My 9 yr old son has always been very active like as almost ADHD. He can't sit still can never be quiet for even a minute, has to constantly get into stuff, even in public. My husband refuses to put him on Ridelyn. Part of me agrees with that but the other part wants to cuz when he gets way out of control and everyone is looking at him, sometimes I have all I can do without losing my temper. I know that's not the answer. I would really like some sort of parenting support group, kind of like ECFE only for much older kids. It could be on line or local.
I don't know about classes in St. Paul, but I second the suggestion about CHADD (which has a group in the cities http://www.chadd.net/template.cfm?affid=172&p=about) and recommend Taking Charge of ADHD, Revised Edition: The Complete, Authoritative Guide for Parents by Russell Barkley. It has information on meds, but is mostly about stuff parents can do without meds. Good luck!
I'm proudly ADD. We have a unique set of skills that the world needs. We are the best emergency personnel around, making excellent ER doctors, paramedics, and firefighters. Our different way of thinking and perceiving the world makes us awesome inventors and innovators. ADD is not a defect, it's a powerful and vital part of human neurological diversity. The world needs us.
We are also a complete pain to parent, and tend to do badly in the conventional school system. Is medication appropriate? Sometimes, but not always.
We ADD folks need to learn to manage and ride the energy and power of ADD. This is hard and it takes a long time. Excessive and inappropriate medication just delays the learning process until adulthood. People tend to be much more forgiving of the learning process in children than in adults. For this reason, I really prefer to avoid medicating children.
On the other hand, if your child is so impulsive they are a danger to themselves or others, this is something to consider. A child shouldn't have to live with the regret of having accidentally causing a death or serious injury. In these cases, I think medication is pretty appropriate.
Likewise, if your child is trapped in an environment (like school), that is constantly telling them they are worthless unless they think and behave like everyone else, medication can be helpful. I'd prefer to change the environment, but that isn't possible for all families. In this situation, make sure the child knows the medication is a tool to help them deal with an unreasonable situation until they can get into a situation that better appreciates their strengths. The *environment* is the problem, not the child. There is nothing wrong with the child.
Good luck. Contact me privately if you'd like to talk in more detail about skills and tricks that are helpful for ADD/ADHD kids to learn.
Before we explored medication for our son, we tried several other things. Occupational therapy helped us understand his sensory issues. We also saw a pediatric neurologist and a family counselor who specialized in kids with high-functioning autism and similar issues. The counselor did offer group meetings. We tried a gluten-free diet and fish oil vitamins. We didn't try using caffeine as a medication, but I have friends that say it works. My husband bought a balance board for him to stand on when he couldn't sit still. I always bring something along to occupy him whenever we go out- a small toy, bag of legos, book, radio with headphones, video game, snack, or even a necklace to chew on(found in an OT catalog). When we're out in public, I do not let myself be embarrassed. I just correct my son as usual. This does not stop him from acting up, it's really more to let the other people around know that I am paying attention. My husband gets really mad at our son for embarrassing him, and seems to take it personally.
In the second half of 2nd grade, we had the neurologist do formal testing for ADHD. One test involved watching a computer and pressing a button every time the display showed a 1 instead of a 0. My son thought he was paying attention- but we could see that he was actually looking around the room, staring at the ceiling, etc. My husband didn't want him to fail and kept telling him to pay attention and do it right and look at the screen now. I told my husband not to help him with the test!!! After several months of medication my son repeated the test and his focus was almost perfect.
We've tried several types and dosages of medication, so far all with the same ritalin active ingredient. Because of the side effects, my son doesn't take it on weekends or during the summer. With the regular ritalin, it only lasts for four hours, so we can evaluate whether he really needs it that day(like during day camp). It's like turning down his volume switch.
I think you are a great Mom and very intuitive to address this. I have to be honest, not sure a parenting class will help your child sit still or stop being so impulsive It will just help you respond to his behavior in a positive way.
Your child 's behavior will affect his relationships with other children which will eventually affect his self esteem. We tried everything with my daughter, parenting classes, counseling, Occupational Therapy, chiropractic, special diets, in an effort to avoid medication. I avoid popping pills and only agree as a last resort. Putting my daughter on ADHD meds at age 8 was really good for her. She could finally feel successful at school and in social relationships. Now that she has the positive feedback and experiences she wants more of it.
We are hoping she will continue developing her own ways to stay focused and we can eventually wean her off the meds. As it is we have not increased the strength and she has grown quite a bit since we started on Focalin.
Why don't you talk to his Dr. There is other medication out there then Ritalin. My nephew is on a medication (not Ritalin) because he had a hard time staying focused. Its made a world of a difference for him. Even his teacher stated over and over how much of a difference when he started. I'm not saying you have to go the medication route, but you can at least talk to his Dr and figure out what your options are, perhaps they would even have some suggestions on parenting classes?
Could you make an appointment for you and your husband to meet with his doctor? Ask your husband to make a list of his concerns and bring it with him. You do the same. Talk to his doctor about your concerns ... all of your concerns. Then listen carefully to what your doctor has to say. Hopefully you can both learn more about your son, his body, why his body works this way, what kind of factors are involved, etc. You can begin to formulate a plan of action that you are both please with.
Maybe your husband has irrational fears about Ritalin. Maybe he's right. Maybe he's wrong. Maybe you're right. Maybe you're wrong. Who knows. But a conversation with his doctor really is a good place to start. Maybe he/she can refer you to a behavioral specialist or someone with more experience in this area.
Either way, I think it would really help both of you if you knew that your thoughts and concerns were heard and taken seriously. You need to find a plan that you are both comfortable with.
Whether your child has ADHD or not, you might find these resources helpful:
I really got a great deal out of reading Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. It's not directed to ADHD situations but, as she says, to parenting children who are MORE. She also has a web site: http://www.parentchildhelp.com/SpiritedChild/tabid/59/Def...
Dr. Ned Hallowell wrote Driven to Distraction which is extremely helpful in understanding and working with ADHD people. He also has a terrific center in Sudbury, MA (& other locations now I think). His site is http://www.drhallowell.com/ and you can link from there to the Hallowel Center. BTW -- he's a Harvard trained psychiatrist who has ADD himself and kids with it as well so he really gets it from a medical, personal and parenting perspective.
There's also a great organization called CHADD that offers support and resources. The link is: www.chadd.org
Good luck! There are a great number of non-medication related strategies for dealing with kids who, shall we say, experience everything to the fullest. I totally agree that you should speak with your child's pediatrician. It may be that medication is necessary. I think, though, that addressing the behaviors themselves also can help a great deal.
1. Get a good, thorough evaluation: physical, psychological, audiology, visual, occupational therapy. We went to Gillette, you can go to Children's (St. Paul or Minneapolis), I imagine the U will do it, too. Ask your pediatrician for a referral. It takes a long time (9 months from start to finish) but in the end we were really, really confident about our son's diagnosis and the treatment plan we developed (ADHD, and he's on meds plus OT.) You and your husband (and your son!) will learn so much about how your son's brain works, about his strengths and his challenges, and what his body is asking for when he gets out of control. Meds and OT have been extremely effective for us, but I think that's mostly because we got a really, really good diagnosis. Don't let your pediatrician just put him on meds, please get a thorough evaluation that involves your son's teachers and other caregivers.
Also hook up with CHADD, it's a wonderful organization.
