Otoplasty (Ears Pinned Back) for My 7 Yr Old Daughter

I say get it done. I don't feel it's the same as a nose job. I have just read 3 different posts from mom's who daughters are being bullied. This is something you can fix unlike so much we can't.

I'm getting into this one late . . . looks as if you've already decided to move ahead. Go for it! We had this issue with our son many years ago, just one ear. We, too, didn't want to bring it up for fear of his 'feeling bad about himself.' Our children are a lot smarter than we give them credit. Believe me, they know what looks 'different' from others. He brought it up, we scheduled it, and it was done. All worked out well. From my perspective as a parent of adults, I'd do it again in a heartbeat, and I wouldn't 'wait till he brought it up' this time. I'd get it done and move on. You're doing the right thing; don't second guess yourself.

I wouldn't bring it up. If she gets teased by someone, or has her own personal issues with it, she will let you know one way or another. And then you can talk about options with her.

For now, ignore it. Perhaps you are more conscious of it because you had issues with it? Maybe it isn't nearly as noticable as you think it is...

Either way... let her take the lead.
My daughter has a tooth that is sideways.. she asked me about it, (I had already asked the dentist) and I told her that if it didn't straighten out, she'd get it fixed when she got braces in a few years. No big deal. No big drama. She is fine with it. But I let her come to me. Otherwise, every time she looks in the mirror she would be focused on her tooth.
If you bring up your daughters ears, every time she looks in the mirror she will just see her ears... not the sweet girl in between them.

If she complains or asks about them... then I would talk to her. "When I was little, my ears stuck out a whole lot, and I was able to go to the doctor and have some surgery so that they look like "this" now. If you want, we could talk to the doctor and see if that is something we could consider doing... " And then see what she says. But let her be the one to raise the issue - if it even is one for her...

I can't give you much advice on what to do, since I've never had an issue with my own ears or my children's ears. But I wanted to let you know that you sound like a sweet mommy and are only looking out for your daughter's best interests. Because you have been through this yourself, I would say that YOU have the best experience to draw from. And you know your daughter better than anyone else. Does your daughter know that you had the surgery when you were little? Maybe if you tell her about your experience, she'll open up to you about her feelings about the matter. Good luck to you!

If it bothers her then SHE will bring it up! Don't bring up your insecurities. It will damage her self image.

I've heard several well-respected plastic surgeons say that this is ones of the very few surgeries they will do on kids and they agreed, the earlier, the better. I would definitely get a referral and then a second opinion, but the professional consensus seems to be that this is one procedure worth doing.

I counsel you not to do it and moreover not to tell her that you think her ears are big. She may not think so. Also, having a procedure like that at a young age encourages a casual attitude towards cosmetic surgery and a quest for perfection which is bound to lead to perpetual disappointment, on a path littered with great expense and surgical risks.

There is a tendency to say "Well if it's not exactly how I want to look, I must have it fixed." That leads to chasing an elusive ideal, because no matter what, whenever anybody looks in the mirror what we see is not perfect. But oh can it be beautiful.

There are extremes, of course, and if she teased to the point where she is emotionally injured then you might be put down this path, but you are not even close to that yet. Would you not rather invest your time and effort into shoring up her self-esteem so she can handle anything that life throws at her? Big ears is a pretty tame challenge compared to what might have been -- she has an intact body and a brilliant mind, no?

For near term support, I'm sure you can find some big-eared success stories without looking too hard. As I recall, Julia Roberts has all big features, Darryl Hannah too...

I admire your care for your daughter's feelings. And I understand that because for you the right solution was to correct the "flaw" you have made that decision for her too, and are wondering if initiating it will cause her to feel insecure, when maybe she isn't, although you mention she has held her ears back in the mirror etc.

Your philosophy on this is the model for her philosophy. If you are her guidance and you feel she will not be happy or able to handle the ridicule, maybe she won't. But I would not start the dialogue for her other than to steer it in positive directions and see if she comes back with, "But so and so said this..." and maybe you can dig to see if she is getting any insults.
Many children have many deformities and visual problems much worse. I don't think it's a good message to insist she change herself to please the sort of low caliber people who would make fun of her even though there will be many. She will always have the best quality non superficial friends rather than having EVERYBODY like her. I know this is little comfort, and no kids like to be treated cruelly, but it is a great character builder.
My mother had huge protruding ears and got many insults as a child,. Her mom "strengthened her up" Iowa farm family style by forcing her to wear her hair in tight braids. One day she had to show some mean boys she wasn't scared of them by picking up a snake and throwing it at them. They never bothered her again, and to this day she doesn't care about her big ears. She would never entertain being ruled by vanity etc. But everyone is different. I'm not as tough as her.

My 8 month old has a large birthmark on her face. It may go away, but even if not, she is beautiful to her siblings and mother and father. My older daughter draws pictures of us all and includes her birthmark and even brags about it to other people because she thinks it's so "cool". If she keeps it when she's older, I will always make sure she has my full attention and sympathy when people make fun of her for it, and if it becomes a source of misery for her, I will help her if she decides she wants to try to fix it one day. But I would never suggest it or teach her to do anything based on the opinions of others, and will always have her count her blessings.
Give it some time to see how it goes. Many people's odd characteristics become flattering when they are older and full of character in their personalities.
Also, I have a good friend who was made fun of for his protruding ears. He's now successful and married and one of the most secure people I know. He had an arsenal of "big ear" insults he would use himself whenever anyone called him a name. Like if someone said, "Hey, Dumbo" he would say, "Good one, but I hear it all the time, what about parachute ears or elephant ears...., Nice shirt by the way." if they were wearing a dumb shirt, etc. Bullies do NOT like a strong victim and hearing someone insult themselves points out how cruel they were to start the ball rolling. She may not be ready to be that bold on her own behalf, but it really does work for some people.

Good luck to you, and I hope you find what's right for you both. Also, there are many haircuts to compensate for almost any head shape, she doesn't have to show her ears until she doesn't care anymore. She may get her ears fixed and people will make fun of something else....it's a slippery slope to try to please others.

I wouldn't make a big deal about it. I would just do it, if that is what the dr. suggests. There really isn't anything to talk about. The more you discuss it the more she'll think her ears are not normal. My teenage daughter doesn't notice that she has a bit of a moustache so I took her a few times for electrolosis and it is gone. She said "Mommy I don't notice a difference" because no one made fun of her and I didn't want her to eventually to have to tweeze for years and years. I know this is a minor example, but if there are ways that a mommy can make their lives easier in the long run i say go for it. (Just make sure the Physican is one that you trust).

IMPORTANT INFORMATION
I also had otoplasty as a child, and my oldest son also needed surgery to "pin" his ears back. After our daughter was born, we happened to mention to the nurse that we hoped her ears wouldn't start protruding during her first week of life, like her brother's did. She told us it's an easy problem to prevent. She taped our daughter's ears back with surgical or adhesive tape on the day she was born, and we left the tape there until the cartilage hardened. (Our daughter is now 20 years old, so I don't remember how long the tape was on, but it was for less than 2 weeks.) It worked. We saved her the misery of surgery and recovery, and saved ourselves thousands of dollars. Her doctor asked why her ears were taped when he first saw her, and we told him what the nurse had explained to us. He hadn't known this before, but said he would start recommending it to parents.

Hi

I have a very similar situation. My daughters ears do the same. They seem to be getting worse. I totally agree with having the proc. done. Unfortunately, ins. companies dont really pay for it and we really dont have the money. But if so we would have it done in a heartbeat. I too know how cruel kids can be and I dont want my daughter in that situation. My daughter is 6.5 and has noticed her ears sticking out and would like them fixed. Now I do have to say that my husband doesnt really agree but hes a man and they just DONT understand. Good Luck!

I think you are doing the right thing. For sure. Why have her go through all the teasing and then have her have to be brave enough to ask for help. If it's something they can fix, do it so she can move on and tackle other things. Of course there is always something to be strong about as a kid, but why make her suffer. My son's ears looked like they might end up sticking out. People made comments when he was a toddler. They were sweet about it, saying it was cute, but I remember the worry I had for him. They settled in and only stick out a tiny bit now, but I probably would have done the same thing if they had stayed that way.

My husband has larger than average ears, so does our 3.5 year old. My husband gets really sensitive when I bring-up the size of our son's ears because it's such a sensitive subject to him.

But, my husband's opinion is a little different. He wants us to make him as comfortable in his skin as possible and not make a big deal about it. Other people have made comments, but our son doesn't seem to notice yet.

I would honestly encourage you to really have a good conversation with your daughter, find out how she feels, see if she's getting teased, and let her be part of the decision making process. A good doctor will allow her to be in the room to let her hear the benefits/risks to assist in making a decision.

I think if you're honest with her about your own experiences, but in the end I'd really let it be her decision when she's ready.

As parents we really do want to protect our children from our own insecurities, and sometimes we create some that they don't know should exist.

Good luck.

I might just casually work in a story about your experiences when you were little and just see how she reacts. That way, if she has no issue with her own ears you aren't putting that idea in her head. If she does, it's a perfect time for he to open up. Good luck!

Since you have "Been there, Done that" and know the pain of having other kids make fun of you, I say do it! We all know how cruel kids can be to someone that is the slightest bit different. Junior High School is an especially bad time for some kids for just this reason. Don't wait till she is in Jr High and made fun. The other kids will notice the difference if she gets her ears fixed then and still make fun of her.

Do it now while she is young.

Hi, K.:

Have you sat down and talked with your daughter about your
experiences in your childhood about your ears sticking out?
Have you asked her point blank if anyone has teased her about
her ears?
Are you willing to ask her how she feels about her ears?

These are questions that need to be resolved between you two before you start planning for her surgery.
Just wanted to share.
Good luck. D.

Sounds like your daughter is blessed with a very loving and caring mommy. I think she will be very grateful that you were pro-active in this.

Best,
R.