Play Date + SIL = Drama?

She's saying things like that online to make herself look good and show that SHE has made the effort. It's basically to cover up her own behavior. Trust me, I had a toxic aunt making similar types of comments on FB that were just not sincere. She would post about how concerned she was about her mother yet hadn't called her in months or actually visited her in the same state in years. It was all for show. Bet you that's what is going on here, too.

It sounds like she has a crush on your DH, to be honest. That's the only reason I could think of that she would purposely not speak to you. It's disrespectful & unnecessary. Your DH needs to man up & put her in her place. "Hey, I'm not sure, my wife is in charge of the kid stuff, you'll need to talk to her, she loves doing playdates."

I would tell him that you notice that he squirms and would he like to change that or is he comfortable squirming?

Until and unless she makes a direct request, I would avoid making any plans. My DD had play dates/saw her cousins and our friends' kids long before either was 1 yr old. They just rolled around together. Kids are pretty resilient.

At very young ages, it is typical that the parents chat a bit during the play time. Unless it is a playground where everyone is running around after their kid and you don't really stay still long enough to talk.

I would talk to DH, though. Right now it's just you that deals with SIL's behavior toward you, but your kid will pick up on it soon enough. Maybe you'll never get SIL to talk to you, but her rude behavior needs a response when it affects your kid (why doesn't aunt talk to me when I'm standing near you?).

I would start coordinating a play date and develop deep friendships with the women involved. Then I would tell them the situation and ask if it's okay to invite her. Then sit back and let her see you in action with your friends. She may differently about you then. She may be jealous too and might only come a time or two but she'd get the idea you are reaching out to her and might, might, decide to act normal around you. Or at least respectfully polite.

Perfect response, Kiki.

She wants your husband is jealous as hell. Mark my words.

Let your husband know, so he squirms and maybe it will make him uncomfortable enough that his brother's wife is coming on to him. LOL

Play Dates are for the kids...and a 1 year old doesn't NEED a play date. The moms CAN chat or as they get older, we drop them off at each other's homes.

I have a SIL similar to that, but worse....she actually calls me a B****. Whatever. She talks horribly about everyone, including my brother...but I'm the B****? LOL We warned him and she makes his life hell.

I see red flags all over here. Your husband needs to set some boundaries here. You are handling this very well, but as I read your post, I really think that she has the hots for your husband. I agree 100% with Jennifer P.'s response. Is his brother aware of her actions toward your husband? Has anyone else in the family noticed? If it's making your husband uncomfortable, I think it might be a good idea for both you and your husband to sit down and discuss this together, and then address this issue with your husband's brother. As far as a playdate goes, that's just her way of saying she wants to be closer to your husband. I don't believe that she's genuinely interested in the kids, but her own self interests = your husband.

I've read all this including your update, and I think you're right that one very important component of playdates is that you get to spend time with women that you have something very important in common with. I am an older mom of one child and met 3 other moms in the same phase of life through my daughter's day care when she was about 2. We called ourselves McMoms and at first would meet at McDonald's and let the kids play while we talked. Our kids are now 14 and no longer go to the same schools or live in the same neighborhood, but we're still very close and have a good strong bond among us, the kids come to each other's birthday parties and such. What it's given me is a circle of friends whose kids are exactly the same age, women I like and respect and would never have met otherwise. What it gives the kids is a group of friends they've known all their lives that they trust and like and who are not involved in all the middle school BS that they face at school. They truly love each other. Find or create a group like ours and you'll be blessed, as we are. Good luck!