Playing in Room at Bedtime

I went to a children's sleep seminar and they said, yes the most important thing is that they are getting sleep, but it's best for children to go to be around 7:30 or 8 pm--until they are like 9 or 10. It has something to do with the rhythm of their bodies and even though they can train themselves to go to sleep later or earlier, it's supposed to be best for their brains and bodies to go to sleep around that time. I agree with what that mom said about cues. We have a 3 year old and we allow a lot time for stories and songs and sometimes a bath, but then we just tell her she's got 10 mins, 5 mins, 2, 1 etc. Good luck!

in my opinion, 10 is WAY too late for a 3yo. 7:30 or 8:00 is much more appropriate. my kids dont' have toys and such in their room, so i can't force them to sleep, but they really just have furniture, clothes, and books in their rooms. time to start getting up a little earlier if you want to develop a good routine.

You need to "cue" your child.

Its great he is self-reliant and can entertain himself in his room, before bed. Many kids that age can't. So that is the upside to it. And be glad he can do that.

But since he is only 3 years old... he cannot like an older child, just "stop" according to a clock nor even know how long time has passed. Nor can he even tell time at this age. To a kid this age, 1 hour can seem like 5 minutes.
So, as the parent, you need to "cue" him. After he has done his "routine" of playing by himself in his room prior to bed and actually falling asleep... YOU need to tell him "5 minutes sweetie, then put away and sleep time..." Give him a head's up. Then, after you feel it has been long enough.... go in and Prompt him and perhaps help him put away, and get into bed. Tell him that is all, in a nice calm voice. Not an irked voice. Then allow him to put away or just to hop into bed. You need to HELP him transition and stop playing (and compliment him that he played by himself well, you're proud of him, but now it is sleep time), then stay there and let him hop into bed and get comfy. Then say good night and leave the room.

If you let a child just "play" on and on and on... on their own, they don't know ON their own, "when" to stop. He is only 3. At this age they don't even have full "impulse-control" fully developed yet. So YOU need to "cue" him... when to hop into bed.

Teach him, there is a start time, a play time next, then a finish up time & "conclusion" to everything. Going full-circle. If you use this repeatedly in a pleasant way... cuing the child, they will learn. It takes practice. So allow him to get used to the "routine" and pattern of his going to bed SEQUENCE. And him getting used to this pattern. And then in time... all you need to say is "okay, full-circle... time to hop into bed." Instead of saying "GO to bed..." which is more confrontational.

So, its not a "bad" habit HE did... he is just playing by himself in his room before bed like you tell him. And he IS able to do that. When most 3 year olds can't. So praise him for that. BUT then YOU need to then "cue" him and let him know what the next step is, and that play-time in his room is completed, full-circle, and that its time to HOP into bed. And be sure to tuck him in... so he feels positive about it.

There is nothing wrong with him playing in his room by himself before bed... but you need to start the routine earlier... so he does not end up falling asleep at 10:00.

My son is so self-reliant too...and he likes to play his Leapster before bed... I let him and it winds-him down... but then after a certain time, I "cue" him and tell him the next step, which is going to bed and getting tucked in. My son does not battle about it either. But he knows the "routine"... and its fine.

All the best,
Susan

I gave up on our battle. We let him relax until he falls asleep. He still gets up very early regardless of when he passes out. The pediatrician also suggested melatonin over the counter. It's an all natural sleep aid. So, on school nights we try that. It helps to a point. But, he is already a hyper active one. Good luck.

I live in the Fraser Valley British Columbia lots of parents put their children to bed then some even later! As long as they get enough hours sleep! What does it really matter they do not go to school at this age! Sure it is easier to have a set time every night! Enjoy your day!

There are many things that should factor into your decsion about what time his bedtime should be. Are you planning on going back to work anytime soon or are you going to stay home for a while? Is he going to go to school or preschool or are you going to homeschool him? If you are going to have to go back to work soon, it would probably be best to adjust his bedtime a little so it won't be as much work once you find a job. It is also easier if you start him out at a good bedtime now, so it will be an easy transition for school. Just remember, by avoiding the battle now will not keep it from happening later. I would much rather train them at a young age than an older one. It can be a lot harder.

C.,
mom to 7, soon to be 8 little blessings

If you want him to get to sleep earlier, (and you might want to, as it might be a problem later, with school, or if you need to start getting him up earlier for whatever reason) I would just gradually start the whole bedtime routine (bedtime snack, reading together, whatever you do) earlier. My four-yr-old has decided she wants to read on her own just before she gets in bed, so I tell her ok, choose one book and call me when you're ready to cuddle. I go in and tuck her in then. When this started, I just moved the bedtime routine so we started earlier, and it seems to have worked.

We allow one book or one quiet toy (stuffed animal, etc.) for nap time. And no getting out of bed. That might be a good place to start. I would suspect though, that if you just got him up earlier, he'd go to sleep earlier. Are you wanting to go back to work? If so, you don't want to have him overly tired and have that stress added to on top. Ten does seem late, so I'd change it bit by bit, if necessary. Our kids are in bed by 7:30, and although they don't always go to sleep right away, it's usually within about 15-20 minutes. They are up at 7. GL!

I don't see anything wrong with him falling asleep when he's tired, even if that means it's 10pm. However, I think overall it's healthier if you wake up early and get him to bed earlier. You didn't say how late you are sleeping in.

It doesn't matter what time your child goes to sleep(whether it be 7pm or 11pm) as long as he's getting the appropriate amount of sleep. Nobody has the right to say you're doing it all wrong, because as of now, it works for you guys. Just keep in mind that when school time starts to approach, you need to get him on a regular routine accommodating school hours. That might be a battle if he likes to be a night owl. Just be aware of the time he's falling asleep. You don't want his days to become nights and vise versa. My whole family is a bunch of night owls, but school and work is what whipped our butts into "sleep shape"

If he is 3, he is just setting his own boundaries. He wants to do what he wants to do, and you can battle as much as you want, but that won't get him to fall asleep. I did the same thing with my son when he was 3, and it didn't become a habit. Because there was never any issues about when he should go to sleep, he simply started going to sleep when he was sleepy. So, just relax. Your 3 year old will eventually be ruled by his own cycles, and as long as he behaves himself and stays in his room, you are lucky.
However, if he keeps staying up later and later, I would make another rule: You don't have to sleep, but you have to stay in your room, and the light must be off. Then, give him a flashlight that he can play with for a while. However, the darkness in the room will make him sleepy before it gets too late.

we do this with our two year old. he is sleeping in a big bed and we put him down at 7:30 or 8:00 and he gets up and plays. he probably goes to sleep by 9 most nights though. we recently took out all "climbing" objects so he can't turn on his light, this helps him go to sleep earlier after playing. took out the clothes hamper he would dump out and climb on and the toy box he would do the same with. i have no probably with him playing in his room before he goes to sleep he still wakes up at 9 so he gets 11-12 hours of sleep and takes an hour nap during the day. seems to work well. it works for us.

it can be a bad habit to get into. tell him you thought it over and you really think it's best if he doesn't get out of his bed except for going to the bathroom. tell him that this plan will help him be healthier and prepare him for when he is attending school and has to get up early to get ready. you can even offer a reward for staying in bed without toys if he is difficult about it. my kids listen to audio books and music in bed. they have only a few stuffed animals in bed, no other toys allowed. it usually works out well. but i also agree with a lot of what S.H. said. good luck!

Sometimes they just have their own schedules. It's great he is calmly playing or reading. I'd just make sure there are no stimulating activities to keep him relaxing. Skip or shorten the nap (if he still takes one) and wake him up earlier to encourage him to move his bedtime later.