Please Need an advice...My Son Has Been Crying for 2 Months at His Pre School

Aaaaw, the poor fella. Maybe he's just not ready yet. That's cool. Take him out, try it again next year.

:)

I so agree with Rosebud and Mira. You have to know your child and give him what HE needs, not what everybody else ("experts") tells you that he needs. If you or your husband cannot keep him with you for much of the day, look into leaving him with someone else he trusts. My concern is that by dropping him off and letting him cry all day (if that's how it goes), he is learning that his feelings don't matter, that the people he trusts to take care of him and make him feel safe are disregarding his very real need to be in a different environment. What happens with the kid who cries all the time and doesn't want to be there is that the attendants start to just stick him in a corner and let him cry. They don't want to have to deal with him, and that makes for an even worse experience for your child.

I don't think that school has to be out of the question, but you might have to do more research to find an environment that will be better for him.

If you have the option of taking him out and keeping him home for now -- do it. He is crying because he's not ready for preschool. The best place for him at his age and with his particular personality is at home with mom.

If you don't have to work -- take him out, and let him stay home. He needs you.

p.s. It is neither "social anxiety" nor is it "being stubborn." He is still very young and he is not ready for preschool. It's his personality, and there's nothing wrong with it.

I have to disagree with Manda, below -- if you have no financial need to keep him in preschool right now, it is good for him to take him out. There is no need to force him to suck it up. I tell this story all the time: my daughter cried all day when I put her in preschool at the age of 3. So I took her out, and put her back in at age 4. She is now grown, and one of the most adventurous, capable people you will ever meet. So catering to her needs at the age of three did not hinder her development or create someone fearful (or stubborn, or socially anxious) -- it achieved the opposite.

He's NOT just being stubborn. I can answer that for certain, without knowing another thing.

If he's crying the whole time, he's miserable, and you can't discipline a child out of misery.

Aside from that, it's either a developmental issue with him or a problem with the school. Let us know how old he is, and you'll get some more detailed advice.

Sounds like me when I was a kid....I cried all day. I was fine by first grade. I think you should wait a year and try again. It's not what you want to hear, but I know how this goes. When I was in pre-school, I can say for certain, nothing would have made it better. I just didn't want to be there.

Not ready. How old is he? If he is four and going to K next year, you may want to try to somehow help him to adjust. If only 3, pull him out. Good luck.

OK...my BFF is a child psychologist and I talked to her about this when my son was going through it. He had severe separation anxiety well into 4 yrs old.

Bottom line...you can't do anything about it. You also CANNOT make life adjustments based on it. You are only doing him a disservice if you do (like pulling him out of school, for example).

All the advice and literature she gave me basically said the same thing. You can't do anything about it. Period. He has to grow out of it. Some kids deal with this into elementary school.
You have to be sure that when you make him promises on anything, you follow through. Like if you say you'll pick him up, make sure it's you and not a friend or DH, even if you're busy. That kind of stuff.
You can also make a to-do chart for the day, so he knows the order in which things will happen for the day.
For example:
-eat breakfast with mommy
-get dressed
-go to school
-play at school
-nap at school
-mommy picks you up

That way he knows what is coming next, and can look forward to the next activity. Some kids need to put things in order like that to understand timeframes. It worked well for my son. Work with the school, and have them help you. He should be the one to check each thing off during the day as he does it.

Also...this is all assuming he's older, like late 3 into 4 yr old. If he's just turning 3, he may just be too young.

I would take him out....that's just me..they have plenty of time to have to DEAL with life....they are only little for a short time...I think he is just not ready.
Maybe schedule short playdates for a while then invite more kids into the mix down the road and let him gradually" let go"

My son is very shy...for his 1st,2nd,3rd birthday he has cried when people sing Happy Birthday to him and clings to me the entire time....but just recently he has started to like preschool:);;;;He is 3 1/2....Good Luck:)

What is drop off and pick up like? If you are staying there trying to console him it's not helping. It's actually making it worse. If you're taking him in, handing him off to the teacher and leaving him without turning around that's the best way "if" you have to take him in. If you don't have to take him in then don't, have the teacher or some other staff meet you and take him from the car. This is the best since it doesn't put you in the building at all.

It is very uncommon for kids to cry more than a couple of weeks at MOST. Most stop crying as soon as they figure out mom isn't going to hang around giving them attention. If the school isn't handling this right that may be why he's not adjusting.

I wouldn't tell them to call if he doesn't settle down either. They need to figure this out. It's their job and they should have a lot of experience at this.

I feel bad for you, really, this is the hardest position to be in.

There are a ton of factors to consider of course like everyone else mentioned. Age is number one. How old is your child? If hes past the seperation anxiety age, I'd be concerned that he's not developing appropriately, or that he's having a bad experience with that particular place. What ever the reason it's either not a good fit for your son. I'd take him out of the preschool and discuss your concerns with your pediatrician. He may qualify for some great free preschools for kids with socialization and/or developmental delays. If not then maybe a smaller in home preschool or a in-home caregiver is the way to go for a while. That is, if he's in preschool for daycare purposes. Otherwise just take him out and consult your pediatrician. If your son is able to talk, ask him what's going on. If he can't talk, that's probably part of the problem. Good luck... Sounds heartwrenching. I wouldn't make my kid go another day, personally.

Help us out and tell us exactly how old your son is. If he's two, it's different than if he's 4 and supposed to go to kinder next year. It's hard to give broad advice and it be of any real value to you.

You don't say how old your son is- that would be helpful. Many children take time to adjust. My oldest cries a lot when she was 2, clung when she was 3, and finally got the hang of it when she was 4. There was a little boy that cried all the time in my son's 2s class, but by age 3 he was happy to go. Try to see if there is a reason for it. Maybe he doesn't like the structure, or misses mom. With my daughter she cried a lot when she was 4 because her friend left and her teacher was changed at the same time. You will have to do some digging, but it is normal for some young kids. Give lots of positive praise, kiss and go. This phase will pass.

More details needed, how old is he, has he ever been away from you, does he have special needs or emotional issues, etc?
Kind of hard to give advice (again) without more information.

You need to know more. What is going on? When is he crying? Why is he crying? What do they do to help him? What are drop offs like? Does he know now that he'll be sent home (vs having to stay) if he cries long enough? Is the school a bad fit? How old is he? Etc.