Considering Otoplasty for Beautiful Kindergartener - Ears Protrude Greatly

DO IT! This is not a cosmetic issue, don't let anyone try to tell you it is. It goes way deeper, as you know. You sound like an awesome mom, by the way!

You have some great responses. I have no experience with this, but do think you should atleast tell her what will happen (that the appearance of her ears will change). Even if you tell her it will make her ears work better, it will also make them look different (like mom's maybe?). That way she won't be shocked when she wakes up and looks different.

I hope it goes well for her and she will probably be so grateful when she is older!

I definately think you should use terms like "work better." But she is old enough that she will notice after the surgery that they look different so prepare her ahead of time for that. Could you wait until summer to do it? So it won't bring so much attention at school that she suddenly looks different? The kids would probably pounce on it.

I would do the same thing, L.. I would never want any of my three daughters to have any kind of fixable physical feature that they would be overly self-conscious of. I don't anything about surgeons but I'm sure you'll get criticism for this along the way and I wanted you to know I completely support your thoughts.

American Institute For PLastic Surgery in PLano. Dr. Rapael and Dr. Harris are great plastic surgeons.

My son used Dr. Steve Byrd @ Dallas Plastic Surgery Institute on Central Expressway in Dallas. Their phone number is ###-###-####. I was hesitant at the time but I am so glad I did it when he was young. Good Luck!!

L.,
I say go for it. I understand your delima of what to tell her. Will she even remember? I dont remember much when I was six but since this is such a big thing she might. Then again, if you make it "a big thing" she definately will remember it. Good luck with your decision. I'm sure you will make the right one.
ps. My ears still poke out of my hair and I would have loved it if my parents did it for me! I was teased when I was young as well.

Girl...bunk all that mess about "what message it sends to your daughter" and "oh, just homeschool her..." - you can't keep her away from someone else's cruelty forever. And, yes, people - especially little girls - can be horrifyingly mean to someone who is a little different. And what message will that send to your daughter? Despite what we, as parents, try to instill in them, they are going to be influenced by the opinion of their peers - good or bad. Get your baby's ears fixed and forget about the haters. I'm sure your little girl will thank you as she gets older. Oh, and be honest with her. Kids are literal and always deal best with honesty, especially at her age. Just homeschool her...what kind of mess is that? They don't have Homeschool College or Homeschool Jobs. I'm not against homeschooling at all, but that asinine comment kinda pissed me off.

Hi L.,

That is a very hard decision. Of course, without seeing your daughter, it is very hard for me to say what I would do. If her ears stick out just some and you are wanting to have them fixed, then I could understand the comments you are getting about "Are you going to get her liposuction and boobs when she is sixteen?" BUT, if her ears are sticking out to the point that the doctor is considering it a deformation, then I would say, "By all means, do the surgery."

I guess my thoughts, if this were my child, would be: if my child had a non-cancerous growth on his cheek, would I have it removed? The answer: if it was pea size, probably not. If it was the size of another head, most definitely.

Unfortunately it is too late for ear splints (which only work on babies) but I would go with what your doctor suggests (and I would ask more than one doctor). If the ears are sticking out more than 2cm at the top, than most doctors would refer to that as a deformity. And any parent would try to correct a deformity!

We went through the same thing with our daughter. We were able to delay it a bit since she was homeschooled and she has really nice thick hair.

We used Natan Yaker in Plano, our family MD recommended him and we were delighted with him. We also found out once we were starting the process that he is continually written up in D Magazine's Top MD's in Dallas issue as being one of the best. He is very gentle with his younger patients. We were pleased. It has been over 5 yrs since she had it done and we are still pleased.

Natan Yaker
4100 W 15th St
Plano, TX
###-###-####

D. M

I did not read all the responses, but from a couple recent ones, it sounds like you have gotten a great deal of negative response. I am so sorry! I just wanted to say that my husband's parents opted to have this surgery performed on him when he was a little boy. They did it for the reasons you stated (kids making fun, etc). He is now 40, so obviously this was some time ago! Somehow I don't think his parents were so criticized back in that generation. It is true that children will find any reason to make fun of others. However, if there is something that you can do, which is a simple procedure (and obviously has been done for years) I say go for it. My husband was very young when he had his surgery done, so I'm not sure his parents said much at all to him (at least he doesn't remember). It probably did spare him a lot of teasing that could have negatively impacted his self esteem. Oh, surely he had his share of teasing, but nothing so extreme as to damage his self-image. You want the best for your daughter so don't think that this is sending a negative message. She is too young to understand that - and when she is older and can comprehend the decision you made, she will probably thank you. On the flip side, it's possible that if you didn't do it, one day your daughter could be upset that you had a chance to make a difference and chose not to. If the specialist you've seen has stated that her case is pretty severe, I do not think you are being "superficial" by wanting to correct it. You know your daughter and you have already seen a specialist. Gather the information and trust in whichever decision you make. As for the anesthesia etc, it is always scary... my daughter had blocked tear duct and needed a tube inserted in one tear duct, so she was put under at 15 months for that... and again at 20 months to remove the tube. As for my husband, he in no way thinks his parents thought he was "ugly" or needed to be "fixed" because they opted to do this. He says they did him a favor. Good luck with your decision. You can contact me privately, if you'd like me to talk to my in-laws about how they approached explaining this to their son. I'd be happy to ask them any questions that might help you if you decide to move forward. Your daughter is a wonderful blessing, as you've stated. I wish you the best.

We had this done for our son when he was 4 years old. He came through the procedure without any difficulties. That was 20 years ago and we have never regretted our decision.

About 10 years ago my sister-in-law had this procedure done on her daughter. I remember at the time being rather judgmental, because it is a purely cosmetic procedure and it must have involved some discomfort. I was also concerned about the message it sent her daughter.

However, in hindsight I think it was the best decision. It greatly improved her appearance and she has had no ill effects from the surgery. People are cruel, appearance is important, we are judged by the way we look - all that stuff. If it was my daughter, I would have it done too. I am pretty sure that, if you leave it, by the time she is a teenager she would want to have it done anyway. So rather have it done now.

Best wishes to you in making this decision.

DO IT! I had a friend who had her ears done while she was in graduate school. She says life would have been much easier if the surgery had been done when she was young.

DO IT! ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A.

(People don't even think twice about fixing their kids' teeth with braces - and the ears are very visible!) Do it!

Dear L., do the surgery! We had our son's ears done by Dr. Craig Hobar, located in Dallas. He was a wonderful doctor and I'm so glad we did this for our son. When we did it 14 Years ago, it cost $5000, and it was worth every dime. My husband worked a parttime job to pay for it. I overheard adults making fun of my son before we had it done, at a birthday party, and it broke my heart. That was our deciding factor, plus our pediatrician recommended it, saying it could make our son angry because children can be so mean. You will never regret having it done. I wish you and your sweet daughter the very best.

L.,
I'm so sorry for all the judgmental comments you have gotten. That being said, you know what's best for your little girl. I would probably do the procedure and go with the "It will make your ears work better" angle. You will have plenty of time to explain the real reason when she is a little older and can understand without it affecting her self-esteem (becuase it will no longer be an issue). As a previous poster noted, parents don't think twice about putting braces on their kids. That process is definitely painful and sometimes involves anesthesia, too, like when they have to pull teeth. And to those that are so negative, quit being so hateful. We all are mothers who just want the best for our children...

i'm so glad to see so many people saying "do it!". i was thinking there would be more who think it's rediculous or something but even though i haven't been faced with this problem for myself or my kids at this point i can easily say i'd do it if i were. i'd stop and have the same fears as you are having to start but i know i'd do it. my only point of comparison is that my 12 year old daughter should get braces to correct the slight irregularities in her teeth and my husband says why bother b/c it's not that bad...true...they really aren't that badly crooked or anything but they are SOME and though i know it's not to a degree that she'd get teased even, i know that she is a beautiful girl and has the potential to be a real beauty in adulthood (lovely full lips, large blue eyes, etc) and i just think to myself "why would i skip something as basic as giving my child beautiful teeth while it's "normal" to have braces and let her get to adulthood and think "why the heck didn't my parents do this for me". with something as severe as your daughters ears i say even more to get it done b/c that IS something that kids WILL pick on her about and unless you are just super able to instill an amazingly resiliant attitude in her (can you guarentee that?) she most likely will suffer emotionally for it. avoid telling her its being done b/c her ears will make people laugh or anything like that, tell her it's for them to work better and they will look like yours (so she isn't surprised) and get it done. if you think about it...would a teen or adult child come back later and say "i wish you'd left my ears as they were"?? good luck. you are a great mom to worry about this and want to make the right choice.

Do it! Ha! I had it done at 18, right before my freshman year of college. I wish so badly that we had done it earlier. I was an athlete in high school and had to wear my hair up. My self esteem was fine, but I was self-conscious about my ears. They were somewhat of a "joke" with friends, who knew me and knew it was okay to pick on me a little.
Insurance paid a lot of mine and I can bet it'll pay for some of your daughter's too. I'm not sure how I'd explain it to a child that age, but you might start with asking her how she'd feel about getting the procedure done. She might surprise you by telling you she's ready. The recovery was pretty easy. I have a friend who's daughter just had it done and the only problem they had was in regards to the bandaging after the surgery. They used some sort of tape/glue stuff on the top part of the bandages (I'm not sure, but it sounded different than my recover 15 years ago) and it pulled some hair out and it hasn't grown back. You couldn't even tell, though, but they were a little worried. You might question the dr. about that.
Good luck! Would love to hear what you decide. You are welcome to call me anytime. ###-###-####.
M.

Hi there, L. -

I feel for you in having to make this decision and thought I'd share my rule for decision making. Will I regret it if I do or don't do something? So often thinking about how I will feel about something after the fact helps me greatly with making the decision - rarely have I found myself to have made the wrong decision later.

If you simply want another opinion, I would have the surgery. Yes, the general anesthesia is a concern, but overall, it sounds like a pretty simple procedure. I think this is one case where you have the power to protect your child and to make her life easier. Yes, she may become a stronger person if she needs to learn to deal with this on her own, but she will have plenty of hurdles in life that will make her a strong person. Why not remove one of them for her if you can? I would be perfectly comfortable with the white lie of making her ears work better, although she may be expecting to hear better after the surgery :)!

Good luck with your decision - I hope all the pros and cons will help you!

E.
www.votrevu.com/glow

Hi L.,

I didn't read the responses you have received. I had this surgery when I was 6 and I am now 37. I am thankful that my parents went ahead and did this for me. I remember a lot from my childhood and remember after the surgery having bandages around my head (the only part which I recall being 'bad' about it all) but that didn't last long. I don't recall my parents having any big discussions with me about it beforehand, probably just told me I was going in for an operation to 'fix' my ears! I also don't recall being in any pain. I have never doubted my parents thinking I wasn't perfect -you're doing it because you love her. I did have kids tease me, call me dumbo, which probably the deciding factor in my parents' decision. If my parents had to make the decision again today or if I had to make that decision for one of my children, I would do it with confidence and I know my mom and dad would do it again or support me in doing it for my child. It really is difficult in making a decision for elective surgery, but this is one that I think your already beautiful daughter will thank you for when she is an adult and appreciates what you did for her. Good luck :) L.

I know this question is almost a year old, but I'm wondering what you did? I'm dealing with this same situation and really stuggling with it. I would love to know what you did and how things turned out. Also, how you presented this to your daughter. That's were I'm having the hardest time.

I realize this is an old post, but just curious as to what you decided. My daughter had Otoplasty at age 9. I'm sorry I ever let her do it. Her ears are uneven, one is way closer to her head than the other. We even had it re-done 6 months after initial surgery. It only fixed it a little bit. I'm consumed by it and feel deep regret about the decision I made. (She's happy with it but she's only 11 now. I worry that in the future it will bother her when she is more aware of her appearance.)

I had the procedure done when I was 9 yrs old ( I am now 29). It was one of the best decisions my parents ever made for me. I am now in your situation though. I have a 7yr old daughter whose ears protrude. She has never said anything about it, and I do not know how to bring it up without pointing out the fact that I think they stick out. I also thought of telling her it was for medical reasons (make them work better). I came upon your question while I was searching for a way to talk to my daughter about it, and I just wanted to let you know I feel for you and can relate with you and your daughter. I think the surgery would be a positive thing. Kids are cruel, I can remember, in full detail, the 2 times I overheard kids laughing at me and that was 20 yrs ago. good luck!!

I would do this if it is an extreme case and will cause her a lot of heartache later. Kids can be cruel. I'm not sure what to tell her, but I wouldn't make a big fuss about it whatever you decide to tell her. best wishes for you and your daughter!

I have mixed feelings about this. One the one hand, children are cruel and will pick on anything - big ears, too fat, too smelly, too flat chested, too many freckles, etc. You just can't protect them from the world - and you shouldn't, either. Like Dory said - if you let nothing happen to them, then nothing would ever happen to them. This procedure may be setting a dangerous precedent. When your daughter is 13 and chubby, are you going to get liposuction? When she is 16 and has no boobs, are you getting implants? What if her feet are too big? Oh My! On the other hand I say let nature take its course. Funny ears didn't keep Will Smith from being famous. When your daughter is 18 and on her own, she can do whatever she wants to her body, for better or worse. And by the way, fixing teeth with braces is completely different.

Go for it. The timing is perfect since summer's around the corner. Kids can be REALLY cruel, even unintentionally. I had glasses from the time I was 3 untill I got contacts as a teenager. 4-eyes was the most common name and it was pretty constant. Hated it!! My son is getting a birthmark removed by Dr. John Burns at Childrens (nevus sebaceous- get's huge and warty at puberty and 20% chance of cancerous cells developing). I don't know if he does ears, but maybe call Childrens and see if they can refer you to someone.

I'm in Rowlett ..close to Plano and am considering the same surgery for my kindergarten soon to be first grade son. I would love to know what doctor you used if you did end up having the surgery performed . I called one doctors office today and she gave me a $10,000 quote which I thought was high based on what I've read. I was hoping for $5-6,000 range since I'm not sure our insurance will pay for it.

We are in the exact same boat today with my 4 year old son. I am looking for guidance and any advice. Did you end up doing on not doing the surgery? I would love feedback if you are willing to share.