No Mother's Gift for Mom!!!

Point blank tell him how you feel. It is obvious he is one of those men that needs to be told things especially when it comes to feelings. I am positive he had no idea how much he upset you.

I'm with you on this. I love my husband to death dont get me wrong but he has missed my birthday and mothersday almost every year since we've been married. THis year the only year he remebered them he got me a footbath for mothers day. something that HE's wanted for a long time. real gift for me huh. THe only thing that made me forget it all was that my 8 year old spent his own money on flowers they were selling at school for me.

I am with you! It was my Birthday and FIRST Mother's Day all in one weekend. My husband took me out on my birthday (Friday) and we had a good time, but I didn't really get any gifts...and I wanted those two days to be seperate....I suppose since his birthday is close to Christmas I will just tell him it is all the same...Men are clueless about how we want to be treated....and how much easier their lives would be if they would just listen!

Hey Isabella,

I would just like to say that I totally get it. I have a good gift giver. My dad was a good gift giver for my mom. However, I have friends whose husbands get them things like tube socks. It isn't the ammount of money really. It's the thought. If I had a choice between nothing and tube socks I would be totally hacked off.

I understand the deal about husbands focussing on their mom, but I would like to offer a counter point. Dad wouldn't be a dad if it weren't for his wife - mom. Those stratch marks and stitches didn't come from nowhere. As a mom, I just want to be recognized for the gift I gave him. I make sure I recognize him on his day and I want the same in return.

So here's what I would do:

I would go to www.salary.com and calculate how much I would be worth if my man had to pay for my services as a wife and mom. Then I would print out an itemized statement. I would wait until all the kids were in bed and I would present him with his bill. I would tell him, "As you can see, you really can't afford me. I am, however, willing to make you a deal. From now until the end of time I will accept gifts and tokens of appreciation on all holidays that apply in lieu of payment. That means Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, Anniversary, Christmas, Birthday are mandatory. If this agreement is not acceptable to you I am going to have to start cutting back on my labor and hours. I may even have to go on strike. Think about it and get back to me."

From that point until he agreed to our little deal was made I would begin the cutting back process. I would start with clean underwear and go from there.

Just a thought.

Okay here is my question- why do you need something material for Mother's Day? That is the problem now days. Every one expects something. Before anyone says anything, NO I didn't get anything for Mother's Day and you know what, I am okay with it. Just be happy that you are a mother- there are thousands of women out there that can't be. Yes, Mother's Day is about celebrating mothers but that doesn't mean you have to get something material. As far as him not getting you anything or saying Happy Mothers day- you aren't his mother. Just be happy that you have 3 beautiful kids and that you have the gift of being a mother in the first place. Instead of keeping to yourself you could have gotten up and just made a day of talking, playing just spending time with your kids rather that mooping because you didn't get a gift. Right now you need to move on and forget about it, you can't turn back time. And if the hand prints are the "best gift ever" sounds like you don't need anymore than that.

I don't understand the big deal. It's a little selfish.

Hi Isabella. I know how it is to feel underappreciated. Even though I know that my husband works very hard, I want to know that he understands that I work very hard keeping our house clean, keeping track of our finances and taking care of our two children 2 and 9 mos. My husband had to work all day on Mother's Day but I saw him in the morning before he went and after he came home. He is not one to prepare in advance, and after a long day at work "forgot" to stop and pick me up something on the way home. He was very sweet about it, although I was a little irritated because sports seem to be the only thing on his mind sometimes! I think that we all wish we had the romantic thoughtful husband but the fact is most men are not like that. I try to live by the "treat others as you want to be treated" rule. I hope that by being an example, for say, Father's Day, that he will get the hint. So I plan to get him a little something special IN ADVANCE for Father's Day and make a big deal out of the day for him so that he will want to do the same for me in years to come. Same thing goes for other holidays as well. Best wishes and Happy Belated Mother's Day!!

After reading these responses, this message is for all of you moms out there who think that women's soul purpose on this earth is to make babies, do laundry, clean messes, serve husbands and have absolutely no life of their own. You haven't realized what century we are living in. Every mother makes sacrifices for her family, it is all part of being mom, I realize that, but therefor, it is all the more reason for mothers to have a special day just for themselves, to take the day off and have a break, everybody needs that, daddys too. Both parents work hard to take care of their families and they both deserve some recognition. My husband and I have a tradition, that on mother's day, I get the day off from house work, cooking and taking care of the kids, and on fathers day, he gets the day off. It is one of the best gifts we can give each other, presants are nice too, this year I got the day off, plus a bouquet of roses and some gourmet chocolates. Kudos to all the mothers who were supportive! and to all the mothers who weren't, you are simply not giving yourselves enough credit, you deserve something special too, it is great to spend time with your family, yes, but every mother also needs ME time, it keeps you sane, and keeps you happy, and what better day to take advantage of that then mother's day!

Don't feel bad, I've never gotten a mother's day gift from my husband and only get whatever the kids make. I always buy him something. This year I have decided not to get him anything at all. Let's see how he feels.

Isabella, you know, it would be really nice if you had it the way most mother's do on Mother's day. I have a few things to say. First, what is the husband like on his Birthday, Father's day, Christmas, Anniversary...etc...??Does he get gifts, cards,and lots of verbal "Happy birthdays," or whatever the occasion? Well......

Does he want attention that simply suggests appreciation? If so, it is time you play his role for awhile, or forever in need be. He seems self-absorbed. He also seems not to have too much regard for your feelings at all.

Any occasion that has to do with him, he needs to be left out. Show him. Actions speak louder than words with this guy.

As for you and Mother's day and other occasions that are designed to show appreciation. It is time, unfortunately, that you attitude hass to change. As a mother, there is nothing more to be celebrated than your relationship with your children. So turn the emotions around. On this day, and the other's that are similar, you need to simply be grateful for being a mother and stop expecting or even hoping for things to change. Until your children get older, you probably won't get a card or anything else. So if you change your attitude, you will not be set up for dissapointment. Again, it is very unfortunate.

But it is more important to count your blessings.

This is how I believe my birthday should be. I am grateful for being alive and being given anothter day with my daughter, and others I care about. I make sure to call those I truely love and am grateful for, and let them know. I never ever mention that it is my birthday. That would go against the thought process and attitude change on the subject. So in essence, I am celebrating my day alive on my birthday, instead of looking forward to gifts, birthday wishes etc...Many of the things people hope for is superficial anyway.

**You can choose to be unhappy and saddened...or you can celebrate the real meaning of these holidays....your way. Things aren't going to change around your house as long as you are married to a selfish person.

If the attitude change is difficult, then take your kids somewhere,and give them each a few dollars to surprise you with a gift for the occasion. Maybe do the same thing on each child's birthday, so the children do not grow up being like the man you married. So what if the $$ came form you and there are no surprises....maybe have a close friend or family member take them shopping with your $. I bought my own M-day gift for my daughter to give to me. I had my 16 yr old neice help her wrap it and she really felt that she picked the perfect gift for me...and it was perfect...I picked it out myself.:)

Sodo not hope for your situation to change any. It is time foryou to turn things a bit to find the happiness you desereve. But remember, it is all in your attitude, and only you can choose your attitude. Do not stay in that miserable place of impossible expectations. Also, do not even try to change hat man. He is a man. He will never get it. And it sounds like he really doesn't care too much, if it doesn't involve him directly. On "his days," you can choose to show him how it is done...WITHOUT FUTURE EXPECTATIONS or arguments, or any words about how he does not reciprocate. OR, you can go his way(which is the way I would definately start for a couple of years anyways- actions speak louder than words!)...and that seems to be completely ignoring the occasion. I mean, isn't it just another day??? (to him)??

Good luck and CREATE yourself a really great day and life for that matter. It is all up to you!! I hope you can change your attitude on lots of matters and enjoy life and find it completely fulfilling!

A.

I totally understand. It's sort of a day for our spouses to acknowledge us too. I did get pecan pancakes for Mother's Day, but I'm not sure they made up for being sick and listening to our son's screaming his heart out because he's sick and working on 3 molars at once. My husband said he had planned on getting me something, but with our son sick and online stores out of stock, etc.... he didn't do much. Same type of thing for Christmas.

I, on the other hand, try to make sure he is well celebrated on such occasions. Maybe I see it as a way to express my love, and he would rather express his on a more daily basis (which he does). So I try to think of it that way.

But if I were you, I would treat myself to a mother's day gift. A simple piece of jewelry, a new dress or a pedicure or something. Or better yet, let your daughters pick something out for you! Then just tell him you were feeling overlooked.

After reading some of these responses...I am shocked!! You are so right...it's not about the gifts...but the THOUGHT!!! I also did not receive anything from my husband. I was not looking for a gift, in general, I was just looking for one day out of the year to be honored and respected!! I truly enjoyed my children's hand-made gifts and I will treasure those forever...but...something whether hand-made or not :) from my husband would have been appreciated!! I spoke to my husbands mother about it and she said that she believes her husband never taught her children to honor her. It is so important to teach our children about honor and so I worry about my own children not learning that. I just keep praying that God will reveal to these men how hard us moms work to care for our family. We don't need gifts...just honor!! I hope next year is better...for all of us mothers!! Take care!

I would plan a day to get away for myself. I would say, "guess what buster, you are in charge of the kids on Saturday and I am going to the spa all day long." Or, you could just go buy yourself something that you have always wanted - big screen tv, digital camera, a small country......

That is what I would do.....

I don't get into the whole hoopla about mother's day as a May ... thing (May 11th this year) because to me mother's day is everyday I get lovin from my kids, hugs & sugars & such, and they tell me they love me. But I'd say try not to let it get to you too much, most men don't think with their emotions much at all.

ok, after posting then reading the other responses, I have to say I love Lisa's idea! lol, thats a fantastic way to get a man's attention.

I'm sorry, but I don't understand those who say that you can retaliate by not getting your husband anything for Father's Day. Marriage isn't a competitive game, you need to communicate your feelings with each other and do your best to be a team. My husband and I make it a goal in our marriage to always communicate and share our expectations and I feel as if that has brought us together and we rarely fight. If you were hurt by his lack of actions, share with him how you feel, don't bottle it up inside of you and try to hurt him back. You should love him unconditionally even if he didn't give you the Mother's Day you were hoping for.

Isabella! I feel your pain. This was my first Mother's Day ever and my husband did nothing to help me celebrate it. We have very little money right now and have been stressed out about it for 3 months. But come on? I got so upset that I bundled up the baby and headed in pouring rain to the outlet mall and bought an outfit for myself using a gift card I had received from a friend one year ago! I cried all the way to the mall and my husband sulked at home when I told him I didn't feel like celebrating with him that day. I felt pretty good when I came home with a shopping bag though. Like, hey, if you are not going to do something for me...I'll treat myself for the stress I've gone through this past year. Man, I learned a ton about forgiveness this weekend. I was so surprised he had done nothing creative for me..It doesn't cost a lot to be creative. But I CHOOSE to love him anyway...I'm going ALL OUT on Fathers Day!

ok yeah guys have no clue they say i love you n they think thats all we want. i went through the same thing he took me to a restaraunt but that was it and he had an attitude about it on the way there.
then we actually got into on sunday night (mothers day)
i finaly told him after him gettin mad at me that i need to be shown that i'm special to him and my family.
and of course he got mad but later it must of hit him in the head and has been thinkin about getting someting even though its late and he'll try n work on it
so i guess what i'm saying is go ahead n tell him thats how you feel guys need us to point blank spell it out for them
good luck

I know how you are feeling. Sometimes our men just don't get it! I can't stress enough to my husband is that all I want him to do is take my 5 yo out and let him pick something to give me. This year, Daddy went out alone and got something for him to give me. It was a silly magnet that doesn't feel like it came from my son since he had no clue what it was when I opened it. I treasure more the multicolored beaded necklace my son made for me at church.

It might be best to just not expect anything, since he obviously doesn't get it either. Then you won't be disappointed. As long as he isn't trying, then treat yourself to something nice and when he and the girls are both listening, say "see what you got me for Mother's Day." lol I would even wrap it up and open it in front of them...just to (hopefully) make a point.

Seriously, though...our kids are our best present. Lots of women felt empty on Mother's Day, and wished and prayed that they had even one child. We are the lucky ones.

I have been in a similar situation in the past. After lots of talking and explaining how hurt I am, my husband now steps up to the plate - nothing big or fancy, but homemade cards from him and our three kids, the day TOTALLY off, flowers, all meals made by him and/or we go out. I think telling your husband how hurt you are, how neglected you feel and what inconsideration he is teaching your children might help - if he truly cares. Would he want your sons to treat their wives this way and would he want your daughters to be treated this way? However, if he really just doesn't care all of the talking, stomping, revenge, and "getting back at him" won't work.

Father's Day is right around the corner!!!!!

Sorry it turned out that way. I know where you are coming from. My dh in never in tune. He's still upset that he didn't get a gift for his bday last week. Mother's day is different and he know how I feel about it. I usually make him take the kids and pick out cards. This year I decided I wasn't going to. I printed out a Crayola colring page for each of my sons and let them color those. My oldest son (4th grade) made me in art a necklace with a clay mask on it and in class a card with a pin attached made from a safety pin and beads that were silver and red and formed a heart as they dangled. Dh knows I keep all cards and gift from my kids and it really means a lot to me. I don't care that he was not brought up that way and his father is still the same way. He "KNOWS", I've spelled it out every year so there's NO guessing.

You need to tell him how you feel and how your girls felt because they did not have a gift for you. I am sure that his father was the same way....it was probably the way he was brought up. You need to really communicate with him so that this does not happen in the future.
He can't fix something if he doesn't know that it's broke.

Remember Father's Day is coming! Give as good as you received.
My husband learned early on if I did not receive he did not receive.
We had been married for about 10 years and were moving. He found a bunch of cards and wrapped gifts in a box on a shelf in the basement cupboard, they were all addressed to him and he asked what they were when I said to just pack them up the way they were.
He finally asked my daughter if she knew, at three she had no idea.
When we were unboxing things in the new home he again asked me about them, some were in Valentine Paper, etc. I just smiled and said, "I got you gifts because I love you for Father's Day, Valentine's Day, our anniversary, and then when I realized you didn't love me enough to recognize me on those dates I shouldn't care enough to let you know how hurt I was. I just put them away hoping some day I would mean enough to you to be recognized. Should that ever happen I will have all of these years of loving and recognizing you to pick from.
He never missed one again. We were married 29 years before he passed away. I even found poems and gifts he had gotten for me in his bottom dresser drawer after he died because he had found something he wanted me to have and purchased it ahead of time. All were things I knew he had thought about before he bought them because they all reflected my taste and personality. A special frame with the children's pictures in it, a book I had once read and raved about, a mother's ring with the birthstones and our anniversary stone in it.
Like I said, Father's Day is coming!!!!
As for the teens, they could have taken two minutes to draw you a card and write an IOU for something as trival as: "I will do the dishes for you for the next three weeks" or "we will do the laundry and clean the house for you for the next two weeks" and it would have meant as much as if they had purchased you something. You can't as easily ignore their birthdays, etc. but instead of giving them a party and baking them a cake etc., just give them a card with $10.00 in it and call it a done deal.
I will pray you can get over the hurt, a little.

One question... are you your husband's mother? I told my husband he is not my child and I did not expect him to get me a mother's day gift/card. Besides, he never did before we had a child so why should he now?

I think children should give their mother and fathers mother's and fother's day gifts/cards. If your child is too young to give a card/gift, then a parent can step in on their behalf until they can. My husband got a card for my daughter to give to me since she is only 9 months.

Now, if your husband never gave his own mother a card/gift, then he's insensitive and uncaring. Then I would be upset with him, and I can only imagine how his mother would feel!

I am in the same boat. It hurts and it makes you feel like they just don't care sometimes. When Father's day comes around I am going to tell my husband that I am getting him the same thing he got me for Mother's day. Thing is, I know my husband is not the romantic type and it happens all the time (mother's day, my birthday, our anniversary) I try to act like it doesnt bother me, but it does. Maybe ask your tweens how they would feel if you "forgot" their birthday? How would they feel? you have feelings too and to not be aknowledged really hurts.

Hi Isabella.
I too have gone through this same deal for the past few years now. I don't expect anything anymore and shouldn't expect anything. I'm being rewarded for having my beautiful family. I mean, it does upset me that even the father can't get me anything or even coax the kids to do anything. I have to do the shopping for his family and I hardly know any of them. This mothers day my 2year old was the first to wish me a happy mothers day! No one else said it to me until someone else had wished me a happy mothers day! The girls' dad did the same thing to us. I told him that I needed him to do something for me to finish off our gifts to his family..and he didn't do them. He didn't even have me a gift until I asked them all..."So what did I get for mother's day?" They went to the dollar store to get me something. I mean, I'm not complaining..it was a very sweet and thoughtful gift..but come on, we spent well over 30dollars a piece on his family. This doesn't just happen to me for mother's day either..this is on my birthday (I don't usually get anything from anyone, except his parents and grandparents), I don't get anything for christmas. I'm speaking mainly about him, because he should know the most important days! He used to be really good at everything. Anymore, I don't worry about whether I'm gonna get anything from him or the girls, the moments we have together as a family are the most important to me. I am just glad that I have someone who loves me enough to put their arms around me and say I LOVE YOU! And sharing parenting moments together. It would be nice not having to mention anything to recieve a gift or two. But I guess the greatest gifts are the 3 girls I have. Good Luck and Happy Late Mother's Day!

71-y/o Great-Grandmother of 4: I think you need to lovingly tell your hubby and the kids EXACTLY how you feel, how hurt your feelings are - they'll never be able to read your mind or guess correctly - you need to just TELL THEM nicely - maybe bring it up over dinner some night? Don't make a big deal out of it, no cryng or emotional display - just a quiet explanation of how it hurts you to NOT be 'recognized' as other mothers are. Be sure you always recognize THEM on their 'special' days!!!

I wouldn't get too upset with him.. many guys take that day with a grain of salt. We have been short on money this past year so bdays/holidays for each other we just took a day and went to dinner. I didn't get anything this year b/c we were busy doing stuff for our moms. He just told me Happy Mothers day and that we should go out this coming weekend for dinner. Maybe some where down inside I have a tiny little bit of wishing I would get something but I myself just wanted to spend the day together as a family. I feel like my husband works so hard all the time with work and extra side jobs that all I really wanted is a day for all of us to be together. Maybe you should suggest going out for dinner to your favorite place this weekend...and mention as your mothers day present. I have many friends whose husbands dropped the ball also..... So don't feel bad seriously...

My mom's been buying her own mothers gift for years. My mother in law gets a card and told to go buy her own. My sons dad is out of town, I at least got a Happy Mothers day, and each of his grandMOTHERS took him out to get me a small flower. Guys just don't have a clue most the time. Unless you say "I want you to get me a gift" they are lost. Both my dad and my sons dad's dad are great men, they work around the house, do laundry, yard work, bring home a nice pay check, have had the same job for 20-30 years, but men are just different than women 95% of the time. I know it's heart breaking to expect a gift and not get one! :( Been there (thats why grandma's did what they did this year--and my 5 year old was on everyones case!) Tell him how you feel, tell him what you expect. Best of luck!

My husband did the same thing, he was so proud of how our daughter kept quiet about the gift she had mad for me at the babysitters and our son kept quiet about the gift he made for me at school. He didn't even have them make a card for me!!! He made breakfast, but he makes breakfast every Saturday and Sunday morning so that was nothing special. He also spent the day cleaning which was nice but I was stuck taking care of all three kids all day.

Let me know if you get any good advice, I was thinking about doing something really special for him for Father's day to make him feel especially bad. However he probably won't even remember what he didn't do for Mother's Day!!

I think u have a right to be upset..and the mom who said it's not a big deal and ur being selfish is rediculous. We as moms work hard everyday for our husbands and children and this is ONE day a year we get to have a day "off" so to speak. I would sit down with your husband AND tweens and explain how you feel about it. And next year if u find something u like do what I did cut it out of the magazine and stick it to the fridge!! lol Hey it worked for me! Good luck and Happy Mama's day!

i would act mature and move on.
you did not become a wife and mother to get presents in return. if your children say happy mothers day, or tell you that they love you, or give you hugs and smile and are happy and healthy, then you are one lucky mother. if your husband loves you and the children, goes off to work every day to provide for you, physically and emotionally takes care of his family and is a good role model to them, count you blessings.
it's shameful that you kept to yourself and pouted all day when you could have been enjoying your beautiful children and thanking God for all the blessings in your life. i'm sure there are many mothers who would trade anything to have your troubles, and how do you think your pre-teen girls felt when you made such a fuss because they didn't have anything to present to you?
move on, please, and count your many blessings

Many people may disagree with me, but here is what I would do.

When I do not get a gift from my husband on Mother's Day, I am not upset. Why? I am not his mother. Of course, since our son is only 15 months, he is responsible for taking care of things on that end because right now my son is incapable of purchasing/making a gift or buying a card. I didn't get anything last year or this year from my husband, and I'm not upset because his gift-giving efforts should be directed toward his mother. Not his wife...it isn't "Wives' Day", it's Mother's Day.

If these were my tween girls and I thought they were old enough to be able to handle this on their own and they did not make or get me anything, I'd probably be a little hurt by it and I'd address the issue with them.

Hey there!! First I want to apologizne for men!!! they just don't get it!! and i doubt they ever will. my mom told me "it's just another day, so don't expect much". i know from that comment that she always thought it'd be different too. but i think it's just men in general. maybe not all men, but most. all of the men i know don't really recognize mothers day either. or birthdays or any holiday for that matter. so even though they didn't express to you that they appreciate you, i'm sure they do. i hope next year goes better.

I am glad you came to a resolution with your family. Some of these responses are absurd. Mother's Day was not created for gift giving and cards, but neither was Christmas. If some of these mamas got no gift from the papa on Christmas or their birthdays, they'd be just as hurt (and p.o.'ed). Moms are the ones who go without so the kids (and often the Dad) can have what they need and want. This is a day to be thoughtful and give us recognition for being that Mother - the giver, the cook, the housekeeper, the band aid applier, and so on - be it through refrigerator art, flowers, dinner, (or in my case this year a blender and my first tattoo!) I've had my share of cheap gifts presented with such love that they are priceless to me still! Moms are usually not too picky if it comes with a hug and a kiss! Unless you are flat broke, there is no reason to not get something... anything... a 50 cent card... or go pick your neighbor's flowers! (kidding, but you get my point) There is no need to purchase things, but some creative juices are needed. My kids did chores too (while I napped with the newborn) - had that been all they did, I'd still been thrilled! They realized how hard it is to scrap the gunk off the bottom shelf in the back of the fridge. It's about acknowledgment! Respect the mama! Not his mama? You are still the mother of his children! He should display his thanks for what you do just the same - and setting that example ensures the kids respect how important you are. On this one day a year, every mom should get the cold toast and soggy cereal in bed, take a nap (like Dad does all the time), get a little something special.... and hear Thank You (without handing something to them) and I love you (when it isn't bedtime)! Because you made it clear, they will (hopefully) understand and get it right next year. Good for you!

I think you're validated in being upset. My ex was the same way, but made it known that he wasn't going to even try since I was not his mother and it was too much trouble to take the kids shopping.

In my humble opinion, it is the adult's responsibility to lead by example. If hubby's been doing this from the get-go then the tweens probably don't get it either. For me, it's not about what they got. Those material things will be soon forgotten.... but rather that they cared and respected me enough to put a little thought into my exisitance instead of taking me for granted. I'm happy with the housework being done and my feet being rubbed and hair being brushed/ played with all day. :)

I really don't know what to tell you though. Most men are basically brainless and don't care about that kind of stuff.

Isabella,

It sounds like the father of your kids is being insensitive. But, as a single mother, I know that it can be hard when you don't get what you deserve on mother's day. My daughter's are 11, 9 & 7 and usually what I do is take them to Wal-Mart, give them $20 and they go off and buy me a present (usually costume jewelry or a candle). I know it isn't fancy or everything I would love to have, but I also know that it thrills the kids to no end to be able to give me something that they bought on top of what they made me at school.

Sometimes being a mother means accepting the big diamond looking costume jewelry and thanking God that you have the children to think of you that way, and sometimes being a cheerleader for them is being a cheerleader for yourself.

I wish you a happy belated Mother's Day and hope that today is better for you.

S.

Let that man know he's insensitive and uncaring and that it hurts your feelings and makes you feel insignificant that he can't tell you that you're appreciated and loved. That is the purpose of the holidays and gifts is to show appreciation and love. Without that many of us feel left out and alone. Thus, he needs to get with the program and figure out where his committments are. He needs to treat you with respect, love and appreciation that you deserve... that every person deserves.

Next time, don't keep to yourself, tell him what is bothering you. This time, tell him what he did wrong and what you expect from him in the future. Then go get a massage and a mani/pedi and enjoy getting exactly what you want!

Hi Isabella. I am sorry to hear that you were so unappreciated! I recently got my husband this book (and got one for me too so that we were doing it together). It is called The 5 Love Languages. My husband is great, but just isn't very sensitive. Since we both finished the book, things have been better. There is a men's version and an everyperson version. It is a short easy to read book. Good Luck!

Isabella - I feel your pain! While I never expect anything from my husband (I'm not HIS mother, he has his own mother to buy a gift for), it IS his responsibility to get the kids out there to get something. The really young children always come home with some great school made gift, but other kids usually have to take a trip to the mall or nursery. I ask my kids for something for the garden. This year I asked for a lilac bush and some compost for my vegetable garden (Whoo-hoo! Poop for the garden! Great gift!), which I received because my 13 year old daughter went with my husband. I awoke to cards from my two girls, and a big "Happy Mother's Day" from both of them. My son, age 16, said nothing. He's in a butt-head stage right now, and I'm trying to ignore.
My suggestion to you is talk to your husband about what his reasons were for not taking the tweens out to get you something. My next suggestion would be not to retaliate by not having the kids get him something for Father's Day. Don't play that game. No one wins.
I think your tweens could have at least made a card for you. Written you a note. Made you breakfast. All of those things would have meant more than store bought gift anyway.
Talk to you husband and let him know that your feelings were hurt. Even though I got my lilac bush and poop, my husband grilled chicken thighs and legs for dinner. I don't eat chicken thighs or legs. You would think someone I've been married to for 18 years would figure that out by now. Can't win them all, and things could always be worse. But there is nothing wrong with wanting things to be better. Talk. Good luck!
N.

I heard a wonderful idea on the radio. The lady had a situation similar to yours. So she and her girlfriends take a camping trip every Mother's Day! It doesn't have to be camping but just make it a "Girls Day Out." She stated how she was tired of feeling neglected and dealing with fussing kids on her special day so she took matters into her own hands. She said she looks forward to Mother's Day all year long!!

Good luck! Hope this helps.

Okay so your preschooler did hand prints that is so sweet, your tweens should have asked you to drop them off and pick them up since Dad had no clue and kept saying later. Tell your husband your hurt and get on with life. Next year tell him what you expect and perhaps things will get better.I send cards to all the Mom's I know usually and if I discover I forgot one I'll call her long distance just to say Happy Mothers Day.
A lot of men will say my wife isn't my Mom.No but she is the Mom of their off spring and one day a year is not so hard to do something special for her.A flower and card or fancy meal out. Something.

I know how you feel, it's almost like they don't care, even though we know that deep down they do, sometimes they just don't realize what is important to us. As for what I would do
I'd be upset for awhile and I would tell him why when he would ask me, and it might take me awhile to do it, but than
I would forgive him. Don't forget what is really important
here, think back to what made you fall in love with him in the first place. Sometimes I think we have to think back
to the beginning of our relationship, and remind ourselves
what's really important, and sometimes when we've been married
very long we start to take each other for granted. I know
I need to stop taking my husband for granted, and start
showing my appreciation for what he does for me.
Don't let resentment take control of your life. Hopefully
you have some girlfriends with whom you can share your thoughts and feelings, if you have friends with whom you can
talk and vent you will feel better just talking about it, but
don't forget to talk to your husband too.
Hope I helped you some. Keep your chin up. Things will get
better.
K.

Ok...for all of you who made the comments about it not mattering because you aren't his mother, this is for you.

MOther's Day is a day to celebrate MOTHERS..not just YOUR mother but ALL mothers. Presents or not isn't the point, it's the thanks and appreciation of knowing that they love you as a mother and know you are doing a wonderful job. Do you sign the card for your mother in law? Technically she isn't YOUR mother but you still want her to have a happy mother's day right?

I'm very lucky because my husband doesn't just get me a gift, he really and truly puts thought into and gets me something I didn't even know I wanted! My dad is of the 'she's not my mother' thinking and it really hurts my mom every year so I try to do something to make it special for her. when Father's Day rolls around he's all about it being his day so he should reciprocate on her day.

I think what these ladies are upset about isn't the lack of card or gift, it's the lack of respect they feel when told 'you aren't my mother (translation: who gives a hoot that you labored for days to bear my children) go get your own present (translation: if I give you the credit card will you drop it?)

My "arrangement" with my dp is that I go buy a gift, say it's from him, and we're both happy :) I like shopping, and I really picky about what I get, and he dislikes shopping, so it works for us. So I don't think there is anything wrong with that arrangement per se.
I didn't get anything yesterday, but we have plans to buy a furminator (really expensive dog brush) and that'll be my gift. These holidays don't mean much to me- it's just an excuse to buy something I already wanted, yk?

BUT...if it is a big deal to you to get a gift FROM HIM, then it's an issue that you two need to discuss. If he knows (but guys aren't mind readers- you have to tell him) it's important to you, and then doesn't get you a gift, he's not being very considerate of you.
I think communication is important here. Make sure you tell him how you feel.

That's very sad and I would be fairly upset as well!
If this happened to me I would probably do as another woman suggestd and take the day off. If possible I'd also make arrangements another day to do something I like as a 'gift'. For me that would mean go get a pedicure or on a sunny day go to the park and read a good book to relax and enjoy the outdoors. Then on Father's Day I wouldn't give him a gift (tho' I'd still probably take the kids out to buy him something so they can express their 'appreciation' should they choose). If he's not a gift giver then it shouldn't bother him that you didn't get him anything personal, and if he does take offense then maybe it'll be an eye opener when you tell him that what he's feeling is what you felt on Mother's Day.
Possibly petty advice, but an idea none-the-less. :)
Good luck!

I can relate completely but for an entirely different reason. My husband has embraced the teachings of the Jehovah Witness religion. They do not celebrate any holidays. Therefore, for him to get me anything for Mother's Day he sees as of the devil. How is that for making you feel unimportant. To be compared to idol worship because you want to be appreciated is so frustrating. Needless to say, I received nothing. Not a pat on the back, not a card, nothing. I feel completely disrespected and devalued. I can't blame you at all for the feelings you are having toward your hubby I can only hope it is because he is cheap and not that he doesn't care about you.

Remember, you can look into your children's faces and know what a good mom you are! Let them light your world and focus on the joy that you bring to them and them to you.

Happy Mother's Day! (a little belated).

I guess what you need to do is say,"If knowone is going to get me anything then I am taking time for myself." Mothers Day is all about acknowledgement of what a mom is all about. I heard that a finance firm estimated that a mothers salary for one year is on the upwards of 900,000$. I think that getting your nails done or a spa day wouldn't hurt. Just remember that the looks and hugs that your kids give you everyday make being a mother worth it, it doesn't take one day to show you that you are a great MOM!

If you are not comfortable confronting your husband, you could try writing a letter. Sometimes that helps to get all the feelings out without crying. It also helps you to think through it before you say anything.

Also, if the communication is a regular issue, I have heard that marriage therapy is a terrific thing, even for healthy relationships.

It sounds like you're right...he just has no clue. I'm sure if you do the same thing for fathers day, he would either not care or say you're being selfish. I empathize with you!!

Turn about is fair play- Father's Day is in June.
Next year, give your girls paper, crayons, paints and have them make you a card. You can also take them to Walmart or Target and have your picture taken with them, that will be a special gift for you and your girls will feel like they have gotten you a gift.
You could also, take them with you to the store a week or two before and tell them if there is anything they want to get you, they can do it then.
Unfortunately, you probably are not going to be able to change your husband. I know, mine never did anything for Mother's Day either.

Wow! That is so sad. I think that if this had happened to me, I would have given myself the Mother's Day gift of "a complete day off." I wouldn't have lifted a finger for anyone but me for the whole day. If anyone asked why, I would have explained that it was Mother's Day and this was your only gift. Maybe that would make them think to do something special for you the next year, or even more often. Maybe you can give yourself the belated gift on next Saturday or Sunday. Let me know what you decide.

I completely understand! My daughter's father does nothing for me for Mother's Day (well I've got to give him credit... he doesn't get me anything for birthdays, Christmas, Valentine's Day, or anniversaries lol). You'd think I'd be used to it but it does hurt and my daughter's dad sounds kind of like your kids' dad. He's not much for talking about his feelings and things. At the same time he knows it bothers me to not get anything. Granted my daughter is only 18 months but he still knows it's Mother's Day cuz he can remember to call his mom and grandmother and sister and stuff. And I'm sure you do the same thing I do... you make sure that he gets something for Father's Day from the kid(s). I think this year I'm not going to get him anything and just verbally tell him happy Father's Day like he did for me for Mother's Day. We'll see if he says anything about it. You know what, go out and pamper yourself. You deserve it. I did just that since my Mother's Day was kinda like yours. I went out and got a hair cut, my eyebrows done, a new make-up look, and a massage. You should do just that! (If you decide to get a massage let me know. I'm a massage therapist myself and I can always recommend a good one for you!) Go pamper yourself!

Don't feel bad, my husband didn't even get me a card for my first mother's day. I'm sure he'd say it was because he didn't have any money because I control the purse strings since he just wasted money all month long when he was in charge. Anyway, he managed to send me an ecard after I went off on him being a waste of human flesh(not quite in those terms) But come on, you can't even set aside a lousy three dollars (Out of the $100+ I gave him over the past week) and get off your lazy @$$. This is why I bought myself an azalea last week when the baby and I were out. The only saving grace, my best friend sent me a card for my first mother's day and I know my baby boy loves his mommy. Lord knows my husband doesn't appreciate me..... See you're not alone! Sorry your's stunk too!!

Hi Isabella,

I have remarried and me and my current husband don't have children together. I didnt get anything, but I really don't expect anything since I am not the mother of his sons....Also with some help from him on the 1st Mother's Day we were married.. I believe I mentioned not getting something at that time and I don't remember the exact wording but it was something to the effect of not expecting something, so I don't. However, if you are still marrried to your children's dad, there is no excuse for him not getting you anything...NONE!

There is no excuse for a husband not to buy a gift for his wife who is the mother of his kids on Mother's Day. At this point I would opt for getting some money from him, and buying something nice for yourself.

Take care and keep us posted with what happened!

Happy Mother's Day, remember Mother's Day is everyday!
Celebrate yourself! take yourself shopping, with his money of course! LOL!

D.

Welcome to reality!
Of course it would be nice if all dads made sure that their offspring did a little something for Mom, but some guys are just too lazy or not inclined.
Did he do anything for his mom?
Thank God for teachers! and others who make sure that Mom is honored in some way.
I have been there and I know how it hurts.
On the other hand, I have received some touching gifts and cards over the years which I treasure.
Sometimes I think of the single moms (like mine) who worked so hard to take care of me, and with little moral support and no family around.
I always make sure I wish other moms I know a Happy Mothers' Day too.
Your observation "not that anyone cared" is right on the mark.
You chose to be unhappy and lonely that day, and was it worth it?
It did not "make" them act any better.
They were still just as clueless.
There is nothing wrong with "doing for yourself" if that makes you feel better.
I have no qualms about "honoring" myself if I have to.
Don't forget, no one can make us happy, we have to choose to be.

My husband and I talked about Mother's Day and how it does not seem that important to him neither does Father's Day. I would talk to him in a nice conversation once you have cooled off. Let him know that it is an important day to you. He may not view things the same or understand why it is so important to you. I think the female/mom brain sometimes think that things are more obvious than they are to the male/dad brain.

It is always nice to get something for mothers day but the most important thing is to be with your family. My husband and I have been together for a total of 14 yrs. and have been married for almost 12. We have 3 boys together ages 10,7 and 4. I no longer expect things for mothers day now. All I want is to be with my family and spend the day with them. That is all I need. Remember the most important thing is being with your family and not material things.
D.

Okay, Ladies! It's not the gifts! Okay, maybe for some of us, it's the gifts.

But for me it's the recognition that I am the mother of his children. I want a handmade card and a day filled with compliments and gratitude and love. Cost = Zero Dollars.

The first time I was a mommy and Mother's Day rolled past with my husband doing NOTHING to acknowledge my position in this household, in his life, and in the life of our daughter, I cried. I couldn't believe it. I can see where he was coming from - that I was not his mother, and therefore didn't need his thoughts on this day. But, c'mon! Did I not labor for 17 hours to give birth to this glorious being you now call your daughter? Did I not endure nine full months of bloating and aching and bizzarro body changes - not to mention my killer heartburn - to nurture this sweet little girl with blond curls? Yeah, that was me. The lady in the kitchen wiping up vomit. Let's give her a shout out!

So now he knows. I am Mother. Hear me roar. (only if you don't kiss me sweetly on my special day)

Well isn't that crappy. We do a tasking, trying, no appreciation job that we don't get paid for and we can't even get a little recognition! What is up with that? All we ask is ONE day. 24 hours to have the 13million people in our lives that we take care of on a daily basis to tell us "Thank You" and what do we get? Nada. I scream NOT FAIR!! My philosophy is a cross between Roseann Barr and Dr. Phil. The 5-yr-old did his job with the help (thank God) of a teacher and took care of his mom so he is totally in. The tweens and the dad on the other hand are out. It takes guts to do this and you have to stick to your guns as hard as this is but..........go on strike. Anything you normally do for dad and the tweens doesn't get done. You do not cook for them, do not do their laundry, do not clean up after them, do not cater to them. And DON'T CLEAN THE HOUSE! ONLY take care of yourself and your 5-yr-old in all the manners of taking care of someone. This will take approximately 3 days to accomplish if your family is loving and realizes, "wow! she's pissed!" I have had to perform this task 2x in a two year relationship with my boyfriend who lives with me and my 9-yr-old daughter. She has been on the good side of things with me mostly and hasn't had to endure this but my byfrnd has. There is nothing worse than him getting up to get dressed with no clean underwear or socks or pants for that matter, oh sorry, the washer couldn't fit your clothes in. No dinner on the table for him when he gets home, oh sorry, there wasn't enough food to feed all of us. Knock-down-drag-out-fight? Not if he is not a jerk. The same goes for the tweens. It only takes a few days for people to realize what they have lost. Sure you could pack up and leave for a few days but that's not feasible with responsibilities and a little one, plus they KNOW you're coming home soon to take care of it all. This way they have no idea how long you will hold out. It also doesn't matter if you just cleaned the house and just did all the laundry, it is never too late to make a point. They can't give you a LITTLE appreciation, you can't give them ANYTHING. This is all about not being walked on and taken advantage of, not about being nasty or a down right rude. You still have to be sweet in a snobby kind of way. Remember to stick to your guns, they really can't do without laundry for too long and they won't. And try not to be "upset" with the tweens, (they still deserve the same treatment as dad though) I understand they totally could have done SOMETHING for you but they are being lead by example-DAD! Hope this works for you. Sit back and laugh at how angry they get because really, all mom's do is everything everybody should be doing for themselves!-H.-

I have a totally different outlook on those 'holidays', maybe this will help.
My feeling is that mother's day, fathers day, valentines & sweetest days are all "card-company-invented" days to sell more stuff. If the overall feeling from your family is love, you don't need 'stuff' from them on days the card companies have invented to help them get rich.

Having said that....
you at not your husband's mother.
yes, he could encourage his children, but you already said he is not a giver. You Know that. so why expect him to do anything. just know that he won't & accept that that is who he is.
if the girls really wanted to 'get you something', could they have made something for you also?
perhaps you could make a list of things you would love to receive for mothers day (or other gift-giving days) that do not require shopping, ie. a backrub, a coupon book for dish washing, help with laundry, hugs & kisses, quiet time... or a do whatever I want day: personal shopping, read all day, play games with the family. or go get yourself something really nice and show it off, "See what you got me for Mother's Day!"

Perhaps if the focus is on being together, the 'stuff' won't matter so much.

And what to do....just tell him you were feeling hurt/disappointed by the lack of Mother's Day festivites and what could be done in the future to eliminate that problem. then let it go.
Talk to the kids about what they could do on their own in the future, if dad won't take them shopping, or keeps putting them off ('later')--that's just how dad is and if you want to do something, you'll have to use your imagination, creativity and brains to figure out something. (here's where your list may help them)

hope something here helps
D.

When I married to my ex husband, he wasnt smart in that department, picking out something himself.. So What I would do is if I found something that I wanted I would tell him, I want this thing, from this store, in this color.. and it worked. No it took no thought process on his part, but I got what I wanted and he wasnt left to think it out. My new husband is differentnt, he likes to go pick something out, and most of the time he does a good job. You might try the direct approach.. and I would say to him since you didnt help the kids get me something I would like this thing, from this store ( and if its in a catalog or flyer show him the picture) and see what happens..