif case, make his fav. dinner or hideing something sexy of mine in his underwear drawer (of course with a note attached saying that I plan on wearing it that night if he mentioned finding it! He would sometimes not find it for days!) I understand that baby needs you every time he crys but the second he goes down to sleep start giving your hubby a shoulder rub and if your son starts crying complain about how you have to leave your hubby to take care of baby. Make sure your man knows he is number one. Kids need to know that mom and dad are always on the same team and that they can't get between them. I know that when I was growing up almost all the other parents were on marriage #2 and because my mom made dad first that I never had to deal with that problem.

Here is the thing, you DO love theb abymore than the husband! I hate to break it to you, haha! Let your husband in on the secret, but be sure to tell him that your love for him has actually grown since you first met only now you lo9ve him for completely different reasons! That before baby was here you would have thought that the sight of him sniffing poop was a horrid sight but now to see him wiff the baby butt to check fo rpoopies is the most beautifull thing you have ever seen (mostly becasue you iddnt have to be the one to do it!) Also that those mornings when he goes in to check on baby sop you can take your time getting up makes him more of a romantic that on the night of your engagement!! Your baby is goinbg to be the love of your life forever, but he still gets to be the only other person in the world who shares your heart and soul! Good Luck--C.

Something I learned the very hard way is that no matter how you feel the most important thing in your marriage is to put your husband first!

If this means you have to put baby down and tend to Hubby's needs, then that is what you must do...as heartbreaking as that is for us mothers. (I say that sincerely because it was very hard for me to do and in fact, I didn't do it at all which drove my husband away).

Fathers do not, and most will not, ever understand our role as mother and how we feel towards our children, but something I learned from the most wonderful marriage conference in the world which has been a saving grace to my marriage is:

The best way to show your children love, is to love your spouse FIRST.

"Our whole life being about our children hurts them and my spouse." ~ Greg Speck from Family Life's, Weekend to Remember (WeekendToRemember.com)

Sometimes with a new baby you get to a point where you feel your spouse is hindering your ability to allow you to be the mother you want to be. If your husband is jealous of baby, said or unsaid, he will start to resent either you or the baby.

"Your spouse is not your enemy." Alot of us forget this.

You can justify any action into making your husband's feeling seem silly and I'm glad that you are choosing not to. I justified everything and it pushed my husband away. Having a baby (or two) changes everything.

Talk with your husband and blatently ask him if that is how he feels. Make sure you look so deep into his eyes that you can see his heart when you tell him you love him more than anything in the world and that your son is a living end result of the love you have for one another.

I told myself I didn't love my husband as much as my children. How could I? I mean .. come on.. these are my children.. they came from me... but they didn't, they came from us...two people who loved each other so much they decided to share that love with the world and call him, in your case, Luke.

Make a set time for your husband when no matter what, even if Luke cries, you put your husband first.

Even if you have no money, go on dates with your husband and get that alone time. Do not talk about Luke unless your husband brings him up. Reconnect and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.

That is the best answer I could give you. It's been a hard road for me and I hope my sharing what I know now will keep others from where I've been.

Sincerely,

J.
____@____.com

It's very important for you and your husband to teach your son from an early age how marriage works. If he sees that Daddy doesn't yell, cuss, scream or hit Mommy then he will be significantly less likely to do this as an adult. Additionally, if your son see how much you value your relationship for Daddy and how much you do for him (ie: laundry, dinner, sorting out the checkbook, dropping off his dry cleaning for him) he will be more likely to find a strong and supportive woman to spend the rest of his life with. I know the only thing that would break my heart more than putting my baby down in his playpen to play alone for a while so that Dad and I have time alone would be for my future daughter in law to come to me because my son is treating her badly. Whether it was emotional, or God forbid, physical...I'd have to lay him out real quick for hurting her. That's assuming his Dad, Uncles, Cousins, Brother and Grandpas didn't get there first. Then I'm not sure there would be much left lol. In other words, be the example of the adult you want him to be one day or the example of the kind of woman he needs in the future. As far as your husband getting jealous, explain to him that you don't love your son more but you simply have a bond with him on a different level than the bond the two of you share. Then ask him who he loves more...you or his mom! Tell him as hard as it would be for him to chose between the two of you, that's how you feel about Luke. They are two entirely different kinds of love and you don't feel yours and your husband's love for anyone but him. Oh yeah, leave him notes saying "I love you!" or "Grrrrrr!" or something cute and/or silly. Just little ones here and there to let him know you haven't forgotten him. Sticky note on the mirror so he sees it getting ready for work, another on the coffee pot, a card in the car somewhere obvious so he won't miss it, email him every now and then. This helps me and my husband a lot. We went almost 3 days without speaking to each other without even realizing it one time. That's when I started leaving notes and even sometimes "hints" if you know what I mean. Maybe email him something like "If you know what's good for you, meet me in the bedroom at 9 PM tonight! Clothing not required for expected activities. Do not bring a friend." Unless you like it freaky lol. Then he can bring a friend if he wants. In other words, BE SILLY!! Let him know you are still his wife and not just Mom anymore. I think it's hard for them when we become "Mom" because think about the only Mom they've had in their lives...usually it's not someone they can have your kind of relationship with lol. Sorry it's so long and sorry if I've butchered any spellings...it's late. Good luck.

There is a great resource called Created to Be His Help Meet. You can find it on www.nogreaterjoy.com. I would get this book and read it. Good Luck.

D.,

I can relate to what is going on as I experienced the same with my husband. This is a new experience for everyone and roles do change. I think that it is just important for your husband to know how much he is loved and is needed by you. Your time and energy is obviously devoted to your son now where as this time and engergy used to be given all to your husband. My suggestion would be to just assure him as much as possible and try to devote some time for yourselves.

Take care,
K.