Not on the Registry

Updated on October 09, 2012
S.E. asks from Caldwell, NJ
18 answers

is it ok to get someone something thats not on their registry.. i know with my shower i got some stuff i didnt put on there but it was all small things, mostly clothes.. for my cousins baby shower my mom and i are going in together on a gift, we wanted to get her one of the bigger more expensive items she had on there but apparently between her mom, grandma, and her fiances parents & grandparents they bought all of it already and had it shipped to her house ahead of time, so that when she and her fiance come home for the shower it will be that much less stuff they have to make the 7hr drive back home with. We want to get her one of those play mats with the different toys that hang from them and a few small things she hasnt gotten on her registry. I searched her registry and she doesnt have anything even remotley like that on there at all (the only "toys" i saw on there were a stuffed animal and a rattle).. its a pretty big item.. im just curious, if it were u, would u rather get a whole bunch of small things that u actually put on there.. or a bigger item that wasnt and a few small things... now this is their first child so im not sure if she just didnt think of something like that or if its something they really didnt want/ or think was necessary/ or would rather get other things that they feel are necessary (i know money is extremely tight with them, they need all the help they can get..so im questioning our decision)

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So What Happened?

i didnt want to give away the surprise to her of what we were getting but i think i need to find out if its something she intentionally did not put on there .. i know with the one i have i put it on there because it was so cute and i figured o well if i dont get it i dont get it.. well let me tell u my daughter loves that thing, it gets her right out of her crankymood when shes bored

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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

You know, I might seriously think about giving her a gift card to the store where she registered. And a small, cute item "to wrap"!

3 moms found this helpful
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T.P.

answers from Indianapolis on

I get items that aren't on the registry all the time and I received items that weren't on my registry. The item you plan to give is a good one and i bet she will like it so i would just do it.

Updated

I get items that aren't on the registry all the time and I received items that weren't on my registry. The item you plan to give is a good one and i bet she will like it so i would just do it.

3 moms found this helpful

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K.R.

answers from San Francisco on

I definitely wasn't offended if people got me things that weren't on my registry--that were useful things and not just cutesy stuff. I think your gift idea sounds nice. I didn't register for one of those, didn't think I'd need it, but then I got one at my shower and it was great. Both my babies loved playing with it and I'm glad I didn't have to buy one--it's a big item. If money is tight, I'm thinking they'll appreciate bigger things instead of smaller items that they could buy if they really needed it.

3 moms found this helpful

N.G.

answers from Dallas on

I think it's totally fine to go off the registry, and that will be a thoughtful gift. So I say go for it. But if they are struggling financially, maybe something more practical like a gift card? Diapers? Formula/bottles? Just a thought. I'm 31 weeks along, and I've appreciated the things I can actually use, more than the the toys. Newborns don't care about toys, at least not at first. Since my entire maternity leave will be unpaid, I appreciate the things that will cause me an expense right away. I can figure the rest out later. But still, I think your gift idea is a thoughtful one, and I think it would be totally fine.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

1) 1st time moms often don't think of 'Life savers'. So a life saving gift could be just that.

2) Not being a 1st time mom, I'd prefer a giant basket of little things, rather than a big thing I'd intentionally NOT asked for.

3 moms found this helpful

R.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

When my daughter registered she included gift cards on her registry, by any chance did your cousin? Even if she didn't I would give her one in the amount you plan to spend so they can buy the things they need and want. Especially since this is their first child and money is tight.

If that's not something you choose to do I and two other people I just asked would rather get a bunch of smaller things on the list rather then something not on it.

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K.P.

answers from Seattle on

I think the play mat is a good gift, and one that my son loved and also one that we didn't think of getting.

You could get the play mat and make a gift basket and put some of the smaller things in it that you were thinking of. Diapers are always helpful, especially to parents who are tight on money.

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M.R.

answers from Detroit on

That sounds great! Those things were a life saver to me! I would just include the gift receipt, if she decides she doesnt need it, she could always exchange it, or even get money back for diapers or something.

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S.A.

answers from Chicago on

I think you should get her the play mat, and a few small things and make sure to give her the gift receipt so she can exchange it for something else if she really doesn't like it.

2 moms found this helpful
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R.M.

answers from Cumberland on

How sweet you are! I would rather get one big thing not on my list that I don't yet realize I will need-and a couple of the smaller items!

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

Check first. She may not have put it on there because she is getting a hand-me-down from a friend. I know that I passed mine along because they are expensive and mine was still in good shape even after three kids. It would be a great gift if she doesn't already have one!

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K.C.

answers from Evansville on

She may not have a clue what she will really need or want besides the basics... toys are the last thing you may think about when you are arranging the closet/room with onesies, cribsheets, diapers, etc.
I love my stationary entertainer and so did both of my boys. My 18month old still plays in it when I am cooking dinner to keep him in one spot.
I would not tell her... it would ruin the surprise. and she may not be thinking that is what she wants right now anyway.
If money is really tight... I would opt for a gift card, diapers, etc. Then she can get the necessities. with maybe something extra and fun that she didn't register for (i.e. a toy, a cute outfit, shoes, socks, etc.)
Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
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E.S.

answers from Jacksonville on

I would get it and give her a gift receipt. If she doesn't want it she can get something else.

1 mom found this helpful

D.B.

answers from Boston on

Of course you can get her whatever you want. Registries are designed to be helpful so people don't duplicate, but they aren't a hard & fast rule with the title "Get Me Stuff On This List or Else"!

Don't forget that it's nice to get people stuff that they can use later on, like well after the first year. A lot of people get overwhelmed with infant stuff and then they're on their own after 12 months! I got a size 24 month snowsuit that looked huge when I opened it, but it was perfect for my son at 18 months! It was SO nice to break out something new at that stage in his life!

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

a registry is for ideas of things she wants / needs. it is not a list of what you have to get. if there is something you know you love that you had by all means get it. if she has only things that are must have on there then those may be things she wants more but it doesn't mean you have to get it.

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D..

answers from Charlotte on

It's perfectly fine to not go by the registry. She should appreciate what you get her anyway.

Do the right thing, though, and include a gift receipt with it, just in case she gets two that are just alike...

Dawn

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I would, and I'd keep the receipt if they don't want it. I got things I would NEVER have thought of with DD and appreciated them very much. Registries are wishlists.

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H.M.

answers from Dallas on

I would go ahead and get her what you want to get here. To me the registry is a guide. I know I did not put many large things on mine cause I didn't figure that anyone would get them for me. And this being her first baby she may not have thought of everything. Just make sure you put a gift receipt with it and if she needs to take it back and get something else she can. That's what I did wish a few things.

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