A few hours ago my husband texted me saying he'd been in an accident. He drives a dump truck. The pickup truck had tried to speed around him, swirved into the median, then over-corrected and hit the dump truck. My husband is fine. He just had to take a drug test before going back to work. But the other man.. his truck flipped over. There was blood on the window. The man wasn't moving. And then the police came and threw a sheet over him. He died.
I'm grateful hubby is okay. And I can't wait to see him later today! But I can't stop thinking about that other man. One moment he's probably driving to work. The next moment he's gone... there's a woman somewhere crying her eyes out wondering why this has happened.
I don't have a clue how to process this!
This isn't the first time hubby's been in an accident. But it is the first fatality either one of us has been involved in.
What do you tell yourself in this situation?
Thank you for all the kind words. The police told my husband they found open alcohol in and around the truck. ( at 8 in the morning! ) so that explains the crash. Hubby is disturbed by it, though. He knows it wasn't his fault, yet he still feels guilty. When the accident happened he got out and went to check on the driver. That's my husband, the good Samaritan. He was even a volunteer firefighter when he was younger so he has seen worse. But seeing that man bleeding and not moving, the shattered windows, watching it all happen with his own eyes, and then witnessing them cover him with the white sheet... he's pretty torn up about it. He told me he couldn't sleep last night.
Apparently it was that other dudes time to meet his maker.
Death is always- and will continue to be a mystery.
Honestly? I say to my self, "I am so sorry for the other fellow and say a pray for him and his family then I say a little pray of thanks because it wasn't me or mine."
Give hubby an extra long hug tonight. Life is precious and we need to remember that. Its so easy to take everything for granted.
I am so sorry to hear this :(.
A couple of weeks ago, my old sitter was sitting at a red light with her husband and 3 year old daughter. The light turned green and the minivan in front of them went, and was t-boned by a car going 45mph...the driver had fallen asleep. My sitter called 911 and her husband went and tried to help. The mom and toddler in the minivan are okay now, but the husband died. They were either coming from shopping or dinner (based on the location) and now he's gone. Becuase someone fell asleep. It's always SO sad.
Tell your husband to tell himself it is NOT his fault and he did nothing wrong. It's a tragedy. Harder to do then it sounds. He can get counseling if that will help too.
Oh boy that is tough.
First off, it does not sound like it is your hubby's fault but I am sure he will feel guilt and need your support.
When my daughter was 3 months old, I got a call from the hospital and my hubby had been in an accident. Someone tried to pass a dump truck on the shoulder and clipped the truck making him spin head on into my hubby. My hubby is ok now but was not expected to live at the time.
I still harbor anger toward the man who was in such a rush that he was driving so recklessly. He never, ever said a word to us by phone, note, anything expressing regret. This was 17 years ago.
I know your hubby was not at fault but he (and you) might feel better if you send a card or something to this man's family. You might not want to put your address on it and you might prefer it to go through the police department, hubby's company or another source to protect yourselves.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Just realize that you didn't do anything wrong, accidents happen.
That's beyond horrible=( I;m sorry for your husband and your family. I'm sure he's going to be grieiving and wondering if there was any way he could have prevented it=(
I'm sorry for that other mans family and friends too! That's one horrible story.
At times everyone rushes including M. (never to that extent but still) there are times I have to remind myself the extra 5 minutes are not worth my life, my daughters life, or someone elses./..it stinks that at moments we're so worried about ebing late for work, or for an event that we forget that fact=(
My hubby is a dispatcher at a trash hauling company. About a year ago, one of his drivers was at the landfill, which is company owned, and watched as the driver from the truck beside him walked out onto the workface. (VERY strictly prohibited and highly dangerous!) Well, anyway - the worker that was running the bulldozer (which is WAY huger than a construction bulldozer) - he couldn't see the driver, and buried him in the trash and covered him. It took more than 4 hours to find his body. The entire office was a bit shell shocked, and the driver of the bulldozer was horrified. He couldn't function, and took a leave and asked to be reassigned. It was in NO WAY his fault, but yet he battled that awful thought that his actions took a life. Poor guy. I feel for your husband. It's bound to be very difficult for him. My thoughts are with you both.
I'm so sorry about what happened, but thankful your husband is all right. My husband has been involved in some fender benders and once was hit from the back hard enough to briefly lose consciousness. About a year ago I was hit and was very lucky not to have any serious injuries.
I have anxiety disorder, so that invariably plays into things. I try to deal with the anxiety by focusing on the positive and by praying in thanks and gratitude. I also use tools I've learned/am learning in therapy.
The truck driver was being reckless and caused his own death, your husband was nothing more than a witness to that event. We cannot control how other people drive, just be grateful he didn't take anyone with him.
Life is precious. And we don't have nearly the control over it that we think we do. I'm sure that your husband will have all the "if I had ___, then this wouldn't have happened." and "if I had not ___ , then this wouldn't have happened" thoughts go through his mind. It is probably some sort of "survivor's guilt" thing... but he isn't responsible for what happened to the man who died.
If you are religious, then I would suggest your husband talk to your clergy. It can help.
That would shake me up too. So sorry you have to deal with this first hand.
I don't deal well with freak accidents, and bad things happening to good people. I think you have to tell yourself that there was a reason that it happened, maybe something you won't notice or understand right now, but maybe in the future. Maybe it'll be a story to tell your (future) teenager to keep him/her thinking while driving??? It'll keep you and hubs on your toes while you drive for the very near future.
So sad for the other family. We live in the area, and I don't know why, but it just makes it that much harder. :(
Praying for you, your husband, and the family of the driver of the truck. There is no "good" way to handle this situation. If you feel lead to speak to the widow (at the funeral or some other time), then please listen to your feeling. But if that feels "off", then listen to that & keep your distance for a while. She's probably hurt and confused and angry. Maybe you can send an anonymous care package or card?
This is a sad situation. My prayer is that you can find comfort in the Lord during this difficult time.
i'm so sorry, hon. i know YOU know it wasn't your husband's fault. and yet when one has been brushed that closely with death's wings, it's no easy thing to shake off.
i think you just have to allow yourself to process it as it flows over you. that includes understanding that you'll get overwhelmed periodically.
good thoughts to all involved.
khairete
S.
You tell yourself that it was the other driver's fault; there was nothing that your hubby could have done. Horrible as it is, the other driver is responsible for his own death. I do think I would try to get an address for the guy and send his family some flowers or a card. If you do, don't say anything about how the accident happened and if they call you, I suggest you do the same - make no statements whatsoever - just offer your condolences on their loss.
I am very sorry this happened. Your husband might also find that he needs to talk to someone.
This is how life is sometimes. We don't come with expiration dates. If the other guy regularly drove recklessly then it is his own fault. Neither of you killed him and your lives go on.
That would be stressful to deal with for sure and I can't say for sure how I would handle it. What does stick out to me in reading what happened is that it wouldn't matter who was driving your husbands truck, the driver was speeding and caused his own accident. There is nothing your husband could have done. It is awful and there probably is someone on the other end crying because they lost their family/husband and that is tragic.
You tell yourself it is not your fault and there is nothing anyone could have done to stop him from speeding. You also tell yourself there is a reason you don't speed or drive recklessly...because you want to live to see your husband and family, getting a car or two ahead isn't worth the risk. I'm glad your husband is ok and sorry about the other man.
First of all, rejoyce that your husband is okay. Maybe you could find a support group in your area that deals with these issue. Celebrate Recovery has helped me tremendously thru my hurts habits and hangups.
Well, I wouldn't be waiting until "later" to see my man, I would get to him as soon as time permits.
I would also try to get the information on the family of the man who was killed. (I know insurance and/or your husband's company may advise to stay away...especially if it was your man's fault).....If it wasn't, I would try to make contact to extend your condolences....and this will help all concerned.
Blessings....
