Poop in the Toilet

Hi M.,

My son waited until he was pretty old and I was worried but then it just seemed to happen. I let him pick out the potty seat he wanted and we talked about it. In my opinion from what you have said, he is not doing it partially because he isn't ready to do the whole process which includes undressing by himself. But the major problem I see is that you have made this a BIG issue by using rewards and punishments. Let go for a while and do not make it any kind of big deal. He doesn't trust you right now which is why he is lying about it. Give him the choice that if he doesn't want to tell you when he has to poop so that you can help him, then he much wear diapers. If that doesn't work, then let him do what he is doing even though it will be extremely difficult, but do not make an issue out of it. Just say, "Okay honey. Let's go and clean that up now." Be very gentle and gain his trust back. Help him to feel safe enough to make this transition.

J.
mom, of 5 year old boy

A friend had this problem with her son. She stopped putting underwear on him and he wouldn't poop directly into his pants. I can't remember how long it took to finally not be a problem. (He's now in college and has been trained for many years.)

Hi M.,

I know it is frustrating to do something over and over and not get the results you want. I used to put my child on the baby toilet every time I would go and have him listen to me go and he would want to show me he could do it also. I would tell him we are going to be a big boy and go potty on the toilet. I did the same for my granddaughter. Make it a routine and he will follow you.

Hope this helps.

N. Marie

Hi M.,
Potty training can really be a nightmare, can't it? It sounds like you have a power struggle going on. Your son has found something he has complete control over! From going through some similar issues with my son (he just never cared about getting out of diapers and knew that we did), I suggest the following. Take a break for a few days from discussing the pooping issue (to diffuse the situation). Certainly ask him to clean up after himself in a matter-of-fact way. Act like you don't really care that much that it happened, though (makes it less fun for him to control this). Then, have "natural consequences" to his pooping in his pants as opposed to artificial ones, such as taking away toys, because there is no connection between the toys and his behavior and the power struggle will likely start anew. When we potty trained our son (for the second freaking time!), there were three things he loved to do: go to the bagel store with his dad, go to music class, and have his weekly tennis lesson (his preschool was okay with the diapers even though he was about 3.5yrs). We explained that these places did not allow kids who wet their pants (in your son's case, poop their pants) to be there because it wasn't sanitary. We made this up, though I'm sure all these places prefer that no one poops his pants there! We told him that we were so sorry (management's rules; nothing we can do) but that we could not take him to place X unless he didn't have any accidents the day before. He had an accident the first day we started this, the day before his usual bagel store run. We gave him a hug and told him we were so sorry that he couldn't go to the bagel store the next day and that we believed in him and that he would get the whole potty thing down. This way, the consequences of his behavior (he had been dry at night for over a year, so we knew he was physically capable) did not seem like punishments from us, but rather like just the natural consequences of not being potty trained. We had already told him that we no longer had diapers in the house because we no longer had anyone in the house who really needed diapers. The next morning, he seemed a bit taken aback that he really didn't get to go to the bagel store. Luckily for us, music class was the next day (and tennis two days after that). We told our son that we really hoped he could go to music class the next day and that he could if he didn't have any accidents before then. He made it to music class! Right after music class, we told him that he should be proud of himself (again, emphasis away from mom and dad and what we wanted or liked) and that he would be able to go to tennis class, too, in a couple of days if he didn't have any accidents. There were no more accidents. Several months down the road, he did have an accident. It happens. He was disappointed enough himself that all we had to do was tell him that we understood how sad he felt and ask what he thought could prevent another accident. By this point, he did not want to have accidents for his own reasons, and we could just be supportive. Pooping in the toilet scares lots of kids -- it might also help to acknowledge that it might feel scary and give him an opportunity to let you know if he feels scared without anyone trying to explain away his fear. He might just need to express himself. Also, does he come in to the bathroom when you poop? He can see that nothing bad happens to you. Also, some kids need a step stool to rest their feet on to make pooping on the toilet comfortable and doable. Finally, rewarding good behavior is super important in general. At the same tine, the advice we received, which worked well for us, was to celebrate his first success but to then keep our praise low-key so that our son would learn that going in the toilet was an expectation, not something special that he does here and there for extra praise or a present. Our son really wanted to go to the bagel store and music and tennis. Not being able to go was a consequence he cared about and one that did not seem to be a "mean" thing Mommy and Daddy were doing. He was no longer getting a payoff (attention, knowing he could control something that mattered to us, etc.) for not being potty trained. If your son says something like, "But I've gone to X before, and they didn't care that I poop in my pants," you can always say that they didn't know and just told you or that it's a new rule. I am generally very careful about not lying to my son, but the reality was that places were going to start getting upset if he was peeing on the floor, etc. I guess that's how I rationalized it. Anyway, I hope some of this helps.
K.

You are not a failure as a parent! Each child is different and they have their own little quirks and issues.
The only thing children have control over is going potty, deciding how much and whether to eat, and allowing themselves to fall asleep. (Imagine if you were little and had no control over any aspect of your life) My advice would be stop playing into the power struggle.
If he poops in his pants, he needs to wear diapers. If he want to wear underwear, fine. But then if he poops in his pants, calmly explain to him that if he does that, he needs to wear diapers. Calmly help him clean up and calmly put him back in diapers/pull ups until he can show you that he pooped in the toilet. Then he can wear underwear again...it will be a frustrating process, but again don't get into the power struggle with him. It is also important that you don't put him down about it, and don't allow anyone else to. Don't talk about being a big boy etc. Just don't make an issue of it.
It probably isn't a good thing that his peers make fun of him. If this peer pressure hasn't changed his behavior yet, maybe you should just take him out of preschool. If he wants to be in preschool he needs to wear underwear and use the toilet. If he doesn't, he isn't ready to be at preschool.
About the lying, don't get into that either, children at that age believe that whatever they want and say to be true, is true, it really isn't lying yet. They are not developmentally ready to understand the concept as we adults do.
My kids potty trained when they were ready to. (despite good advice and working with them etc.) My oldest boy decided to wear underwear one day at 3 1/2 and never had an accident. My daughter was "trained" by her babysitter for over a year and when we finally moved her to underwear (at 3 yrs old) had repeated accidents for about 6 months, in fact I think I put her back in diapers until she said she was ready. My youngest didn't train until 4 1/2, once again he was the one to say he was ready, and I spent 2 intense weeks of doing laundry. He still has pee accidents once a month or so and we have to watch fluids in the pm.
All kids are different. If the doctor didn't find anything physically wrong with him I'd say leave him alone and let him be in diapers and out of preschool for while longer. He will be grown up soon enough.

I agree -- you are not a failure, and try to find some reassurance that this will pass in time...
My son, who is almost 6 now, was up until about 4 months ago still pooping in his pants constantly. At home, in the living room, sometimes 3 feet away from the bathroom. It seems it would just come on him suddenly and he wasn't paying very good attention. It was happening every day for a long stretch, I was soaking his pants and underwear, and watching the toilet get stopped up. Ugh, nothing made me more frustrated because I knew he was able to do it, I thought he just wasn't paying attention. But ability and control have a lot to do with it too.

I think we started to turn a corner to success when I did two things -- first, I changed his clothes and cleaned him up without comment, trying very hard not to show any emotion about what happened. He clearly started to feel better when the negative vibe was gone, and it made it easier for us both to be matter-of-fact about it.

And second, I became more vigilant about noticing when he had to go and making him hit the bathroom. It still happens-- he'll be crouching, or talking strangely, or visibly straining and I send him in to "try", and he always needs to go. I say it very plainly, but I will use the words that I notice his behavior and link it to the need to go, which I think reinforces the connection for him.

I would say stop all the positive reinforcement of presents or whatever. Ultimately, being able to take care of his own body will be its own reward. And he shouldn't be "punished" by having to clean himself up; he'll probably do better faster if he knows he has your help and support as he is trying to learn. It's a hard path for many boys, but with all the patience you can muster, he has a better chance of mastering it quickly. I'm finding that now with bed-wetting too, which has been an ongoing issue, but the more I play down the incidents, the less they happen. Although I do manage a quick "hey, you kept your PJs dry, nice job."

And you can always send him to school in pull-ups, but see if you can't encourage him to use the toilet before leaving home in the morning, just as part of the normal getting-ready-to-leave-the-house routine.

You are not a failure!!! And if this is the worst thing you ever fail at as a parent, you will have done a great job.

1) He will not poop his pants in high school.

2) This may be a control issue with him. He has a lot of power with this, and the more attention you give it the more power he has.

3) I would try the methods that give him less power. Maybe back to diapers/pull-ups until he poops properly. AND NO MORE COMMENTING ABOUT THE POOPING. Why give yourself the hassle? Diapers make it easier on everyone. And then when he requests underpants, and he poops in them again, no comment, just put him back in the diaper. So what if he wears a diaper at 5? When he's sick of it, he'll stop.

(Oh, and since you wanted to hear from people who had this issue - my credentials are that my oldest, while not full-on pooping in his pants, had lots of partial accidents until he was about 8. He kind of held his poop, and there was lots of excess in his undies. It was definitely a control issue.)

Hi, M., I sent you a private message (I can relate!)before reading all the advice you'd recieved. I'm new at this--sorry. The best answers are from Jan E, Jill C, & Patricia M. Please don't listen to Barbara! I made those & many other mistakes. I didn't know about the book Patricia mentioned, so she may have helped me, too! I wish you & everyone all the best on this tricky journey called motherhood!

Hi M.,
It looks like you have been getting a lot a good advice. What finally worked for our oldest daughter- now 4, who really wanted to be in control, was giving her the control...We sat her down and said basically that it seemed like Mommy and Daddy were doing most of the work with her potty training i.e. reminding her to use the potty and asking her if she had to use the potty etc. When we finally told her that we wanted to give her a job - Making her in charge of the potty... she finally started using it consistantly. If she had an accident we said oops...accidents happen, cleaned her up and let it go at that. We would remind her of her job by saying things like " Wow, it is so nice that Mommy doesn't have to remind you to pay attention to your body anymore because you are doing your job" and "Yeah! I am not in charge of Allison's potty any more she is in control..she has a big girl job!" Hope this helps.

I am dealing with the same poopy issues for my 4 year old. Once I stopped making such a big issue out of it, he has become more comfortable with the concept of pooping in the potty and hasnt felt so ashamed. I was so upset at one point that I even consulted with a child psychologist. Her main thing was "readjust your goals and take the shame out of it for him, because he obviously isnt ready."
So, now I try to just be positive and supportive of him- this really is a control issue and the more we try to push them, the more they resist. Now what I do is say "Hey, let's go sit on the potty and I will read to you." He sits for a while, I encourage him to try to poop, but then he gets scared and wants to get off. I say "fine, someday you will be ready!" And that is that. I bet in about 6 months he is ready. Good luck- and certainly dont feel you are failing. We are all trying our best, and there are some things that are out of our control. Hang in there- it will get better!

I really like and agree with what Page and Kate had to say on this. It's been my same experience too. My 3 yr old after being potty trained for the last six months is just starting to have little poppy starts in the pants before she tells me. She's even tried to take care of it herself with out telling me. I just tell her to let mommy help and that she almost listened to her body in time. But no big deal is made. I think it's a developmental process too and she's at a new level and so she experimentes with it. When she is sucsessful I say "you really listened to your body" and she is very happy and says "yes I listen to my body". I've never had a quick easy experience with potty training, it always seems to take a year or more. My oldest daughter had little accidents for many many years. My son was the easest by day, only making it through the night was a problem. So please don't feel like a failure, we can't be personally invested in this process because we have no control. I really understand how you feel and it'll be okay. Hang in there.

Your story sounds like mine. I am the mother of a 6-year-old son and a 4-year-old daughter. My son did not fully potty train until he was 4 years and 9 months. I was at my wits end. He was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome just a few months previous so I gave him some slack for that but it was still frustrating. The only thing that worked for me was to find a toy he couldnt live without and told him he couldnt have it until he went in the potty. I had offered him toys, books, etc before but it was this particular toy that did the trick.

My daughter is currently potty training but it has been difficult to say the least. About six months ago I thought it was time for her to finally potty train. I wish I would have learned with my son not to push her. But I did anyway and she started retaining her stool. That led to a condition called encopresis where the old stool becomes lodged in the colon and the new stool seeps around it. She soiled herself many times a day and it was very stinky. We have her on medication right now but she still struggles with the concept of going #2 in the potty and tries to hold it in.

The lesson I've learned with both children is not to push them. Someone recommended a book to me called "The Potty Journey: Guide to Toilet Training Children with Special Needs, Including Autism and Related Disorders" by Judith Coucouvanis. I havent gotten through it yet but it has a lot of helpful hints I didnt read in any other books (and trust me, I read them all).

Good luck with your journey. Dont let the preschool teacher make you feel bad. Our preschool teachers were baffled by our situation as and didnt have a clue as to what we were going through. If I heard one more person say "Make a sticker chart" or "give him a toy" I was going to go insane. I'm just happy our pediatrician was very supportive and told me just to wait it out because chances are that the child will be potty trained by the time he leaves for college. Its little consolation at the time but it does take some of the pressure off.

God Bless.

I don't have anything to add to what others have said about dealing with this at home, but have some questions regarding how it's handled at preschool. Teachers are like parents, not sure all the time how to deal with this issue. Some do the punisment modes, and others the reward modes... or a combination. What the other kids say or how they react may have an impact as well.... either negative or positive, but most likely negative. With the number of children a teacher has to deal with and all the expectations of teaching, it's an even more difficult task at preschool. If you haven't already done so, I think it would be wise to talk at length with the teacher to find out exactly how she's handling this problem with him. If you can do so, it might even be a good idea to spend a session in the class. I always suggest that if a mother attends a daycare session it be with the premise that she is going to be an aide for the teacher for that day and the teacher sets her up with an activity with other children involved so her own child behaves in a more natural way while she's there. (Otherwise how can you observe what goes on day to day?)
If all else fails, you might even want to consider keeping him home from preschool until he gets control of this problem. If the experience there makes this problem worse, I don't think it is helping to send him to preschool. The places where I've worked always had a rule that no child could be promoted past a 2 year old classroom until they were potty trained. We had children your son's age in the two year old's class where I worked. I personally considered that a negative approach, but the truth was that other classes would have needed an extra teacher just to keep up with the potty training needs in order to allow the regular teacher to do the curriculum that was required in those classes... and of course the people in charge didn't want to pay out the extra money that would have cost.

I'm sorry that there are no easy answers to this, but do keep up your courage. As others have said, this will pass in time. I loved the statement that he won't be pooping his pants in high school!

My son would go poop in the potty, but would hold it in if he could until it would be too late to get to the toilet. I would see him standing there holding with all his effort and he could barely walk to the toilet. Didn't seem to matter what we would say or do either. For him he never ever goes at school so it never mattered at school. He is 8 now and fine of course. Honestly what happened with us was that his younger brother at 3 could go poop in the potty and I actually just had to say to him one day "Even Sam can do this and he is 3". Sounds bad, but it worked. He never did it again. I said it with his brother right there and his brother was like "yeah". All I can say is that it took him till 5 1/2 to get to this point and your doctor is right it will happen when he is ready. I think they need a sense of control over something. My younger son it was food. He refused to eat things and I never made an issue and he eventually got over that and eats really well now. Maybe he needs to hear it from a friend at school as hard as that sounds? I know it will pass. Hang in there!!!

M.,

In my research I have run across a medical condition that caused incontinence where the child can't hold it. I'm sorry, I can't remember what it is called. But do some research online on incontinence in children and you might find it.
Maybe it is possible that it happens so quickly he can't make it in time. Maybe that is why he is successful when he is already naked and doesn't have to take time to undress. If his body just insnt doing what he wants it to, there would be no reason for him to continue to try if he continues to fail.
ps..If his poo is very soft, try reducing juices, like apple juice ,and other foods, that cause the runs.

Just an idea. Good luck.

Hi M.,

As I was reading your request I was remembering the very similar problem that I had with my son and how it did drive me crazy for 3 months when i was pregnant with my second son.

Anyway, what I did was putting him back in diaper, buying few books that he really liked and put them aside specifically for potty time (for pooping). It made him wanting to sit on potty and relaxed to let it go. After a while he got used to sitting and was enjoying it.

I hope it works for you.

First thing, stop allowing him to wear diapers, this may be confusing him because basically when he is allowed to wear diapers, it is a message telling him that it is ok to poop in his underwear.
If he poops in his underwear, you are just going to have to clean it, and you might want to buy a couple packs so you always have clean ones on hand. Every time he poops in his underwear, talk to him about how he could have gone in the toilet,and that if he continues to poop in his underwear he will get rashes that will hurt. Just tell him the basic consequences of what happens when he does not use the toilet, and when he does poop in the toilet, give him lots of praise. Just saying, "Wow, good job!" and a high five or a big hug will do the trick. BUT when he doesn't go poop in the potty, don't make it a big deal. Even though it is a form of "punishment", it is still a form of attention. Since little ones love any type of attention, this may be part of the reason why it seems to have no effect on him. Instead, just clean him up, and wash his underwear without the added attention. Not only that, but he may start feeling more uncomfortable about going poop, and might start holding it for long periods of time and eventually he might have no control over his function to poop. My son pooped in his underwear too, and this is something his pediatrician had stressed. Do not make pooping a punishment, even if it is in his underwear.
As he gets older, like maybe 5 years old, have him clean his own underwear. I know it sounds really gross, but have him do it! Make sure you show him how to scrub them in the sink to get most of the poop off, and then wash them in the washer. I did this with my son, and he hated it, but after awhile, he stopped because he hated cleaning the poop out of his underwear. By the time he got to school, he had never had this problem again.

Good Luck!

M. *~

I don't have any cures for you, just another option... maybe you could home school him until he gets it worked out. You don't want him to be know at school as 'the boy who poops his pants.' That title will stick with him. Protect your son's reputation!

Dear M.,
My son was very similar. Or what I read reminded me a lot of how he had been. He just wanted to poop into his diapers and not into the toilet. He had a corner in his bedroom where I would find it... At one point I got so mad because I felt if he can pee into the toilet, he is ready to do the big business there too. I yelled at him that if he ever did it again, I would bring him into the back yard and hose him down with cold water. It happened and I did what I told him I would do.
It wasn't me greatest moment as a mother but I felt so frustrated. My son was about the same age. The funny thing is it never happened again. From that moment on he did it into the toilet.
About the fact that he does it properly when he is naked. My son now is 12 years old and when he has to poop he completely undresses. I know, but I am his mother, I doubt anyone else does. He went to science camp and because he is very regular he just comes home from school, goes to the bathroom, where he undresses, poops, dresses again and comes out. His sessions take a bit longer than other peoples. I tried to talk to him about it, but if it doesn't bother him...
So you see maybe this is an option for your son too. He just has to learn to hide it and it probably helps if his internal clock makes that he doesn't have to go while at school/preschool. Good luck and relax I know it helped me.

Hi M.,
I totally feel for you. I went through the same thing with my 3 1/2 yr old son after he had ALREADY learned to go poo poo in the toilet all by himself... I just had his baby brother, so I just knew it had something to do with that... I figured out after a few times of cleaning the poopy mess.. that he was doing it for attenttion... whether good or bad, he wanted attention... I did simaler things as you in diciplining him, but that did not work for us... he know if he pooped in his pants, he would get me attention... even if it is negative attention, he didnt care... so that was a big red flag to me, I didnt want my "perfectly" well behaved son now wanting negative attention to get me away from his infant brother... so when I would notice that he pood in his pants... I didnt say anything, I just cleaned it up and went about what ever I was doing. But I did spend more time with him and talked to him more... that seemed to be the trick... he just wanted to be with me and when he got the impression that I "didnt have the time for him" he figured out how to get me attention.... I always made time for him, but I was so tired having a baby and trying to do everthing of a mom of 2 now, that I think I had frustration in my voice and didnt realize how it was affecting him.
I know you dont have an infant, as that was my reason, but maybe instead of diciplining him so much with it, do as I did and make it not a big deal.. I also asked my son if he had to go potty every 1/2 hour, and that worked to. And if it had been a while or it was mid morning and he had not gone # 2, then I put him on the potty and said go poo poo...
For your son, maybe try practing pulling up and down his pants until he gets it... and explain how poop is unsanitary and could make him sick.. my son still cant pull up his pants straight and I know it was more frustrating for him a year ago when he had to do it.. I bought all pants with elastic to make it a bit easier for him to be independent of need my help.
Also, spend a little more time with him... be blunt and say " do you need mommies attention honey"...
well sorry to ramble.. I hoped that helped a little..
good luck!
Annaliesa mother of 2 boys, 1 yr and 4 yrs... 8~)

I hate Dr. Phil, but agree with him that "everyone has a currency"--something that they care about that you can use to affect their behavior. For my son, whom we pottytrained before age 3, it was a superman costume (Target PJs). He literally wanted to wear it every day. We decided to use that to help us out. If he wanted to wear the costume, he had to poop in the potty. No potty, no costume. Sure, some days he was upset, but we laid down the rules.

And then we parents had to endure running around with a little superman for a few months until he learned that it was OK to poop in the potty w/out this reward. And wash the costume every night after he went to bed...I'm glad those days are gone!

I agree with most moms that punishing is not the answer and definitely not the hosing down in the yard-yikes. All kids do things at their own speed and when one avenue doesn't work we have to try another. When you do try another let him know that you are going to try new things. I would let him know that you will give him pull ups for school and if he has to go to try to go to the toilet. Tell him that Mommy won't get mad if he poops in his pants as long as he tells you the truth. Give him a reward for telling the truth. The rewards don't have to be toys. They can be getting to help you stir dinner, or picking out a funny outfit that mommy has to wear and a funny hair style while reading a story to him etc. This will pass if you try encouragement and get him to let go of some of the control. Don't give up, just try many new things. One other thing is try to give him fruit etc. at night so he can go in the morning, naked if he needs to and you won't have to worry about it so much at school.
Good luck-your doing great!!

Hi,
It sounds like he is not ready yet and I don't think punishing him or making him "do laundry" is the correct approach. I think he understands that it is not OK to poop in his underware and he feals ashamed that is why he lies. On the other hand he is not ready for the potty and no punishment or reward system will help. You need to create a safe and comfortable environment for him to go poop. My older son (know 13) did the same thing for a long time and eventually grew out of it. I remember throwing away a lot of underware as I got sicking of washing them. My second son (know 10) pooped and peed in the toilet very quickly. Today I have a 2.5 year old girl who askes for her diaper everytime she needs to poop. So we take off her underware and put on a diaper for her. It makes her feel safe and she refuses to do it any other way. We told her it is OK and whenever she wants to poop just to ask for the diaper. I think you need to try to explain to your son that is is OK if he doesn't want to use the toilet but to see if you can get him to ask to put on a diaper when he needs to go. I would not put so much attention on it and instead give him positive feedback everytime he pees in the toilet. I wouldn't give gifts but would say things like : what a big boy you are , good job, I'm proud of you etc... I think in time when he is "mentally" ready to poop in the toilet he will go. I know it is frustrating but try to but yourself in his shoes. He knows already that you feel dissappointed in him when he does it and yet he is not ready for the next step. Try to give him a lot of hugs and love and support and I am sure that this too shall past.

M.,
I agree with one of the moms who said home school him until he IS ready, because that could really damage his confidence if the children start to make fun.
What worked for me, and you probably already tried it, but I took my son every hour to sit on the potty, even if he didn't go, and we read a different book each time, the reading was great for him. The time and attention the he gets from you might make him more comfortable with the idea of sitting on the potty, and he will get in the routine of sitting on the potty. Some kids just don't want to take the time to sit on the potty, so the routine helps. Good luck!

My sister had this problem with one of her children. She would avoid and hold the poop till it was hard and painful. Perhaps you son is having a problem with hard movements. Maybe a trip to the doctor could help.
Failing that, perhaps regular trips to the toilet, every hour or so.

M. --- I feel your pain! We JUST emerged from some late potty training issues ourselves. W/O going over the whole saga, I will just tell you that our son is 4 3/4 and while he has been out of diapers for over a year, we were still having LOTS of "accidents." I put that word in parense as in hindsight, we think it was in part a power struggle/issue. After trying all of things you listed and more, we finally took the tact of simply expecting him to use the potty and not paying much attention to when he didn't. When he stopped getting that attention, he snapped into place. We still have the occassional issue, but we are DEFINITELY over the hill. Hang in there. It is Sooooo frustrating to deal with this issue, but he'll get there.

Hi M.,
Sounds like your son is ready to see a hypnotherapist. Evidently there is something inside him that needs to be engaged and a hypnotherapist is just the person to find it.
don't know where you are locaed byt you should be able to either find someone on the net or in the phonebook.
Best to all of you, S. in Bakersfield

I hear the absolute frustration that you have so now it is time to get really tough!

Take away all priviledges, toys, contact with friends, etc. He obviously has the ability to control this and all kids do by this age. It is a control thing even if he doesn't know that is what it is called.

He needs to learn that he is a big boy and that he must do this to get to do ANY other big boy things. Take away toys, tv, videos, friends coming over, etc.

By the way, your pediatrician is crazy. "Not just ready" as an excuse is appropriate for a 2 1/2 - 3 year old but not for a 4 1/2 year old unless there is a medical condition that is causing this.

Hang tough and be consistent. It will work!

Blessings and good luck!

B.