New School - Need Some Ideas!

Hi, my name is C. and you are?

We just moved here over on XXXxxx street. What's a good place to go eat?

Do you have a favorite restaurant for BBQ? Pizza? Asian? Chinese? Steak?

What's a good weekend road trip for Labor Day? What kind of mini vacations can we do with the kids that would be fun?

Where do we sign the kids up for soccer, football, tennis, gymnastics, dance, etc....

Do you know anyone who gives kids piano lessons?

People love to give advice, talk about themselves, help someone find their way around. Play the "I'm new to the area" angle to start more conversations. I think that would get the ball rolling.

How about when you meet at bus stop. Invite some Moms in for coffee!

I am terrible at small talk, and have never been one to just go up and say hello I'm so and so. Some people are great at that but with me I always feel phony, and like I'm forcing myself on others.
I found the best way to meet other moms (and eventually dads too) was simply by volunteering, in the classroom, on field trips, and eventually on school committees and in Boy and Girl Scouts. I have made some really good, long term friends this way.
Just take your time, and be a part of things, and before long you will get to know people. Let your kids start asking friends over whenever they want. If there's no parent directory with phone numbers and emails your kids can ask their friends for their phone #s at school (just like we used to do lol!)
Signing up for sports and classes outside school is another great way to meet other families.

People like to help. Ask, where can I find good-----pizza, itillian, vegetables,something. Or how do I ______? Or I don't understand the system for whatever. or what flowers grow best here? Could you and little Bobby come down to our house for a bit on Thursday? Moms feel better if they have been to your house once before they let the kids by themselves.

Be yourself!

Meet other parents at the bus stop and chat.

Go to your child's classes and help the teacher. Teachers always need help with cutting, pasting, laminating, copying, etc. and your help with this enables them to spend more teaching time with your child.

Join and participate in PTA activities. Of course you do not have to jump in and take a hugely active role in the beginning. They need helping hands for working with the children and administrators.

When there is a social sponsored by the school... Go! Our PTA has several socials (FREE) to get parents involved.

Just a few small steps one at a time can do a world of good for you and yiur're children.

Good ideas, so far. I am also a big believer in asking open ended questions and then listening -- people LOVE to talk about themselves. If you ask about local activities and someone answers that their kid does gymnastics while grandma watches their baby...follow-up with a question like, "Oh, your parents live around here? Did you grow up nearby?" That could lead into where they went to college, or how often they've moved, or you can commiserate about how hard it is to find good sitters. You get the idea.

I would also suggest hanging out with your kid(s) in your front yard -- riding bikes, sidewalk chalk, watering plants, washing the car. The other kids in the neighborhood will see your kids (probably when they are being driven to an activity) and will want to play, too. Go for walks and when you do see neighbors outside, make eye contact and say hello. If you notice they have school age kids, pause and introduce yourself. Say you just moved to the neighborhood and ask if there are any playgrounds/parks nearby. If you become friendly with a particular family after a few brief conversations, mention that your kid likes to do XYZ after school (Legos, bike ride, etc...) and ask if their kid might like to come over to do it with him/her. (Be sure to invite the mom, too, until she gets to know you well enough for drop-off playdates.)

Good luck!

C.,

If you don't have younger ones at home to care for, may I suggest volunteering as a way to connect with other parents? Sometimes, we might not make an instant new friend with the parents of the children in our own child's class, but volunteering instantly gives parents something to talk about-- namely, the task at hand.

Playdates are tricky; I found that parents of school-aged kids sometimes seem less interested in making playdates-- I know that's not true for everyone, but for some life is already so busy that taking the time to help the kids connect with other kids just isn't a priority. If your neighborhood is participating in National Night Out, that would be a good time to get outside and introduce yourself. I find that the time I spend in my front garden has ended up being great as a way to get to know the neighbors.

As others have said, sports or activities outside school also bring families together, too. You have some great opportunities there.

Try to get to know the kids within walking distance first...it's so much easier for playdates. You didn't say how old your kids are - much of this they can do on their own....

I would say...oh, do you live on ___________st? We just moved there and were slowly getting to know the other families...

You might arrange something at a neighborhood park for starters.

I wish I had done this when I first moved into our neighborhood.... Take Jr out for a walk. Go consistently and at different times during the day. You may not see folks out from your home, but if you walk around a few blocks, you may start to see people. If you get a hello and a wave, introduce yourself. Saying "I'm C. and we just moved in a few months ago. How long have you lived here?" And the conversation usually flows from there.

People love to be asked questions. Since you are new to the area, you can ask all kinds of things - hubbie and I want to go out to eat this weekend, where do you recommend? We may see XYZ movie, have you seen it?

Smile (it always makes people feel at ease with you if you have a warm smile), say hi. Approach them as if they are already your friend, and assume they are unless you start to get vibes otherwise. Always be kind and have positive things to say about others. If you are talking ill about someone else, people will assume you are talking ill about them too.

I'd volunteer at the school - maybe the PTO or something, or volunteer for the classroom parties or to help the teacher.

I'm also an introvert and I would constantly wonder what people thought of me after I met them (and still do, to an extent) -- did they like me, did they want to talk to me again? I exhausted myself. I finally told myself that I would assume they were my friend until I started getting vibes otherwise. But I also knew that if I started to feel they weren't receptive to me, I'd let them be.

I'm sure you are a nice person and expect that some of your efforts will be wasted on people who aren't interested in a new friend, but you also may meet a few folks who you really connect with.

Good luck! I feel ya!

New to the school or not... I personally do not set up play dates for my kids with other kids, UNTIL *I* know the parent or know that they are my cup of tea.
I am an observer. I choose, who/what I interact with on a personal level.
Especially when my kids were younger and didn't know how to assess people/situations themselves.

Just be casual and yourself. See who YOUR child, is friends with.

We also recently moved. The things I use to start conversations usually include recommendations for doctors, dentists, lawn care service, car repair shops, car washes, hair stylists, restaurants, local sports teams/activities for my kids to join, churches, birthday party places, the "best" of whatever...ice cream, bakery, specialty shops, wine bars, photographers, etc. I like to ask how long other people have lived here and why they came, what they like best. You can also ask if there are any area attractions with annual memberships or passes that are good for families, like gardens/museums/zoos. Ask about gardening clubs, walking groups, book clubs, the best gym or yoga studio, massage parlor, nail spa. Anything you like to do is the perfect launch pad for a conversation. Plus, it's a pretty quick way to discover if you have a common interest that might lead to friendship. Starting over in a new place is not easy, but a little effort will pay off. You can always look online for groups to join. Meetup.com is a good place to look too.

Just want to suggest that in addition to "talking to other parents", it might be nice to spend some time making new friends for yourself - not necessarily other parents from your child's school.

One of the other recent posts on here discussed adult volunteer opportunities like the Junior League. Getting involved in something like that might be a great way for you to make friends in your new neighborhood.

Are you looking for companions for your kids or for yourself? A lot of my "mom friends" are the parents of my kids' friends because I'm also somewhat introverted.

Keep it neutral (no politics or controversial issues) and kid-centered. Ask about good outdoor activities (playgrounds, parks, etc.) and any classes/programs that your children might be interested in.
Join the PTA/PTO.

Find some ladies that are involved at school and get to know them. So...go to a PTA meeting. Sign up to help with an event...you don't have to chair the event...just help. You will quickly start opening up your circle of friends.

After the weather,and kids..ask what they did over the summer. Let them know you just moved and are new at the school. Ask questions about what there is to do that is fun in the area for kids, and for adults. Once the conversation gets away from, "Ya..it sure is cold today", "Ya..it sure is", then you are off and running with varying subjects and advice and insight.

Go to the parks, library, YMCA type facilities.. go to where kids are. Invite a whole family over on a weekend night for dessert and a game. I am hosting a little brunch at my home next week with my friends and a new lady that moved in...because I know she is in the same boat as you..and needs a support network. I was the newbie 4 years ago and am so grateful for those that reached out to me.

Good luck and best wishes! I feel it takes a good year before relationships really amp up. So, keep putting yourself out there and it will happen.