So I was wondering if anyone has had their 3 year old in a gymnastics class with an overly strict teacher? Let me explain a bit...This is my second child. I had my now 8 year old in gymnastics classes at 3 and thought it was wonderful experience. My daughter is very independent and really enjoys going to her class. I stay in the waiting room and watch with the other parents. My daughter is a good listener at home and at preschool. So when she started the class it all seemed routine ( stretching, music and movement, lots of mini climbing courses). I did notice that the courses seemed rather challenging for their age level (much more than they had been when my son took lessons) but I figured the teacher just wanted to give them a lot of exposure. What I quickly found out though was that this teacher expects these little 3 year olds to complete every bit of the course and would physically force them to do so if they happen to miss a component. For example, if my daughter forgot to tap the red cone while walking on the balance beam she would pick her up, put her back at the start of the beam, and have her do it all over. Well, a few classes down the road I started seeing more of this and thought it seemed like a bit much. My daughter always stays with her class, participates in every activity, and is kind to the other children. So no major behavior issues. She does miss little parts of these rather involved courses that are set up and the teacher seems to respond with frustration. I cant hear her behind the glass, but I can tell from her actions and the way she will abruptly pick up my daughter to move her. The woman barely cracks a smile. The icing on the cake was when she was trying to explain to my daughter how to hop up onto a horse while pulling her legs through. Again, this seems like a rather advance skill for a 3 year old, something that would require practice! I think my daughter was getting overwhelmed and looked away from her. The teacher grabbed my daughter by the face and turned her head towards her to gain attention. I say "grab" , it wasn't a harsh grab but it still made me uncomfortable. She barely knows this teacher, I think this was her 4th class with her. So I decided I needed to approach the teacher after class. I waited for my daughter to come out, when the teacher opened the gym door I could hear her talking to my daughter in a raised voice because she did not hang her hula hoop on the correct hook. When I asked her if my daughter was having difficulties listening she replied in a curt tone "She does not hear me!" I asked what that means and she said "I tell her to do things and she does not hear me!" I mentioned that she is the youngest in the class and she said there is another 3 year old about her age and she listens just fine. She said that my daughter is distracted watching the other kids. Then she proceeded to grab my daughters face again and "see she doesn't hear me!". Then concluded with "I guess she tries" and walked away. I was flabbergasted and had to walk away myself to process the teachers behavior. Let me clarify, I watch my daughter every week in class and she is always with her group. She is always trying to do what is being asked. She never wanders away or shows non compliance. She simply misses a few of the steps in the myriad of step s that are expected by this teacher. She DOES NOT have a hearing problem. Listens at home and at school. As you can probably tell I was very upset with how this teacher handled my daughter and with how she spoke to me. I am licensed early intervention specialist and have worked with young children for years. I have a sound understanding of child development. So I called the gym, placed a complaint against this teacher and asked to have her moved to another class with a different teacher. They were happy to do so as they surely do not want to lose our money (my older child takes classes there as well and I think they do a great job with his class). So, I apologize for this lengthy scenario. Now my question, I'm just wondering if anyone has ever dealt with a situation like this? I am used to teaching children in a classroom, I am not a gymnastics teacher. But I know if this woman behaved this way in a preschool classroom she would likely be in some trouble. Especially if she took such a rude tone with a parent. Thank you if you took the time to read this and I appreciate any responses!
I am new to posting in this forum and would like to respond to all of your kind responses. But I can't figure out how! But thank you so much for reading my long post and taking the time to respond. This incident just happened on Friday and its been eating away at me since then. My husband keeps telling me I dealt with it and now let it go. But I think I needed some reassurance from some fellow moms of young ones. I really do feel better now. I agree with all of your posts so far. And to answer Ronda, we put our daughter in gymnastics for pure fun and socialization. Definitely not because I think she will be a future olympian, especially if she has my lack of coordination ;). So we will try one more class there with another instructor and see how that goes, only because my daughter really enjoys it. If that doesnt work out we'll take a break or try another location. And yes they will no longer get our money. Honestly I hope this instructor does get reprimanded and hopefully taken out of at least that age group. Thanks again for all your support!!
It sounds like you did exactly the right thing. And I absolutely don't think that it is appropriate for a teacher of any discipline to grab a child's face.
She sounds like someone who has dealt with older kids in a competitive setting. She has completely unrealistic expectations for preschoolers who cannot do complicated sequencing. She is taking all the fun out of it and pretty much guaranteeing that the gym will be losing customers. Turn off the 3 year olds, and there will be no 5 and 8 year olds feeding into the other classes.
And she was completely unprofessional in dealing with you.
You did the right thing. If other parents comment to you, I'd tell them what you did and why.
Unbelievable how some people are pushing 3 year olds into hard core competitive programs - usually it's parents, but here it's also the teacher. It's just wrong. 3 year olds should be having fun, learning to interact with a group, and enjoy movement. That's it. Even if they were future Olympians (which 99.9% of the are not), it's inappropriate at this age.
she certainly doesn't sound like someone from whom i'd want any of my kids taking lessons. certainly not a tiny 3 year old.
i don't think super-structured performance-based activities are appropriate for kids this young under most circumstances. i recently saw a video of a 3 year old in full western show regalia in the ring on her absolutely adorable mini-pony and it was the cutest, but looking at her makeup and carefully coached smile i couldn't help thinking that 3 year olds should be just loving on and learning how to work around and sit on ponies, not how to look perfect and get ribbons.
i think gymnastic classes can be a fun, fun thing for busy energetic wiggly littles. but not this class, and not this teacher.
khairete
S.
Yeah, I'd be pretty upset if anyone grabbed my child's face! Doesn't matter what is going on. She's 3, ffs. It's not like this teacher was putting your daughter's body in the correct position so she doesn't get hurt. She was taking her own petty frustrations out on your daughter.
You absolutely did the right thing by complaining and asking for another teacher. The teacher might be great with older kids, but she doesn't have the right mind-set to work with younger kids.
You can be strict without being physical.
At three years old children are still barely out of baby stage. If I had seen that teacher doing that to my three year old I would have been in there in a heartbeat. I may have even grabbed her face to get her to listen to me while I told her off.
No, I can't say I've ever experienced anything like that at all. This woman should be fired and reported. She should not work with children at all. Working with preschoolers requires boatloads of patience. I can't imagine why she would even want that type of job since she clearly has no patience.
If it were me, I would have marched in there and said "Don't you EVER lay a finger on my child". I would have grabbed my daughter and told every parent in the waiting room to pull their kids from the class.
ETA
If you're on FB you might search and see if there's a group in your area for business reviews. Then if the owner doesn't manage this the right way you can go on that review page and blast this company. If you can take video of the class I'd let her go again and catch her doing it again to post on a page like this.
Totally uncalled for from any sort of teacher in this age group.
I had a girl come to child care one day and the teacher saw bruises on her chin. They were fingerprint bruises. The teacher reported them to social services and they came and took the kids into custody. The girl said her mom grabbed her chin to make her look at her in the face, because she wasn't listening.
The girl was really anemic and if mom had even bumped her she would have bruised up. This mom had to go to numerous court dates and prove over and over she wasn't an abuser. She got her kids back but still, this same thing could have been what she did, just trying to get her daughter to look her in the face so she'd hear her and then left bruises on her chin.
So for me grabbing the chin is something the state took someone's kids away for.
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I work in a gymnastics business and I can tell you this is way to much.
Please tell the owner you are dropping your child specifically because this teacher grabbed her face and pulled her around to look her in the eye. I'd also ask for my enrollment fee and money back since you've only had 4 classes. Hit the owner where it hurts and they'll get this teacher out of that class for the other students. They are getting abused too. You may not get the refund but if you use words like abused my child, aggressive with my child by grabbing an inappropriate place, etc....they may give you the money just to keep you quiet.
This is completely over the line. She could have left bruises on your child's chin. This teacher has absolutely no business teaching younger children. I imagine they would be completely fine working with a competitive team or something like that but the younger kids should not have this sort of experience.
In our gym the 3 and 4 year old program the kids come in and sit in the warm up area on the springboard floor. They do a little stretching then they get up and play.....such as walk like a bear, hop like a frog, walk backwards, all in fun. They are warming up and stretching muscles but not by sitting down, being silent, and being little robots. There have been as many as 30 kids in this class. The teachers usually have about 4-6 kids each. If there are a large group of kids they might put 2 teachers in each group and make groups of 6-8 kids. With 5 areas they can do they all get plenty of turns.
When they are finished warming up they split into groups and the kids are laughing and smiling the whole time. They are never reprimanded unless they are acting out, pushing other kids, wandering off, or doing something that is potentially dangerous. We have a parent area where the parents can watch if they want to stay but for the most part they drop them off and leave for that hour.
The kids do uneven parallel bars, a Tumble Trak, various levels of balance beams, go do the rock climbing wall, and then go back on the springboard floor to do an obstacle course sort of activity. They rotate by groups through the various areas.
If a teacher grabbed a child by the arm or the face or by anything for any reason except to catch them or prevent them from falling they'd be let go on the spot.
This is totally uncalled for. 3 year old kids, in my opinion, love gymnastics because they get to do totally cool stuff and they can have fun while doing it.
I'd find someplace else to take my child. I also think I'd explain to the new gym why I left the old one and that I'd like to observe the class your child would be going in to before enrolling. This will give you the opportunity to see the teachers in action and how they manage this age group and interact with the kids who are still learning to listen and do what they're asked.
Nope not for gymnastics at that age. The child friendly teachers will make the kids go back and redo the missed step (not touching the red cone in your case) if they notice. At age 3-4 the kids can move up to a more serious group and more is expected. There are also classes for regular (ones who will most likely not compete) kids. Maybe they saw something in your daughter and put her in the advanced class.
I have used a stern instructor for swimming.
edit: Is she foreign? The face grab is not something acceptable in USA. i can imagine a lot of "momma bears" getting mad in the observation room over this.
I agree with your husband, you dealt with it, and now you have to let it go. And remember, your daughter ENJOYS this, so even though that instructor was overly stern, it didn't seem to affect your daughter.
Remember, this instructor probably has some things to learn, and you have probably helped her to learn them. She probably does not have kids of her own, and so does not understand proper expectations of a three year old. She will learn, as we all do.
No harm done, let it go.
The woman has no business working with small children. She either needs to be moved to older kids, or she needs to be fired. You need to talk to the owner and tell him or her EXACTLY what is going on. Tell the owner that they will either lose business or they'll end up having their name dragged through the mud because SOMEONE will decide to talk to the media about it.
The woman was lucky you didn't yell at her for her "tone" with you. I know a lot of people who would have let her have it for that. A 3 year old - wow!
I think that there are some coaches/teachers/doctors [nearly any profession] where the professional is truly interested in the well-being and healthy development of his or her student/patient. Piano teachers who want to instill a love of music and who inspire, doctors who want to really listen and find out what is wrong and who aren't afraid to admit 'I need to do more research on this because I'm not sure what's going on right now' [who then do precisely that, not just blow you off], coaches who want their students and players to learn sportsmanship and a love of the game or sport and the right skills. They are a joy to observe, an honor to work with, and a real treasure to find as a partner in a complicated medical situation. They're humble, teachable (no matter how long they've been at their profession) and they understand the heart, soul, brain and body.
Then there are the coaches and teachers who seem to feel that unless their students or players are the absolutely best and will eventually make the top 10 or the Ivy League schools on a full scholarship then there's no point, and there are the doctors who dismiss your concerns because 'that is impossible and you're creating this situation' (even when it's right in front of their eyes), and the music teachers who are only concerned with proper fingering techniques and 100% strict adherence to the music and the rules.
Those in the second group are only concerned with their own resumes and their own reputation. "I coached so-and-so", "I have produced 5 Olympians", "90% of my students are accepted into [elite program or school]".
It sounds like you came up against one of those types, and you did the right thing.
This didn't happen with a gymnastics coach with me, but a doctor, but it was very similar in many ways. Unless you're a crazy mom like some of the ones I've seen on Dance Moms, or a Kardashian, or one of those moms who storm out when their child gets a little piece of constructive and helpful criticism, you can realize when a teacher/coach/doctor is out for their own glory or truly concerned about the proper all-around development of a child.
I'm all for strictness and firmness in young classes to get kids on track with group activities before kindergarten, but if a teacher ever acted that way toward one of my kids and snarked at me and stormed off I would want to punch her lights out. Is she for real? I'm glad you reported her. And no, I've been amazed at every single one of my kids activities and classes so far, the teachers are like child-loving saints. Way more than me. ;) I've never seen one act the way you describe.
Grabbed her face? A 3 year old?
And you haven't pulled both kids yet?
Really?
Do you want your 3 year old to be a good gymnast or to have free range tumbling? You can rarely get both.
I am an award winning Dance Teacher and very strict. With that, my girls have performed in Las Vegas ballrooms for the Las Vegas mayor and across the states of Nevada and Texas.
I let parents know from the start that I am strict. I purposely write grants and fundraise to keep my Dance Team separate from the school team. Parents pay little to nothing as I do it to keep at-risk girls busy.
Therefore, there is no one to complain to. If a parent does think I am too strict they can remove their child to a more lenient dance team. I also do not let parents watch rehearsals. They come in at the last 5 minutes to see the progress of the day's rehearsals.
Coaches are very hard on boys in sports--few parents complain with them. Again, results or just fun?
ETA: I do not take girls younger than second grade. They cannot handle the demands. I NEVER mentioned Olympics in my response--you are responding to the wrong issue with me. I said a gymnast--a gymnast can teach, perform, or just have the skill.
Ease off of me; I did not grab your child's face.
It sounds like teaching younger children is not a good fit for that teacher. Does she, perhaps, teach older (eg. more skilled gymnasts) kids and THAT'S all she knows? It really seems like she's treating the little ones more like much older ones and is clearly expecting too much.
I have to agree with you. She doesn't belong with that age group and I would have done the exact same thing as you by talking with management and having my child moved to another class. Perhaps with enough complaints, this teacher will be limited to teaching only older classes.
I hope your little girl wasn't totally turned off to gymnastics because of that woman.
