Should I Report It to the School Staff?

I think you did the right thing. According to my son there is one boy on the playground who is consistently harassing other kids. He is aggressive. He is mean. He teases constantly. He follows kids around and says mean things to them and won't stop when they ask him. He will refuse to follow the rules of a game. He is good at only doing these things when no adult can hear him so no one ever stops him. My son said they tried including him but it doesn't work. He's rude and persistent (especially to one other boy) and he ruins their enjoyment of recess every day. They cannot get away. No adult will do anything about it. They tell him to stop but he ignores everyone and just continues. It sounds pretty annoying to me. I think if an adult sees a child being mean the right thing to do is to say something to them. Not to ignore it. It takes a village.

I'll be in the minority and say that you handled it well. As far as disciplining another person's child - it takes a village. If my children came home and told me a stranger yelled at them, my immediate response would be - what did you do? I would also tell the teacher what you saw so they can keep an eye on the kid. Clearly he's learning some poor behavior at home. It's not fair to him to expect him to change it if no one tells him it's not ok.

You saw a situation that was escalating right there in front of you, at that second. There was no adult that you could see (and there absolutely should have been if it was still within school hours). You did what you did in that moment to cut short behavior that was not just toward one child -- this boy had already intentionally shoved three kids, one after another, and I would have figured he was not going to stop. What you describe sounds very clearly like he was going from kid to kid seeking a reaction and was going to continue until he got one. I think you did right. And now you need to let the school know what happened, what you did, and that there was no staff member near enough to see or hear it although the bell had not yet rung. This boy may already be on their radar and they might appreciate your telling them about this incident; our school would certainly have wanted to know about this even though no teacher witnessed it. I think you are right to wonder if he is learning this behavior at home. The "act like a man" stuff sounds like a kid parroting what someone in his life is saying to him..

I would want a parent to intervene if a child were doing what you describe and no staffer was present. I'm amazed when people don't speak to a child that's not their own when that child is laying hands on others right there in front of them.

I would note that you were checked in and were wearing the appropriate sticker identifying you as a person who was known to be on school property. You added that "there was not (an) aide or teacher around" so it's not like you failed to inform the offiicial adult--there wasn't one present. The kids got quiet not because they were scared of YOU but because kids do that -- if they see an adult stop and call out a child for misbehavior they don't exactly run to that adult cheering or hugging; they too get quiet. They were waiting to see what the boy would do once you stopped him. It is very telling that you add "the girls came to talk to me" after you did this. That's not the behavior of kids who are scared of you.

I'd tell the counselor rather than a teacher, unless you know the boy's teacher yourself. The counselor's office will deal with letting the teacher know. Do it today; don't wait. Do emphasize that your judgment in that moment was that things were escalating and this was about hands, not just words.

First you are wrong to assume that this boy is being raised by someone who thinks shoving and being disrespectful is ok. 8/9 yr old boys can be a handful and test their limits a lot. His parents are probably fine people; he's just testing things out. Or he may have older siblings who treat him badly.

If you can point out the boy to the staff then yes say something. It sounds like they need more eyes on the kids at recess.

If they were in the recess area of school, why wasn't a teacher (or two) watching what was going on?
I think you did right and I would mention it to the school and they should do a better job of monitoring the recess area.
I wouldn't want my kid pushed around - and as it is, my kid would give that boy 3 chances to quit it before taking him down - my kid doesn't have to be anyone s punching bag.

You did the right thing and should report it to the school. The kids shouldn't be out there unsupervised anyway, so the school needs to know for two reasons. First, they need to deal with this boy and his behavior. Second, they need to figure out where the teacher or monitor who was supposed to be out there supervising the children was and if they don't have enough adults out there, they need to know so that they can schedule more supervision. While I can certainly understand that not every push or shove will be caught, for him to start up with 3 different kids and have no one from the school see it is outrageous. Good for you for stepping in!

Yes, you should report it. Let the school know what you did and why. The kid is very likely a troublemaker. It won't be anything that they don't know.

I saw two kids at a waterpark who were seeking out and bullying this brother and sister - right there in front of me. So I said, do you know these boys, they said no. So I said - hey, go away NOW or I am calling the lifeguard. They didn't. So I called the lifeguard over and he shooed them away. Two nasty kids with no parental supervison - they needed intervention.

I would report to the school principal that you arrived at the school to find that the kids were unsupervised during recess. I see that as a bigger problem than the kid's behavior.

Absolutely report it to the school. This boy is a bully and they are typically great at hiding that behavior from those who can stop it. The school needs to know about it.

You were disciplining a child who was not yours during school hours?
Really?
Someone was misbehaving and it was you.This is something to bring to the teacher or playground monitor's attention. Yes, the boy was out of line, but you must remember that it is the teacher's job to guide the children. Not yours.

Parents at our school have to go through a background check to volunteer at any on-school-property task and in any capacity working with students. Even then, it is their job to bring issues to the teacher's attention -- not start yelling at the kids. Letting the teacher know *would have been* reporting it to the school, in the moment, when something can be done about it. Teachers and admin can't do a damn thing based on hearsay. You squandered an opportunity to have this addressed correctly because you decided he was a bully and went over to take care of it yourself. Not a good move.

Next time, go talk to the staff.

As a former school employee I would have been appalled that a parent just showed up and was hanging around on the playground! Our school had rules about adults on campus (including parents, they had to at least sign in) and we had teachers on duty at every recess and carpool to monitor students. Where were the yard duty teachers? Why did you not go straight to them?

I think anytime you intervene like this, you need to let the school know. I'm not sure I'd have lectured the kid - just maybe get in between him and the kids he is shoving and say "Stop the shoving." The lecture sort of empowers him to be defiant. I don't think you should have left him shoving kids though.

That said, the other red flags for me is that there was no supervision and no one noticed that a strange adult (you) had access to the playground. I'd point that out to the office as well. You say the kids seemed afraid - maybe that's why - there's a stranger on the playground.

Don't make assumptions about how this kid was raised. You have no idea where this behavior comes from but it's not necessarily from someone shoving people at home. When you report to the school, you report only the facts that you observed, no value judgments.

The best thing to do would have been to get the names of the kids being shoved and the name of the bully, with as little input from you as possible, and then report that there was an incident and you stepped in only enough to stop it. Leave the rest to the school.

I think they were trying, somewhat unsuccessfully, to ignore him. I would ask my child to report it if it happened to him or if I saw it again, tell the school or have told the kids to talk to a teacher. I don't think you were wrong to step in. Do you know the girls? What else did they tell you? If this was a one-off, I wouldn't say anything. If they told you it happens all the time, then I would. Unfortunately many schools are understaffed for times like lunch and recess so it is entirely probable that they were not closely supervised. However, if you were sitting on the ground, were you inside or outside the fence? Is there a fence? If there is no fence and there was no one there to notice what they were doing, that I would mention to the school.

I think if I had been in your situation and seen a child being rough with others ... I probably would have gone over and said something like "is everything ok here?" and just stepped in to let them know I was watching. That's how generally handle stuff like that - not sure I would have told the boy off verbally. I think I probably would have looked around for someone from the school and told them (but sounds like there wasn't anyone). That's the problem in my eyes too.

If it was bad and kids were actually being hurt, I would have intervened more obviously.

I generally let kids sort things out for themselves whenever possible unless they are in distress - when they look panicked or frightened, etc. I try to give them the opportunity first. But my son was bothered by a boy for an entire year at school when he was young. It was just like this - shoves, pushes, the odd mean comment. No one did anything. He didn't even tell me because it was just here and there, and to all the kids - not just him. He didn't think of it as bullying. More just that this kid had a problem. The next year, the child was removed from the school.

Either way, you're right. It shouldn't be tolerated at school. More eyes on the playground.

I think the kids handled it correctly, and you handled it wrong. The boy was obviously looking to get a rise out of someone and kept moving on when that didn't happen. But then you came along and gave him exactly what he wanted - a rise and attention. I suggest in the future you stay off the playground.

I just read your SWH - this is NOT bullying. Please get a clear understanding of what bullying is - pushing a kid and then moving on to push another is not bullying. It's not nice, but it's not bullying.

I am actually shocked that the school would allow you anywhere near the kids. If I were the parent of any of those kids I would be furious that they would allow a creepy woman to get that close to the children, parent or not. I have to practically give a blood sample to go to the office of my kids school, you just walked up and lectured some kid not knowing anything, then sat down and talked to the girls and no one said a thing to you?

If those kids were being "abused" they would have ran to the playground monitor, who clearly sucks at their job. They were fine, they were playing, your behavior was out of line.

If, if, I was concerned with a child's observed behavior I would have walked over to the playground monitors and pointed out there is some questionable behavior going on over there. It was not your place to do anything other than point out the problem you thought you saw to whoever was in charge at that moment.

You scared all those kids, don't be surprised if the playground rules change because of your behavior, not that kid.

Perhaps you don't get it, I just read your what happened, those kids were all scared of you, that is why they got quiet. They weren't sure who you were attacking or going to attack because they were all playing. You are a grown woman who should know better, they are children.

You did exactly right. Those poor kids are probably unsupervised every day and they are used to this little tyrant. They didn't know what to make of it because no one has ever stood up to the kid in this circle until you did.

It doesn't matter to me what you assume about his family, quite frankly. It has no bearing on what you said to him. You saw his behavior and called him out.

If I were you, I would go talk to the teacher at this point so that she knows what happened.

this is classic bullying, so yep, report it, they will keep a closer eye on him cause bullying is a huge thing in schools now

You handled it well. Yes, report it to the school. If there was no adult supervision and a child was being rough with others, there is nothing wrong with a parent TALKING to them and telling them to stop in a firm voice. Screaming, not. But appropriate direction of what he's doing wrong and what he needs to do is fine. I would expect someone to firmly tell my child to behave if he's doing something obviously wrong. I won't tolerate someone screaming at my child, but a firm "you need to stop X because Y" is fine.

Yeah, you needed to find a school employee. The school needs to be told because when the kids go home and tell their parents that a stranger reprimanded them on the playground, there are going to be a lot of pissed off parents. Not cool.

A.,

Really? You make an assumption about a child - not knowing ANYTHING about him or his family?? So when and if we see your child misbehaving, we too can assume that he is learning it from home??

The other kids could have been TRYING to turn the other cheek and ignore him. I'm surprised you didn't pull your cell phone out and record it. If you feel the need to report it to the school? Do you have his name? Why didn't you handle it with the school right then and there??

What would I do? i would have addressed the child as you did - and ask one of the children to get a teacher so we can address the issue.

Yes, you should step in and say something when kids are pushing other kids.

Next time, keep your statements more simple. Don't tell him to act like a man, tell him, "Please stop pushing people." You should be very specific when talking to kids.

If you think this is common behavior, then yes, tell the teacher.

I would have wanted to do what you did, but I see a few issues here.

Was there no one watching the kids at recess really? No teacher handling another situation?

Why were you allowed so close to the kids if you weren't signed in? Or why if you were signed in were you on the playground with no other teachers?

There was a bully kid in my son's class last year and they were told to ignore him and report his behavior when he wasn't aware that's what they were doing. So while I would NEVER be okay with another child putting their hands on mine, maybe these kids were following instructions to ignore him and report later?

I can see both sides here of why what you did was right and wrong. I would say for the future grab an adult who should be watching them - and honestly, that would be my biggest complaint to the school.