Parents "Parenting" Other Children

Absolutely not!!!! If my child is doing those things--I would be fine with you telling him to stop or pick up the mess. I feel that it "takes a village". Good for you!!

I agree with all the comments so far. If a child I don't know is out of line...especially if it affects my kid or the kids I'm with..I will politely remind them of how it should be. If I am with my friends who all have kids similar ages to mine and a child does something wrong...I will say something...and that is expected back. If my child does something wrong..I expect my friends to say something to them. We all work as a TEAM!

Since I SWEAR my son listens to everybody BUT me, PLEASE say something to him!!!!!

But start out NICE-- a quiet "Honey, please pick up that mess you made" is wonderful! And will earn you THIS mother's gratitude

A yelled "You little no good slob pick that up" will get you a fight.....

I would thank you for correcting my child's bad behavior if I wasn't there to do it myself.

If my child is doing something wrong, and I am not able to see it, I expect an adult to nicely tell my child to stop, or if they figure out I'm the mom, to let me know what's going on. If another adult is nice about it, I'm fine with it. If they give an attitude like they're perfect and I'm a screw up, that's another story. They may be right, but the delivery matters.

Yes, you better speak to my child if she made a mess, was running in a store.. Bullying anyone..

I tell children all of the time.. "Inside voices!"

"Please do not run inside!"

"We look with our eyes, not with our hands.".

I try to do it very carefully not to frighten the child..

I have 2 different times had to grab a child to protect them from being run over by a grocery cart. I apologized, but told them they were about to be run over.. Those baskets are really dangerous. both times the moms thanked me..

I was in retail for too long. I have seen all sorts of crazy behaviors and the parents did not do a thing.. Escalators... OMG.. you would be amazed how many children were down there sticking things at the foot of one..

Children picking up merchandise that was very fragile.

I have been there where I did not realize our daughter was too close to the street or had started to touch something she shouldn't and another adult said something.. I thanked them for this.

I'm all for the village raising a child. I would want someone to say something if my kid needed to be corrected. and I would have no problem with correcting someone else's child. Recently I caught a kid climbing on the outside of the structure at the Y (I was working at the time, wearing my staff shirt). I told him to get down because he can't climb on the outside. He said "I don't have to, you're not my parent!" Well, at that his dad looked up from his phone, called the kid down and gave him hell for talking to an adult like that. Thank goodness he didn't tell me not to talk to his kid!

Shoot, I am out of line all the time then. I politely remind kids of things they are forgetting. Here is the thing with my son, most people will not have to say anything to him b/c I have already said it and stopped it. If not, then I back that person up if appropriate, and tell my son to apologize to that person for having to say something to begin with.

Should I say something to that child and the parent has an issue with it I am willing to discuss the situation with them. I do also do the, do you know what your kid is up to - when it's not dangerous.

L., I'm right there with you. First I'll check to see if a parent is around and will send the child off to the parent if he or she is right there, but if a child is clearly not being supervised, I definitely speak up. I would hope that people would do the same for me. My friends and I end up seeing each others' kids around town all the time and have no problem gently reminding them that "I know your mother and you and I both know that she would not approve of that" or "don't make me tell your mom on you." We do it with a laugh but it usually gets the desired behavior (putting on a helmet when on a bike, stopping swearing loudly, etc.) for at least a few minutes. It takes a village and all that...

I would like it if another adult said something nicely to me or my kid. I cannot see everything my kid does. But it should be a helpful and nice tone.

However, we were at the park the other night and my son was aggressively feeding the ducks....I.e., growing the food at them. I told him to stop. But I had my 4 kids there plus 3 neighbor kids so I was not only watching him. Some lady came over and screamed at us ' teach that boy some respect.,....stop him ....look he his hurting the ducks'. Now she was yelling and irate which scared me and pissed me off more than if she would have said...do you see him doing that to the ducks? I was freking out then because of her, and of course took my son away from the ducks ( because I already told him to stop).

So yes, there is a right and wrong way to help.

I have no issues "parenting" another person's child when it's a safety issue and there's imminent danger. The rest I play by ear. In other situations that are less serious, I've been known to say something like, "I'm not sure your mom would be okay with you ____ since she'll be the one who has to clean that up/pay for it if it breaks/whatever."

If the parent comes over to me to say something they're usually thankful. I will usually go find the parent myself and let them know what I said to their child which also lets them know the sort of trouble their child is getting into.

"Hi, I know you don't me, and I hope you don't mind that I said something to your child, but he was _____ and I was worried he would get injured/told off by a manager/get abducted/whatever. If it were my child I would want someone to keep an eye out for them."

Again, I've never had any issues with that approach.

Interfering when a child is in danger is not parenting. Telling a child to put away the shoes is not parenting. It's a one time situation. If someone were actually trying to parent my child I would be upset.

I do not think you are out of line. It does take a community to raise a child. And especially when the child is in danger someone needs to speak up.

It's normal for the parent whose child you talked with to become defensive. I was watching my granddaughter on a play structure when someone told me to not let her climb on top of the covered slide. I briefly became irritated. It was obvious I was there watching, This parent thought my granddaughter was in danger of being hurt. However, I told the other person that it was OK, that is what the climbing structure is made for, hopefully, without showing my irritation.

I'd expect that a parent who was aware and had decided it was OK would initially be irritated while one who had been "caught" not supervising might be defensive and react in anger. Both are normal responses. All too often we want to get rid of the negative emotions when in the course of life they are to be expected.

I would not say anything if I was aware that the parent was aware unless the situation were abusive, meaning the likelihood of injury was great. And if I had missed the action, I am glad when someone tells me of my grandchildren's misdeeds. I cannot control them all of the time. They are learning about life and what is acceptable. It takes a village to raise a child.

L., the problem is that there are parents out there who are too permissive, overwhelmed, or just plain lazy. None of them like being called out on a parenting fail. This is just human nature. It doesn't mean you are wrong.

I expect adults to correct any childs misbehavior including my own children. I care about children in general and will correct another child with no hesitation. If the child doesn't listen to me, I will find their parent and tell them what's going on.

I think it all depends on the situation. Let's say I am outside watching my kid ride a bike and she has no helmet. Well, I don't think I would take to kindly to someone telling them to go get one on. (Mind you mine is still on a trike so she doesn't wear one yet, as we walk right beside her when she rides.)

If she was being rude and bullying, then yeah say something. I would appreciate not yelling and acting like a lunatic when you do though.

Yesterday we went for a walk and there was this little girl riding a bike. She was heading downhill right towards a cat, on purpose. I said, "Hey be careful not to hit the cat." She jerked her wheel and still ended up hitting the cat, because I didn't catch her in time, but barely clipped in as opposed to flat out running over it. So yeah, I felt pretty justified in saying something at that point.

The same thing with the kid who was "roaring" in my daughters face and wouldn't leave her alone. You bet I said something to him. Especially after she told him to stop, and tried to get away from him, and he just kept at her.

Hmmm... I was at a bouncy park recently where there was a desiganted are for under 5 years old. My nearly 2 year old was obsessed with the ball pit in the Sponge Bob bouncy (I know, so so gross, I tried not to think about it...). Anyway, he wanted to go back in the ball pit. He was in the bouncy with my sister as supervision and I was watching from outside, right next to the bouncy. Three boys who were about 7-9 years old were running up the ramp, over the top, and jumping into the ball pit. If my son went in, he was clearly going to be hurt. The parents were a few feet away under an awning. I waited for a few minutes, hoping that the parents would tell the boys to move on to the bigger kids' area. No such luck. After a few more minutes, I used the firm but friendly mom voice and said "OK boys, a few more jumps and then let's give the little one a turn! Thank you!" They did exactly that, no complaints, which tells me that they are likely good kids, the parents just were not watching. It's really a tough call- if the older boys had been mine, I would have had no problem with a mom of a little one saying something. But I have also had moms try to give my older (and admittedly tall) son the boot from play areas because they thought he was too old when he was not.
Long answer short...I am going to go with it is fact-specific, everyone is going to have their own comfort level with other kids or with other adults discipling/correcting/"parenting" their kid.

I would not be upset if someone had to correct my child, as long as it was done in an appropriate manner. I would be more embarrassed that I wasn't doing my job as a parent and someone else felt the need to. I am very old school (because I am old lol!!), manners, respect, and teaching children to do the right thing is very important to me. If I saw a child unattended messing up a shoe rack I would have said something too, sorry but I would feel sorry for the employee who would have to clean up the mess that an inconsiderate parent didn't take the time to make sure their child was doing the right thing. I see it all the time, the easy way out, as long as they are out of my hair they can do whatever they want. I would have equally concerned that the child was unattended, and I am sure I would have said something, maybe not right but we can't help who we are.

I would expect someone to correct my child in those situations.

The other day I was sitting on my deck trimming my dogs face. Our neighbor has a number of kids very close in age, the 4 older ones are outside unsupervised often on this particular day.....one of them took a hose and sprayed me with it. He is 6 years old. Out of sheer shock I screamed, and told him to stop spraying me. He did it again and I got up and yelled at him....his dad took the kids in the house and they haven't spoken to us since. It's really ok, before I started locking my patio door, I've found them in my house playing with baby toys and scavenging for food!

If it is a question of immediate physical danger - yes I say something. If a child were making a mess - then no, it is not my place to address this. If a child is bullying my son - then yes, I say something.

But there are a lot of questionable situations. I have seen mothers walk up to kids at the playground and tell them to share the toys. Sorry - if it's not your toy, it's not your business. I never forced my son to share his toys and I strongly object to another parent telling my son he needed to. I don't tell kids to stop climbing the slide unless there is clearly a kid trying to come down it. I do tell kids gently to move away from the bottom of the slide because the kid coming down will likely kick them in the head.

I would never correct a child or make them clean up a mess they had made in a store.

However, if I saw bullying, I would definitely step in, get the kids to knock that off & help the poor child who was being hurt.

If they made a mess in a store, it would not be my place to make them clean it up.

If a child was in danger like riding their scooter on a busy street or in front of an oncoming car, I would definitely help them by saying something.

So basically, I would help any child but would never think it was my place to "parent" or "correct" a child unless they were hurting my child.

I'm a teacher, so it is second-nature to me to parent other people's kids. I am not a blunt person, and I don't seek out confrontation, but I do not shy away from teachable moments.

I am ok with someone telling my child if she is doing something she isn't supposed to, especially if it puts her in harms way. As long as you are not being rude, cursing, yelling or touching my child (spanking, shoving, grabbing) I would embrace your help (since I would probably be close, but distracted by something important).

I would say something, I'm just that way. BUT I would take it to who has the responsibility to make someone do something. I would tell a manager, I would tell a member of the sales staff. I would make it their problem, since they have the authority over the items in the store they have every right to tell a child to stop doing something.

I occasionally have kids come in the store and while mom is paying or not paying attention to them they may get under the racks or start using them as a jungle gym. I will often say something like "Honey, that rack isn't sturdy enough for you to be climbing on it, I am sure mommy does not want to but the store a new rack today, can you come over here by your mommy?".

Problem solved. I actually have one rack that will pop out of place if it's climbed on. My grand kids have climbed on it lots of times when it is out of place and the whole top of it holds it together. It just makes my day when a child comes in and climbs on that one. When it pops out of place they get totally scared and never climb on one again the whole time they come to gym or dance classes. They learn what can happen if the don't mind.

If mom does not make them get off I tell her that the rack is not very sturdy and she needs to move them. I had one mom who actually told me they'd be okay. I called the owner out of his gym class to make the kids move off. He did so in a nice way. The mom did not come back but dad or grandma brings the kids each class time.

I think reminding a child of basic common sense or common courtesies is not parenting, it's just the decent thing to do. Like I said before, if you are not in the vicinity, and your kid is acting crazy, I will have no issues saying something to them. Just don't get mad at me because you weren't there, get mad at yourself & your kid who couldn't handle the freedom.

Parents who parent other people's kids are very annoying to me. Only because it often doesn't need to be done, and they seem to get off on it. The circumstances in which I have ever come upon a child in such a dire circumstance that I needed to interfere and step in for their parent are so rare that....actually it's never happened. However, I have a friend who's telling kids what to do left and right it seems. She's always "finding" kids who need her reprimands. I see moms at the park barking at everyone else's kids, and it's like, huh? I take the more "stand back and let it be, let the kids handle it, unless it's dire" for short trips to parks etc. I don't get all the hovering an policing personally. Obviously if something dangerous was happening that's different.

No I would not think you are out of line at all. I would have said something and have. I broke my foot back in May. I was walking and this 7 or 8 year old was running around at graduation. He kept running into me and I almost fell. I finally said to the kid "you need to watch yourself. You keep running into me please stop". His mother turned around and told her son "I told you to stop". She apologized. I said I understood that he was excited but I was concerned about falling.

I do not see that as bullying.

Nope, I love it when other people parent my kids. It gives me a break. It really helps when there's a village.

Yes it is rude because in all cases you are questioning someone's parenting. Unless you want your parenting questioned you should allow others to parent as they wish.

I would never let my kids do the things you used as examples.

I guess I am coming from the I am tired of some parents feeling we should all parent as they do. I parent as I feel is best for my kids and I assure you if someone intervenes they will always get an earful from me.

Leave me to parent and I will leave you alone, ya know?

I have seen kids do things that I consider dangerous, trust me if I think it is dangerous it is actually dangerous. I find the parent and nicely say, I saw a child doing just that and they fell out that little space right there >>. I didn't think kids were small enough blah blah blah but here they were with a trip to the hospital. Most of the time they looked at what I was talking about and talked to their kids.

No one should talk directly to other people's kids. In my opinion that is more of bullying than most of the examples I have ever read here.

Krista I am very sorry you misread but I said closer to bullying than most of the examples I read here, I did not say it was bullying. I just do not consider 3/4 of what people call bulling here, bullying.

It depends on the situation. If I am not there, whoever I have left in charge has total authority to discipline for their rules. But I have a friend who yells at my and other people's children in front of us for things that are really judgment calls or non-emergent situations, and it irks me. In her shoes, I would be more likely to say to the other mother, "Johnny is doing xyz, are you ok with that?" and let the other mom handle it (or not). I have no problem with other mothers disciplining my child when safety (my child's or someone else's) is concerned. But it annoys me when this mom in particular speaks sharply to my child for manners-related things that maybe I don't see but would correct if she just brought it to my attention. This friend has girls and she's not used to the rambunctiousness of boys, and she's constantly yelling at her friends' sons to calm down or be quiet. That sort of thing.

In the examples you give, I wouldn't mind if you said anything to my kid except for the very last one if I were there. I wouldn't tell a child to clean up his/her mess if the parent was already there, and I'd be irritated if someone told my kid to be sure to clean up after himself in front of me.

I think it really depends on the situation and whether I am there. That is not to say they can't speak up if I am there but if I am already handling it (or not) and it's a preference/judgement thing then no they shouldn't. If it's a safety thing or even just obvious, I would expect them to speak up. If they wait until they have told me (if I don't see it myself) then the delay could mean injury (to mine or another child). I also don't expect them to be nasty to my child...firm, direct, and loud if necessary but never mean or nasty (momma bear comes out then).

My ex-sister in law (she divorced my bil) was known to be overly critical of my son when he was young (she wanted but couldn't have kids so she didn't like me or my son). On more than one occassion she would "correct" him even when he wasn't doing anything wrong...needless to say, we butted heads all the time. One time, there was a big family gathering and I knew there would be some smaller kids there...I told my son (who was only like 4 or 5) to put away any toys he was not willing to share (you know, that special power ranger) and anything too small for the little ones. Needless to say, he missed a few little toys so when the little ones grabbed them, he snatched them up, handed another toy to the boy and went to put them away. SIL yelled "Mikey, you have to share!" but she was really nasty in her tone. I was only in the adjoining/open entrance room with my back turned so I heard it clearly and only had to turn around to see. Asked my son what happened and he showed me his hand with the small toy and said he didn't want the baby to choke but gave him the power ranger. I told SIL to not holler at my son for doing both the right thing and listening to me. She told me that he needed to share and I informed her that the little toy was not appropriate for a little one and he just missed picking it up earlier and he was clearly sharing since he gave up his favorite toy to the boy. I further stated that I was right there and would handle correcting my son IF/WHEN he did something wrong.

I work at my kid's elementary school as a lunch/recess supervisor. It's a part of my job to correct children's behavior. There are strict codes of conduct that we have to follow (we cannot touch a child or yell at them). We discuss the behavior and talk about making appropriate choices. We give time outs (2 minutes on the bench or until you apologize). We very rarely write kids up because it's recess and we're a little more relaxed, especially with a snotty/bratty attitude.

It really depends on the situation.

In the store situation, I wouldn't have said a word to the kid. I would have turned to my kids and said, "If you ever did something like that, I'd make you clean it up." or I would have notified the staff. I was at a wedding last April and saw an 8 yr old boy playing with a lit candle. I went over to him and asked him where his parents were. He wouldn't tell me. I told him to stop playing with the candle because it was dangerous. He stopped. After I left, his mom came over and asked why I spoke to him and he wouldn't answer. Two of my daughters told her he was playing with the candle. She nodded and walked away.

I didn't require my child to wear a helmet, and I allowed her to ride in the street, so you telling her to put on a helmet or get out of the street would be out of line.
Your idea of rude might not be the same as mine, and if you reprimanded her for things I allowed her to say, I would not be a happy camper.
She wasn't allwoed to wander off alone in stores, so if she was making a mess, I would be right there to make her clean it up.
If she was bullying another child, however, I would have no problem with you or anyone else putting a smackdown on her.

Its touchy. I only hate it when my SIL does it because she is a helicopter parent to the 10th degree. I also don't sense that she loves my child or has her interest at heart. I don't mind when just about anyone else corrects my child. I correct other's if I see them hitting or doing injustices to other children. I stay out of it if its something the parent has chosen to ignore, because then its really a criticism of their parenting. Its a delicate situation and I take it case by case. I probably would not think you were out of line if what you were doing was in the spirit of genuine concern for my child.

Dangerous situations, bullying -- yes, I will speak up because someone could get hurt. A 'messy' situation such as the shoe post yesterday? Uh, no. No, that won't be me. Sorry, I don't feel like that is any of my business. Just like I don't go in to my friends' houses and ask their kids to clean up their bedrooms. I mean, really!

I do do it if need be but I hate doing it. My neighbours have 2 kids about 6 and 8 and they NEVER accompany the kids outside. I have a 2 1/2 yr old and they always want to play with her which is not cool to begin with but when they always end up on my lawn I have to either 'parent' them especially since they are essentially using my child like a doll or tell them they have to go play at home or at least somewhere else. Im always having to do this with the neighbours and it sucks. If Im out in public and its a stranger I am more inclined to find the parent and have a talk with them but if a child is in immediate danger of course I would step in and fix the problem

Boy, that's a tuffy. Every situation is going to be very different, and very subjective in how it should be handled. I did not see the original article, but if the disobedience is happening in your own home, then one should have every right to correct the situation. But, if it's out in the streets, store, or public area and a kid I don't know, I'd either approach the parent, store clerk, or authority figure.
It’s important to know what the parents would do. If you are trying to enforce an action that the parent would not, chances are it will not turn out well. If it’s something serious, like not wearing a helmet (which I also think is illegal to a certain age) while bike riding on a busy street and in danger, I might would call authorities if I the parents took offense to being approached. I bet a ticket or word from an officer would take care of that real quick. And, although uncomfortable, I'd rather deal with mad parents than have the kid sustain an injury that could have been prevented. Kids deserve to be safe and they need proper guidance on how to be safe. They are not born with the knowledge that they could fall off their bike, hit their head really hard and be seriously injured or even die. They have to be taught.
I know in my own home when the neighbor kids come to play, I make them stay to help clean the mess they’ve made, and I expect my children to do the same at the other kids house too. Me and the other parents are on the same page and reprimand each others kids when they misbehave at the others house. Then we inform one another, if it’s serious.
My next door neighbor’s kid hit my son on the head with a rock. This was no accident. He held it in his hand while he walloped my son on the head with it. You think I sat idly by? Heck NO! I scolded him firmly telling him we do not hit at my house and marched his little butt right on back home for his real punishment. Also grounded him from coming over for a week. I want my kids safe too.
I had to actually put this kid in a time out when I was watching him at my house one time too. Can't remember why now, but I told his parents straight away; I don't hide anything. They were actually surprised he stayed in time out for me and didn't mind at all. I have to add he is a bit of a trouble maker and always conspiring to do something wrong seems like. I have a friend that won't even watch him; she can't stand him. He’s very honoree and cusses like a truck driver, when he thinks he can get away with it. AND here's the shocker - this boy is only 5.
You may think, "Oh, this boy has terrible parents, but that's not the case. The parents are not lenient and do not encourage or approve of his behavior, but there's not much they can do about it if I don't tell them things that he's done (or conspiring to do as the case may be). They have admitted to me they think he is quite the challenge and pushes his Mom over the top. He's at my house quite a bit, so I feel if we're all on the same page and trying to stay consistent, no matter where he is, then everyone benefits, including the kid.

I would NOT think you are out of line. Go for it because parents cannot be around all the time and they need to learn to obey authority. If a person is out of line then the parents need to talk to the person to see what went on and if they really were out of line.

N.