We live in an apartment complex and with the weather being nice all the kids are out. The only bad thing is none of the parents are out. My son is two and we do not let him nore will I ever let him play out side by himself (may be when he's 25 I may reconsider but not right now). But my delema is that the children who are not supervised (some as little as 3years old) how do you deal with them? Here is a good situation that happenend last night. My son and I were out with a few of his other friends and there mother. There were five or six other children out with no parents. This one little boy is about five and asked my son to ride his bike and my son was happy to let him ride. The little boy didn't want to get off the bike then when my son asked if he could share with him. I know my son is no angel with sharing but it actually shocked me that he was willing to take turns. So the other little boy decided to keep riding and these other older boys were kicking the bike in the back to try to make the little boy fall off and I got upset and asked them very nicely to stop because he might get hurt. They did it again right in front of me trying to see what I would say. I really got mad because they were laughing as I tried to explain that this little boy was on the bike that I owned and that he really could get hurt and that it's my responisibility. They then just became disrespectful and told me I couldn't tell them what to do. (I thought to myself it that would have been me and I said that to an adult I would have been slapped into next week.) I don't want to rain on there parade when they are out. I want them to have fun but at the same time I think they should be respectful and listen to an adult. And if I just have my sons bike out then they ask me for other stuff to play with. They don't even know what my son has and they ask for things to play with..If I don't let them play with anything then they don't play with my son which that hurts his feeling and I try to explain that they want your toys and I don't want the toys outside. (not a good way to teach him to share I know)But if friends come over with there children we have an understanding that what ever one parent says go's and we don't question that other parent. So how do I deal with other children that have no supervision? I hope that all made sence. I'm not good with explaining sometimes how I feel about things.
Thank you to everyone that gave advice. I know that my son is young and I really have a lot to learn and have learned a lot through this incident. I actually changed my childs boundries of where he can play which has made a difference. The little five year old with the older kids came down to our house with a play cap gun and wanted my son to play with him. I told him no and that my son was not allowed to play with him he was to young to understand that this was a toy and not the real thing. My husband and I both hunt and believe that he should be taught the right way to use a gun and not have them pointed at other people which they were doing. So to make a long story short I have asked them not to come and play with my son and his friends since they are a lot rougher and can't play well with the other children. Which the other two mothers have agreed. I also did tell the apt. mangager that these children are not being supervised and she said she would put out a notice. Thank you to everyone!
I would simply go have a talk with the parents. You have no real control over other peoples children BUT things should change when they realize that you ARE the adult and you handle it WITH another adult. Namely, their parents.N.
You must live in my apartment complex!
Children in my complex ranging from 3 - 8 years old, run around rampage without supervision and NOT caring about the parking lots. Running around barefoot or half naked. NO supervision around at all.
There was this one incident where a girl who could not have been older then 6, was riding her bike and she crashed and hurt herself. My daughters (14 & almost 12) saw her and helped her back up, then they came in and got bandages and fixed her up. They asked where her mommy was and she pointed to where she lived. The mother NEVER came out. So my daughters took her back to her place... now I can't get rid of her coming by asking for my daughters who are way too old to play with her. Plus, I don't want to have the responsibility of watching her because in the event something terrible happens to her, it will fall on my shoulders.
I may be a little mean, but when children act like that in your situation, I tell them how it is. I am mean to them. I don't care. If the parents cared how you spoke to their children, seems as though they would be out there supervising them, wouldn't they??? It's NOT your job to be their parent. It's NOT your job to be providing toys for them to play with. And if they won't play with your son because you won't give them toys, then who cares?? Why do you want friends for your children that only want to play with his toys and not him??
Do parents not know the history of the Amber Alert? How that came about? Has parents never heard of the "Missing and Exploited Children Association"??? Do parents actually think their children would never get kidnapped, raped, and/or murdered??? Those parents are imbeciles and do not care about anything other then their own self-indulgence. PLUS, they are not raising and teaching THE FUTURE OF AMERICA correctly. Because of this, look at all the violence at schools now... shootings, killings, etc., etc. I am TERRIFIED to take my children to school now. And I should NOT be!!!!
I have a 14 year old daughter, an almost 12 year old daughter, and a 19 month old son. NONE of them are allowed to play outside without my supervision. NONE OF THEM -- not even my 14 year old. I want to protect my children... they are irreplaceable and I don't want something bad to happen to them.
I am sorry for my rampage but this type of stuff enrages me. You need to report those kids to the apartment complex management... tell them those kids run around with no supervision. If they don't do something, then call law enforcement and/or CPS. I am sick and tired of neglectful parents who eventually put my children in harms way through their undisciplined children. Parents like that do not need to have their children in their home.
Next time those kids are rude and disrespectful, put them in their place. Tell them to leave you and your child alone.
Again, sorry for the rampage!!! :o)
i would go ahead and let him share if it is his idea and the minute the child misuses the toy or other children start to, like kicking the bike, calmly tell the child that you are sorry but if he/she can't be respectful of other's property or be careful of other's getting hurt then the toy has to go. this way you are using your boundries and at the same time the other children are getting a lesson in if there is no respect then no privalege. end of story. don't take too long in explaining because they don't care. obviously they never will because they're parents don't care about them if they are running around without supervision!!!
also, i personally wouldn't want my child playing with children who are a bad influence. one bad apple spoils them all!!!! this is a good way to tell your son that how those children are acting is not ok. he's only 2 so he won't fully understand but as he gets older he'll get it. so it's a good teachable moment. we use examples like these at the park and mall. some of those kids are so rude and disrespectful and they're parents are sitting right there and don't do a thing!!! hope my advice helps and sorry for the ranting!!!!
It's not just apartment complexes. I live in a brand new neighborhodd and I see kids down the street, I mean little kids like barely 2 running around outside without a parent in sight. It terrifies me and I keep thinking "where are the freakin parents?!?!? It's just a matter of time until someone is kidnapped or is hit by a car on our street.
If it were me, I wouldn't let the bigger kids play with my kids' toys. I'm a hard A$$ that way, I didn't buy my 4 year old a toy, so the obnoxious 8 year old brat next door can break it. I applaud your son for wanting to share, and I hope you praised him for doing so...BUT I would make it a rule to only share toys with HIS friends...not random kids in the neighborhood whom I doubt even know his name.
That sure does put a lot of pressure on you though..being almost responsible for the neighborhood kids, ya know? These parents should be outside with their kids! Your son is 2 so i wouldn't tell him that the other kids only want to play with him because of his toys. That could encourage him to try and make friends based on what he has and not what he has to offer as a person or a friend. I sure do give you a pat on the back for watching your child outside though because in our neighborhood all the kids run free! It only takes a second for someone to take a child so good for you! My daughters are 11,9 and 6 and I still don't let them play in the front yard without me! I don't want to be the Mom on TV looking for her baby! I know I rambled on and on so I better start getting ready for work(lol)but one last thought..you may mention to the other Moms that don't supervise their children that you feel a lot of pressure when your outside to keep an eye on them! Just a thought..you wouldn't want them to try and blame you if something happened to their child!
AAAARG!! I'll never understand why people let their young ones go unsupervised.
If I were in that situation, when that child told you that you couldn't tell them what to do I would had responded with "Maybe, but your mother/father can, let's go find them" and tell the child you want to speak to that parent. It's almost bluffing, because a belligerant child like that would probably not tell you, but it's worth a shot and many times puts a child in his place. When the kids ask for toys, ask them why they don't get some from their own home, you might be surprised at the answer (also get some insight in the situation). I know this sounds harsh, but you can let these kids take control!!
It is NOT your responsibility to worry if those other children are having a good time. Try to explain to your son that you don't want to take the toys outside because they may get "lost" (I tell my 2 year old they might go bye bye). You can teach sharing in a more controlled environment. If you give in with this it's more like giving in to bullies than sharing!!
It sounds like a difficult situation for you. I know it's hard to speak up to other children, but trust me, the more experience you get as a mom, the easier it gets!! Good luck!!
I wouldn't worry too much about the kids not wanting to play with your child. It doesn't sound like he needs that kind of influence.
As much as these kids are disrespectful and can be a pain in the .....remember, they are like this because of their parents. Or actually, because they aren't parenting.
These children can also learn from you. Even in little spurts of time.
I agree, though that unsupervised children like that should be reported to some authority. A friend of a friend was charged with endangering a child because she would take her 5 year old daughter to a park and drop her off for a few hours at a time.
It's frightening to see children neglected that way, but there is only so much you can do about it and you can't worry yourself silly.
I think Denise is absolutely right, you should address this to the apartment management. Come to think of it, what does the law say about unattended children of that age? I am not sure, but it may be worth looking into. If it takes calling the police, so be it. These mother's who don't watch preschoolers outside need a good reminder of how to take care of their kids!
I would do several things....talk to the apartment manager,
take a child and ask where he or she lives and go knock
on the door, tell that parent what that child did,
whenever they ask for a toy or to have a turn: say no,
you don't have a toy out to share with *our son's name*,
only take one toy out when your are out...they don't
need to know what he has. If the parent does nothing
you can call cps, it is negligence to not supervise
your toddlers out where there is danger. Get child names
and ages for your easy reference. Those that will
listen to what you say and in return are nice, get
to have a turn, those that do not...always tell no,
and stick to your guns.
One thing you might consider is talking with the apartment complex manager or office. I would talk to them from the safety perspective. Maybe tell them you notice several younger kids alone outside and suggest they send a reminder note to parents. You could even draft a note and hang in the mail box area or any other common area stating some of the things you notice in the play area and remind parents to keep watch over their kids at all times, that we live in a danagerous world it's now common place to hear about missing kids from even the best neighborhoods. Good luck, and good job with getting a 2 year old potty trained!
I'm a teacher, & I only say something when it involves my kid or the hurting of another. There is no reason they should be unattended.
I said something to a kid on time that was hurting mine (for the 3rd time), & the mother came over to take care of it. She said, "Thanks, but I'll take care of my own kid." She wasn't mean about it, but she wasn't watching her son. I told her that if she was watching him then I wouldn't have had to say anything.
If my son was hurting someone (& I didn't see it), I would fully expect another mother to intervene.
I feel for you and I would demand respect or remove my child from that situation. Remember who we hang with is who we become. It is so hard these days. For some reason I think my generation where everyone was getting divorced and children were being latch key or what ever we had to do to work and support them as single parents. Our children have become disrespectful. I worked retail for the last 5 years and saw so much problems with the parenting of parents. They can not go anywhere that the child is fed food and drinks. Teaching children to later become obese. Parents are a big concern in schools, stores,day cares. We do great with the children it is the parents that give us a bad time. So I would remove those children. If they do not treat us with respect your child needs to see the interaction of you and how you handle dispect with the children. I would demand it or get out of our lives. In every situation there is a learning and you will teach your child that you deserve respect and so does he. Good Luck Parenting is a challenge every day. Day Cares are mainly parent on loan, so be kind and care but show you will not except this behavior and I would remove myself.
