Not Listening - Linden,NJ

The beginning of school can indeed be very stressful for kids and nobody knows how they will react. Maybe he just gets bored in school. Do you have the same problem at home? If yes, then it might be a good idea to have him evaluated for Attention Deficit Disorder. Good luck!

M.,
I don't want to sound dramatic, but I have the same problem. I should say HAD the same problem. My son started kindergarten in a public school at 5 years old. He looked ahppy in the morning too. He was sent to the principle's office more times than I can count on all my fingers and toes. Eventually, he was labeled as the 'class clown'. As caddy as it may seem, once your child is labeled, he's almost destined to leep it throughout that school. Teachers talk and blah blah blah. I decided to talk to the pediatrician about it because I just wasn't seeing this behavior at home. I was at my wits end. They did an evaluation, sent a survey home and to the teacher to do called the Connors Survey, and we all had to do seperate ones. Once the doctor evaluated these surveys, he found that my son ranked very high for ADHD! This doesn't mean your son is crazy, just mostly means that GENUINELY, he has trouble focusing for long periods of time. We took him to a nuerologist who without talking to him, wanted to quickly put him on meds ( which I refuse! ). I took him and I to a child Psycologist to talk and that helped me understand it alot better. Before this gets long and drawn out, let me get to the point, It doesn't hurt to to see if it is possibe to be ADD or ADHD. It's become more common than people know or think. I denied it until it meant my child being labled. So FYI, I researched on my own and found ways to change his diet and routine without disturbing the rest of the house and it doesn't take alot. I cut out RED# 40 ( whick triggers hyper-activity), foods with alot of preservatives and additives, ( they're never good for ADHD ) and a little change to his daily routine to include more exercise and focus. Eventualy, in school, his teacher gave up on my son and just got so used to saying "go to the principle's office", for everything. We held him back in kindergarten, he has a different teacher and he seems to be doing alot better. P.S. Here's a fact, children with ADD or ADHD have a very small memory. It needs to be exercised daily ( and I can tell yo uhow if you want ) and when he says " I don't remember.", He 's 9 times out of 10, telling you the truth. I hope I helped you open your mind to the possibility to at least look into it ans possibly eliminate that as a cause. If you find that he does have it and you want to talk, I'll give you my number. My son is 6 now and it's was easier to deal with it and understand it better with other parents who have the same issue.
H.

M.,
I am the mother of an 11-year-old boy who had very similar problems in public school and even in nursery school. At the suggestion of a teacher (1st grade), we had him tested for ADD/ADHD and he was diagnosed as ADD (attemtion deficit disorder). I would suggest you have your son tested just to rule it out, at least you'll know and then you can move on from there. We were given suggestions of using behavior charts, rewards and punishments and making sure we had his complete attention before talking to him, and it was a start. We also took him for therapy once a week (be very careful who you choose, get a recommendation, and don't put him on medication just because they tell you to). If your son is diagnosed with this disorder, do a lot of research before making any decisions about medication/therapy. I don't want to scare you and it is not the end of the world if he is diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, more and more kids are being diagnosed and many are doing just fine. My son is in 6th grade now and everything has gotten easier as time goes on. My son is doing much, much better now and is not on medication (although some kids need the medicine), it is a very difficult choice to make. Good luck.

Has the teacher tried a behavior chart for in school? That would be more effective than you using a chart at home. I work as a special ed aide. I usually make a chart on a small index card for each day for the younger kids. I break the day down into parts to maker it easier for the child to earn a "reward" I list, coming into class/unpacking, circle time, math, reading, lunch, packing up toi go home etc. In Kindergarten each period is only about 15-20 min. If the child behaves during that period I put a smiley face in that box, if they don't behave I either put a sad face or nothing depending on the child. If the child goes all day with no sad faces they get to pick a sticker from my box. If they go all week with no sad faces they get to pick from the prize jar. Hope this helps.

i am sure he is fine...maybe he has a real short attention span and that is why he is acting out cause he cant sit still. he may have symptoms of a.d.d. he sounds like i was in school and i had a few learning disabilities....now a days they can diagnose it alot earlier instead of just punishing the child for supposedly bad behavior. it could also be a new adjustment and he is acting out....

Hi Momica,
I have an ok husband to...lol. It must be a 5 yr old thing. I agree that the teaher is to hard on him. What I do with my son is I take away the omputer and or tv. Depending on what he has done. Sometimes taking things away doesn't work. I also talk to my son and I say to him why am I angry and we disuss it together.

N.

Maybe it is the environment M.. You sound surprised by his behavior so it seems that you have not dealt w/this in the past which tells me it is not the child. Sometimes there is just not a good match between child and school. Maybe he needs a Montessori environment or just something different. I've seen kids who were serious behavioral/adcademic problems in one school be STARS in another. If you are not happy w/the way the teacher handles him or other kids than, even another classroom in the same school could be a better situation for your son. You will have to really advocate for your son to make this stuff happen.
Kindergarten sets the tone for the rest of his education so the sooner the change the better. You want him to like school.
Good luck.
:) S.

Hi,
I'm having the same problem with my 3 year old in pre school. He just statred 2 weeks ago and it seems like they are being so ruff on him. They put him in time out for just about everything. I think that they are expecting to much from a 3 year old. Everyday I pick him up there is a complaint about him. My son is very active and need alot of attention but he is also very loving and caring. Someone recently told me about a program called EARLY CHILDHOOD CONSULTATION PARTNERSHIP. They help in behavior problems that you may be having with your children and guide you in the right direction to solve the problem. I have not yet called them but I think I may myself. Hope this info is helpful. If you want the number please email me at ____@____.com and I can give you the info.

You might wanna touch his hand or hold his shoulders first to get his full attention before you say anything. If he is preoccupied with something else, he might not be hearing what you are saying.

Consistency in your statements
Reiforcement on a daily basis of the expected behavior
Love
Affection
Exclusive time with him
Making him secure

are some general guidelines which help in all aspects. I hope it helps. Parenting is difficult but rewarding. Teachers sometimes tend to "slot" a child and thats not fair I agree.

M., WHAT DOES YOUR MOTHERLY INSTINCT TELL YOU???

The reason I say this is because you know your child more than anyone and I am sure that you can already sense what
is going on with him. My first suggestion is for you to have a meeting with the teacher and principal and establish a two week plan with him. If the teacher doesnt sound like she is willing to help then suggest for another teacher. Find out exactly when things are going wrong (before naptime, before lunch,etc) The teacher should start observing him. Don't go into this meeting fightingw/ the teacher... You are here as a team for the benefit of the child. Sending him to the Principals office is not the answer! Punishing him at home after the fact is also not the answer. Don't get me wrong there are behaviors that should not be allowed at all and you should nip that. You need to get to the root of the problem. - Second step, take your child to a good child psycologist for your child to communicate what he feels and when he feels it.. Expressing his feelings are important and most of the times the kids will immediately tell the doctor if and why he doesnt like school or what is going on. You also need to be heard about how you feel and you both can come up with a plan and include your son and stick with it... Sometimes as parents we want quick fixes and we can't/won't get them. I know this most be frustrating to everyone involved. Child, you, Dad, brother, teacher, other classmates. You gotta find an answer..

Stay with it, You have to be an advovate for your child. At the end of the day, you have to take care of him, watch over him, and live with him - not these teachers... Again, what does your heart tell you?? And if he does have ADD or ADHD its not the end of the world you just need to help him,help yourself including family, and teachers adjust to his behavior and his surroundings and teach/help him deal with this. And now this is your job... Kindergarten is a big adjustment for kids specially one who attends Catholic school. I never thought my kids would sit in class for such a long time and they did. Then, we heard of stories where there was 1 particular kid who would always get in trouble. He did end up having ADD, and now attends a special school w/ teachers who are trained to deal w/ behavioral problems and it has been the best thing ever... Don't give up on your child, look into his eyes and believe me when I tell you. He doesnt want to be unhappy either. Getting in trouble everyday is no fun. Good luck and keep in touch... S.

well, discipline is one of the biggest and most talked about subject when it comes to child rearing, and I've read several books from a variety of psychologists, researchers, doctors, and the list goes on. (i'm a book junkie, when something cathces my interest, i keep delving into it until i feel the subject is worn out)
first off, you asked him why he did it. he said he forgets to be nice and to listen BUT HE CAN'T HELP IT. that in and of itself is an invalid excuse. he places the blame on something else other than himself. he can help it, but he will have to work harder at it in the future.
work with him on "choices" when he "chooses" to act nicely, and "chooses" to listen, he will be happier with himself, and others will be happy around him as well. If he chooses to not act nicely, he will be responsible for it.
another thing to ask him, is if he thinks he is a nice boy. if he reponds with yes, then explain to him if he's already nice, then he must be choosing to be impolite.

now on the other hand, the teacher is not equipped to get positive results from students herself, if she is constantly throwing him out of class. make it a point to meet with this teacher, and tell her what you are doing, and let her know that you respect her as a teacher, that some kids need a different approach to achieve desired behavior, so if you are doing certain things, like using communication with him differently that you would appreciate it if she could follow the same guidlines as you are setting, and they are NOT huge changes. I would highly recommend reading "what did I just say" by Denis Donovon. everything i just told you would make more sense, after reading that book.

your child is most likely perfectly normal!!! he probably just hasn't learned how to listen/behave/follow directions in the "normal" method, which would be the majority of the kids, but everyone has different ways of getting to the same goal (listening, behaving, and following directions)

please, read the book. I think it's a great tool to be prepared with

Hi! I had a couple problems with my son when he was little. What helped me and my son were dates together. I know it's hard to find time but it really works. Just start off by saying hey do you want to go for cocoa at the diner( more quiet than D.D) for Us time. I'm buying! He might start relaxing being alone with you rather than talking at home around everyone else. Talk about anything leaaves falling, whats for lunch tomorrow,etc. He doesn't have to tell you today or the next day what is bothering him but it's a start. I found out that my son had a problem with his teacher. He was and is an emotional child( the girls flock to him he is never single). I talked with his teacher and changed certain things and it worked! My son now asks me if I want to go out for coffee(cocoa is for babies). And he's paying! Best of luck!-K.

Oh my:

I am going through the same exact situation with my six year old son who also attends Catholic school. He get a ton of imcomplete work in his notebook every day and constantly is loses recess and gym as a punishment in school. I too have taken away privledges at home, tried to scare him and even spanked him at one point because I was desperate. I realized spanking was the answer. I am out of ideas. I initially a meeting with his teacher just the other day to see if we could come up with a plan together for my son. I told her to compliment my son anytime he does anything right, even if it is just one thing for that day. I told her that he has been punished almost every day since school started early September. She said, wow, that rough and it doesn't seem to work. I said I review his school work every day and see you wrtie incomplete in large red letters across his notebook on every page everyday. I base my punishing him on those daily imcompletes. We decided that I would try another thing. Instead of reviewing his imcompletes daily, I would do it once a week, maybe Friday and I would come up with a number of acceptable imcompletes. If he got under that particular nummber, I would reward him and if he went over, i would punish him but just for Friday, and Saturday and Sunday he would be able to play. I am currently trying this right now. Catholic school is way stricter with the kids. My son is in the 1st grade and he gets a ton of school work and at least 1 hour of homework every day. It alot of dicipline for such a young kid to take in. I recommend that you set up a private meeting with his teacher. It shows that you care and you can say that the purpose of the meeting is to come up with a plan together since your son spends a large part of his day with her. Take his achivements, one at a time. Build on that one good thing he did and see. It is hard, I know. I amnot even sure what I am doing right now is working for my son. But I will try anything. I am also trying not to make a big deal when he does something wrong in school. I don't want to give it to much attention. But I will make a huge deal daily when he does something right. Try to address the negatives once a week instead of daily. Beleive you me, I am still trying to figure this out. Let me know if you come up with something.