Older Siblings Babysitting Younger Sibling

Well, if it were me I would pay them like I would any babysitter. They are kids and should not be "working" full time. I am all for learning responsibility and helping out; however, there should be time for play as well. Hope that helps!

That really is a tough one. I would say have each older sibling babysit 2 days a week each. Then on the 5th day, let the 9 year old do something fun. Most daycares allow drop ins during the summer and usually do their field trips on Fridays. He could go one day a week and have fun and the others would each only have to do two days at home. Either way you decide it will be the best choice for your family since you know them best. Good luck.

I only work part time, but my 15 year old watches her younger siblings when I am at work. She gets paid to watch them though, its only fair, and it's her summer job. She would not be allowed to hang out with her friends or anything like that when I am at work anyway, so she would be here by herself, so she keeps the kids with her. It would not be feasable for me to work part time if she didn't, with 3 kids to go to daycare it would cost me double what I make a week.

Having come from a large family, I don't see anything wrong with the siblings babysitting at least part of the time. I would suggest you comprise. Find a day camp or sport camp that is a half day or say 9-3 for a few weeks and then have your oldest do the droppoff and/or pickup and then the 15 year old can be there in the afternoon. Also, you might consider adjusting your hours if at all possible somewhat during the summer as even your 15 year old could likely use a little more quality time during the summer. I realize this may not be practical (I also work fulltime, so I understand the balancing act), but physically "being there" is really important at this age. Also, would it be possible for either your or your husband to occasionally take the 9 year old to work - maybe on Fridays to give your other kids a break from the babysitting.

Ok, this is just my opinion, I only have one sibling, and as a twin neither one of us looked after the other and my kids are too young still. However, if you are willing to pay for day care, how about paying the older siblings justs a small amount extra for watching the younger? Lay out certain responsibilities that come with the pay, or you can "ignore" the poor kid and do without pay. (they could be simple like take him to the park or go for a bike ride or have one meal a day with him) Or maybe even pay for fun outings for the older ones in exchange for watching the younger one.

You could even maybe mix it up a little. Make the 15 and 20 year old switch off so they both have time off for friends and fun, and, like some of the other posters said, throw in a day camp (YMCA maybe)or something of the sort every now and then. You could even give one mornings and one afternoons. There are ways to do it to give all three of them a change of scenery throughout the summer.

I understand your hesitancy to put your older kids out, but at 20 and 15 they are old enough to pitch in if you are working all day. And especially at 20, is she paying rent, etc? My mom quit paying for ANYTHING of mine (clothes, food, gas, activities) when I was 15/16 and I got a job and paid for it all myself. All I got was a roof over my head. Granted, that was a little extreme . . .

Anyway, the dynamics in every family is different, so whatever you decide I wish you luck!

I Don't know if you have thought about it, but here the YMCA has a summer program and afterschool program that might be cheaper than Daycare ? It sounds like alot of fun ? Might be worth checking out to see.

I'm one of the younger kids in my family and my older siblings always watched me and my younger sister when we were little. On the other hand when I was old enough to do the babysitting, I would watch a little girl down the street even though she had older siblings who were at home who could watch her.
When my youngest sister was born(a surprise 13 years after the last one!) one of my older sisters was hired to babysit her while my mom worked. She had a set schedule and got paid. Your daughters might be more willing to babysit if they had a little money coming in and knew when they would be expected to babysit and when they could have some time off.
there is also no reason why the 20yr old wouldn't be able to take her little sister out to the zoo or a park or museum once a week if she was babysitting her. But if yo ufeel more comfotable sending the 9 yr old to a day care, don't feel bad about doing it. It might be less stress for all involved!
~C.

Family meetings are something we use. It usually starts with what the conflict is and then everyone gets their chance to offer a solution and then we put it all together to compromise. Even though my kids are elementary aged, it gives them enough say-so that whatever the solution is they are more likely to follow it. One compromise I can think of is to let the youngest attended a few different weeks of day camps at a local recreation center or YMCA, Vacation Bible Schools at neighborhood churches, and maybe arrange a few playdates with friends. Then on the other weeks the 9 yr old is allowed to stay home with the older two.
I also wouldn't pay the older ones for babysitting. I agree that is just what families do for each other (you don't get paid to cook, do laundry or take them places, that's just what moms do). But since it is not everyday then it is not asking them to give up their summer either. And you could also remind them they are not "in charge", but just there if the youngest one needs help with something. I hope you all have a great summer!

i started watching my siblings when i was 11 or so. my mom went back to work and left my oldest brother in charge of all 5 of us. the baby girl was 4 at the time. i became second mama in the evenings, down to cooking and laundry. we all just chipped in and did our parts. it was a family unit thing. there was no "i'd rather hang out with my friends". it was reality and responsibility. to this day, all 5 of us are more responsible for each other than most siblings, even if we don't always like each other.

i guess my point is that in families, there is duty and responsibility that you must instill in children. this is one of those chances. take advantage of it.

Hey LG, if this is your biggest worry you must be doing a good job.

We had to make summer decisions too. Check out the YMCA and see what is offered. Maybe a part time opportunity could save you all. 15 year old doesn't really need to be hanging all day with friends does he? Can he get a lawn mowing or something job part time? Dog walking?

Who wants to babysit and be tied down? Kids really have it so easy these days. We have to take care of each other. The nine year old seems like a good age to take care of himself but he can still get into a lot of trouble by himself and lonely too. Its a good time though to start preparing him, teaching him to do his own washing, where to find sandwich fixings and make a sandwich and cereal, snacks.

Have a family meeting. You are single and taking care of them and this is what has to happen. What are their ideas and thoughts?

I wish you had more time. I know you do too. Hang in there.

This is just my opinion, if you do have the extra money to pay for daycare and that's where you prefer you child to go, then do it. I don't think there is anything wrong with older siblings helping out... I wouldn't put the responsibility on just one of them and they two of them could take turns helping out. I'm sure your 9 year old can do a lot on her/his own with little supervision from sibling, but they are around to help out if needed, if that makes any sense. I've had to on a few occasions have my 14, and 12 year old help out with my 2 year old, only because I had no one else to help. I did pay them, the 12 year old more since he did more work than the 14... Maybe see if there are any other programs 1/2 day or something in your community they could drop off your younger one or walk him/her there... just an idea...

I come from a divorced family with 1 younger brother.

When I was babysitting age, my mom loved to "go out with her friends" and I was left to babysit not only my brother, but her girlfriends' children as well. Of course I got NO PAY Resentful.....YES, to this day.

I understand that you have a sticky situation and it sounds like your ex is not entirely fair by making them pay with allowance you give them.

If I were in the situation (which I am not, therefore I am not judging), I think I would try to find some type of day camp/activity for the 9 yr old. Not a camp all summer, jsut a couple along the way to give everyone fun time and a break.

I believe the 20 yr old would/should be willing to provide transportation to the camps. Maybe if you have something like this, each child will enjoy the summer more. Can the 9 yr old trade off playdates with some friends?

I've been in a situation, last summer, when the older child (13) was responsible for babysitting the 9 yr old. I ended up footing the bill when the 13 yr old would come to our house to visit daughter because her sister always came along as well. There were many days I paid guest fees at the club and lunches for them, as well as trips to the mall, movies, etc. It got to the point that the girls were asking to come every day and expected me to entertain them financially. I did not expect a return gesture from the parents because I knew they were tight on money, however, it would have been nice if I had received a heartfelt thank you.

Good luck on figuring out a compromise.

I believe them watching him is important. It instills work ethics and family importance. So many kids now days forget how important family is and that family comes BEFORE friends no matter what. I have six kids and on occasion I get the "why do we have to...." short amd simple reply is...that's what families do. We work together as a whole helping each other out. I would also have guidelines for them if they did watch them. I can understand not entertaining him all the time but a requirement to make sure he gets fed. At 9yrs I'm sure he's more than able to fix a bowl of cereal or a sandwich.

Now here's the otherside.....though I would require my children to have activities planned for the younger ones (including some reading) you may not have such a disciplined 15 yr old that would actually do it so daycare might be a benefit to him. They have planned outings during the summe (though usually cost extra) that can make the summer enjoyable and that wa he's not stuck sitting infront of a tv all summer) Best of luck with your decision.

I am the youngest of 3. My siblings were NEVER left in charge of me because my mother was the oldest of 12 and was in charge of her siblings at 9. She never resented it, it was her way. Her siblings, to this day, think more of her than their Mother. Her thoughts were the siblings need to be siblings, period. My step daughter is 13 years older than my daughter. I thought about this too and then something horrible happened to a family in our church. The mother had left to run an errand to the bank and left her daughter (who was 13) in charge of her 2 year old sister (she knew she would be gone less than 30 minutes). The teenage daughter got on the phone and the 2 year old wandered outside in the backyard. She fell in the pool and the teenager was unaware. When the Mom got back and asked where she was the teen thought she knew right where she was. The toddler drowned. This incident broke this family. I decided then I would never leave my step daughter in charge. Heaven forbid, I would never want my step daughter to live with it if something happened on her watch. I know it's a lot different, your child is 9 not a toddler, but why take the chance? Especially if you're already thinking the oldest resents you for having her babysit. If she resents you, she'll resent your 9 year old as well, and that's not fair to the 9 year old either.

I know things are tough. Are there Aunts or Uncles or Grandparents around? Do you know an elderly person who would enjoy the company? You might be able to pay an elderly person less than daycare rates? Are there volunteer opportunities in the city you live in? My step daughter started volunteering at a vet's office when she was 10 because she loved animals. It was one day a week, but they loved having her and she loved working there.

Please know I am not judging you in any way. I know most of the posts here think the older kids should pitch in, and I agree. With household chores, grocery shopping, transportation etc. You're doing a great job and I admire you raising 3 kids on your own.

Blessings to you today!

L.