One Month Old Securities

Ok, this gets people all riled up. But I personally know of two people whos babies have died from them sleeping with them. I know you say you are a light sleeper, so am I, but I know there are things I could miss and would never take that chance. I am not trying to discourage your baby sleeping in your room, just not in your bed. My son is 8 months old and still sleeps in his pack n play in my room. I will confess, this is completely my fault, no excuses but he is my last baby and I am having troubles letting him go. Which he NEEDS to! SO im working on that! But it is very possible that she is cold, not just wants you to hold her. At one month old she is not capable of manipulating you yet or having seperation anxiety. If you want I think you should swaddle her up good and put her in that little co-sleeper you probably spent big bucks on. Mainly, just for her safety. I think you may be having a little last baby syndrome (I made that condition up myself) because I know I am, so Im not pointing any fingers. Good luck!

P.S. My baby boy is WAY more clingy than my daughter ever was.

LOL...the EXACT opposite happened to me...my little boy was the snuggler and my little girl wanted nothing to do with me as an infant and co-sleeping.

I would say, unfortunately, your hubby is right. You need to break the cycle now before you go back to work and REALLY start losing sleep over this. I know it goes against all our instincts and especially with first and last children we want to snuggle with them as long as humanly possible but co-sleeping with them will only lead to them ALWAYS wanting to sleep with you and unless you and hubby have a king size bed, it gets crowded REALLY quick! I would start out with the co-sleeper you mentioned that you have and have her sleep in her crib during naps. She needs to get some adjustment to going to the crib so that you can eventually move here there permanently.

Trust me, as a first time mom I did the whole co-sleeping thing (and then hubby went overseas for 2 tours and it continued)...well at 6 & 4 there are nights I still end up in bed with them because of nightmares, etc...break it now because it will only get worse if you don't. Snuggling is GREAT, but keep it for couch time, read time, and boo boos. Other than that, your in for a world of hurt if you do it in the bed for any length of time.

She WILL cry, there won't be much you can do about it. One camp will tell you to let her cry it out. The other will say to help her along. I did a little of both. I DID however, invest in one of those womb bears and it was the BEST investment I ever made. Yes, she likes the warmth but she REALLY likes hearing your heartbeat because it's just like having been in the womb. Get the bear and put it in with her, it's motion sensitive so it will go off when she moves and play for 3 minutes or so. It calmed both my kids down right away and helped them get back to sleep without me. Best of luck!

If co-sleeping is what feels right for you continue doing it. Just because she has to go to daycare doesn't mean you can't sleep with her at night. I would think it would mean that much more to spend that quality time with her once she's in someone else's care for the day. Just make sure she can fall asleep and take her daytime naps in other areas (crib, pack and play, or a swing) so she'll be ready for daycare in that respect. Kudos on the co-sleeping! I really believe it is best for baby and mom.

Boys aren't so different, just each child is different. I had all three of my children in bed with me. My daughter never wanted to be snuggled, she wanted her space so I had to relent and give it to her. She is 6 now and very independent but likes her snuggling time. My boys wanted to snuggle and I didn't move them to there own bed until they were weaned from nursing. My only suggestion for day care is send a shirt of yours, one that smells like you. Put it in bed with you and sleep with it for a night. My mom did that with my little brother and it worked wonders at day care. It might work in the co-sleeper too. Maybe she is just waking up because she feels you moving. Good Luck.

J., all babies are different. There are pros and cons to anything. I nursed my oldest until he was a year old. I co slept with him from day one, when it was on my terms...it was the best thing in the world, but it was the most horrible thing I have ever had to do when I had to get him to sleep in his own bed. He was almost 4 before I got him in his own bed and that was at the minimum 2 solid weeks of him crying, begging to get in mommys bed, him falling asleep on the floor and having to be put back in bed. This was an extreme case and sure not everyone has this experience. Some people transition with no trouble at all. but since then I have never let any of my kids sleep with me because I never want to go through that again. I do not think co sleeping is wrong, I think it is actually very good for mommy and baby...I just think you need to make some decisions now about what you want and stick to it...or happily adjust as you go along. There is no tried and true way...no wrong no right...whatever is best for you and your baby = ) Lots of luck! They grow up fast! B.

Boys are not different....it's more an individual child thing! My concern is when you go back to work & she goes to daycare....she will HAVE to learn to sleep independently. Wouldn't you rather be a part of this behavior modification....as opposed to being out of the loop? The ?? really boils down to: wouldn't you rather be your child's teacher/life skill instructor....rather than depending on an outsider????

I do not mean to sound harsh. I simply believe that is our duty to prepare our children for the real world. And in the real world, your daughter will have to sleep independently at her daycare. Be her Mom & teach her how!!

In my daycare, I have seen this phenomenon frequently. This especially holds true with "last" children. Mom tries to hold onto that intrinsically nurturing feeling for as long as possible...which in the end does not create functionality anywhere else. It is sooo hard on the child to learn to be independent & self-soothing. My recommendation would be to swaddle, use a bink, or whatever it takes to teach your daughter those much needed self-soothing skills. I wish you Peace!

Everything I've read strongly disagrees with co-sleeping. That is one of the main reasons for SIDS. If you must have her in the same room with you then have her in a pack-n-play or bassinett. My daughter is 9 months and from day one I had her sleeping in her crib. A few nights she slept in a bassinett next to me if I was too tired to get up to breastfeed her. But she started sleeping through the night by 7 weeks. I believe this was from her sleeping in her own bed and from putting her on a flexible routine (Babywise is a great book to answer all of these questions). Most doctors will also agree co-sleeping is dangerous and highly discourage it. I understand you like snuggling but you can do that other times then when your child sleeps. She needs to learn how to sleep on her own verus you laying next to her. This is only going to make it harder on the whole family if this sleep habit continues. Expect 3-5 nights of hard crying, give her 15 minutes of tears and then check on her. Most babies will cry less then 5 minutes and go to sleep. Give it a try and keep in mind your heart will break when she cries but she will thank you in the end. If you are going back to work your sitter will thank you as well.

Personality has more to do with it than boys or girls.
One month old is still very little. Whether you decide to cosleep or not is a personal decision. I did not cosleep. However, I think it can be done safely. A lactation consultant at one of the major hospitals even surpised me by stating as such. One month is still very little for breaking a baby of any "habit." Even scheduled naps are hard until they are a little bit older. Some kids are easier than others with this. There are many different philosophies on this. The correct one is what works for you and your family.

Good luck.

The only way my son would fall asleep until he was at least six months old was when he was in someone's arms. Thankfully, his grandma watches him during the day, so it was never a problem when I went back to work. We've done the co-sleeping thing since he was born. My nurse in the hospital told me it would help both of us heal faster (me from c-section, him from circumcision) if he slept skin-to-skin with me. And it is much, much easier to nurse. When we got home, he was in a co-sleeper until one night when I was too tired after feeding him to put him back, and from then on, he slept next to or on top of me. He's now 3 1/2, and I know I'll take heat for this, but we still normally co-sleep. He's more comfortable that way, and so am I. Maybe because he's my only child, I've always been terrified something would happen to him if I wasn't right there. I know it's irrational, but true.

Do whatever you think is best. You know your child, and your family better than anyone else ever could. Best of luck, whatever you decide!

Yes, try the co-sleeper and be sure to swaddle her. Swaddling works wonders. Reaching a hand out while she is trying to go back to sleep a little farther away from you...this may take a few tries but it should work. Also, please be careful not to label her as "dependent" -- or assume she needs more coddling because she is a girl. It would be unfortunate if the family dynamic developed along those lines, boxing her into a weak gender role. I have 2 daughters and 1 son - and I'm trying to raise them all to the same level of confidence and independence. (P.S. studies show that boy babies actually have a harder time self-soothing in mom's absence.) I apologize for focusing on this - but because she is your last baby and your only girl, you may need to keep this in mind as she gets older.

I have four kids, 1 girl and 3 boys. Because of my work schedule and wasn't comfortable at the time with it, by first one was bottle fed and put to bed on a schedule and was independent. My schedule was more flexible and I breastfed all three boys. All were co-sleepers and all still are affectionate. (ages 13, 7, and 3). Problem is STILL my 7 and 3 year old come to our bed in the night sometime. I always wake up with one or both in bed with us. Its nice to be close and snuggle and I won't be having any more, but if I were I'd probably do it again. But, it wil be hard to cut her off later and it can cause marital issues if the baby is in bed with you and you enjoy it so much and you decide you are indifferent if your husband is there. And he will feel you'd prefer the baby in bed with you then him. I've been married 17 years. At one point we were having problems and my dad said, "Get that baby out of your bed and your husband back in!" After thinking about it, I felt it was very smart advice. I didn't think of it that way until Dad said it. It was true.

My now eight month old son did the same thing... he needed to be held at all times! It was really hard on the daycare provider when I went back to work, but thankfully, she didn't kick us out!

You talk about when she is sleeping, I'm guessing at night. During naps, does she sleep on her own? If not, you might want to help her learn how to do naps with whichever method you feel comfortable with. If you have a swing, that might be a good soother for her.

For leaving the room, at this age kids don't understand the idea of object permanence. Does she react the same way if you are in the same room but away from her? If you need to go out of the room, have you tried singing or talking to her so she knows you're still there? It sounds silly, but it worked for me.

Good luck! There are so many "right" answers, and I hope you find something that works for you.