Nieces and Nephews

We had this issues with my son's uncle. They are only one year apart (strange story, but true-yes, my husband has a little brother the same age as his son! lol). Every time he & the other kids would come over, they would break things, drag things out & not clean up after themselves, etc. The parents were not saying anything to them, so I decided that since it was my house, I should speak up. I started correcting the kids when they came here; telling them that they were not allowed to play in my son's room. They could go play outside or play with the toys in front of the adults. Yes, it wasn't the most comfortable or nicest way to do it, but the bad behaviors stopped. Once those kids learned that in my house, they will follow MY rules, things changed.

I agree with Dana's Post. I do this for a Dear Friend's little boy. Our friend's son is younger than our daughter so he still puts LOTS of stuff in his mouth. I started putting up all "soft toys" (anything made of foam or plastic that he could bite off or leave tooth marks on)before he comes over to play.
He's not a wild child nor is he inconsiderate, they don't have any soft toys at home b/c of the phase he's in and our little girl gets wild when playing too so I don't feel bad if our friend puts away nicer toys that she might get excited and play with too hard.

If the boys ask where "______" is tell them the Truth. That your daughter was very hurt by how easily they overlooked breaking/tearing up her stuff and it is too expensive to replace everything they play with and tear up.
Anything she would be upset at losing you've put away while they are there (you & your daughter can do this together and you can explain that since her cousins are so inconsiderate of her things and feelings you are doing this).
IF the cousins try and "find" the hidden toys b/c they can't accept that they are being denied something they want-THEN i'd consider talking to my brother-telling him that not only are they inconsiderate of your daughter's feelings and your pocketbook, they have no respect for your authority and if he doesn't feel it's an issue then you want to only have cousin time in a public place or at THEIR house so when his kids break something it doesn't come out of YOUR bank account.
I'd also let your daughter be there if you DO have to talk with your brother-so she will see that you are trying to preserve the family unit-but setting a good example of trying to compromise and Not being a doormat.
Hope this helps.
Good Luck!

This is a easy one. Since they are breaking the toys and the parents do not have the decency to stop it when you replace the toy send them the bill. Shucks I would include the cost of my time and gas!

I bet they would soon get the picture or stay home!

God Bless

We have friends with kids like that. They aren't bad kids, just very active and curious. They do things like pour sand into our new electric baseball tee. I have learned to make a quick sweep of the house and hide anything especially nice that I don't want destroyed. I also don't leave them alone without supervision for more than a minute ot two so I can stop any destructive behaviour BEFORE it happens. It's worth it to avoid a scene with the family. You could plan fun activities for when they come over, like baking cookies or watching a special movie, to keep them busy. I think it's hard to bill their parents for something that's happening when they are not there.

I kind of agree with your husband - and I agree with the other poster.

I think you can communicate with your nieces and nephews without telling them that someday they might not be welcome in your home. Try to sit them down and have a talk with them. Ask what their favorite toys are. Then ask how they would feel if you walked in and stepped on them. They are probably just extra hyper when they come over because it's someone else's house, and they just aren't thinking in terms of these are someone else's toys. And your brother-in-law might care - he just might be embarrassed, but when they go home he might be all over his kids about it.

I definately think you are within your rights to tell them they are not welcome in her ROOM if they do not stop breaking the toys. In that case, they can bring over a video or a couple of toys of their own and play in the back yard or in the living room when the weather is inclement.
I just don't think you should burn bridges with family.

Family is just way too important.

It sounds like your niece and nephew do not have the same rules at their home as you do at yours. I think that you should tell them that they can not play in your daughter's room and explain to them it is because they break her toys. Explain to them you have these rules in your house and when they come to your house they must abide by them. Also, explain to your daughter that she needs to put her special toys in your room while they are there so there is no risk they get broken. Explain to her that they do not have the same rules in their home so you are trying to get them to abide by the same rules in your home. It will take some time, but it will happen. They will get the picture. If your husband's brother gets upset at you making them "follow the rules" then that is when you make him understand that it is your home and these are the rules and you are tired of replacing every toy that HIS kids break. Stand your ground here. He has to learn to respect family also. His kids need to learn to respect other people's property. It is a shame that you may be the one to have to teach them, but they need to be taught. I hope this helps!

R.,

I have the exact same problem with my own sister R.'s kids! We figured out really fast once I started having children (four years after her first one) that their oldest was a tornado. Within months of having our first baby, their four year old had broken or mangled many of his baby toys then turned to our Christmas tree and dismantled several of our ornaments. Fast forward nine years and we have learned to put away ALL the toys that we do not want them to play with. Unfortunately, as their oldest son grows so does his destruction. The last time I invited them over here (March) the now 12-year old took wire cutters to our back porch and cut holes in the screen, took our 6-year old daughter to the back field to make her poop in from of him (her brother intervened thank God!), and got out on the roof to climb on the TV antenae.

My way to deal with them is to not have them over very often. Thankfully they live 200 miles away so their visits are few and far between anyway. My kids love having their cousins over but even they do not like knowing their possessions are up for grabs. I finally talked to my sister, especially about the nephew trying to see his cousin's privates, and she was dumbfounded. Hopefully between the two of us we can keep the kids in sight at all times and prevent them from destroying more things. It doesn't help that they routinely destroy their own toys, including the really heavy-duty tricycles made by John Deere. Their own yard is a mine field of ruined toys and neither of the parents seems to care. But I will not allow it to happen here...

K.

I think you are definately over reacting....Thay are just kids....Things will get broken especially with boys and when you put more than one together...You sure you just dont like the kids in the first place?

We had the same problem with my bf's boys. Finally made the rule that they could not play in my daughter's room, only in playroom and my kids knew not to leave anything in there that could get broken. That has worked well for years.

Here's my 2 cents worth.

If it happens at my house when I am the supervising adult then it's my fault for not supervising the kids well enough.

I have had to repaint rooms from Sharpie being used to write on the wallpaper I spent months picking out and did myself, I have had to replace carpet from drinks and other "fluids" (pee) getting on the carpet and soaking in deep, etc.... My best friend is very laid back, her kids are her world and they do whatever they want, they are awesome children with huge hearts. Her home is kid friendly and if anything gets broken then it just got well used. Mine have broken their special toys too, not on purpose, just by not knowing they were so fragile or not knowing how to play with that particular toy, how it works.

On the other hand I like everything to be put up and tidy. If I have things I don't want kids to play rough with then I make a point of removing it.

Toys break, they are made to break so you have to buy more. Hearts break too, so if there are special toys and the bedroom needs to be off limits then by all means have the play area in your line of vision, but be prepared for things in that room to get broken too. Supervise the kids directly all the time. When you are cooking put them in your area with coloring books, or simple crafts, something to keep them busy so you can do your jobs too.

i would put her special toys away, all the favs and things that are really costly. but maybe see if they will help replace the toys that are broken. It is very hard with family, i try to remind every one including my husband sometimes that this is our home and we have rules here, like no breaking or being mean. if the parents don't want to help inforce this try telling his kids the rules. or if you see that something is about to be broken tell the child that you can't play with this if you are going to break it and show them how it is to be played with.

Hi, I have had the same problem with Playgroups. After some frustration (these things aren't cheap!) I got a large plastic tote and grabbed up all of the 'good' or favorite toys and put them away when the other kids are here. I now have older toys in another tote that I drag out for guests. It is not as much work as it sounds, start the night before after bed and drop things in as you go.

When they ask, and they will....tell them that their rough behavior with her toys hurts your daughter's feelings, and she cries when her toys are lost due to breakage. Tell them these are what are available for play until they can learn to be respectful of your daughters possesions and your home.