My son is almost 3yrs old. He uses the potty at his daycare(pees in it). I can get him to pee at home but he will not poop in the potty. He generally STANDS in a corner to poop and today he told me that he 'cannot sit and do it'. I have been letting him go naked at home.... he pees fine and comes after me to put on his pull ups on so that he can go to some corner and poop. I tried putting the potty in a corner, rewards, etc. but nothing is working. Any suggestions?
Well, I did call up his Ped. and she recommended Miralax for when he doesn't go each day. As to the actual potty training, 'we're still working on it!'. But I did get a lot of great advice and most importantly helpful tips for controlling him. Thanks a lot! Will let you know how it goes......
I am struggling with the same issue and my son just turned 4! I have also tried the rewards and making him just sit there but nothing has worked for me either. My son's doctor said not to worry about it and that he will go when he is ready but I am really worried about it.
A good resource book for you- The Pocket Idiot's Guide to Potty Training Problems (A praise-based program for reluctant toddlers) by Alison Schonwald, M.D., and George Sheldon. Here is what it says to do about your problem (pages 131-132):
"Continue your reinforcement of the expectation that your child will use the potty or toilet to make a bowel movement. It's not unusual for kids to insist on a diaper or Pull-Ups to make a poop. These kids are trained, just not for the toilet. Behave the same way you would if the poop were made on the floor: take the poop and the child, show the child that the poop must be flushed down the toilet, since that's where it belongs. If your child asks for a diaper so she can soil in it, start by allowing it. However, her jobs are now geared to make steps from poop in the diaper to poop in the toilet. For instance, have her job be to make the poop in the diaper while standing in the bathroom. She then earns her sticker or treat for that. A week or so later, have her make her poop while wearing the diaper but sitting on the toilet. With each job she does, she is closer to being toilet trained. Remember to give choices when you can: Which sticker to earn? Sit on potty or toilet? Diaper or Pull-Ups? She'll do a better job if she feels she has some control."
It also talks about kids making their bowel movements on the floor, so if this starts happening, this is what they say:
"Some reluctant children have been known to refuse to use the potty. Instead, they will go to the corner of a room, drop their pants, squat, and poop on the floor. Your first reaction, when you find it, is to go through the roof. There's a better course of action here. When you make the discovery, lead your child to the spot, and ask for help in cleaning up the mess. Take the poop to the potty, and have your child watch what you do with it. Have your child flush the toilet. Then say, "there, the poop belongs in the potty." No yelling, no screaming. Remain calm. Hide your emotions. (We know, easier said than done.)"
Sorry, but I just couldn't paraphrase as well as they said it! I just read this book a few weeks ago, because I just started the process with my daughter. I hope this helps. Good luck- it sounds like you are almost there!
The other entries are great. If constipation is an issue, Miralax is great and it is over the counter, you might ask your doctor if this would be suitable. (It is strong, so you don't need very much of it). In addition, meals will stimulate bowel movements. After mealtimes, have a storytime on the toilet. Put a stool under the child's feet...they need their feet grounded. Read one story. Put a sticker on the chart for listening to the story. If poop comes out, put an additional sticker on. Do this after every meal. It will seem like a full time job, but it worked for me. Also, there is a book out there called "Everyone Poops" by Taro Gomi. I would recommend it.
Potty training is a game of control. He knows you can't MAKE him poop in the potty so he's not going to. It's sounds a bit crude, but if you stand your ground, don't put the pull up on him and let him decide what to do, one of two things will happen: one - he'll go poop on the potty or two - he'll stand in the corner and poop. If he chooses option two, then he needs to be responsible for the clean up (provide gloves, tissue, wipes, spray, etc for a proper clean up. I've worked with other parents on this and it has worked. Good Luck!!
N.,
It sounds like you were describing my second son. We have had the hardest time with him pooping in the potty. For some reason he just struggled with it. He too would stand in a corner or hide and then poop in his underwear. We threatened to put him back in pull-ups, diapers, plastic pants, you name it. After speaking with his ped. we took a step back. When he would poop in his pants we would, with assistance, make him clean his underwear in the potty and then get himself new clean clothes. We also watched him very carefully to help guide him when he should go poop on the potty. He didn't really go for the reward or praise thing. Just a lot of patience. I think the fact that he had to take responsiblity for himself made him more aware of what was happening.
My son is currently 4 1/2 and he, I believe, has finally got the hang of it. I don't want to discourage you and think that you will have as long as a battle as we did. I just wanted to let you know, what I didn't know. We would make him sit on the potty and threaten him with pull-up , etc. all which we found out was having a negative affect on him. Like we know it should have. Our doctor called it potty resistance. Basically it just meant that he knew what he had to do he just was scared to do it. There is nothing wrong with my second son just scared him I guess. The other thing too is that he was never really a daily pooper anyway (from birth) and I think that was some of the problem...he would poop every other day or so and just wasn't aware of what was happening to his body regularly. Only reason I say this is because our 1st son was potty trained in 2-3 days and we never went through this with him. He, on the other hand, pooped 3-4 times a day and he was customed to what his body was doing and so he didn't seem to be afraid when he had to poop.
Well, I hope this give you some comfort that you are not alone and that maybe it gives you some hope to get you through this phase in your sons life. Good Luck!
I had similar problems and tried the same things you mentioned. At the time my son was really in to Superman. We bought him a Superman toy of his choice. If he pooped in the potty, he kept it. If he pooped in his underwear, it went away until the next time he did it in the potty. We only had to take it away twice!
Another piece of advice, throw out the pull ups! I know it's a mess to clean up for you, but as soon as we switched to underwear and he was uncomfortable when he had an accident, he started using the potty regularly!
I know your frustration, my daughter was the same way. However, her issues were due to a constipation problem from early on. She always associated going poop with pain so we had a battle on her holding it. Once we got her on medication to soften her stools then the work began on using the potty. Her doctor told us to be patient since the pain was real of having to sit and poop. He also said kids sometime have a fear of the whole flushing something away. On his advice did start having her empty the pull-up into the toilet and flush the poop away. She hated doing it but finally began to get over that fear. So after many, many months of using a pull-up, we stood our ground one day and said you must use the potty. I did not think it would work but it did. She was almost 4 before this happened. I know you hate to hear it but you just need to be patient and try not to show anger towards them on it. We were lucky, she never did the poop on the floor thing. We did use a reward system once she started using the toilet. After 3 (then 5) times using the potty to poop she got to pick a special treat. We also used potty treats each time she went poop on the potty (ex. 3 m&m's).
Good luck, L.
I think your little one may have an internal fear of sitting and cannot really express why he likes to stand. Usually there is a reason and is hard to figure out why. With my little 3 year old, I put a jar of m & m's there in the bathroom up high. Every time he sat on the toilet, I would give him one m & m in each hand weather he peed or pooped. I just kept this up for about 3-6 months -repeating the behavior, and patience got him to even sit on the adult potty. I would take him in the bathroom with me and let him lurk around to be an example of what is supposted to be done. I think if you get anxious about something- the child senses it and sometimes reacts silently. I think children are like puppy dogs-you have to keep steering them and guiding them all your life and eventually at some point they will learn by watching and imitating you. He may be a late bloomer as mine was -but he will eventually learn. Do not give up... make it a pleasant and fun experience-it helps too. I hope that helps.
