Nursing to Sleep - Rowland Heights,CA

Instead of nursing her to sleep... try, nursing her RIGHT BEFORE sleeping...not when you are both already lying down in bed already. For me, I either nursed in a chair, or ONLY if I was too tired to get up, I nursed while lying down with my child.

I did AP with both my kids as well & co-clept...but yes, you also need to observe your child and let them lead you too.... as Deanna Leigh said... this is very important. It is this way with ANY baby, not just AP or not.

REMEMBER... nursing is different for each child. So you really need to see what your child is needing. My 1st child, self-weaned at 2.5 years old- child led.
My son, self-weaned by 1 year old- child led.
I "let" my children self-wean because that was my choice. And both my children did self-wean. But, you really have to observe them and "know" THEM... not just doing it for "you."

As far as having your child fall asleep on her own without nursing...well that is a matter of not just sticking your nipple in her mouth every time she makes a noise at night...or just doing it as a "habit." Sometimes a baby is just moving around or making noises, and that is all it is. if she is waking up (as is normal for a baby) during the night and IS hungry, then feed/nurse her. Sometimes also, they just want a cuddle... and that's fine.
With co-sleeping, the tendency is to just stick the nipple in their mouth for any reason... without really "seeing" if it is necessary. So just observe....this too, is child-led.

As to WHEN a child will fall asleep on their own, it varies with each child. My eldest did not fall asleep on her own or sleep ALL night, until about 2.5 years old. My son, is 28 months old, and he will still wake up once a night, sometimes...but with him, he can get himself back to sleep.
EACH CHILD IS DIFFERENT.

sorry gotta run,
Susan

It is not usually child led. If we teach children that this is how they go to sleep (nursing) it becomes a habit for them that parents eventually have to help them transition from. I know a seven year old that still nurses before bed because her mother has never transitioned her from it.

That being said, I am also an AP mother who nursed my own first baby the same way. When he got to be about 8 or 9 months and was waking 8 times each night to nurse, I realized that I was not helping him by being a crutch. He would sleep much better if I helped him cope with sleep on his own. So, I gave myself a time period. I would nurse him every 3 hours. If he woke up in between feedings, I gave him a pacifier and still cuddled close to him (co-sleeping) and patted his bottom so he knew I wasn't abandoning him. He cried a lot but I was there to help him cope with soft singing and soft touches to help soothe him. If he woke up and it had been 3 hours since his last feeding, I nursed him. It was much more often than he NEEDED at 9 months, but I wanted to transition him. It took a few nights and then he was able to sleep through the night with only an occasional waking for his pacifier.

Good luck.

L.,

I agree, it's not usually child led unless they are much older. Both of mine nursed to sleep until 2 years old. At which time my daughter stopped because I was 5 months pregnant and had no milk (she was still happy nursing) but I told her it hurt and she understood and that was that. My son, I was ready to night wean when he was around 2 or maybe shortly before (I can't remember now!) I started by telling him that we don't nurse when Mr. Moon is out, only when Mr. Sun comes up. It took a little while but there were no tears and when he "got it" he really got it. He by the way nursed (during the day) until he was 3. He didn't nurse much during this time in his life. Once a day - once every few days.

If you wanted to night wean w/out tears you'd probably have to wait until your daughter was a little older 15mos or so and understood what you were saying. Prior to that, sometimes replacing nursing with something else works, rocking, singing, Daddy putting to sleep, etc..

Also, in case you are thinking your daughter will never fall asleep on her own or sleep all night. Both of mine began to sleep all night after they were night weaned so at the age of two. They are 3.5 and 6 now and continue to be great sleepers! I questioned my night time parenting for a very short bit with my first. I'm so glad I didn't change anything. They are very confident, independent kids who love to go to bed and sleep. They have NEVER shed a tear at bed time.

Keep up the great work!
M.

I did the same thing with my daughter. I nursed her to sleep up until the time that she finally gave up nursing. Of course, the bedtime nursing was the last one to go! Once she was weaned, we switched to reading her favorite stories and cuddling before bed. There was a brief period of resistence to actually lay there and go to sleep but, she very quickly took to it and now, it's no problem. She will often even tell me when she's tired and ask to go snuggle and go to sleep! I think that going at your child's pace makes them feel more comfortable and secure.

Hi L.,
We're also an AP family and I nursed our daughter until she was 21 months old. I also nursed our daughter to sleep for naps and bedtime. When she was old enough to understand ( I think she may have been a year to 18 months, can't remember) I told her that mommy wasn't making milk for naps/bedtime anymore. If she woke up in the middle of the night and wanted to nurse (we co-slept, too) I would offer her a sip of water that I kept on my nightstand. After a couple nights of sips of water, she stopped waking up to nurse. It was all very easy, no real trauma for her. Good luck to you!

AP Mama as well.

Because of our situation and my health issues, I had to introduce a bottle at this age. However, I let my son wean when he was ready at almost 16 months to just a bedtime and breakfast bottle. Then, by the time he was two he was strictly on a sippy cup.

This made it easy for us, but I am ALL for self-weaning at any age.

I think what we did was to create a standard bedtime routine and then, as time progressed we replaced me with a lovie and then eventually the bedtime bottle became obselete. Instead of rooting for the bottle he began to look for the lovie for comfort. I still kept a Nuby sippy cup of water by the bed in case and water at night is less comforting than milk but a good quencher of thirst.

We then began a new thing of the nighttime cup of milk and snack at just around 20 months.

I would say watch for the signs...my son started losing interest in his daytime feeding because he didn't need them for nourishment. They just know, and its up to us to just watch and be ready.

Good luck!!! And enjoy!

I have 2 kids, boy age 3, girl age 1 - still nursing girl. Total AP mom - cosleeping, the whole 10 yards. :)

So, that said, I transitioned my son at 16 months. I actually wanted to nurse longer, but I was pregnant with my daughter and my breast tenderness got so severe, I was ready at that point to stop. So, our bedtime routine changed one night, instead of nursing to sleep, I rocked him and listed to soft classical music. This began a WONDERFUL ritual that we have enjoyed since.

So, they way life at bedtime looks now is I nurse baby girl to sleep on the "big bed" (my bed) and then take big brother in to rock and listen to music until he falls asleep in my arms. At that time I carry him into the big bed and lay down with both of them, and they both snuggle into me (one on each side).

So, maybe try rocking while listening to music! The first night we did it, we had a few tears, but it didn't last long. Shockingly...he never asked to nurse again until baby sister was born...and I let him try...BUT HE FORGOT HOW TO LATCH ON! And gave up after one attempt.

Good luck - the transition isn't as hard as it "feels" like it will be. The snuggles continue.

AP - Attachment parenting
I nursed my son to sleep till he was 3 yrs and 3 months. (He's 8.5 now.) I was hoping he would "self-wean" but that was not happening. He nursed a LOT during the night. I nursed him to sleep in his twin, left the room and came back at 2am when he woke up and he nursed through the night. Miraculously, I never felt sleep deprived. When I weaned him, he was very upset about it. I just rocked him to sleep and stayed firm with my No and he cried himself to sleep in my arms. The first few nights were hard, but then he accepted it. I continued to make the nighttime routine very loving (books and I lie down with you to sleep.) He stopped needing me to lie with him around 5.5. And he felt too cramped with his baby sister right there.

My daughter is 4.5 now. I night weaned her at the same age. I really wanted to do it at age 2, but I didn't have the heart. She pretty much slept through the night, but her night nursing/waking did disturb my sleep and drove me nuts. Weird.

Though with her I was a big wimp and told her she could "pretend nurse" and hold my "little" (our word for nipple) until she conked out. Or she just puts her mouth on it (closed) and conks out. THat helped her transition out of it. THough I do not recommend that because at 4.5 she still wants to do it during wake up (hard to pull when I'm trying to get them ready for school) or night (but that's easy.)

AP friendly Dr. Jay Gordon of Santa Monica, CA has a great tip page for "Changing the Sleep pattern of the family bed" (i.e. night weaning.)
http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

I really wanted to night wean my daughter at 1-2 yrs, but it felt wrong, even thought it may have been the right thing to do.

Now my daughter is 4.5 and I read books to my kids (they share a room) and I lie on the bed until she conks out. She's usually out in 10 minutes. She wakes at 5-6am and comes looking for me. I go back to her and lie with her for another hour or so.

L.,

I have two children - a 5 year old and a 2 year old - both boys. I nursed my first to 2 years (and I weaned him because he was up every two hours all night long like clockwork every single night and nothing I tried helped) and my 2 year old self-weaned at 18 months. I did basically the same things with both of them and I wanted to nurse both of them until they were at least 2. My first child was obsessed with nursing and my second was barely interested. So many times the personality of the child has a lot to do with what happens and when.

So, I say, if you want your baby to start not nursing to sleep, it is perfectly okay for you to start gently helping her to learn to do that. If you reach that point at 9 months, 12 months, 15 months, 18 months, 3 years old, that is all okay too. It really is a matter of what works for you and your child and what you are comfortable with.

When you start to resent your nursing relationship, it is time to change it to where you don't resent it - even if that means ending it. The whole point is to be able to have a joyful, bonded relationship with your child that you both can enjoy.

Peace to you,
T.

Hi L.,

I'm an AP mom and my son will be three at the end of this month and he still nurses in the middle of the night. Don't mean to scare you, but what's wrong with a young child feeling secure? That's what AP is all about! If you agree with child led weaning, they will nurse for comfort most of the time until between the ages of 3 and 4. It's scary to think of your child nursing so long, especially if you want to have another one, but I also have a friend who tandem nursed her two kids who were only 12 months apart. Both weaned between 3 and 4 and she cannot remember exactly when because it was a natural, non-traumatic weaning for both of them. Dr. Sears told me that when my son is around 3 or 4 that people will really notice a difference between an AP child and a "detachment parenting" child. So many in my family on both sides have made comments about what an incredibly special boy mine is, how they have never seen a child look you right in the eye, how connected he is, how sensitive and loving he is. But of course, none of them would attribute that to Attachment Parenting because they don't know anything about it! Dr. Bill (Sears) was right, every well baby visit we went to, from infancy, he said he was a very connected baby. You are doing the right thing, you just need to surround yourself with people who believe the same as you, it gives you more confidence in what you are doing and then you won't care what others think and you won't worry about "if you are doing the right thing." Good luck!!!, A.

I hate to tell you this, but for us it was quite a traumatic experience - but neccessary. He was 15 months old and nursing MORE in the night than when he was 9months old... soooo we finally put the crib to use. I stood by the crib with him in it, screaming at the top of his lungs for over an hour, several times a night for a week. Once we jumped over that hurdle, he was able to be rocked to sleep no nursing and sleep for a few hours in his crib then when he woke I brought him into our bed and he would snuggle up and sleep no nursing. He still required patting, snuggling, sometimes he would even sleep on top of me - but no more night nursing. At 19 months he self weaned completely and he started sleeping through the night at about 2 1/2yrs(not requiring patting, snuggling, in his own bed bumped right up next to ours). At three yrs he moved to his own room, by his own choice, and now at four years (next month) he wants someone to lay with him until he is asleep and then stays in his bed until morning (he sleeps 8pm to 7am nightly). It feels like a long road ahead of you when you finally decide it's time to get some uninterrupted sleep, but you can do it!! Whenever you decide....

Hi!
I am doing AP too but my baby is only 2.5 months and likes to be in my arms at all times. I have been reading "The No Cry Sleep Solution" b/c we weren't sure how to get her to sleep enough hours. Last week I had good results. In the morning, when her eyes got red and she looked tired, I would put her in the bouncer or swing. She would nap for 30 mins.- 2 hours. Then in the afternoon, I'd do the same thing. Even though at night she needs to be swaddled and rocked, I found she would nap without being swaddled or rocked. (Well, I guess the swing is rocking her technically.) Some books recommend against putting a baby to sleep in a rocker or bouncer b/c they become "dependent" on the motion. So if you are asking how to lay her down on her back in the co-sleeper, I don't know! Mine won't sleep that way yet.

Anyway, I recommend the book as it will offer you plenty of ideas for how to get your baby down for a nap. Good luck!!!!

Wow, I have three children and my last one took the cake on nursing. My other two were weaned by the time they were one, but my third child nursed until 16 months. It was my choice to nurse this long but at the same time my child was not ready to wean ant the typical 12 months. Basically the way I weaned him was to nurse him and then cuddle him closely to sleep so that he still felt he recieved that bonding time between the two of us. He is two now and I still lay down with him to go to sleep ( the attachment does not cease with nursing) but I would not change that for anything. I still very much so enjoy our individual time together. I hope this helps you in your endeavors with your baby girl. Good luck!

Ha, I just fell into it! Go out! Last night, I went to a concert and left our 7 month old with my husband and pumped milk. He fed him and put him in his crib and comforted him. Then he put the 4 year old to bed, and came back, and the baby was asleep. Maybe go out one night like I did and break the pattern? Tonight, I sat him up to nurse. He nursed for awhile, then popped off, leaned back, and relaxed. I cradled him in my arms, and he shut his eyes and went to sleep.

I have nursed to sleep my daughter forever. She just turned one and just sort of decided to let herself learn to fall asleep on her own. I still do bath, book, boob, she is sleepy and I lay her in her crib and she goes to sleep. IT is a miracle to me!!! She just lead it on her own. Granted there are nights I still have to help her a little more and I still nurse her for naps. Good luck. I am not going to ween anytime soon, but am trying to break the nurse to sleep cycle.

My three babies all transitioned at different times- all around the two-year mark. There really isn't much for you to do but to let it happen, unless you would like for it to stop. Your baby is still very young and most likely won't stop on her own for another year or so.

Enjoy!

HI L.,
I also nursed my daughter to sleep and she didn't stop until this October! She is going to be three in February! We stopped it because I had to take some antibiotics and so I just told her that my "nee-nees" (her word for breasts/nursing) needed a break because they were sore. She was pretty ok with it, so I could tell she was ready to stop. Now I still lay down with her and she falls alseep well. I was worried that it'd be so hard to stop the nursing to sleep, but lucky for us, it was way better than I'd expected. She asked for it several times, but when she was reminded that I was getting a break and she was such a nice girl for giving me a break, she was fine. Good luck to you; trust yourself and pay attention to what your baby is telling you and you'll be fine. :)
J.

I nursed my daughter to sleep until I weaned her at 12 months. Then I started rocking her to sleep with lullaby music on. Just do whatever feels right to you and works for your family! :)

hi, i'm [probably late on this, but here goes.
my son, who is now 7 was a constant nurser!!! he never fell asleep with me without nursing until he was somewhere around 3 or so, maybe later. however, my mom could rock him even without a bottle and get him to go even as a little baby. i'm thinking it's about WHO does it. i enjoyed being close with him so i didn't try to transition it until it was waaaayyyy overdue. try dad, a neighbor, grandma...somebody else. that's all i've got! good luck!

Hi L.,
I never meant for ours to be a child led weaning process but it turned out that way. My son is now almost 28 months old and very rarely nurses (his choice) but he still will nurse to fall asleep because that is what we are used to. I say We because sometimes he won't even ask for it but I'll offer it because that is what is easiest for me and I am used to it. There has been many times he has fallen asleep with just me cuddling him and also if Daddy or a babysitter puts him to sleep. That is probably the easiest....going out and giving him Daddy time. It's also a nice break for you!
By the way, I am 28 weeks pregnant with my 2nd so that may have something to do with him self weaning but I also believe that it may be just time for him. I do believe that self weaning, even at night, is possible.

I nursed both my son and daughter and it was a completely different experience between the two. I think that it really depends on the child. My daughter is 3 she still would prefer to be in our bed but on occasion does sleep in hers. She really only stopped nursing because her brother made my milk dry up when she was 17 months. I still will sit/lay next to her to go to sleep but she will go to sleep on her own sometimes but only in my bed. I nursed him to sleep mostly but he is also "bounced" on our exercise ball to sleep. My son has always preferred his own bed and weaned on his own shortly after he turned one. He really never had the interest that my daughter had and only used nursing as a food/drink source and not really for comfort like my daughter. She on occasion will still ask if she can nurse but I have to tell her they are empty. I don't think that rocking, nursing, or otherwise helping your baby or preschooler to sleep is such a bad thing. They won't be small forever and really I get sad when they don't need me. Good luck.

Also AP Mama...My lil girl is 15 months now and she started on her own to be able to fall asleep without nursing a couple weeks ago. She nurses until she has enough and then just kind of lays there and then falls asleep while I am next to her. Mostly we give her a sippy cup with milk before going to bed and then she nurses and I try to take her off before she falls asleep.
For naptimes she still mostly nurses to go to sleep except I put her in the sling or in the car seat. Just wanted to let you know it is possible that they learn on their own at some point with some encouragement
Good luck keep up the good work.

I nursed also to get to sleep- have you tired nursing in a chair and letting her fall asleep, then putting her down? I got a book- Healthy sleep habits, happy baby- it really is a great book. Try having the man put her to sleep.
aloha

What does AP stand for?
I nurse my son, 20m to sleep for naps, but he doesn't fall asleep at night for bed while nursing. He's awake when he's finished and I put him down awake. He'll sometimes play for a bit in his crib before falling asleep. He started this about 11m. So, yes, I think it's child led.