OMG...The Birds & Bees/Sex Topic for 8 Yr Old

I really think that 8 years old is way to young for "the talk" she isnt going to understand and it will just all jumble up in her head. To be honest I have boys and they dont ask questions like this but my son is 8 and i know trying to explain that to him would be a nightmare. My answer- " honey you are too young to think or know about these things ask me again when you are 12"

OMG 3boysandme 12?!!! I have a friend with a 12 y/o daughter and he just found out she had sex! What centrey are you comming from? My 7 y/o asked me about sex last year. I anwsered her questions honestly. Yeah its a little uncomfortable but I would rather it come from me than friends. She asked me what it is and how it is done. I was honest with her. I also stressed the importance of love first and that it is something adults do when they love each other very much, and it is how babies are made. I have also talked about it with her a couple times since, and will keep talking. Sex is everywhere, on tv, radio, hell, billboards! Comercials even! Have the talk.

I started talking to my now 16 yr old when she was a toddler and when she asked questions. I answered her questions honestly.

If you are embarrassed to comunicate this with her, then go on a drive or walk and talk while you are driving and you don't look at her.

She needs to know the facts..... wouldn't you prefer she get honest facts from you or hearsay from kids at school. If she was researching on your phone, she has heard something and she is trying to find out if it is true. This is a way she is reaching out to you, please communicate with her and leave your embarrassment behind. It is not something to be embarrassed about.

She also needs to know that this is not a "dirty" topic. If it comes across as something "dirty" then she'll have that ingrained in her brain through adulthood.

The American Girl books are good books as well. We never used them but I have seen them.

Start now, mom.... there will be many times she needs and wants to come to you and she should feel safe and confident to ask you any question whatsoever.
Good luck

Yep, I'm with the other Mama's that now is the time. Like the one Mama said, try to follow her lead & see how much she already knows, correct her on anything she's misinformed about, but don't give her more info than she's ready for. I explained periods to my daughter last year (9 yrs old at the time) because I could tell at any time she'd be starting her period & I didn't want her to freak out. She hasn't yet, but at least she's prepared for when she does.

She asked a little bit about how babies grow, so I told her what it was like for me being pregnant with her. I told her it's for grown up adult people who love each other only. I told her we'd talk about birth control at another time to which she responded, "Yeah Mommy, cuz, you know....I'm NINE." I laughed with her & said yes, you're not quite ready for that part yet.

You need to try to NOT freak out about having this discussion, though because she'll be able to tell & if she knows you're uncomfortable, she's less likely to come to you with future questions.

I say she KNOWS & is looking for answers to see if she's right.

& how did she get this curiousity, info, & need for more knowledge? It's a normal part of life. In our school district, the girls have their 1st class in 4th grade. If she's around any older children....at home, in other's homes, at school, on the bus, at church....she can pick up all kinds of knowledge. That's how today's world works!

If you are uncomfortable, contact your local Planned Parenthood or the school counselor. Both of these resources will teach YOU how to properly teach your child. Don't "wing it"....be an informed, well-versed parent!

EDIT: after reading the response from "3boysandme", please don't wait until your child is older! For girls, those periods can start as early as age 9.

Yeah, my son was about that age when he began expressing curiosity about where babies *really* come from. Being me, and having absolutely no problem just spewing forth the anatomical method of making babies, I think I embarrassed him. LOL

So, in hindsight, I would suggest finding an age appropriate book that you can read together - it will provide you with the words and a tool to use to have the discussion, thereby making is easier on both you.

If she is looking into it herself - it is really time to have a talk about it. You can use her recent curiosity as a springboard to open the discussion.

Good Luck and God Bless

I remember my mom talking with me when I was 8. It is not too early. Some girls can start their periods at 9 and need to know all about that and what sex is. Look on Amazon for the American Girl Care and Keeping of You books, I have not read them but have heard they are good. Also, be honest with her about the facts and keep the communication lines open and let her know she can always come to you with any questions she may have. One thing to make sure of is to remind her that this is not something she should talk with her friends about, saying that each mom decides when to tell her daughter and you don't want to mess up what other mom's have said to their girls. Good luck. My DD is 5 1/2 and I am not looking forward to this talk in a few years.

TWELVE??? Good grief, the person that suggested that is just wishing. I'd rather my children learn from me instead of their peers at school or some trash they were learning from TV/internet/music stars. I was in 4th grade when they had to start the class with us at school, and not a minute too soon! I very distinctly remember learning from a 4th grade boy about periods and being apalled and horrified that "girls pee blood" and I looked to my teacher, who looked down at her book very hard. The next week, boys went to one room, girls to another room, and I was SO relieved to hear what the truth was and that we weren't breaking down or whatever. In 5th grade, me and 3 of my friends started our cycles. In my 8th grade class, there was a girl that was pregnant, and we lived in a very nice place. Waiting until you're "12" or whatever is waiting too late.
I can't tell you definitavely what to do yet because my boys are very young (though I stay open with them and am already having to fight stupidity he's learning from his preschool class), but also because every child is different. When asked "why are they naked" at a museum, we are very casual and just say "God made the body. What God makes is beautiful" and leave it at that. But when my 4 year old sees a doll with its pants down and he says "Oh no, nasty!" I say "Why do you say its nasty?" and he answered "I don't know" or "__ in his class said so" and I just say, "There's nothing nasty about your body. God made you perfect. But there are private areas that are special just for you and you don't need to show anyone or see anyone else's---these are your private areas, they should stay private, but they are not nasty". That's our 4 year old stuff right now. I don't want him thinking there's something wrong or taboo there. But as for actual sex, which your child is actively seeking out, I would say you do need to be up front and honest.
Read a book yourself first (I've heard both the books you've received suggestions on: the American Girl one and the "It's So Amazing" book mentioned a couple other times on this site. Scan through it (or both) and know what's in it. Then I'd suggest saying that if she has questions or wants to talk, you are there to guide her and talk to her. Tell her you know she's got questions, and you know she needs to learn. Ask her first what her questions are, and listen without judgement, and when she's asked what she wants to know, you'll know how far you need to go for that time. Start at the beginning with the most pertinent things to her age (her body, how it works, about periods), and then move on to what she wants to know, but make sure you cover why things are a certain way. It's not a taboo thing, but it's not ok to practice at this time. I would have a heart to heart explain not just the body, and sex, but also discuss the emotional ties and potential pitfalls of moving too quickly (not just stds and pregnancy, but the emotional parts, the perception, the reputation, etc). I would also talk about reasons why people sometimes mistakenly think they "need" to engage in sex and why you think that's not right (to get someone to like them, to be popular, etc). I say that because honestly, she's looking up Lady GaGa. She's seeing the hyped up, glorified versions of sex and she's gonna want to know why it's not "cool" if it's not. Ask HER questions too, as you go through the talk, again to gauge where you're going and when you can stop (this is a talk that will go further as she ages and matures, it doesn't ALL need to be said at once), but also to show respect and a desire to understand her. That builds trust. You'll hopefully get a glimpse into what she's heard or where she's coming from through a 2 way conversation, without having to confront her with a direct question she may feel uncomfortable answering at first.
And I would TOTALLY take Kelly's advice on advising her not to talk to her friends about it because it's something that is personal and each mother needs to pick the right time to talk to their daughter. Don't ruin that for the other family. I don't want to be my boys' "friend" but I want to be aware of my influence and job to guide them....and to keep that I need to establish trust early on. So telling the truth and not sugarcoating it with "hugging someone hard" is going to be pretty important. Good luck!

Let her lead to begin, see what she alreadys knows, or thinks she knows. She is looking because she has ideas/thoughts and wants to learn more. My son did the same thing around 7 or 8 even though we had been open and talked to him before that. He heard some things from peers and wanted to find out if they were true. It's best she gets this education from you and not from the internet, tv or friends. It may be umcomfortable but it's better than letting her find out other ways....

And PLEASE do not wait until she is older. As many moms have said girl can begin puberty very soon. I only have boys but let me tell you, 12 is too late there also. boys now days can have their first "dream" by 11 and begin having haor and other changes just as early. There is a boy on our neighborhood school (our son doesn't go there) who is going to be a father this summer....between 7th & 8th grades! It's NEVER too early!

Ask her. When you see that she's found something like that, ask her what she thinks or is she has questions about what she saw or heard. That will give you an idea of what she is ready to hear. Keep it simple. She isn't ready for the intiimate details, but she probably does have questions. You don't need to sit her down & talk. All you need to do is grab on to one of those moments & go from there.

my 4 year old has been asking tons about this since she was 2, I give her more info each time she asks.....we have gotten to what each person has inside of them and the fact that when combined a baby can grow..she asked a little about how it combines and I put it off for the next time, I'm sure by 8 she'll be giving kids lectures on it, thats how she is! Answer her questions and explain what she wants to know, you may not have to go into depth.....but if shes looking at the internet I;d rather give her a lesson on it, than have her think thats what it is

"I noticed you were looking at something about Lady Gaga having sex on the internet. What do you know about sex?"

She will tell you what she knows.

"Do you want me to tell you about sex?"

See what she says.

I think if she's looking at these things, it's definitely time. Just be really short and sweet and clinical. You can say it in about four sentences. You know the facts, just tell her. And you can preface it with, "when a man and a woman love each other..."

Then say, "is there anything else you want to know?"

I told my daughter when she was about that age, because she was bugging me about it. She was horrified, and didn't want to know any more.

You should be careful you don't tell her MORE than she is ready to know. Some moms on here would have you give the entire sex ed talk in Kindergarten! I would get a BEGINNER book and start from there and take her cue.

What about getting her The Care and Keeping of You. It's an American Girls book and it was really helpful with my then-9 yr old stepdaughter. Her mom got it and I've recommended it since. It's a good starting ground for a lot of those talks you'll need to have with her, on a kid level. This is not a one-off conversation. This is in part telling her that she can come to you for honest answers to her questions and you can be there for her when she needs you. It's a series of talks from now til forever.

Another rec for the "Care and Keeping of You" book - it explains a lot of these issues in language that young elementary schoolers can understand. I also find it helpful to remind myself to follow their lead on how much info they're asking for - IMO sometimes I think we parents freak ourselves out b/c we think that we need to deliver all the info at once when sometimes just a brief factual answer will do (example: when my DD's were around 6YO, one of them asked me "mom, why do people have to mate before they can have babies" and since I knew she was already familiar with plant pollination I told her it was sorta like how a fruit tree has to be pollinated before it can produce fruit. She was totally fine with that answer then because at that time she wasn't really wondering about the whole social aspect of human courtship and sexual attraction, just the biological aspect)