I am not sure how to put this, but two events have happen to our little family and they have driven my husband into a whole new type of behavior and I am not sure how to handle it.
First, our youngest was staying with my grandparents and playing outside in the backyard when he got ahold of a spray bottle filled with a engine cleaner...that is basically like battery acid. We had just left the house, so when my grandma called and told us what happened, he raced back to the house and we picked him up and took him to the ER. He got it on some of his body but the bad part was he got it on his lips and the tip of his tongue. It was horrible looking and we had to stay at the hospital for hours till they confirmed that he didn't swallow any of it and that his tongue had gone down to regular size. He was fine, but we were both very scared. Now, I cried and freaked out, but as a man, he kept his cool and just asked a lot of questions and did his best to help me chill out during it all. Now, however, he freaks out if the baby isn't in our sites at all times! I mean, I can't leave him with my grandparents now...unless I am there and he gets very upset if the baby grabs at anything that isn't safe and smacks his hand, something he has never done before. My husband, who is very sweet and loving tends to yell at me if the baby gets anything he isn't suppose to and reminds me if I want that accident to happen again. He isn't mad or anything, he just looks like he is scared...I try to talk to him about it, but he just says do you want to go through that again??? And of course I say "no" and that is the end of the converstation. That is problem 1.
Problem 2. My husband's car was side swiped by a school bus on his way home from the store. He wasn't hurt and the insurance is taking care of everything, it was the lady's fault because she didn't see his little car there on the side of her. The car still works, just some side damage, but now he won't drive and he gets upset if I don't drive right. I am not bragging, but I do follow all the rules of the road and he knows this because I remind him of it all the time, but he yells at me and tells me that its the other cars I have to watch out for...so I tell him to drive and he comes up with that he has a headache or he just doesn't feel up to it. I have no problem driving, but he doesn't like for me to go anywhere unless I have to. He calls me all the time from his breaks at work to make sure we are doing alright. It is very sweet of him, but it has me worried that he is taking all this overboard. I think he is scared of everything that has happen, but he just won't talk about either one with me.
My questions are: What do I do now? How do I get him to talk about it? Should I wait a little while? How do I handle his outburst of concern? I just don't know what to do, I have never seen him like this...I mean I worry a lot, but he is just freaking out! If anyone has advice, please let me know. Thanks for taking time out to read all this.
First, I like to thank everyone...even the husband that wrote in too, you all were pretty much right. Last night, my husband and I kind of blew up at eachother because my son had gotten into the spice rack and dumped out some garlic powder, of course my hubby flip and was about to spank him but I got between them. My hubby started yelling at me about the spices getting into his eyes or him eating the stuff and I had to tell him that not everything is going to hurt him and sometimes he needs to get into a little bit of stuff to learn, we don't have to spank him because your scared. I shouldn't have said that but I did before I knew it and he was hurt by those words he just walk to the room and finally he cried. We talked for a very long time about everything that has happen and how he was handling it all and we are working to fix his fear that not everything or everyone is out to get us, but things do happen. He hasn't started driving yet, but he has stopped spanking our son's hand and just taking things slow. Again, thanks to everyone who gave me advice, we might have to see someone about all this, but he is still not ready for that step...I am just glad we got this far. Thanks again, I can not even stress it enough...I have to go now, my son is starting to play with the keyboard...but thank you to everyone and I hope your have a safe holiday!
Most people would not believe this, but men are so much more sensitive than women. My husband is very hard on the kids, because he is always afraid of something happening to them. I have not found a solution to this problem, except that now that my girls are older, I make it clear that when he is home, they must ask his permission to do things or go places. For some reason, this has helped his attitude, though I can't explain why.
P.,
It sound like your husband had some REAL scares lately. I am not a psychiatrist by any means, but I have dealt w/ PTSD - Post Tramatic Stress Disorder. It sounds maybe like he should talk to a professional about these feelings. Better sooner than later, other anxieties could possibly arise by trying to ignor what is really going on. Best of luck to both of you!
Sounds like you just need to love on him until he feels comfortable again. Perhaps he needs to hear from you first, tell him how scared you were about both instances and perhaps that will prompt him to talk it out. Make it pillow talk while your snuggling or something. That way he feels the most comfortable. And depending on the age of the child who's hand he is smacking he may not understand why he is getting "punished." My husband was in a terrible accident when someone ran a stop sign and hit him. It scared me plenty and we are more defensive drivers now... both of us. So I can definatly understand your situation.
Let us know how you are... Prayer with you....
God Bless
_N
I think he needs to talk about everything. When my daughter was 2 she picked up 2 handfuls of an ant bed. It happend in a second. We turned around and she was there we turned back to look at our son and she was screaming. Within 15 min she was covered in hives and swelling all over her body along with 30 bites on her hands. We were outside of Austin on a Ranch and had to drive to the main road to meet the EMS. She was fine they gave her a Epi shot and we spent about 4 hours in the ER. Turned out she is allergic to Fire ants. Anyways I went for about 6 months freaking out over little things. I would not let her play outside without me. It takes time to get over these tramas. As a mom I just hovered but as a man I can imagine the feeling of helplessness was overwhelming. Give him time talk to him about it often. And it does sound to me that he would benifit from a couselor. He might not want to talk to you about it because he doesnt want you to think he is less of a man for being so freaked out. Hope that helps.
Wow he's had some pretty traumatic stuff happen all at once and he's freakin out...i would suggest a counselor for the two of you to go to. You have kids so he knows that they are going to get into things.They are going to get bumps and bruises and if he's going to blow a gasket everytime he will cause himself some unwanted stress. He's scared and scared for what COULD happen. I would suggest going to see a counselor. If he's freaking out and yelling at you then it's not like him and SOMETHING is bothering him. He needs to talk to someone. Hang in there. This is just my opinion.
As a loving father (who's wife is making me respond) I understand getting scared of traumatic experiences. Keep in mind that the only reason he gets scared is because he loves his family. If he didn't love, he wouldn't be scared. That's a good thing! Events like this can take a long time to get over. A counselor or psychologist can really help him understand how to handle his fears in a rational way, and can also help you know how to support your husband and help him recover. Keep on keeping on and know that it will pass, but these things just take time.
Have you ever heard the country song by Brad Pasley he sings a part about "When men become daddy's they turn into big babies again" They do. I am a new mom and i've never seen my husband so sensitive before.The best thing to do is watch your kids, child proof, try to think how they think. Talk to them tell them why they are being punished time outs are better than spanking. Spanking just shows them that your angry. As for the car accident there is not much you can do about other drivers, the only one you can control is your own. Always wear your seat belt and if you see a wreckless driver, steer clear from them.
Well I feel just awful for your husband. He feels a bit out of control and doesn't know what to do with those feelings. So, he is being irrational. If he is a typical rational husband/father, and these behaviors are out of the ordinary (as you say they are), then he is definitely in the need of a good talk. Either with you or with a professional. Sometimes, people who are used to having control of things around them, react very negatively when they "lose" that control. Stick by him and love him through this.
Sounds like he has alot of built up anxiety from both the incidents that is making him act that way. I'm glad your son and husband are both ok. I think you definately need to get him to talk about it. I would just find a time, if you can, when the kids are in bed and you have a little window of time. Just tell him some things have you concerned and you want to discuss them with him because you love him and want to make sure you two are always on the same page. You'll know what to say from there. Good luck and I hope it all turns out well.
Well, I am sorry so much has happened but I guess with kids accidents happen. I think if it were me I would try and sit him down one night maybe after the kids have gone to sleep and tell him that you need to talk. Let him know that you are very concerned too about the children getting hurt as all parents are but you are worried about him getting too overstressed about the whole situation. Sometimes men have a hard time expressing their feelings so I would try a couple of little talks between the two of you and if it doesnt get better then maybe suggest going to some kind of counseling. I am sure everything will be ok, at least you know that he is concerned and you are obviously very loved!! Hope this helps you out some!!!
