Playdate Dilemma Did I Do the Right Thing?

If I didnt have other plans with the cousins I would have gone to the movies also with both kids. But what you did is just fine also. No worries mamma.

It's hard to make decisions like this when it comes to our children. However, kids do need to learn that their friends have other friends too, and sometimes parents only want just one friend over for their child. You could have allowed your daughter to go, and just told your son that just because he wasn't invited this time, doesn't mean that he's not their friend, it just means that this time, another friend gets the chance to be with that little boy.

Why would it bother your son? Does he invite that child to every event he can bring a friend?

What you described happened a lot with my older kids because so many of my son's class had little sisters in my daughter's class. They aren't a set you know. I asked my kids about this the last time I saw a question like this. Their response, that's stupid. Why would we care that we weren't invited this time?

Perhaps you should have talked to your kids about what they think instead of trying to protect them from having fun.

I see your point and don't know how I would have handled it. (To answer your question, I don't think that you were right or wrong.)

When I hear stories like this, I am reminded of my grandmother who ALWAYS, ALWAYS wants everybody to have the exact same treatment. Regarding the kids, she won't give a gift unless she has something for everybody. She doesnt' feel comfortable spending time with one and not another. She tries to push that onto others, as well, and it annoys the hell out of me. I once was given a freebie MLB cap that I knew that my little cousin would like. When I went to send it to him, my grandmother made sure to point out that my uncle has x number fo children and not just the one. I told her that when I have things for the others, then I'll make sure that they get them. We've got a great relationship, and I have told her often that I won't let her push off her issues onto me. I believe that this lesson can be learned on all age levels--everything is not for everybody (or every body) every time. Even with same-aged children, it's important that they experience separate friends and activities. Your call on how you want to teach them that, though.

That's a tough one. I might have done the same thing. Or I might have taken the son to do something else, or not. What you did is fine. Just so long as it never comes back on you that "she didn't get to go because he didn't get to" then you are golden. And the only way for that to come out is if YOU say that to someone. :)

It was probably an issue of transportation and cost. 4 kids (if one is old enough to sit in front) is max capacity for most non 3rd row vehicles. And movies/popcorn aren't cheap. It doesn't resolve your possible issue with it, but it makes it understandable why he wouldn't be invited to also join in. Each kid was allowed one guest, and they chose different families. Them's the breaks (as they say).
There isn't a wrong answer. No big deal.

After seeing your SWH, I would say you made the right call. An afternoon swimming with cousins is going to be far more memorable in the long run than a 90 minute movie for a 5 yr old, in my opinion. A day of swimming, when I was a kid, ALWAYS won out over any other options of what to do. Always. :)
And what it boils down to, isn't that your daughter had to turn down an invite because of her brother. It was that your family chose to spend time with extended family over another option. It wasn't "do or don't do". It was a choice between things. I think a choice for family is a good one. :)

And yes... down the road you will likely see the issue arise again with your kids, but you don't have to make the same choice every time. If there are no other plans, then it would be ok to let one go and the other stay home. But there were other plans in this case, so good call, Mom. ;)

so yeah you should have let sis go. is your son under the impression that he will be invited to everything by everybody? if so time to drop that myth right now. does he invite all of his friends each and every time you have a friend over? he is old enough to understand that you have different friends and sometimes you get to have 1 at a time. I would have let her go. and would not have made a big deal about doing something special with him. I would have said she was invited you will have stuff to do later. don't get caught up in trying to "keep up with the jones for each and every thing a kid gets to do" it is so not worth it.

Ugh. I see your point.
Depending on how well I knew the host parents, I might have said "Hey is it OK if Johnny goes, too? I'll cover his costs, of course."
Not sure how old your son is, but mine is 9, and had he been the host, he would have been thrilled to add another buddy to the movie outing.

I'd say at seven your son should probably be able to understand that he won't always be invited to go just because his sister is.

How old are your kids. My nephew stayed with me this summer and he's fourteen and has an eight year old sister. If it was them, I would have done exactly what you did. That way neither one of the kids get there feelings hurt and neither one misses out on anything.

I can actullay see your side. I think I would have done the same thing. I have twins, so i guess when they get older this issue will probably come up for me. I may have tried to find an activity for older brother at the same time so he wouldn't know about it. But his friends may have already told him.
The flip side is, I am sure there have been occassions where he could only invite one friend, so he should understand sometimes friends pick other friends....

I think you made a good call. Alot of it for me comes down to knowing your kids and you said it would upset him all week, so i think this was the best choice.

This actually lmakes me think, there is a family in our neighborhood the boy is a year older than my son and the daughter is the same age as my DD. The girls haven't had good playdates the last few times, and i'm just realizing now that i haven't invited the boy over because i don't want to have to invite the sister who will be a brat to my DD. It's unfortunate but I'm not sure how to tell the mom that the girls aren't that into each other.

I would have taken son to the cousin's house to swim and simply told him (if it came up) that just like he has many friends, so does his friend. His friend is allowed to play with another boy, independent of who his sister is playing with. I would say, "You get to choose and so do they. You'll play with them another time."

It's also about presentation. If you don't make a big deal about it, he's likely to not make a big deal. I would have emphasized that he can go swim and move on.

The flip side also is that because her brother chose a different friend the other little girl did not get to spend time with HER chosen friend, which puts your son's possible reaction ahead of a friendship between the girls. Would you want someone to bail on your girl because her brother didn't invite the sibling?

I probably would have said that I will stay for the movie and take both kids. Five is a little young to go to the movies with a friend and that would have been my excuse.