Playing with Fire....8 Year Old Boys

the local fire department offers a firestarters class. I recommend making them take that. Talk to the local fire department and get suggestions from them.
Good luck.

I had a similar situation and would have never though any of my kids would make a choice like that! I had to step back from it which sounds like you've already done. I think it's normal curious behavior... hopefully when you caught them they were at a point of feeling a little nervous about the fire and that may be all the punishment needed. A trip to the fire station sounds like a good idea, let the kids tell the fire fighters why they're visiting. Let the firefighters talk to them and take the back seat....

I like a lot of the responses you have received already. i just want to add something to think about. I'd call the boy/cub scouts. Really teach him the rules of handling fire safely. I'm sure a lot of experienced scout leaders could give you some good advice on disciplining or help with it.

--R. J.

Yes! I would absolutely recommend taking him to the Fire Station, but I would not make it a punishment or an act of discipline, especially since this sounds like it may be a first time offense. If it's a problem, or becomes a problem, they do have a program called Juvenile Fire Setters. Sorry, I can't speak from experience but I hope this helps.

I think a trip to the fire station and the hospital-burn unit. That would or might scar him, but enough to know that he will not do it again...

I recommend helping him explore fire in a safe way. Take the mystery out of it. Use the fireplace, go camping, do what you need to do so that he doesn't feel like he has to be sneaky about it. It's just like guns or anything else dangerous. Teach them about it, teach them the rules, keep the stuff away as much as possible, and then set the expectation that if he does use fire without your or your husband's help here are the consequences. I remember my brothers sneaking behind the shed to set fires at their friend's house. Better to teach them and be in control of the situation.
And also go to the fire station or check out movies from the library on what can happen with fires. The less mystery there is, the less likely they are to be sneaky about it.
With the other parent's permission, maybe the friends could be there too? Good luck

I would definitely take them to the firestation, but I would also show them some pictures of burn victims. They're too young to go to the hospital to visit the burn unit, but I bet you could find some good books at the library, or even on line to show what happens when someone gets burned. I try and be as honest as I can with my kids because I was a pyromaniac growing up -- which they don't know about, but I talk to them all the time about how dangerous it is to PLAY with fire. We go camping all the time and we always light the chiminea at my in-laws house, and all the while, educate them on how to handle a fire and when and where it's appropriate to have one. I think if I ever caught my kids playing with fire, I'd go the route of showing them pictures of burn victims -- obviously not anything gorey or hanous, just realistic. There are real consequences to choices and I think it's good to show them what the natural consequence could be if we chose to do something dangerous. Anyway...that's my 2 cents. Good luck!

A.
SAHM of 4 boys ages 10, 8, 5 and 4 months old.

Hi,
I'm glad you realize that this is typical boy behaviour. But it is also very serious and deserves some serious lessons. It sounds like it was something that he was curious about and didn't do purposefully to hurt anyone, so I think a way to educate him would be the way to go: A serious talk with a story, you can use mine: My neighbor (a boy) was playing with matches and accidentally set our whole town on fire (Big Agouram CA fire of 1980). It jumped the freeway moving to Malibu and Westlake Village, burning many homes of my friends in High School. My home almost burned down- I saw the flames come to my backyard as we vacated and then the firefighters distinguished it.

I think a trip to the fire station is a great idea or maybe there is a movie on DVD that is nonfiction and will tell about the dangers of fire.

We have kids close to the same ages: my daughter is almost 6 and my son is almost 8! Good luck. You sound like a great Mom.
K.

He explored, now is time to give him the responsibility. Maybe make him your household fire expert- go to the firehouse and have hime learn from them, look up facts and info online, and tell him if he can handle the responsibility that whenever you need to make a fire (even lighting candles) in your house, you all will go to him and he will be in charge only if an adult is present- if and only if he respects the fire and rules. If you catch him not doing so, he is no longer aloud this priviledge. And I would also make it seem very important that it is now his responsibility to make sure his friends stay safe and if they want to play with it, it is part of his job to stop them and tell you. This is what the other lady said about taking the mystery out of it. Once he knows the rules, punishment can be established. Knowing that he can come to you at any time to light something may make it not so thrilling. Just an idea!

My only question is...where did they get the matches and candle? Looks like you have some responsibility to make sure they can't get their hands on these things to tempt them. In regard to punishment, I would take away something of value to him (video games, tv, phone) for awhile. You may also want to contact the fire department and see if they have anything to give you that could help explain to your son the damage a fire could do to a home or a life. Good luck.

YES a trip to the fire station or calling and talking to them and having them come over is a very good idea. i have not had to deal with this myself but my husband is a firefighter and one of his things he works on is juvenille firestarters and its very important that you nip this in the butt before it goes any futher. good luck

I think a trip to talk to the firefighters is a great idea! Then he'll hear from someone other than mom and dad how dangerous something like that can be. Boys are so fun....I have two, you never know what they are going to do :)

Okay. When I was a kid my friends and I got caught in our playhouse with cigarettes and matches (my friend's mom's). All of the kids (except me for whatever reason) were taken to the firehouse and shown a movie about fires and how people can get hurt and what can happen if you get burned or caught in a fire or playing with matches. I think we were a little younger, around 6, I think, but it worked. We never did it again then.

I probably should've seen it because when I was 12 I almost burned the house down trying to copy something we did in school with candles, but because I didn't have a candle I used Kleenex and dropped the burning paper onto the carpet because the flames were getting dangerously close to my finges. I had shoes on and stamped it out. I got a stern talking-to by my parents and that seemed to work. I never did it again, besides I scared myself half to death that time.

I don't know if firehouses still have something like that (it was many, many years ago), but it might be worth looking into. I think they actually had pictures of people whose skin had been burned and stuff like that. i think that's whatrelly scared my friends into never doing it again.

Good luck.

Contact the Chandler Fire Department and talk with them about having your son visit a fire station and also about how you can best educate your son about the dangers of playing with fire. Also, you didn't say if you contacted the other boys parents? If that were my child I would want to know what they had been doing. Remember, it takes a village to raise a child. I wish people were more 'old fashioned' and told your parents when they saw you doing something wrong. Remember the threat of "I'm going to tell your mother!" ??

When I was around ten years old, my siblings and I used to build "campfires" in the forest behind our home. We did this everyday for at least two weeks, before my mom caught us. Our punishment was to stand at the bathroom sink and light a whole box of matches and hold the matches until we felt the heat from the flame and then we dropped them in the water.

Here is how I felt about that punishment:

At the time I thought nothing really of it. I never played with fire again and I felt like it was a fair punishment. It was LESS harsh than some of the other punishments that we had received.

We DID not burn ourselves with the matches!!!

I was really just scared to get caught again, not knowing what the next punishment would be.

NOW, I feel like that was too harsh of a punishment. Now that I have kids and realize was is effective and what isn't, I would never do that to my child.

I feel that a video on fires, that shows people losing their homes, their belongings, etc. would be effective. Come to think of it, there is a blog of a family that just lost their home in January. You could research the blog yourself and print some of the pictures from their home. It was a devasting loss. I know that if I had seen that at that age, it most likely would have been effective. The blog is www.aplacecalledsimplicity.com You will have to search the archives and go back to January and maybe some of February.

Sorry so long, I hope I have been of some help:)