Normal Behavior and How to Respond ?

Leaving her hair in a ponytail all the time isn't good for her scalp. If she really hates her hair perhaps she, and you, would be happier if it was cut in a cute short hairstyle.

I do think you need to get her to tell you why she feels this way. Maybe a few sessions of play therapy could get to the root of it. Normal therapy won't do any good, she's too young. Play therapy is done in a room with toys and the therapist leads the play session and asks questions.

Play therapy is good because it's very relaxed, kids will let information out. It's a very good way to do things at this age.

Maybe she just hates long hair, maybe she wants a different hair color or something, and maybe there is something deeper.

I don't understand parents over analyzing their kids these days. I wish you all could see that trying to make their lives perfect, trying to know everything going on in their head is the worst childhood ever. Let them live, let them figure it out and if they have an actual problem they will bring it to you. Makes me wonder how many problems parents have created for their kids that they actually need therapy for later.

I didn't want to wear dresses until high school. My hair was almost always up to keep it out of my face, and I only loved "boy" things. They have a term for that girl, tomboy. So glad I didn't grow up in this generation of insanity because I am pretty sure someone would have completely effed me up by the time I was a teen.

I understand now what you are getting at. In your last question, I think I missed the point :)

My friend has a daughter who identified with male roles (in play), wouldn't wear dresses (wore a suit to a wedding), and who would not have long hair. This came about in preschool I believe - but mostly elementary school.

My friend just went with it. She passed down her son's old clothes, not her other daughter's.

You could talk to a child psychologist if you're concerned or want advice on how to parent.

But for now, at 3.5 years - I would just wait and see what happens and not make a big deal of it.

It's 'normal' for your daughter. That's how I would look at it.

I have a son (if this helps) who would wear girl costumes, and play with girl things. He played with little ponies for example. He's now in middle school and doesn't whatsoever.

But either way - I would just go with what she's comfortable with. My friend allowed her daughter to cut her hair and wear pants instead of dresses. She allowed her to have her own identity. And to this day, everyone supports it and she's a happy loved kid.

ETA: I like what Julie says. We need to remember just to enjoy our children as they are :)

** Ok - I missed the point of your last question, and from your update, obviously the point of this one too.

So just ignore what I wrote above. As for calling herself with her hair down or in a dress "disgusting" - she obviously doesn't like her hair down or dresses. She's just repeating a word she heard from TV (although that sounds kind of harsh for Peppa Pig).

So this makes you sad? I don't get it. Just tell her she's not - she's lovely any which way she wants to be.

I'm sorry, if you are not overly worried, you wouldn't have back-to-back posts about her behavior. Please stop analyzing every word she says, how she says it and why she says it. She's a child.

When she calls herself disgusting, you tell her you know she's beautiful.

Since she doesn't like her hair long? Cut it short. Being in a pony tail all the time is not good for her hair or her scalp. Talk with her about cutting it short and let her try it. It can always grow out if she doesn't like it.

If it made you sad to hear her say she was disgusting, did you counter it then? Did you tell her she was beautiful?

From your two posts so far, it seems like you are a paranoid mom who is a helicopter mom and watches your daughters every move and word. You might need a therapist to back off a bit.

You asked a question then you go back and tell people how to answer your question???

Don't ask if you you don't want varied opinions. There will be some opinions you don't agree with, read it for what it's worth and move on.

We are not here to blow smoke up your pants.

Your child should not be wearing a ponytail 24/7 and I find it hard to believe that you don't know that. It damages the hair.

You might limit her TV exposure if she's considering herself disgusting at this age. Speak with your Dr and possibly a counselor. I'd hate to think she's this young and already has such a negative self image.

Let her wear what she wants to wear. She's almost 4, so what if it's not dresses and bows, that means nothing so stop it.

She picks up on YOUR attitude and behavior. If you think something is wrong with her, she'll pick up on that and believe it herself.

There's nothing wrong with parenting classes, counseling or whatever you can do to become a better parent to your child.

Let her be a child for God's sake and stop this before you screw her up mentally.

Here's an article that discusses Peppa Pig and its negative influences:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2966958/What-s-...

I feel that it might be beneficial to limit the tv and videos and screen time, and to fill your daughter's life with affirmative words, simple wholesome sing-a-long videos or tv shows that are helpful and uplifting (find older videos of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood, and there are many other movies like Mary Poppins, etc), and engage her in activities with you like baking cookies, setting the table, tearing lettuce for a salad, walking to the library, and other activities that affirm, bond, and encourage.

Does your daughter like having long hair? Perhaps she would be happier with a short haircut, like a bob or pixie? I know wearing a ponytail all the time can't be good for her hair and must not be comfortable. Long hair isn't very practical for little girls...It is always in the way when they want to play or swim and it is so much maintenance for a young child. Talk to her about different hairstyles she might like that would be more appropriate for her. Many little girls don't like to wear dresses...again, they aren't practical for playing in. It hard to hang upside down on the monkey bars etc. If she feels uncomfortable in a dress don't force it. I get that the bride requires a flower girl to wear a dress, so that would be a conversation that you, the bride and your child need to have together. Give your child a choice, wear a dress, or don't be a flower girl. The bride wants a girl in a cute dress, but she won't want a miserable child in the photos. For occasions your daughter needs to dress up, take her shopping to find mutually acceptable dress clothes. I was a tomboy as a young girl. I didn't have any dresses and felt very uncomfortable wearing a dress. I remember wearing coulottes and harem pants to family weddings. I also had short hair. I would rather ride my bike and catch frogs with the boys than play dolls with the girls. When I was about 12 I decided I loved wearing dresses and grew my hair long and wore makeup, but I still preferred bikes and frogs!

I'd like to congratulate your daughter on her vocabulary and pronunciation.
At that age our son had a lisp for some s sounds.
Saying s sounds and r sounds are things kids can have trouble pronouncing and schools up through elementary years will often have them take some speech therapy and/or play with tongue twisters to help them learn to speak clearly.

The terrible threes can be worse than the terrible twos.
Why does she have to wear a dress for a wedding (who wants her to? the bride?
Is she a flower girl?)?
I just love how adults want to dress kids up for these tableau s to look like little grooms and brides when getting the kids dressed like this is torture for the kids and good luck with keeping an outfit like that clean for more than 15 minutes.
Maybe you can tell her it's a fun princess costume, have her wear it for the minimum time she needs to (walk down the aisle and pictures), and then change her into some play clothes.
As for the pony tail - don't you brush/fix her hair?
How long/thick is her hair?
A pony tail to sleep in is kind of uncomfortable - maybe a loose braid or 2 pig tails would be better and would keep her hair from tangling during the night.
Pinterest has a ton of cute easy hair styles for toddler girls - you can try all sorts of looks and see what works for her.

https://www.pinterest.com/explore/toddler-girls-hairstyles/

Give her a few simple choices
(make sure either option is one YOU are happy with "Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt?" - not wearing any shirt is never an option)
but too many or too complicated choices at that age are just too much for them.

Additional:
Then she probably doesn't know what disgusting means.
Give her a new word to play with.
It makes you sad?
Kids learn to push our buttons at an early age.
The toddler years especially there were times I was not my best as a parent - and it's easy to see that NOW but when you're dealing with a tantrum - they are out of control and I didn't have a firm grip on how to deal with it either that first few times.
You need to realize that no one makes you feel anything you don't want to feel without your permission.
Get over feeling sad.
And you just read way too much into a lot of things.
You're going to drive yourself and kids nuts if you keep this up.
Sometimes a tantrum is just a tantrum - it doesn't MEAN anything - and you don't take it personally.
You keep calm and carry on!
And in future if anyone asks that your child participate in a wedding, ask what will be expected of your child, evaluate if you think she's up to it, and DECLINE if you don't think it's something she can handle.

Being a mom requires having a pretty thick skin. I remember buying some ski pants for my oldest daughter when she was around four and she cried when she put them on, said they made her look "fat". Well of course that bothered me, but the truth is they DID make her look fat. I know for a fact I never, EVER called myself fat in front of my girls, body shamed myself or them in any way, it was simply her honest reaction, and so all I could do was say yes honey these pants are big because they are insulated and will keep you warm in the snow. YOU are not fat but the pants are.
As far as dresses, yes there are many cute dressy options for little girls, your daughter never NEEDS to wear a dress. She didn't NEED to be a flower girl, you could have said no. Adults need to learn that children aren't pets to be dressed up and put on parade. Wedding participation should be for people who are old enough to understand the significance of the ceremony and actually want to participate in that, not preschoolers who barely understand what's going on :-(

I do think you are trying to read into her actions and words a bit much. For "disgusting", I'd ask her what it means to her (which is probably not what it means to you or to me), and then say, "The word you want to use for that feeling is ________."

You can have her hair cut in a salon that specializes in kids and which does not have her facing a mirror - some kids don't like their reflection, some kids are upset by seeing the scissors, etc. Some salons put on a video for kids to keep them distracted. I'd consider a short haircut if she'd like it better. I don't think she should have her hair always pulled back in exactly the same way all the time - especially at night. Tell her that her hair needs to "rest" if you have to, or at least put it up on the top of her head. I would think a pony tail in the back of her head would be uncomfortable - but I can understand if she wants it out of her face at night.

Don't go too crazy buying child development books - there are thousands! Go to the library and check some out, and perhaps have one in your house at a time that is appropriate for her age bracket. But every child psychologist has a different opinion and you may find conflicting views. I think we all have to find our way with our kids, but if you are nervous or anxious about behaviors, it's okay to take a parenting class, get into a support group, or see a family therapist who can help you. Do you have anyone to talk to? A mom-and-kid play group or a discussion group through a preschool can give you some "real time" help with people who also see your child's behavior and can share things other kids are doing.

I'd limit her clothing choices to 2-3 things so she isn't overwhelmed. Then when there's a wedding and she's a flower girl, she will be used to restricted choices. Do have dress up clothing of all types and let her explore.

I disagree with emphasizing "You're so pretty" because a lot of little girls get overwhelmed by the "princess" mentality. I also don't like "tom boy" because it brands little girls who employ "boy behavior" or like "boy things" as being abnormal. There's been a huge consumer effort (which manufacturers and retailers are actually listening to) to STOP the "pink/purple" requirement for girls' toys and stop putting dolls in the girl aisle and trucks in the boy aisle. So, language is powerful and so are social and peer pressures. Be aware of that, and fight the restrictions we put on our kids. Sometimes they feel "disgusting" because they don't fit a "mold" they've been shown, and they don't know that they have many choices among things that are perfectly acceptable.

Try to enjoy her more and see what things are phases vs. major problems. There are, in general, no bad experiences for kids.

You just keep telling her how pretty she is and what a great job she did (every time she does something great!) so you can boost her self esteem.

I have to remember to do this with my 16 yo. She has been a tom boy from day one and still has only worn a dress a handful of times. She just now is "open" to looking at something that might have a color on it besides black, white or navy blue. lol So don't stress about her clothing or if she doesn't like pink, purple or girly things. When she gets older and hangs around other girls she will possibly be interested in what they are. But for now, just try to keep encouraging her. She will be fine. Good luck.

Sounds like she knows what she likes and how to express herself. :) I'd let her keep her hair up or even cut it in a cute bob or something if she seems interested in that. As for dresses, yes, there are times when dresses must be worn and I find bribery works well for those occasions. Get creative with nice pants and tops for other "fancy" occasions. Then just keep reminding her that she needs to be positive with herself. If you hear her saying negative things to herself, remind her to be gentle with herself and rephrase it to be positive. "I love how I look with my hair up" or "I feel good when I can see my whole face and big smile". She's very young, so she'll need lots of guidance. And remember that in time she might LOVE dresses and all things girly. Who knows. My daughter has gone through girly phases and tomboy phases and is leveling out somewhere in between. It has been fun to see the journey of self expression.

I wouldn't be concerned once I thought about it some. Kids that age can have definite ideas about a great many things. My 3 yo granddaughter and her 5 yo sister want to choose what they wear. So normal. Same with hair.

I suggest that she was commenting on having her hair look different; not on who she is. My 5 yo will not allow her hair to be on a pony tail her hair is below her waist in length. She does not want it cut! Emphatically does not want it cut.

My daughter handles it by telling her why she wants to cut it and gives her a choice. She can have her hair long as long as she let's her mom brush it. Choice is get a haircut so Mom doesn't have to brush it or leave it long and let Mom brush it. Hair is still long and Mom brushes it everyday.

The 3 yo's.parents let both girls choose what to wear. Sometimes they limit the choices for a specific event. For example, they can choose this dress or this dress. Mom does not discuss any other option. She just goes back to this dress or this dress. Of course they tested this at first. Mom learned to stick with choice and not get caught giving explanations for why this is choice.

My adopted daughter was 7 and had just been living with me for a few weeks when we were invited to my cousin's daughter's wedding. I bought an attractive short set for her to wear because she'd never worn dresses. She hated her Easter dress. For me, it's important to choose battles and be fkexible.

I believe your daughter is thinking and acting in a way that is usual for her age. She is learning what she likes as she becomes more independent.

As to always wearing her hair in a ponytail, I suggest this will not hurt her hair if the pony tail is loose. i.e. not pulled tight on the scalp and held with a soft pony tail holder instead of elastic.

How do you know that she actually understands what the word "disgusting" means?

If I were you, I'd talk to the pediatrician. It's actually not good for her to have a ponytail all the time. It can cause problems with her hair/scalp.

What may be a problem is how you deal with her behavior. A therapist might be able to help you learn how to react and deal with your daughter so that you don't feed into her issues with looking into a mirror and seeing herself in a natural state with her hair down. As far as her clothes are concerned, I wouldn't think a thing about her not wanting to wear a dress if there wasn't such a strange reaction to looking at her hair long.

You shouldn't be telling people not to "read into your question" or chiding people to be respectful. People are going to tell you what they feel you need to hear based on what you have said here. You might not like their answers, but you've asked a question here on a public site, and they have a right to read into your question as they think they need to. It's not like you've written a book here, and we only have just so much to go by. Sometimes you need to hear something that's not "easy" to hear. Just because you might not like it doesn't mean it's disrespectful.

By the way, here's what the article that Elena B cites in regards to Peppa Pig. Not allowing her to watch that show should be your first order of business:

By Naomi (with her two-year-old daughter Tamara) questions Peppa Pig's influence on our children:

"Spoilt kids, a bullied husband, an antagonistic father-in-law and a mother in need of Prozac… it might sound like a new family on EastEnders' Albert Square, but it's actually Britain's most influential family – Peppa Pig and her herd.

She stamps her feet, bullies her brother, makes fun of her parents, falls out with her friends, whinges when she loses, pokes out her tongue and generally displays copious amounts of antisocial behaviour.

So when I read about three-year-old Amari Black earlier this week, whose malfunctioning Peppa Pig toy from Argos was spouting swear words, I couldn't help feeling it was merely a natural progression from Peppa's on-screen presence.

Yet so popular is the four-time Bafta-winning cartoon that it's overtaken Thomas The Tank Engine as Britain's top-selling pre-school character and this month made it to the big screen for the first time.

Peppa has even managed to succeed where Cheryl Cole failed by cracking America, despite her inferior wardrobe. The programme has seven-day-a-week status on American kids' channel Nick Jr and a Fisher Price deal, which is transforming the brand into a billion-pound money-spinner.

You'd be hard pushed to find a small child in the country who can't name Peppa and her baaing, woofing and neighing crew - and my two-year-old daughter Tamara (following in the footsteps of my son now five and daughter, six) is no exception.

In truth, I've actively encouraged Peppa mania. I've bought the DVDs (as an emergency back up for the 55 episodes recorded on Sky Plus), read the books, made the birthday cake, bought the pyjamas (and slippers and dressing gown and toothbrush), downloaded the app and we've even been to the 'World' (at Paulton's Park in the New Forest).

But recently I realised that the tone of my daughter's new fake cry was eerily similar to George Pig's frequent 'waaaah' - and had developed simultaneously with her interest in the little pig.

When I started to think about it, it wasn't the first time I'd noticed Peppa Pig's influence on my children's behaviour.

It reminded me of an incident from when my oldest was three. After the usual tug-of-war over a dolly with a friend, she shoved her hands on her hips and declared, 'I don't want to play with you anymore!' To which Lilly blurted out, 'I don't want to play with you anymore!'.

It was a live rendition of Peppa and Suzy Sheep's argument in the episode called 'The Quarrel'. And on the lips of my three-year-old it sounded even more unpleasant than on screen."

My boys both have their own ideas of what they want to wear. For the most part it's not a big deal, but sometimes it's important. Our deal is that they can pretty much wear whatever they want as long as it's weather appropriate and not completely inappropriate (I wouldn't let them wear their swimsuits to school or anything), but there are certain occasions, like church, when I get to pick. That's how their dress clothes ended up becoming known as "church clothes." They know they need to wear their "church" pants and "church" shoes. I usually pick out two of three shirts and ask them to pick one. They still fight it a bit, but they know it's just for church and that they'll get to change afterwards.

There are just going to be those times now and then when you need her to dress a certain way. But if you let her know that it's only during those particular times that she has to dress your way and that they rest of the time she gets to choose, it can make those few times much easier for her to accept.