Follow Up

It's not crazy at all -- to have a church be unwelcoming to newcomers. I think it's more the norm than not actually, which is my experience from having been in quite a few churches.

People get comfortable with one another and a newcomer upsets all that. Granted, in church of all places it shouldn't be that way. But it is.

I actually find most churches very exclusionary, and just your regular non-christian people to be more welcoming and loving. And I'm a Christian.

Doesn't matter why they're unkind. You found a good church. That is all that matters.

I suggest it's just coincidental that you found this happening in AZ. You don't have enough experience to extrapolate to the whole country. lol

Its not the Church, that is unkind to outsiders... but the members... that create that dysfunctional atmosphere.
It is the MEMBERS, of that Church, that created that social environment. And it is dysfunctional.
It can happen to any group. Cliques.
And, unkind people, especially when a member of a group, can exist in any, venue.
Hey, this sort of thing can even exist in PTA groups at school amongst adults. Or in offices. Or anywhere.
And sure, the cultural and regional atmosphere of people, directly impacts the psyche of a group's, behavior. And its reactions... to "outsider' participants.
Human nature. Even if it is not, nice behavior.

I'm glad you found a more loving church. I've always found churches to be clickish. Sometimes you get lucky and find a church where people are rational. Isn't it ironic that we are taught as Christians to love your neighbor, yet we don't accept everyone???

So happy for you!!!

It's the group of people. It can happen in schools, churches, workplaces... you get the wrong group of people together (or even just a certain blend of personality types who are great people in other situations)... and it's Lord of the Flies.

I moved every 2 years growing up... so this was reeeeeally apparent. Just from a kid perspective; some moves I would be one of the most popular kids, have tons of friends, their parents all rocked... and then the following move I'd be a 5th class citizen. My mum has been PTA president or an officer, and the PTA was rocking, and then next school it was a bunch of stuck up power hungry morons (to quote my mum).

As an adult, I've also moved quite often. Found the same thing to be true. In some places everything just GELS, and it's fun/ easy/ welcoming. In others it's like I (or anyone else on the outside) has leprosy. I actually feel pretty badly for my son, because every neighborhood we've lived in, he's been surrounded by great kids, teachers, etc... and THIS one? Oy vey. He's still a really popular kid ELSEWHERE. It's just our neighborhood and local schools (we homeschool, but most of his friends are awayschoolers) are just weird.

I call it the "sheeple effect". Birds of a feather really DO flock together. Great, interesting, fun people tend to hang around other great, interesting, fun people. Cold, snotty, dismissive people; ditto.

I've learned it has NOTHING to do with me, and everything to do with pure dumb luck.

It's one of the GREAT things about moving. I've met so many people who hate the school system (you find that in homeschool groups more than elsewhere), or who lose their faith/ come to hate a certain religion, etc. JUST BECAUSE they always stayed with the same group of people. When really, churches/ schools/ offices are like ice cream flavors. If you don't like one, try another, because even though it's the same SYSTEM, the people that make up that system are very different. When you've gone to 10 schools, and dozens of churches/temples/etc., you really get to see it's not you. That places are just different.

Any church is only as good as the people that attend it.
Just be very glad you found a new church home.

IME, people that say they need to "pray about" something so blatantly wrong--aren't very good Christians.

People like that are the reason why I do not attend church, nearly every church I have attended has been full of people like that and that is not the point of church to me. An example of why I am not a fan of church: When I went to a Christian Church in high school with a friend, where she was a member of the congregation, we were welcomed, appreciated and asked to join in the new youth singing group (they knew I was a star member of my school's choir). A few weeks after attending and staying in the middle of being active in the church my friend and her family were "removed" from the congregation because she broke one of the commandments and was asked to not return, but they told her that I was welcome to come back. She was informed by the pastor that she put her "teen idols" such as Nsync, Brittany Spears and the Backstreet Boys (never understood her taste in music) before God and she turned her back on God and they were turning their backs on her as messengers of God. I never returned to that church again, nor did I speak to any of the members after that. I share this in hopes you understand the mentality of some people who run churches, maybe this is an issue in the one you were at previously.

I had it happen and it's been a LONG road getting to where I am today. Today I am more open to finding a church, but I have yet to make the step complete by actually going to a church each week. I'm very scared of my daughter experiencing the same things I did and I'm determined to keep her from EVER feeling the way I felt (lost, broken and unwanted).

Congrats for finding a warm and loving environment for your family. I'm hoping that this year is my year to get back out there and find a church that welcomes me for who I am and as my daughter grows she can feel like she is a part of a family.

Thanks for the followup. You did the right things, you spoke up and then made a decision to do what's best for your family. I'm glad that things have turned out well for you as a result.

I've had similar experiences and learned the hard way that some people are not open to change. It feels good to let go of the unhealthy and embrace what is good and healthy for me.

I'm so glad you are out of there! Unfortunately the only answer I can give you that churches like every other group of people take on a group personality. As you've experienced, this can be positive and it can be negative. Glad you're out of there, glad you wrote a letter, but I wouldn't expect an answer. The Youth leader is either oblivious, part of the problem, or sort of stuck.

The only church I have found to be exclusionary is the Catholic church (I am not Catholic) and truly that only came to when it was time to take communion. I have never, ever had any church that didn't welcome me and make me feel at home. I am sorry that you had this experience but so happy for you that you found a church home.

I experienced something similar in my teens.
Funny thing is...all these years later and lots of people have come out against that particular (HUGE) church (in a large city).
They're a bunch of bad eggs. Which is really, really unfortunate.
So glad you found a new church home! And glad you wrote a letter!

I'm so glad you found a welcoming church!