Was I Out of Line? - Keller,TX

Any Mom worth her salt would have gone in to defend her child! I totally agree with April C ... most of us wouldn't have shown as much restraint as you! :) There's a saying; "It takes a village to raise a child" to which I'd add - all the more so if the parents aren't!! Bullies need to have people to stand up to them, so well done! As you can see "good" Mamas all agree you were absolutely not out of line! :)

If someone had said this to my kid, I would have said THANK YOU!!...

And you were right to say something to that kid, what a brat! I would have told the parents that if they had been doing THEIR job as parents, you wouldn't have had to say anything in the first place.

You were right :)

It seems to me that the reason the girl pushed and continued to do so even after an adult asked her not to is that she is quite used to pushing and getting her way. It's also my guess that she is used to having parents who don't pay attention and who don't correct her even if they see improper behavior. Unfortunately, that little girl will be pushing and shoving until someone bigger than her pushes and shoves back. Then, look out! Her parents will be all over the other kid. How dare they!

I don't think you were out of line. I think they were. You gave your child a chance to fight her own battle. Then you witnessed the child's behavior toward your child and stood up for her. If you shoved the other kid, that would have been out of line.

If you had wanted to go one further, you might have taken an employee aside and said, "Just so you know, that guy's kid is causing problems and when I tried to intervene and just asked the kid to stop shoving people he and his wife got on my case and that is why I am leaving."

i think you handled it very nicely.
you weren't mama-bear, you were pro-active yet courteous. and your daughter saw you both stick up for her, and not be the 'mama-bear' jerk that so many young mothers seem to think is appropriate these days.
good for you.
khairete
S.

Not off base at all, and here's my shared example.

We were at an indoor park at a large mall this weekend. This little girl (maybe 4) kept hitting all the children, including mine, with her plastic purse. Not just taps, either...really beating on all the other kids.

Finally, I walked up to her, got down on her level, and said, "I don't know where your mother is, but I do NOT want to see you hit even ONE more child AGAIN. Two of these children you are hitting are mine. That is NAUGHTY. If I see it again, I WILL find your mother." Then I stood up and went back to sit down on the bench. She went to a corner of the park and cried, and no I didn't feel bad because she was being VIOLENT and NAUGHTY.

You have had some wonderful answers and I, too, think you handled the whole situation quite well. In addition to some of the other comments, I would have just added that "strangers (even other children) are not allowed to touch my child." What happened to teaching keep your hands to yourself?

You were most definitely not out of line. Next time I would cut the person off and say "look I asked your child to not push mine. If that upset her imagine how I felt watching her push my child in the face." and end the discussion and turn away. Was the man the dad? If not, I would have turned to him and said "and this concerns you how?"

You did the right thing.

Dawn B brought up something I think is a KEY point here: they saw you talk to her. If I saw an adult talk to my child, I'd watch until they were no longer together, which means they should have seen her not answer the adult correctly and then push your child. Again.
I have never understood this type of parenting that lets kids do "whatever" with no guidance, but then gets bent out of shape if someone politely makes a comment.
You were NOT a mommy bear at all, actually. You DID show great restraint; more than I may have done. You did well to go stand with her in line. If I didn't think my son could handle the situation, I would actually position myself between my child and the one doing the shoving, because no 8 year old is going to successfully move my big butt out of the way. I WOULD have said "Excuse me, did you realize you just pushed her? Everyone needs to wait in line and take turns". And if it happened again, yep, now she's standing next to me, not my child.
I've told this story before, but once an 8 year old pushed several smaller children down before coming to my 4 year old. He shoved my son's arm and Joseph answered with "Hey!" Then the child walked over towards my 1 year old! I jumped up and started moving towards the opening of the little thing they were in, watching the whole time as I was moving, and my 4 year old stepped in front of my 1 yr old and said "Don't push my baby brother" and the older child tried to step around him to go for the little guy again. Joseph stepped in front of him again and said "Don't push my baby brother!" Now an employee is saying "No hitting! Guys! No hitting!" and I'm watching with interest and the big boy tries to hit my son several times. He blocked every hit and frustrated the boy, who walked away. The employee pulled him out and he went to his father.......who was the man watching the whole thing silently RIGHT NEXT TO ME! Both my husband and I would have crawled in there and pulled my son out if he was the antagonizer, but this man watched him push children down on their butts, TRY to push my 1 year old down, and then swing at my 4 year old several times! The only thing he looked annoyed about was that he didn't land a punch. I turned and faced him directly and stared at him waiting for him to say something, but he didn't. I thought about it later and wondered if something might have been "wrong" with the older boy that we can't see, but even so----I have a nephew with asberger's and a cousin with autism, but they are verbally corrected when they do something wrong.

Everyone always says they long for the days when we were a community and looked out for each other. I hear people talking about "when I was a kid, if I acted up, Mrs. Mcmurray had no problem woopin my butt and when i got home, my mom already knew what I did and I got another woopin. BUt now, you correct a child that is actively shoving your child and it turns into an altercation. I understand your issue. I think you were plenty patient and did the right thing.

You were NOT out of line and should do it a million times again! GO MAMA!!

I would have done the EXACT same thing - however, being the mama-bear I am? I would've taken the child to their parents and told them they need to teach their child manners. PERIOD.

One time? Okay - it could excitement...2nd time? Just rude? 3rd time? Lack of manners and teaching.

If the man had told me not to parent another child other than mine? I would have said - GREAT! I won't. Maybe you should step up and be the parent then. You have a rude child on your hands.

I would have turned away and walked away after that. They wouldn't be worth any more of my time. They see their child as a perfect angel and there is no arguing with ignorance.

Nah, you didn't do anything wrong. The other girl was clearly not being parented. Obviously, her own parents weren't going to say something. Someone had to.

I will say...perhaps, it's time to teach your daughter to stand up for herself? (Not that you should not intercede, if she needs it!) I don't meant arguing, or anything. Just "Please stop shoving me, it's my turn to look at the goats." And so on.

I think you handled it perfectly.

You were not out of line. After he told you not to parent other kids i would have said well than you should watch her so other parents dont have to, then walked away.
People are so annoying!

Oh my gosh!! Im so sorry you had to go through that! Its clear where the kid gets bullying from. I think you did great! I will not let anyone lay a hand on my kid. You werent parenting the other kid, you were protecting yours and others.

Again, sorry you had to go through that!!

Well the man kind of answered this question already.
He said that you "shouldn’t be parenting other people’s kids" and he's right--HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN "parenting his own kid"!

And he wasn't, so you did.

I would have done the same exact thing that you did.

And all is right with the world....lol

You showed quite a bit of restraint in my opinion. Shoving or any physical response by another child is not acceptable. You acted properly in a public setting such as that. It's unfortunate the parents of that little girl were able to procreate, now the rest of society has to take up the slack for their lack of parenting.

I would have done the same thing.
If someone jumps down my throat about parenting other peoples kids, I might have said "I wish I didn't have to but this other kids parent dropped the ball and I'm not just going to stand there and watch them push my kid around.".

You had every right to say what you did, and that kid's parents are idiots. I would have said exactly what @Hulagirl said - maybe if you watched your own kid, other parents wouldn't have to. Some people are just stupid, and shouldn't be able to breed in the first place.

You handled it better than I would! You were right...

I would have done the same thing you did!!!!!!!!! It their parent is not going to watch them and pay attention to what they are doing and I am that is their problem. That is why a lot of times when my youngest is around a lot of kids I like to be there that way if something is said I can say did you see it? Cause I sure did so if you don't know what happend shut your trap!!!!!!!!!!! :O)

Ha, I would have done the same thing, But I would have said, "I agree!
I would think her parents would have intervened, but after the 2 times I assumed her parents weren't around since she pushed my child a 3rd time, even after I asked her to stop."

And then just smiled real sweetly..

I would have done the same thing.

Dunno if you were out of line, but I'd've done the same thing. And furthermore, if my child came up to me whining that some mean lady wouldn't let her see the goats, I would be suspicious of the story.

But really, I'd be WATCHING my kid, so I wouldn't really have to take her word for it, would I.

Shake it off. Takes all kinds to make the world go'round, huh?

:)

I don't know if you were out of line, but I know I would have done the same thing. I am not parenting someone else's child, I am protecting and defending my own and her right to look at the damn goat.

If I don't want other people to "parent" my kid, then I guess I should be doing it, which means I need to be with her, actively involved and correcting her as necessary. If I am not with her, then by default I have given the job to another, more watchful parent.

You were totally NOT out of line. You don't just leave, you stick up for your kid. And if the parents were doing THEIR job then you wouldn't have had to!

I would have done the same as you. grrrrr :-)

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You did the right thing. If there is the potential for injury, which there is with pushing, if the parents aren't going to say something, I would.

And my son was recently evaluated as being on the high end of the spectrum - when he pushes someone - which is usually when he's having fun running and playing and thinks he's playing tag but gets carried away, I STOP HIM and CORRECT HIM.

You did the right thing. How aggravating. Her parents were obviously not paying any attention and just assumed that their "angel" didn't do anything wrong. Or they did observe and just didn't care or see anything wrong. For them to automatically jump down on you, shows thier level of parenting. Non existent.

BTW, maybe the kid had autism or something but by considering the parents' reaction, that might not be the case. Sounds to me like it was just a kid with very poor behavior and no parental guidance. It's really hard to tell who legitimately have these disorders and who are just bad, disrespectful kids. Very fine line.

In this case I TOTALLY would have said something, and I'm not at all surprised what type of parents she had. While they might not be teaching their daughter how to behave, you are modeling to your daughter how to speak up, so even though they were jerks you did the right thing. Holy cow if my husband was there and the guy said that to me after his kid was pushing our kid, my husband would have punched his lights out! So I commend you guys for being refined, we would have ended up in "trouble". Hind sight is always 20/20, but I guess another way would be to approach the parents directly and firmly tell them if they didn't tell their daughter to knock it off you were going to have to. But they were jerks. Everything would have backfired.

Usually I would support retribution or speaking up to the girl by your DAUGHTER at 8, but pushing back would not have been good in this case, and the girl obviously would have just pushed her worse or something. Your daughter was doing great. You handled it the best way possible imo.

And we wonder where bulies come from......People like this who con't pay attention to there kids who of course could NEVER do anything wrong. I think you know I think the parents were WAY out of line!

It's awesome to see someone stand up to bad parents! I had a couple of similar incidents w/just myself & the parents...OOOH how they jumped down my throat when I said something! I wasn't even being rude or impolite at all, they just didn't like being reminded that their kids are being bad I think. I really miss the good ol' days when ANY adult, even strangers, were allowed to say something to us kids (when we were kids). It seemed quite normal that any adult could get onto us & it was perfectly fine to do so. The parents then punished a second time for getting in trouble in the first place. If we misbehaved at school, the school could take care of it, they called home, told on us & we got in trouble again when we got home! We didn't do it again, I can guarantee & honestly, there really was VERY little misbehaving at school or in public when we were growing up....Nowadays, that's ALL you see & if I (or anyone) says anything to a misbehaving child if the parents are not around, we get yelled at??? For trying to be a good 'neighbor' & help out???...very sad! As a retail employee, I couldn't even say anything that got the point across. I used to work at a store on the grocery side (I'm guessing y'all know which store I'm referring to) & there was a banana rope (we hung bananas on it) on the cereal isle & a bratty kid (I'm sure there've been others, I just happen to catch this one) took the rope & flung it into the cereal boxes & knocked a ton of cereal off the shelf, the shelf I had JUST stocked! I got onto him, he ran off & I followed him, told his parents & they just LOOKED at me, never apologized, never made the kid go pick up the boxes, nothing! I told the parents that he should be made to pick up those boxes & they just ignored me! Never made the kid apologize or anything! I was SO mad, I was not only mad at having to pick up all those boxes & restock them but extremely disappointed that the parents didn't take responsibility or make their kid take responsibility. I just wanna yell at those bad parents & say "WHAT'S WRONG w/you??!!" Those parents should've THANKED you, not yelled at you! I wonder how that kid would've liked it if they got shoved back!

You were not out of line at all. You did the right thing. You were courteous about it and not at all rude. If you had been rude to her or her parents and had told your daughter to shove back, I would have had a problem with how you handled things. You didn't allow the situation to escalate yet you stood your ground.

I admire how you handled it. Good job.

Not off base at all. It's not against the law to talk to other kids. Sometimes you just have to if the parent isn't around.

If the parents aren't going to pay attention to what their kids are doing, SOMEONE needs to!
I would've done the same thing!

I find myself "parenting" other kids often... even when I am walking my kids to school. If I see something another child is doing that can cause harm to themself or to others I say something. My veiw is I'm the one seeing it & I'm the one that might be able to stop the harm... so I will say something. I have gotten looks before, but no one has said anything to me. If her partents would have been there maybe they could have stopped it, but they were not & you were only trying to stop your child (and others) from being harmed - good for you!

Good for you. I am very laid back but I believe in standing up too. I'm glad you didn't leave, you showed your daughter to keep trying and to not back down. Those other parent's were out of line. They should have told there kid it's not nice to push.

The pusher probably had autism or somethin, and her family may not have wanted to go into all that.
I would have stood there with my child from that point on till she saw the goat and protected her from the other kids. May have said something under my breath to the pusher but wouldnt have let it become a drama moment by any means... not with so many others there, especially little kids.

You did just rights. When the man said that about not parenting other peoples kids I would have said "well, if her parents were doing it i would not have to". I hate when people don't pay attention to what their kids are doing and have the attitude that their kid can do no wrong.

I've corrected kids at the park, at the sand box at the zoo, and anywhere else that they were hurting my son or others and parents weren't stepping in. I usually encourage my son to use his words and try to work things out on his own. If the child persists with the behavior I step in and ask them to stop. I have never had a parent confront me about it....probably because they weren't watching at all!

My family went to a faire once and had a similar situation. My 7 yo was waiting patiently to pet a horse and everytime a spot opened up someone would cut in front of her. (Even adults if you can believe it) Finally, a spot opened up and we started to move up and someone came from behind and took it. I kinda raised my voice and said, "excuse me, we've been waiting my daughter would like to see the horse too". The girl turns and said she was sorry she was just getting her sibling so they could go. Her parents just looked at me. I was tired of it though! It wasn't just directed at her that's why I raised my voice is so everyone could hear me. I don't think you were wrong at all.

I am so sick of rude kids and their rude parents! You did the right thing... but sadly I think none of them learned any sort of lesson.
You will just be that bitchy lady and they will continue to be horrid people and raise a horrid child. So sad...

I don't feel that you were out of line to say to the girl, "Do not push my daughter." You wouldn't need to parent her if her own parent was supervising. Clearly the big sister/aunt/babysitter didn't realize that this girl still needs supervision. You wouldn't need to parent someone else's kid if their parent was around. Funny how if their unsupervised kid was doing something dangerous and you stopped them, the parents would probably thank you. I don't find it inappropriate to stop another child from hurting your kid (I realize she was not pushing hard enough to hurt but still, she had her hands on your child). This is a time when I believe it is okay to intervene when there is not a parent around. Your child does not need to have another child get physical with them just because there isn't a parent bothering to watch them. My kids are 12 and 16 now, but once when my daughter was about 3 and playing in the playground, a little boy around the same age pushed her and I told him firmly, "You may not push my daughter." If my child is getting hurt, I feel that I have some say.