Our 14 Month Old Won't Go to Sleep Without a Bottle and Being Rocked...

Many years ago (48 to be exact) I had a son who did the same thing. So one night he went to bed without rocking or holding and he cried and cried. Probably too long, but he finally sobbed himself to sleep. The second night he cried a little and the third night we had a couple come over to play cards and he put one a real show thinking we wouldn't let him cry with company there. He settled down after a short time and never did we have any trouble again. The secret is don't go in and pick him up the first night. If you do, then he willknow that you will do it again and again. Good luck.

I dunno if this will help....

But my daughter is the same age and I was trying to do the same about 3 months ago when my grandma told me one day to not force her, she will eventually get to sleep on her own. And I stopped, I did the same routine, bottle to sleep and then she went to pacifier to sleep and now she just goes to sleep when the lights go off. So just be patient, it does take a little while.

Like others have said... CIO . The first night is the hardest . the 2nd night is bad and then i gets easier each night. It has worked for me with both kids . Good Luck with whatever method you choose .

He's not too old to be rocked to sleep. I rocked my oldest until he no longer wanted me to. I miss it now, but have another the same age as yours and enjoy him falling asleep in my arms at night. My husband loves to rock him to sleep, too. I say enjoy holding your little ones for as long as you can because one day those special moments will be gone. I took the nighttime bottle away around two and it wasn't bad at all and plan to do the same with my youngest.

If you are really wanting him to learn how to sleep on his own, this is how I would personally do it. Notice I said PERSONALLY... Some may not agree, but: I would lay him down and give him whatever comfort items he needs (i.e. blanket, pacifier) and tell him goodnight, I love you, and calmly walk out. He will cry. Go back in 5 minutes. Pat his back and say Goodnight Sweetheart. Time to go to sleep. I love you. Walk out. Then wait for 7 minutes and go back if he is still crying and repeat those same words. Each time add a couple or three minutes. I guarantee, with your reassurance and the wearing himself out from crying, he will go to sleep. 30 minutes of CIO and having no reassurance is not the way to do it. That would drive anyone crazy and it will be reassuring to you too to go in during those intervals. It will take 3 nights of this and each night will get easier and then magically, the 4th night or so he will just fall asleep within 5 minutes and your life will be SO much easier! We just lay our now 2 year old down and say Goodnight, We love you. We don't hear a peep.

As for the bottle, does he drink from a sippy yet? I'd just let him have his sippy of milk before bedtime ( I do that with my two year old ). If he physically can't drink from a sippy yet, then tackle that later. Let him drink from the bottle before bedtime but then lay him down in the crib and do what I described above. I took my now two year old off the bedtime bottle at 18 months. He could drink from a sippy but he threw a fit when I tried to make him take it before bed. LOL So, whatever works for you on that deal. I can't really throw stones there. LOL HUGS Sweetie! We've all been there!!!

Hi J.. I think or should I say I KNOW the pain you are going through. When my son was that age and wouldn't sleep on his own without being rocked with a bottle was very tough for us. I mean i was pulling my hair out and was desperate for anything to get him to go nite-nite on his own in his crib without crying for hours. I was desperate and tried everything from letting him scream it out (which I hated) to not giving him a bottle. But what I did was slowly phased him out of the bottle FIRST. How? I only filled half the bottle with milk and not full for about 3 or 4 days. Then changed to half of only water for 3 or 4 days and then slowly took away the bottle from him. It wasn't easy of course, he would cry. Then after it wasn't such a big big deal of having a bottle with milk, I actually crawled up in the crib with him and layed there until he fell asleep. I had my husband come and help me out of the crib and that was that. I did it for 3 days and he was comfortable laying there with me (instead of being rocked) and I guess him knowing I was there eased his bottle thirst. He wouldn't wake up until 10 the next morning. Believe me, try one thing and stick with it for 1 full week. If it's not working after the week, try another method of advice. But, I believe, switching from one thing to the next from one day to the next day just confusses them and makes them more upset. Also, if you go the crying it out thing, I promise the feeling inside you hurts to hear your baby crying but about 4 days into it, he WILL give up and go to sleep. We did that with my daughter and it worked. It was hard but it worked. Good luck! In 2 to 3 weeks and this will all pass, we pray :-)

I have to disagree, at 14 months, your baby is still a baby. Why make him cry when all he wants you to do is rock him to sleep? That is such a special bonding time for you to have with him, and what a comfort for him to fall asleep in his momma's arms. He is not wanting something bad, he wanting something that provides him comfort and security. Just rock him! I don't know about the bottles, we never did bottles, but we did rock, those were precious times that I miss now that my youngest is 3. Him wanting to be rocked to sleep won't go on forever, so just do it! At 14 months old, he is definitely not "too old for this." Don't feel pressured to do something you are not comfortable with as a mom. We are all made differently, and we all parent differently. God made us to be the comforters of our children, take pride in that, and don't feel bad for doing it, it sounds like it is what your son needs at this time.

i feel your pain our daughter is the same way...good luck!

What I have learned is that this doesn't last for long. Pretty soon he won't want you to hold him and he'll be going to bed without even having to be told to do so. Treasure this all too short time when you get to hold him without him wiggling and wanting to get down. Good Luck and God Bless!

My baby is about 5 months old and he falls asleep himself. I used to rock him until he went to sleep up until recently. It takes a few days, and a lot of self discipline, but in the long run, getting them to fall asleep by themselves is a really good thing.

What you have to do is just put him his crib and let him cry. Go check on him about every 15 minutes just to make sure he's okay. Don't give in. Evenutally he WILL fall asleep. You have to think...you know he's tired and you're not hurting him by letting him cry. This may last for a few days until he gets used to it. But let me tell you...my baby falls asleep on his own now and most of the time without crying. He sleeps much better and I don't have to spend half an hour rocking him to sleep and attempting to put him down without waking him.

I know this is a hard thing to do, but good luck! It will be so much better for both of you in the long run!

i must say i agree, with letting them cry it out, if you dont do it now it will only get worse as he gets older. if you give in within 30 min. then you dont really let him cry it out. turn on some soft music, that is just sound, no words, let him have a little night light & shut the door. of course after you do your bedtime routine. & of course you dont want to continue to let him have a bottle (unless it's just water) right before sleep, you always want to brush after their last bottle of juice/milk.

just know that even though it's hard for you to let him cry it out, it will get easier & then he will be able to go to sleep without crying.

i will say that my kids go to sleep when we tell them it's bedtime & we dont have the hassle of them getting up or asking for drinks or asking to go potty, because we started with this when they were very young. & now we dont have half the problems with bedtime that i see a lot of parents have.

I rocked mine for a few minutes well into the 5th year. It was just a quick snuggle time with mommy before bedtime. But had rocked and nursed them until they no longer nursed, then rocked. Now they are so big, we snuggle one to one in my bed for a few minutes. I rub their hair, or scratch a back. We may review the day, answer questions. But I always remind them that I love them. And I always ask, "Do you know how much I love you?" And they always say, "a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck and a bag more" or a box more or a basket more. Then I send them off to bed.
I never transitioned from not rocking. They just got to big to fit in my lap. I never used it to put them to sleep, just to using it as a quiet time with mom and then going the rest of the way by themselves.
We always started to put them to sleep in their crib. Rock, rock, rock then in the crib. We started bad habits with my first son. He had to go through the crying until he fell asleep thing because he did the same thing your son did. Then I started the patting thing. He would wake up the minute a finger wasn't touching him. I did not make that same mistake again.
I would think that if you only stay out 30 minutes than that may not be long enough, as after 30 minutes if he keeps it up it has reinforced that you will come back if he just keeps up long enough. I would let him cry it out. I would put him down, tell him he is fine and walk out again. You might try giving him some benadryl to make him extra sleepy and tired. You might crack the door so you can't hear him cry as much. You might even need to leave the house to keep yourself from being so upset. When we let my first cry it out, I cried in the living room right along with him.
If you say you have tried all the things above than I don't know what to tell you to try except the benadryl and letting him cry it out longer. But he and you will live through it. At this age his crying is his way of expressing his emotions. I doubt he is scared in his own room, but frustrated and angry that you are changing his routine. You might get daddy to do it. My husband was always tougher in some of those areas where the boys pluck my heartstrings to much.
I know it is hard, but you have to be tougher.
Good luck,
L.

Good morning, J.,
I was a stay at home Mom for 22 years and have raised our 8 children and several nieces & nephews. Believe me when I tell you that 14 months old is still very much a baby. If your little one needs rocking to fall asleep, don't begrudge him that special time. It makes him feel safe and loved. If you are tired or stressed, perhaps limiting the time to 15 - 20 minutes might help. Maybe your husband and you can take turns and you can do every other night.
Take it from an old hand, these days will be over far too quickly, so enjoy them together. All too soon he'll be asking for the car keys!

Leaving him to cry for thirty min will drive you crazy. I would go in (1st couple of times) after about 5 min. Dont pick him up but talk to him and soothe him. Then go another 5. Took about a month of doing this every night but now both my boys go to bed at 8:30 on the dot( having a consistant bed time helps too) It is hard to let them cry but they wont hurt themselves and you will really apprieciate it once it becomes habit. Beacuse we stuck with it my husband and I actually get about 3 hrs of grown up time a night( and that does wonders for the relationship) Good Luck

hi, your baby is still your baby. my 5 year old still falls asleep on my lap. he looks forward to this everynight. we say our prayers and i sing him a song. he sings with me. these songs are ones that i have created or others like "you are my sunshine." he will out grow it but for now enjoy it. one day your son won't want you. my 10 year old goes to sleep on his own but he looks forward to tuck in time. we say prayers and sing songs-his choice. i look forward to this. with peyton it use to take an hour or two of rocking for him to go to sleep then i figured he wasn't ready, so we went to a later bedtime. and when i did this he was asleep within 30 minutes. girls will always want their moms but boys, i hate to say, grow out of mom. enjoy "ya's time" just a few minutes in the evening have strengthened our relationship. he will let you know when he doesn't need to be rocked. during the day your child will have t.v. toys, dad, family, friends, but those few minutes of just you and him are extremely delightful. my 10 year old son decided he didn't want to be rocked around 5-6 years old. if you don't want to rock then sit on the couch and let him lay his head on your lap. he eventually will get rid of his bottle but replace it with a cup. i did this with my boys. W. d
SHM who enjoys having boys,my life isn't dull! enjoy him

He's not too old. He's a baby. Life is short and goes by so fast. As another seasoned mom mentioned (who raised 8 kids as well as nieces and nephews), he'll soon be asking for the car keys. Treasure these times and take turns with your husband. You will be glad you did. I also have 8 children ranging in age from 15 months to 21 years old. I'd love to have just one day again when each of the older ones were little again!! I still hold, rock and nurse my 15 month old to sleep and it is such a precious time - A time spent slowing down, just being, and spending time in gratefulness for life and embracing it. We moms so often are on the go go go! Take advantage of these moments when you have to be still and slow down. I hope you find the solution that brings true peace to your heart.

As long as my child was safe/clean/fed, I let her cry. She learned after a few days that I was not returning at that time. Great gal no problems!

Sounds like you've gotten some good advice here! Definitely switch the bottle to water, and start the habit of brushing before bed (if you haven't already). You don't need to get particular about brushing technique at this point -- just let the baby gnaw on a wet baby toothbrush while you brush your own teeth.
Since you're breaking both bottle and rocking, I'd do one at a time. Switch the bottle to water first, and let him get over that -- could take 3 days, could take 2 weeks, but you WILL get past it -- I promise!
When you go to cry it out, do your routine just like you've done -- go ahead and rock him, then put him in his bed before he's fully asleep. When he stands up and cries, tell him it's night time, you love him, and walk out. If (or when!) he gets hysterical, go back to calm him, but try not to pick him up. Pat him on the back, tell him it's bedtime (it helps to repeat the same phrase, "It's bed time, night-night..."), and go back out. If you go by the book, you'll check on him in 5 minutes, then 10, then 15. Our sone cried harder when we did that, so we wouldn't go in before 20 min. the first time.
First night is the hardest -- plan to do it on a Friday, or a day when you don't have any big plans the next day. Second night should be shorter, and you should be past this little bump within a week.
While he's crying, it's a good time to busy yourself with housework -- it makes the time go faster! When we did this with my son, I would put the baby monitor on the kitchen counter with the volume all the way down, but I could still see the lights, and I'd wash the dishes.

If you do this, just remind yourself that this is temporary. You're investing a few nights of tears for months and months (until the 2 yr molars!) of peaceful nights.

I know it's hard because I had the same kind of problem with my oldest, except not the bottle just the rocking, but if you put him to bed and let him cry it out eventually it'll get easier and easier. Good luck!

I hate to tell you this, but you need to let him cry. My dr told me no one has died from crying and I wasn't doing my baby any favors by not allowing her to self soothe. It is hard and you may cry too but he will be fine.

It sounds mean, but the cry it out method to self soothe works. It took us three days, but no trouble since then. They used to freak out when I put them down, and cry. Now they lay down fully awake, play for 10-15 min, and pass out.. If they wake during the night, they find a new position, and right back to sleep.

I still give my 2 year old the bottle at bed time. I would try taking only one thing away at a time and not everything at once. so instead of rocking just give him a bottle in his crib (no emails please I know all about tooth decay and I brush my sons teeth and his teeth are fine as well as my 5 and 3 year olds who had a bottle in bed to) :o)

give the bottle in his crib for a while until he is doing good at falling asleep by him self then slowly add water to his bottle of milk week by week then eventually he will just be having a bottle of water and there is nothing wrong with that at all... Only allow the bottle in the crib and only use it for this purpas (every thing else should be in a sippy cup) then you can wean him easier from the bottle...

its getting him to be comfortable in bed alone and able to self soothe that you want to concentrate on right now not weaning from everything at once. I really think the above method works great for weaning from bed bottle and getting them to sleep alone.

you just need to be strong though and dont give in. have a bed time routine, bath time, story and then say night night and place him in crib, give him the bottle and a board book (so he cant tear it up) a favorite lovie and if you can, get a crib tent, zip it up and walk out of the room...

He will be safe in the crib and you can worry about the bottle thing later!

Hugs and good luck
A. J

Hi there,
I understand your frustration and while I haven't been in your exact situation we have been through some rough times too. I want to say a little about Dr. Ferber's approach. I'm sure you have heard of his cry-it-out method. A lot of people who have only heard of it and not read his book think it is only about letting a little one cry at night. That is not so at all, it is about sleep association and breaking those. It sounds as if your child's sleep association is the rocking and the bottle. What we did along with reading the Ferber book was back off the ounces in the bottle a little at a time, and once he is weaned off the bottle for going to sleep then you can start on the rocking. My little guy is 14 months old as well. I still give him a bottle when he seems to want it and we rock for the time it takes him to drink the bottle and then he goes into his bed, drowsy but awake and he falls asleep on his own. We used to do the bottle and rocking until he was fast asleep, but it was too difficult to do that every night. We went through weaning him off in phases and letting him cry a little in his crib before he went to bed. If you want me to explain in detail, feel free to email me personally and I'll be happy to share exactly the whole thing. Hope this helps even a little. I know you will get other Mom's great opinions too....

There are two things you can do. Not sure why you want to nix the bottle because it is just a part of the bedtime routine as is the rocking. There is no age limit on that. In addition to the following, if you don't have a normal bedroom routine, cleaning up, bath, pajamas, you should incorporate that too so he recognizes the shift to bedtime.

What I would suggest is rocking him but putting him down before he falls asleep. Also, have a bottle with water to put in the crib with him. They recommend that you don't put a baby to bed with a bottle because most folks use milk and it is not good for the teeth because it pools, etc.

He will have his comfort time, keep to his common routine with a little twist. Still has the bottle for comfort so I think you combine the advice you have gotten here. Still have the quiet time, the rocking, book, bottle or whatever, then put him down before he is asleep and use the crying it out method. The key to that is consistency. If you do more than the patting on the back, you are dead in the water.

The advantage here would be that you are changing things. He has already learned that if he screams long enough if you just try to put him down that he will get his way. By putting him down after the rocking and before he is asleep, things are different so you should stick to the new routine.

Hate to have to say the same thing, but yeah, you need to let him cry. I started letting my DD cry when she was only 4/5 months old and it only lasted a couple of days, and I cried too, b/c I wanted to go get her sooooo bad, but we stuck to our guns and she is now a very happy, well-adjusted, self-soothing 11 month old. Doing childcare, I've seen parents complain that their child only sleeps for 15-30 minutes at a time, until they come over here, and I lay them down awake. I get them to sleep for HOURS!
Be strong. Stick to your guns, and don't lay him down with a bottle. It's very bad for his teeth.

Hi, my advice to you is to replace the bottle with a book. That probably isn't the answer you were looking for but I think you should enjoy every single minute that the baby will let you snuggle him and rock him to sleep. Those are the most precious times that you will ever spend with your child and you can never go back after he is grown to rock him again. I started rocking and reading to my baby the day she came home from the hospital and never quit until she was ready for me to stop. Every day or night, as she was old enough she would bring a huge pile of books to sit by the rocker so that I could start rocking and reading. I rocked thousands of miles in that old rocker and read millions--I'm sure it was millions---of books to her until she fell asleep. When she was old enough to read the books to me, I rocked and she read until I fell asleep. My child is now a thirty-year-old administrative nurse, and she will tell anyone that her fondest childhood memory is when I would rock and read to her. Believe me, it won't be long before your little boy will fall asleep with just one or two bedtime stories, and you can transfer to his bed if you are tired of rocking. Whisper in his ear while reading because children will be very quiet to hear what you are saying and the soothing voice also makes them sleepy. No one reads to their children anymore and that is a huge mistake. I worked in the school system for 20 years, and it was ashame how many children didn't know any fairy-tales--unless they were made into movies. They didn't know nursery rhymes either. If you haven't been reading to your child, he probably won't be still to listen so get a book like Three Billy Goats Gruff with lots of action and make loud sounds like the big goat with a low voice and the baby goat with a baby voice. When they walk over the bridge make loud sounds of CLIP-CLOP or TRAMP-TRAMP and hit your hands on the books to get his attention. The troll part is fun to do in a mean voice. Read books like that and alway put expression in your voice and read with each character having a different voice---in the library at school, the 5th graders loved it when I read to them using different voices, and they were all upset when I changed jobs and moved to the middle school. I have had many mothers say that their child wouldn't sit still to hear a book but I never had a problem getting any of those children to settle down to listen to me read. It will take a few times of him wiggling out of your arms not wanting to be still and then you try again several times. Always raise your voice to play a character to get his attention. If you don't want to rock him then lay him down in bed and read to him there. Sometimes it gets tiring but when he grows up, you will cherish every memory of 'rocking and reading' to your son.